


Tassels

by Shipperony10



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 114,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipperony10/pseuds/Shipperony10
Summary: Clarke leaves behind a life that had become unlivable, and finds purpose in an unexpected place. Rated M to be safe (for minor adult themes...for now).





	1. Relocating A Tree

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters are not mine (unless you don't recognize the name, which likely means they are not part of the show and all part of my imagination).
> 
> AN: I was working on a separate Clexa story altogether, but this Clexa Modern AU wanted to be written. It is loosely based on a 2010 film about a girl moving from her small town to Los Angeles. If you can guess it correctly, I will name a character after you (real name or handle). ;-)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. And I apologize for any mistakes in advance.

Life in Arkadia, Virginia was not exhilarating, it was not challenging, and it was not satisfying. Life in Virginia was just life.

As a kid, it could be fun, and it certainly was for the small blonde who lived to play with her neighbors and paint the sidewalks with chalk. She went to school and performed exceptionally well often topping every classmate in every grade, including high school. Clarke was proud of that, but not long after graduation and getting accepted into college did she realize it was no longer enough.

Waking up day in and day out to attend eight hours of lecture, and rushing home to dress for work was just not as rewarding as she had imagined. The money left over after paying for books and supplies was not worth replacing her true love for the career she was predestined to achieve.

Clarke had given it time, hoping she would learn to love what she was doing. Yet every night she fell asleep wondering what life could be like if she just picked up and left, and every morning when she gathered her book bag she felt the rise in her courage.

She had nothing left to tie her down to the small town. And the truth was not even a career as a doctor, which had basically been secured for her pending her graduation from medical school, was ample reason to keep her rooted to a place she felt she had outgrown.

So one morning as Clarke stuffed her bag with her assignments from the night before, she stopped to look at the family photo that sat on the foyer table. She had been happy once, but things changed and time ticked away her childhood and the life she once had.

**ClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexa**

Clarke hurried down the terminal at Roanoke Regional Airport grateful for her light packing as she avoided the baggage check-in counter. Her hair bobbed up and down in a messy bun as she walked briskly at the sound of the last call for her flight.

With one final look to the tarmac at the plane that waited for her, she sighed and handed the airline employee her boarding pass.

A gentle voice over the intercom roused the sleeping girl from her dream as it requested she sit up and ready herself for touchdown. The reality of what she had done hit her like a ton of bricks and she buckled her seat-belt nervously. She exhaled to alleviate her anxiety and spared a nervous glance at the fleeting buildings below her.

"We know that you have many choices in airlines, and we appreciate you choosing us to get you to your destination. Welcome to Los Angeles." Clarke smiled at the way the flight attendant let the name roll so nicely from her mouth. It was as inviting as the blonde had hoped, and it did a lot to help sooth her newcomer nervousness.

With fumbling fingers she undid her safety belt and stood as much as she could in her seat. Her curious eyes skimmed over the other passengers before she settled on the older woman beside her. They both smiled courteously at one another before Clarke sighed.

"First time in Los Angeles?" The woman asked as she situated her purse and readied to deplane.

Clarke smiled and let out a small chuckle. "First time away from home, period."

A grin graced the woman's features as she nodded. "Been there. It took me four years to get used to being away from everyone and everything I knew. Hang in there dear, you are in for one heck of a ride."

She feigned a confident smile and nodded, but deep down Clarke was a bundle of nervous energy. She was truly on her own now, and that excited her as much as it terrified her.

The girl did her best to push away the apprehension she felt when she stepped foot off the plane. People bustled to and from every direction, and her eyes wandered around in search of her next step.

When she decided looking visibly lost was no longer a viable option, Clarke headed for an exit.

Eagerness overtook her as soon as she walked through the double doors. Her eyes instinctively closed against the warm sunlight and her lungs called for a deep breath of fresh air. She laughed out loud when she realized the air was anything but fresh. It did little to hinder her happiness just then, however, and she smiled as she walked to the nearest cab.

With no particular endpoint in mind, she instructed the driver to head towards downtown. Clarke had spent some time perusing the wanted ads back home, but the distance limited her effort and success at finding a place to stay in. And when she walked out her front door she had done so with little else but one bag of clothes, her laptop, and her last paycheck. Everything else fell by the wayside.

It was something she felt slightly regretful about, but she concluded that being in town and asking in person would likely lead to her finding a place in no time. At least that's what the blonde hoped for as she watched the passing skyscrapers from the backseat of the cab.

The drive ended with Clarke asking the cab driver to leave her at Union Station. She sighed as she watched the car drive away and fixed her duffle bag over her shoulder before she walked inside in search of a friendly face. Her eyes took in every detail of the place inside. Modern art and architecture met retro designs and furniture. It really was a beautiful building she could examine for hours.

She smiled when she approached the counter and was grateful when the clerk handed her a visitor's brochure and pointed her in a general direction.

In the end she settled for a hotel near the transportation center that was highly over-priced and less than aesthetically pleasing. She convinced herself it was temporary as she repeated it before bed and again in the morning as she dressed to commence her hunt.

Job first, apartment second. She thought.

Faces passed her by as she made her way up and down the city sidewalks. Some smiled, some were nose deep in cellphones, others nearly snarled, but she kept her spirits high as she searched for any job opening signs she could spot.

She was relieved to see signs taped to restaurant windows, but unfortunately the positions available required her to be a chef not a waitress. Her face had fallen slightly as she smiled politely and walked out. Clarke could boil water and cook a mean omelet, but that was the extent of her culinary skills. The third restaurant she walked into seemed a sure way to earn some money while she settled down and found a school where she could refine her passion. So the blonde sat in a booth, ordered a coffee, and filled out her application on the spot. When she handed the paper to the lady at the register she felt a small sense of accomplishment. That was until she saw a less than neatly stacked column of already submitted applications out of the corner of her eye.

It was past midday when Clarke decided to walk around the downtown streets simply to sight see. Her eyes wandered the tallest skyscrapers as she painted stories in her mind about its inhabitants. She stopped by a few small shops where trinkets caught her attention and she examined them with great detail. Time passed as she took in what the city had to offer, and soon her feet ached from all of the walking. By the time she realized she was quite a distance away from her hotel, the sun had set.

An exasperated sigh escaped through her parted lips as she rushed to make it back to her hotel room before dark.

Her routine was almost identical for a few days, and little by little her hopes for the big city began to diminish. It was beyond her how such a grand place could seem so small in terms of promise and opportunity.

Clarke ventured further and further from the center of the city with hopes that less people would go out of their way to look for a job. She doubted that was the case, but she did so anyway.

She looked at her latest application with near disdain as she signed it and handed it off to the store manager with a small smile.

"You'll hear back from us in three to four days. Thanks for coming in." The man extended his hand and she shook it with feigned gusto.

"Thank you." She replied as she walked out of the electronics store and stopped outside of the exit. Her eyes moved from one end of the street to the other before she fixed her bag and looked straight ahead.

A flashy sign blinked in the daylight across the street and she knitted her brows with curiosity. It hung haphazardly on rusted bolts and the building was not the best kept, but she shrugged and walked across regardless, careful of any approaching traffic.

She listened from the outside at the beats of music that played from within. It was the only sign that the building was in fact not abandoned. So she pushed cautiously on the door and stepped through it.

Her eyes struggled to adjust to the change in lighting, the darkened space only lit sparsely by deep red and blue light bulbs. She allowed the door to swing closed behind her and stood awkwardly at the entrance as several faces turned to look upon her.

Clarke smiled reservedly sensing she had walked in on a moment that was somehow sacred to those partaking in it.

"We're closed." A voice spoke from her left and she turned towards it.

Her gaze narrowed in on a pair of deep green eyes that looked up from the glass they were fixated on.

**TBC…**

**Any ideas on who the person is? Hint: you know the person really well. So far so good...bad...meh? Stay tuned.**


	2. Tassels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for those who are following this story. I appreciate the love. I hope you guys enjoy it.

A brunette with the bright green eyes waited a moment for an acknowledgement before she drifted back to the glass she polished.

Clarke shifted nervously in place at the intensity of the moment. The girl's aloof personality and greeting, or lack thereof intimidated the blonde, and she struggled to say anything back.

"You can come back at seven." The girl spoke again as she set the glass face down in a tray and grabbed another to clean.

Her blue eyes shifted from the glass to the brunette and around the darkened space she had walked in to, but she failed to say anything still.

"Can you hear me?" The brunette finally set the glass and towel down on the counter as she looked up slightly concerned. Her hands rested on the edge of the bar top for support. "Are you alright?" Her eyes traveled the girl's body looking for any sign of injury.

"I'm sorry." Clarke finally swallowed her nervousness and nodded. "I saw your sign outside, it was on, and I assumed you were open." She responded and held onto the strap of her bag, using it as a distraction for her anxious fidgeting.

A lopsided grin emerged from the brunette before she nodded. "The sign is always on." She replied before continuing with her prior task.

The blonde knitted her brows at the statement, but quickly moved past it to continue on with the conversation. "I also saw the wanted sign. Is that always there?"

Clarke studied the confused squint from the girl and smiled to let her know that was her lame attempt at a joke. The brunette shook her head, clearly not impressed, but she smirked nonetheless. "Are you a dancer?" She asked, but never stopped working as she moved the tray of freshly polished glasses under the counter.

"What?" It was her turn to look on in confusion as she leaned forward to listen to the girl who was hidden somewhere under the bar now.

She re-appeared with an exhale and a swipe at some strands of wavy hair that had fallen from their loose braids. "We need a dancer. That's what the sign is for." Her hands rested on the edge of the table once again as she waited for the blonde to respond.

Clarke's hopes fell as she realized her latest opportunity was yet another flop. She shook her head remorsefully. "No, I'm not a dancer." She adjusted her strap and prepared to leave before she decided to explore other opportunities. "But I can do other things. I have experience in waitressing and I'm really good with annoying customers." The blonde shrugged.

There was another exhale from the brunette before she rounded the counter and sat casually on a stool. Her eyes scrutinized the jittery blonde. "You're not from around here." She stated rather than asked and grinned at the shake of the girl's head. "Where then?"

"Arkadia, Virginia." Clarke replied with a crestfallen expression. It had only been days since her life-changing decision and she was already exhausted. The warm greeting on the plane was not foretelling of the grueling work she still had ahead of her before she could be happy…comfortable even.

"No kidding." The brunette nodded before she patted her hand to her chest. "Washington, D.C."

"Nice." Clarke smiled; glad to have found a person who might understand her current situation.

"Not really. I wouldn't have moved out here if it was." The brunette countered as a joke before she rubbed her hands on her legs and stood. "Listen, I'm really sorry that we can't help with the position, but you should come back at seven. I'll buy you your first celebratory drink and you can share your tale of woe with me and whoever might be at the bar then."

"Tale of woe?" Clarke asked with furrowed brows.

The girl nodded. "Like Jane Eyre." She looked at the blonde's perplexed stare. "Charlotte Brontë." She continued, hoping to ignite a flame of recognition within the girl.

"Sounds familiar." The blonde lied. She rarely read for pleasure since she started college, and before then she read science books to please her parents when she wasn't deep into artist biographies.

"Right." The other girl dropped the subject and shook her head. "Well I have to get back to setting up for the night. Hope to see you around." She walked back around the bar to organize and clean the various bottles of alcohol.

Clarke remained rooted in place. "I can help you with that. Give me a chance." She insisted. "Maybe I can make a case with your manager."

The brunette laughed and looked back to the girl with a bottle in hand. "You can try, but Indra is quite hard to persuade unless she wants to be." She decided to challenge her. "That's her over there at the bottom of the stage. Let me know how it goes, Virginia."

"Clarke." She responded, annoyed by the girl's dare, while her eyes looked around for the manager.

"What?"

"My name is Clarke, D.C." Clarke looked back to the girl and puffed up her chest in acceptance before she pivoted and walked confidently towards the woman in charge.

The woman was well-built and dressed very fashionably and sophisticated. No skin on her showed except for a small triangle of chest that was exposed by her cross front tunic. Her boots added another two inches to her already lengthy legs that were concealed by tight leather pants.

When Clarke approached closer it became clear that Indra's commands were very carefully formulated and directed with extreme concentration. She felt bad that she would soon be breaking her out of her zone, but the blonde was desperate.

"Excuse me." She crept warily.

"You want more drama when you swing those arms, Raven." The woman seemed to miss Clarke's intrusion.

"Give me a break, Indra. If I flail any harder they might fall off." The girl responded with an eye roll.

Indra frowned up at the girl. "See, you **can** be dramatic." They both playfully glared at one another.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Clarke inched closer beside the woman to make her presence more conspicuous.

The darker woman turned her head with an annoyed sigh, finally acknowledging the interruption. "If you are here about the position please leave your resume with my assistant and we'll give you a call for an audition." She dismissed Clarke with a feigned smile before she moved her eyes back up to the stage.

"Actually, I'm not here about the dancing position." She moved with the woman to stay in her line of sight.

"Then we open at seven." Clarke bit her lip in frustration when Indra failed to avert her gaze from the stage.

Yet she did not budge. "I wanted to see if you could use a server or a helper for your bar. I have experience." She pointed back towards the back of the room and did not miss the small grin on the brunette's face as she caught her eyes.

"I didn't know we needed any help in that area. Now, if you don't mind, I really need to get back to my dancers." Indra spared a glance at her bartender and glowered at her, silently asking for assistance with the unsolicited distraction.

Clarke wanted to yell at the infuriating woman, but she held back. The way with which she was dismissed irked her beyond belief, and she turned around to walk away dejectedly. Her strap held tightly in her fist.

"Thanks anyway." She didn't bother to look up at the brunette as she headed for the exit.

"Lexa."

"What?" Clarke held the door handle while she looked back towards the girl.

Lexa simpered as she wiped the counter top. "I'm Lexa." She paused. "Come back at seven." She suggested coolly with a small shrug of her shoulders.

Clarke wasn't sure whether she should be annoyed or pleased with the girl's invitation. Walking back into a place she had just been rejected from was not something she was fond of, but she was a fan of having a drink every now and then. And with the week she just experienced, a glass of whiskey did sound appealing.

So Clarke nodded, albeit indifferently, back at the brunette. "Maybe I will, Lexa." She waved a small goodbye as she opened the door and headed back out into the city.

Lexa watched the girl exit as she continued to clean her space. "You sent that poor girl straight to me when you know I hate to be bothered during rehearsal." Indra cleared her throat and smiled at the brunette's mischievous grin. "I pay you too much to have fun."

The girl chuckled and shrugged. "I need a little levity in my life some times." She finished up and washed her hands before readjusting her button down. "So, can we spare another check for the bar?"

Indra studied the girl with a small smile. "Hardly, but I have a feeling you're going to add the girl to your staff regardless." She replied and nodded knowingly at the girl's smirk. "You're going to make her work for it, aren't you?" Lexa shrugged before her manager shook her head with a sigh. "Fine. You're responsible for her." Indra pointed a finger at her employee before she turned to retreat to her work. "You're a good person, Lexa." She finished with a proud smile.

Clarke walked back into the show bar after hours of mulling over her outfit and whether she should take Lexa up on her invitation or not.

She was taken back by the change in atmosphere she stepped into when she opened the door. The lighting was not that much different except for the spotlight that lit the stage, and a row of decorative rope lights that illuminated the bar top and alcohol selections.

People were scattered around sparsely at the small cocktail tables as they waited for the performer to emerge. At first she debated whether she should take a table or sit at the bar, but when she spotted Lexa behind the bar assisting some customers, she made her choice.

The brunette was quick with her hands as she poured hard liquor over ice and switched over to shaking martinis for the men that waited for their orders. She was so engrossed with the task that she missed Clarke as she sat patiently on a bar stool near the end of the counter.

Her bartender senses did alert her of the silhouette that now occupied the stool so she grabbed a coaster and cocktail napkin from underneath her bar top and headed towards the person. She set the items down in front of the casually folded hands and asked for their order before looking up.

"Surprise me." She heard the voice respond.

Lexa looked up from where she grabbed a glass. "Clarke from Virginia." She nodded impressed that she had showed.

"Lexa from D.C."

They smiled simultaneously before Lexa went to work on the drink. She moved effortlessly behind the counter and used embellished movements to create whatever concoction she was putting together. Clarke looked on in astonishment at how the girl twisted the shaker without hesitation or flaw.

When she added the finishing touch she slid the glass towards the blonde and leaned in. "On the house, but don't be obvious or I'll have to give the guy next to you a free whiskey." She winked and Clarke stifled a small chuckle.

"You gonna help me out Lexa, or am I chopped liver now?" The man in question teased as he slid forward an empty tumbler.

"Come on, Bruce." The brunette feigned a hurt look. "Would I ever do that you?" She lifted her hands in question. "Another whiskey neat?" She began to prepare the drink for the man when he nodded.

"Who's this pretty lady?" The man turned slightly to examine Clarke. Something that the blonde felt extremely uncomfortable with. Especially given his lack of sobriety and the man's sour breath.

Lexa jumped in when she detected the uneasy yet barely noticeable shift in Clarke's body. "This is Clarke, Bruce. And you will keep your distance unless you want to be cut off." She warned with a playful grin.

The man lifted his hands up in surrender. "Alright. Alright. Nice to meet you, Clarke." He nodded before taking a large gulp of his drink.

Clarke mouthed a polite thank you while the man occupied himself with swallowing the alcohol. Lexa nodded slowly before she moved on to assist more of her customers.

Lexa moved around while the blonde studied her for several minutes. She was amazed with the level of poise the girl possessed. She enjoyed her drink from that position for a while, but after a few minutes she turned around in the stool to enjoy the show. Dancers moved around and mock-sang on stage while the audience cheered them on. It was rather entertaining and something she was not familiar with. She concluded she was a fan when she found herself clapping and cheering along with the rest of the spectators.

As the show progressed, and more people filed in to catch the next showing, Clarke realized the customers far outnumbered the servers that were on the floor. She watched silently as some customers waited patiently for their drinks, and others looked around irately for someone to assist them. Her concern rose when she witnessed several couples gather their belongings to walk out of show bar without ever being greeted.

She spun in her seat and didn't wait for the bartender to make her way back towards her side of the counter before she stood. Lexa topped off a Long Island when she looked up to catch a glimpse of the blonde, clearly on a mission as she pushed her clutch behind the counter and walked out onto the floor.

Impressed and slightly taken back by her boldness, the brunette allowed it, using the moment as a test for Clarke before her initiation. She smiled when she caught the girl taking orders and memorizing them before collecting a few empty glasses from surrounding tables.

When the girl made her way back towards the bar, Lexa pretended that she had not just been spying on her by wiping the counter dry and moving towards a customer.

"What are you doing, Clarke?" Lexa eventually asked under her breath as she replaced an empty liquor bottle from the display shelf.

"Helping you." The blonde replied with a shrug. She looked around before she spotted an unused waist apron and made quick work of securing it around herself. "I need three Blue Moons, one whiskey on the rocks, and two martinis." Clarke waited with an empty tray she found as Lexa gawked at her.

"You don't work here." Lexa rebutted with her hands firmly on her waist in mock frustration.

Clarke shook her head before she moved closer to the bartender. "You need me. Look at the people waiting for their drinks. You have one server who doesn't leave the same two tables, and one server who is busy chatting it up with a guy who isn't even drinking." She pointed at the culprits. "Don't get me started on the server who needs to jot every single order down and check it twice before he makes his way back here." She argued.

Lexa shook her head in wonder. "What if you get hurt? You'll want to sue us for your injuries." She knew she was reaching with that, but given that she had not planned on testing Clarke so soon, or that the girl would jump right in, it was all she could come up with on the spot.

"Will you just get me the drinks so your customers don't walk out?" She deadpanned and challenged the other girl with a forceful stare.

"Fine." Lexa shook her head again. "But if you plan to work here, you'll have to be more respectful to your superiors." She argued back as she gathered what she needed for the drinks Clarke had requested.

"You mean you're hiring me?" Clarke's glare shifted into a grateful gaze at the girl's words. Her spirits lifted to a new high since having moved across the country. She didn't fight the excited squeal that escaped her when Lexa nodded at her.

"Welcome to the Tassels staff, Clarke." Lexa smiled as she placed the finished drinks on the tray for her. "Now get to work." She joked and laughed when the blonde nodded emphatically back at her.

**TBC...**


	3. The Crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of the followers of this story.

Clarke walked directly towards Lexa who was already behind the bar finishing up the re-stocking of essentials needed for the night.

"Hey." The blonde smiled as she stood beside her with her bag in hand. "Got somewhere I can put this?" She showcased her belongings to the brunette.

Lexa stood from where she organized the glasses and nodded. "Let me show you the lockers, and introduce you to the group."

The girls walked towards the back of the stage and up the steps to the second floor of the building. Clarke looked around the maze of vanity mirrors that littered the space, the bulbs lit and gleaming in her eyes. "Nice." She acknowledged.

"And expensive." The brunette deadpanned. "The lockers are through here." She walked them past the room and into the back where voices could be heard. "Hey guys." Lexa announced as they stepped through the entry way. "This is Clarke, she's our new server."

Everyone halted their discussions and looked towards the girls. Clarke was not one to get stage fight, but their dissecting gazes made her just a bit tense.

"Hey." She managed to choke out while evading direct eye contact and most nodded in return.

"Clarke, this is everyone." Lexa shrugged and looked at the blonde knowing there were too many to introduce one at a time. "You can pick any locker that's empty. Word of advice, bring a lock, some of these girls have sticky fingers." She grinned before she looked provokingly at the dancers. Clarke chortled when the girl dodged a flying high heel. "Good luck." She finished off before walking out of the room, leaving Clarke on her own.

The blonde stood awkwardly silent for a moment as the group of eyes began to drift back towards their original cliques to continue talking. She sighed to herself before she turned to choose a locker she could store her things in. After she found one she stuffed her bag in it and closed it carefully to attract the least amount of attention possible.

"Here girl, I have an extra lock you can borrow." One of the dancers whom she recognized from the previous day approached her with a lock in hand. The blonde smiled and gratefully accepted the item.

"Thanks." She nodded.

"No worries." The girl smiled and leaned casually on the locker next to Clarke's. "I'm Raven."

"Nice to meet you." The blonde replied while shaking out her waist apron.

"So where you from?" Raven asked.

Clarke could tell the girl's accent was not one from California so she replied hoping to trade information. "Virginia. You?"

"Georgia." She smiled proudly.

The blonde studied the girl before she nodded. "Is anyone here from California?" Clarke joked.

Raven let out a small laugh before she straightened up and readied to walk out with the girl. "Actually we're all pretty mixed in here. We have some from all over California, others from the East Coast, and then there's me." She grinned.

"Nice. Well I look forward to meeting everyone." The blonde turned to respond as she observed the dancer taking a seat in front of her mirror. "Thanks for the lock, Raven." They both smiled.

There was an extra bounce to Clarke's step as she walked back towards the bar where Lexa cleaned a wall of mirrors. The exchange with Raven had helped to alleviate some of her anxiety from being 'the new kid at school'.

"There you are." Lexa commented without looking towards the girl. "I was beginning to think they had you cornered."

Clarke smiled before she handed the girl more paper to clean the mirrors with. "Are they really that bad?" She almost laughed, but a small part of her really did worry about the answer.

The brunette shook her head and laughed. "No." She descended the step stool to stand in front of the blonde. "They're all pretty cool. We usually hang out every Friday night after closing. You should join us so you can get to know everyone." Lexa suggested.

She quickly thought about it, but Clarke did not hesitate to nod. With moving to Los Angeles she had taken the biggest leap yet. Getting to know all of her work peers seemed a breeze. "I'll be there." The blonde nodded before they shared one last look and separated to begin their night.

Soon after the door was opened people walked in and waited for the show to commence. Many of them ordered drinks immediately upon arriving and Clarke made handy work of their orders. She felt a great sense of accomplishment whenever they smiled gratefully up at her. The tips for her efficient work were not bad either, and she made a note to split them with Lexa since she was the mastermind behind the tasty mixtures.

Every now and then, when the hustle and bustle slowed enough to take a breath, Clarke would stand with her hip leaning on the bar counter and her eyes glued to the dancers on stage. Every smile and mannerism seemed to convey their enjoyment of the craft, and the blonde wanted to make sure to appreciate as much of their art as she could.

Lexa found herself watching Clarke in between customers as she cheered on the girls. Her wide eyes and smile captivated her. It was almost contagious as she found herself on the verge of breaking a smile in response.

"You like dancing?" Lexa yelled over the music and catcalls as she finished another drink close to where the blonde stood.

She shrugged and turned to look at the bartender. "Can't say either way, but I respect that they are doing something they enjoy."

The brunette squinted curiously at her, amazed by her statement. "There's something more to that and I want to know, but right now it looks like people are starting to get thirsty again." She signaled with her head towards the tables.

"Be right back." She replied with a nod of agreement.

Clarke and Lexa worked nonstop the remainder of the night as the crowd grew for a second night. When closing time came everyone went home exhausted, and the girls did not get the chance to touch base again.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

The blonde walked the city with anticipation as she searched for an apartment. She smiled to herself, proud of her accomplishment as she thought about the money she had saved up.

It was not an easy task; however, as she quickly realized that cost of living in downtown was much higher than she estimated. Her options became limited as she began to see the pattern: smaller or farther from the center of it all.

She huffed in frustration as she walked out of the building that caught her eye. The landlord smiled apologetically as she stated that the vacancies for the place consisted of three-bed room apartments that went for much more than she could afford.

The vibrating from her phone became a welcomed distraction from it all. Her smile widened as she opened the text message.

_Alexandria: We're going out tonight. We've skipped the last two weeks! I think it's time this happened._

_Clarke: Are we doing it right after work or do I need an address?_

_Alexandria: Immediately after. I'm sure we can all carpool._

_Clarke: Sounds good. I'll see you at work, boss._

_Alexandria: {-X_

Clarke smiled as she saw the text. In recent days she came to learn that Lexa hated when people called her boss, and the blonde immediately made note of it.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

The night at Tassels came to an end with the group rushing out after the lights went off.

They stood outside in the parking lot when Clarke took the opportunity during the silence to ask about the sign. She pointed and shrugged.

Lexa laughed. "You've been dying to ask right?" The blonde nodded.

"It's an ancient superstition." Echo deadpanned without looking at Clarke, her eyes instead fixed on Bellamy, one of the band members.

Clarke sensed some tension and suddenly cleared her throat. She looked around the group to continue. "What's the superstition?"

"If the sign goes off, the business goes broke." Raven responded and nodded once she saw the blonde's confused look. "It goes back to before Indra owned it. The previous owners used the last penny they had to buy the sign, and their business flourished in a changing society here in L.A. But one night, a new server who was closing with the owner turned the lights off- including the sign, and all hell broke loose. The business began to fail as less and less customers came in and more and more bills went unpaid. A couple of months later the bank owned the place." Everyone listened on as Raven continued. "The real explanation is that there was a war going on so fewer men were around to enjoy the show, but when Indra's family bought the place and heard the story," She paused. "Well let's just say they pretty much took that light switch out."

Small laughs went around the group before they made arrangements to carpool to their hang out spot.

When Clarke stepped into the pool hall alongside Lexa she felt welcomed, but she definitely felt slightly out of place. The group of coworkers-turned friends all laughed and teased as they ordered drinks and made their way to any available pool tables.

It seemed everyone had quirks and habits that worked for each other, and she felt she had much to learn in order to feel as much a part of the homogenized group as they were.

She walked up to the bartender and ordered a pitcher of beer and extra mugs before she made her way to where Lexa stood. Placing the stuff on the cocktail table between them she smiled and pointed to the drink to encourage the brunette to start them off.

A few minutes later, after two of the guys from the band yelled simultaneously in victory, Clarke and Lexa were challenged to a round.

"Losers buy the next round." The younger man stated the terms with a playful grin.

Lexa didn't respond with words. Instead she made her way to the wall that housed several pool sticks to choose hers. She motioned for Clarke to follow her. "You good?" She whispered to keep their opponents in the dark.

Clarke nodded. "I'm not a pro, but I can hold my own." She chose her own pool stick on a whim, not caring that Lexa did the correct thing by rolling it on the green felt to see which one bounced the least.

"Clarke this is Monty and that's Bellamy." She looked at the blonde and then walked towards the end of the table where Monty stood. "Alright start the lag." Lexa leered formidably at the shorter boy and they commenced the game with Lexa winning the lag for first break.

The brunette exchanged puns and teasing insults with the guys the entire match. Clarke laughed in between sips of her beer and her own turn at pocketing several stripes.

When he sensed an impending defeat, Bellamy eyed the blonde fastidiously as she set up to hit, but Clarke paid no attention as she focused on what could be the final shot.

Lexa squinted arrogantly at the girl when they locked eyes briefly, and nodded to signal it was time for the game to end.

Clarke calculated her sweet spot on the cue ball before it spun effortlessly, narrowly avoiding a solid on its way to pocketing the Eight Ball. It stopped just in time to avoid a scratch and Lexa jumped victoriously before making her way to the blonde to high five her emphatically.

"Nice shot, Clarke!" Clarke smiled haughtily knowing the game was theirs from the beginning.

The girls grinned as they turned to the guys, their solemn looks of defeat served as sufficient reward, but Clarke decided to tease. "We'll have another pitcher of Stella Artois, please." They chuckled on their way to the cocktail table.

Music began to play in the lounge as they drank around the table with Monty and Bellamy. Clarke enjoyed the company as they talked about what they did and where they lived. There was the occasional playful banter between Lexa and the guys, which the blonde concluded was similar to that of the older brothers and their sister.

Eventually the discussion shifted from the three people to her, and though she was hesitant to get too serious with them so soon, she did open up to share her story.

Clarke left out any reason beyond needing a change of environment as she told them why she moved from Virginia to Los Angeles.

"No shit. So you're an artist?" Bellamy asked impressed by her admission.

She nodded. "I like to paint, draw, sculpt, anything where I can make my visions come to life." She shrugged and drank her beer.

Monty smiled. "That's cool and quite a coincidence because Lexa here is an artist of sorts." He slapped playfully at the brunette's shoulder.

Her blue eyes searched the green ones beside her. "Really? How so?" The blonde asked.

Lexa shook her head and glared at Monty for opening his mouth and divulging such information. "I'm kind of a writer."

Clarke looked at the girl in esteem. She could never write anything worthy of readers, even if her life depended on it. It was something she often envied classmates for. "That's great, Lexa. You have anything I can read some time?" She smiled hopefully.

The brunette shook her head softly. "Nothing…yet. I'm not done. I can never finish."

"Nothing worth creating is ever that simple to create." The blonde nodded understanding what Lexa felt.

"Yeah." Lexa shrugged and lifted her mug to her lips. "But anyway, how about you, want to share a painting or something?" She looked back at the blonde.

"Maybe soon." She taunted the group with her response before she caught the girl from the parking lot approaching their huddle.

Her eyes bore into Clarke's before they shifted to Bellamy. "Hey Bell, want to give me a ride home?"

Bellamy swallowed his drink and cleared his throat. Echo's hands rubbed circles on his back. "Um, I've been drinking. Let me arrange a rideshare." He fumbled with his pant pocket to pull out his phone.

"No." Echo stopped his hands from moving as she clung to his side. "I can get my own rideshare, but I was hoping you would join me."

Lexa raised her eyebrows suggestively at the pair and gulped her beer to conceal a grin. Clarke watched the exchange uncomfortably close from where Echo stood between her and Bellamy.

"Yup. Let's go." Bellamy nodded then and waved to the group before he turned on his heel to walk out with the girl. She spared a smile at Monty and Lexa, but skipped Clarke in the process.

"Well that was awkward." Clarke looked at the two people left and her half-empty beer mug.

Lexa laughed. "They are something else. Those two can't stand each other, but they can't stay away."

Monty nodded in agreement. "What's with Echo shooting daggers at Clarke, though?" He knitted his brows and looked at both girls.

"You noticed that too?" Clarke chuckled and slapped her palm on the table top, unaware of her strength and her fading sobriety.

The brunette laughed too. "We both did. Echo's just being Echo. She's a handful, but we all learned to deal with her flaws. You have nothing to worry about." She smiled at Clarke and patted her on the shoulder.

A few more rounds of pool were played before most of them called it quits and parted ways, leaving Lexa, Raven, and Clarke to ride together.

They sang out loud to the music that blasted from the stereo before they approached Raven's apartment. She carefully exited the car and laughed with a hiccup as she successfully avoided tripping on the curb. "See you guys tomorrow." The girl waved clumsily at them before she entered the double doors to the high-rise.

Lexa sighed as she shifted the car into gear and turned to Clarke. "Where to, Virginia?"

Clarke shook her head and rolled her eyes at the girl before she leaned back in the seat. Her eyes drifted towards the brunette and it took her a minute to collect her thoughts before she could continue.

"I'm close to Union Station." Clarke responded as she pulled up the map on her phone feeling silly at her lack of city knowledge. "Sorry." She toyed with zooming in and out of the area.

"No worries." Lexa shrugged before she turned up the music once more so they could sing along to it on their ride.

When they arrived to the hotel Clarke was staying at Lexa whistled and shifted into park. "You must be paying an arm and a leg to stay here, Clarke." She studied the girl's face and her suspicions were affirmed when the blonde nodded. "Haven't found a place, yet?"

"Not yet." Clarke shook her head. "But I have a walk-through scheduled at a place on Lucas and 3rd." She smiled hopefully. "Maybe that will be the one."

Lexa nodded. "Good luck."

Clarke yawned and the brunette stifled a low laugh. "Go rest, Clarke. I'll see you tomorrow at work." She suggested and shook her head when the blonde nodded with droopy eyes.

"It was fun. Good night." She waved before disappearing into the hotel lobby.

**TBC…**

**I love it when Lexa calls Clarke "Virginia". Ain't it cute? I think so. Anyway, hope you guys are enjoying it so far. Let me know how you feel. P.S. sorry for any mistakes in grammar, punctuation, etc.**


	4. Sowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this yesterday, but it got busy for me after late morning. Hope you guys are still sticking around. Enjoy and sorry for any mistakes.

When Clarke walked into the building, she got as much as she expected. The building was not entirely rundown, but it was nothing compared to the high-rise Raven lived in, nor the hotel she stayed at.

It was all painted the same dreary eggshell white, and only the window borders were reserved for color. The color was not a pleasing one, but it was color nonetheless.

She walked through the gated entrance as the landlord ushered her in past a wall of mailboxes and towards the stair case that led to the second floor. Her eyes jumped from one side of the large communal patio to the other to the numerous apartment doors that were painted the same unpleasant maroon tone as the trims.

Clarke made sure not to cringe openly at the lack of life in the colors, and hoped that the interior of the apartment was better off.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Ms. Griffin, but our latest tenant left without notice and an unpaid month." The blonde nodded before she assured the man that it was no issue for her. "Anything you see that needs attention, please bring it up in case it is not already on our maintenance request. If you decide you want to join us here at The Gardens, you can rest assured any upgrades will be completed before your arrival." The man stated politely before he led her to the door of the vacant apartment.

She held her breath and prepared herself when the door was opened for her. It was a pleasant surprise to see the walls and carpet were in fair condition and for the most part clean. The kitchen and dining areas were small and to the right lined with semi-modern laminate tile, but she was happy the living room was a decent size. "May I?" Clarke turned to the landlord to gain access to the inside and he nodded in return.

A narrow hallway past the living room ended at the farthest wall, which in reality was not very far at all. It separated the one bedroom and a small washroom. The bedroom was not very spacious, she could fit a full-sized bed at most if she wanted a nightstand for her alarm clock and phone dock, and the closet was a decent size, but the large window that adorned the far wall was enough to breathe life into the space. She loved the natural light in the room.

Clarke finished inspecting the washroom before she walked out to meet the landlord who stood in the would-be dining room. He smiled expectantly at her and waited for her verdict. "What do you think, Ms. Griffin?"

"When can I move in?" The blonde smiled at her latest feat.

They soon locked up and walked to the Manager's Office where they discussed the contract and the process that would have to take place before she was cleared to take residence.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Raven walked towards the blonde as soon as she saw her enter Tassels. Her awkward smirk was evidence that she had something to talk about with her so she readied herself.

"Word on the street is that Echo dumped Bellamy…again…because she thinks he has a thing for you." The brunette jumped straight into the conversation as she wrapped her arm around the blonde's shoulders. Clarke tried to process the information.

"That's insane, he barely knows me." Clarke argued as she looked quickly to Lexa for help, but the girl only smiled with a hello nod and continued to prepare her work station. Raven shrugged and the blonde couldn't help but notice the girl's expression. She seemed confused with Clarke's reaction. Relieved even.

Raven huffed out with a wave of her free hand. "If there's one thing Bellamy is good at its finding chemistry where there is none." She smirked. "Trust me, he didn't deny it when Echo confronted him upstairs."

Clarke stiffened at the words and stopped in her tracks to turn and face Raven fully. "They're discussing this here? Right now?" Raven nodded. "Please keep me out of this. I have no intention of getting thrust into a dramatic love triangle." She replied while looking Raven square in the eye. "Please."

Raven shrugged, hurt by the tone Clarke had used. "Yeah, of course. I just wanted to give you the heads up."

Her wounded expression made Clarke feel guilty about unleashing her frustration on her. She shook her head at herself before she patted Raven on the shoulder. "Thanks, Raven. Sorry. I just don't like confrontations especially if it isn't warranted." She shrugged.

Suddenly losing interest in walking upstairs to her locker, the blonde headed back towards the bar after smiling gratefully at Raven one last time.

She watched the girl disappear up the stairs before she exhaled heavily with her head in her hands and her elbows on the bar top. "Don't worry, Echo will be over it before the night ends. And Raven's ok." Lexa commented as she too looked over at Raven's departure.

With another heavy sigh, Clarke shook her head in her hands and turned to look at the brunette. "I was wondering when the drama was going to start." She admitted.

Lexa shook her head at the girl and continued to move around her to finish her setup. "It hasn't started. Stay away from it and you'll never be sucked into it."

"I never even went near it." Clark deadpanned before she straightened and decided she would pretend as though she never found out. Her day had been great, and she refused to let anything ruin it.

"Bellamy is the playboy of the group, and he can be a real lady killer, but if you draw the line he will respect it. Who knows, you might even gain a good friend from it. He's a good guy."

Clarke nodded before she smiled wide and changed the subject. "Anyway, guess who found a place." She looked at the brunette.

"Really?" Lexa beamed in return. "Great. When do we get to see it?"

The blonde moved around to collect her essentials for the night while she replied. "I have to wait to hear back from the landlord, but he said I could expect an answer by the middle of the week."

There was a smile on Lexa's face as she studied the girl. "Look at you Virginia, all grown up."

"Shut up." Clarke pretended to throw a waist apron at her before she rounded the bar. "Ready, boss?" She did nothing to stop the snickering when she caught a glimpse of Lexa's annoyed expression and her ardent headshake.

For the first time since Clarke had joined the team at Tassels, there were hardly any customers there to enjoy the show. It was almost surreal and the difference between busy and slow was so obvious it hurt the blonde to look around.

She pretended to clean a table for the fourth time before she walked back to the bar where a few regulars conversed with Lexa.

The girl waited for the bartender to finish serving the people before she called her over with a slight tilt of her head to the edge of the counter. Lexa looked at her cautiously before she raised her eyebrows in question.

"What's up, Clarke?"

Clarke gestured discreetly to the room with her hands. "I've never seen it this slow. What's up?"

Lexa shrugged. "Every now and then we get a slow day." She dismissed the girl's worry.

"Yeah, but this slow?" The blonde knitted her brows and pointed at all of the empty tables.

The brunette shrugged once more before she began to wipe down the counter. "It's been slower." She shifted her eyes from Clarke back to her customers, signaling the end of the conversation.

To say she was curious about the exchange was an understatement. Clarke had caught on to Lexa's shift in mood when she looked out at the empty room, but the girl had successfully evaded any further prodding. It was something that bothered the blonde the entire night, even as she smiled up at the girls on stage. Raven and the girl who she had learned was named Octavia were closing the show; it saddened her that more people were not there to enjoy it.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke readied herself to meet with a counselor at a school where she could possibly explore perfecting her skills as an artist. She was excited to finally find somewhere she could study what she loved and enjoyed, and it showed on her face the entire trip in the rideshare.

Clarke inspected the surrounding buildings with curious eyes and nodded with satisfaction at the humble appearance of the entire block. The school was outside of downtown, in the smaller streets close to the famous Sixth Street Bridge she read about in her visitor's brochure. It was away from the chaos of the city center, but close to the hotel and her soon-to-be apartment.

She sat patiently in the lobby when an older lady approached her with a wide smile. "You must be Clarke Griffin." The lady extended her hand as soon as the blonde stood to acknowledge her. "My name is Frankie DeMarco, welcome to our academy." The two smiled as they shook hands.

Frankie walked Clarke to her office where they discussed what area the blonde was most interested in. And after she handed the woman a small portfolio of work, she nodded, impressed by the work. "As you can tell, I need some fine-tuning, and I really hope this is where I can learn to do that."

The woman nodded as she regarded each painting and drawing with professional eyes. "You are quite good, Ms. Griffin. I find it hard to believe that you have never had schooling for this."

Clarke shrugged in her seat and elaborated on her experience. "High school art class was as much as I had the pleasure of studying. Life got in the way before I could truly delve into the possibility of more."

Frankie placed the portfolio on her desk and looked at Clarke carefully. She nodded with a sympathetic smile. "And now you can, and with a little help you will be able to tap into the hardships to give more life to your work. Not that it is lacking." She quickly added and the blonde nodded gratefully. "You have talent, and I believe this school is one where you will fit right in." The woman stood to shake Clarke's hand. "Welcome to The Ark. I believe a tour of the place would be nice before we discuss registration."

Clarke arrived to the hotel some time later eager about the upcoming changes. She was about to embark on a new path in life, and she was anxious to feel like she had a purpose again. The Ark had proven to be the place she needed to expand her knowledge of her passion, and she was excited to start as soon as the new session of classes began.

With some luck, everything would work out, and she would soon have both a new school and a new home.

The blonde smiled as she changed out of her day clothes and into her work clothes before she left to grab a bite to eat.

Life was looking pretty good to her as she walked the streets of the city.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **If you guys happened to watch Grace and Frankie, I picture Frankie from The Ark to look something like Frankie (Lily Tomlin). She's such an awesome actress I decided to use her as the inspiration for my character. Alrighty guys. I will continue to post every Thursday. Hopefully it will help with the withdrawals, if you still watch the show, during this long hiatus. Also, Love Live Lexa.**


	5. Taking Root

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate the questions and your continued interest in my story. You guys are great.

A few weeks passed before Clarke was handed the keys to her apartment.

She was eager to move what little belongings she had accumulated since her arrival to the city and finally settle down in a place she could call hers. And when she found a small bed and other necessary pieces of furniture to fill the space with, she invited a few of her friends over to share in the moment with her.

Raven was the first to arrive with a wide grin in place and a bottle of wine in her hand. "Look at you, Clarke. All grown-up." She hugged the blonde before being motioned in.

"Why do people keep saying that?" Clarke knitted her brows and looked playfully insulted at her friend.

The brunette had no response as she laughed it off and sat down on the small sofa.

Within minutes Lexa knocked on the screen door and peered inside before spotting Clarke near what she assumed was the kitchen. She smiled and let herself in when the blonde nodded and waved her over. "I feel better now that I see the inside is much nicer…and safer than the outside." Lexa teased.

Clarke held a chuckle at bay for a few moments as she pouted and shoved the girl softly. "It's not that bad." She accepted a bag of junk food and drinks from the girl before dispatching her to the living room to accompany Raven.

The night proceeded with drinks and some music shared with everyone Clarke had come to know and really bond with from Tassels. She had quickly learned that Octavia and Bellamy were siblings and very likable when you kept them on check.

Both could cross lines rather quickly, but neither meant any harm. She had learned that a few days after Raven told her about Echo and Bellamy. The blonde had noticed the change in the guy whenever she was around, and Echo was not subtle about the daggers she constantly flung at the girl. So one day when Bellamy bumped into Clarke on her way in to Tassels, she squashed the awkwardness and tension immediately. He had blushed furiously at her forwardness about not wanting to make it weird, and hopefully starting a lasting friendship with him, but in the end he smiled wide at her.

A week later he was back with Echo anyway and Clarke felt at ease when she saw their usual push and pull, and was happy that Echo no longer summoned the dead with her glare.

Monty, and the current singer and DJ of the apartment, brought his girlfriend Harper, another dancer from Tassels.

Jasper and Lincoln were the last ones she met during the most recent hang out, and she discovered they were both funny but in completely different ways. Lincoln was more reserved and held his jokes for times when he was certain they would be welcomed. Jasper however, was a sarcastic free-spirit that spouted witty remarks at all hours of the day.

In the end, Clarke realized the small group was well rounded, and she thoroughly enjoyed their company.

Which is why she genuinely laughed along to Monty's insanely high notes and Jasper's artificial baritone voice as they sang to yet another Temptations song.

Everyone continuously alternated between fits of laughter and echoed boos around the living room, but the two kept singing.

"Alright. I think you two should stick to band." Raven commented when the song ended before she took a drink of her beer.

Monty raised his eyebrows in challenge. "Oh really? Think you can do better?" He extended his arm and the phone that was connected to the Bluetooth speakers.

Raven rolled her eyes and stood with a nod. "I'll even let you choose the song."

"And the partner." Jasper added with a grin and Raven huffed with a nod.

"Clarke." Monty pointed at her before ushering her up to the front with a swipe of his open palm. "Join Raven, won't you."

The blonde laughed a little before she shook her head. "Come on, Clarke." Raven whined in need of help.

"Do it, Clarke." Lexa nodded with a smile.

"Ugh." Clarke snorted before she stood and joined Raven. "Consider this payment for the lock I borrowed." She whispered through her teeth and missed the brunette's smirk.

When the notes of the song the boys had chosen played from the speaker, Raven and Clarke simultaneously whined and threw back their heads in disbelief. "Seriously?" Raven glared at the two.

"Sing." Jasper replied with his chin lifted.

"I don't think I remember the lyrics." Clarke responded in earnest.

"Make them up." He waved her off.

Eventually the girls recalled enough of the words to sing along to the song, albeit with no true passion.

Despite the fact that it appeared the two were getting their teeth pulled, the girls sounded pretty good. Clarke more so as she controlled the pitch of her voice and altered it as she saw necessary.

The group looked on in awe as they heard the two girls sing along to 'Beauty and the Beast'. Jaws were on the floor and wide grins took over some of their faces.

Lexa in particular sat completely enthralled by Clarke. The way her voice sounded. Her lips and how they moved to breathe life into the words. The small twitch of her hands as she readied herself for a particularly difficult verse. It captivated the brunette, and her green eyes refused to look anywhere but at her.

It was when the group cheered, signaling the end of the song, that the brunette finally blinked away the haze and cleared her throat. She smiled wide and proceeded to cheer along to appear at ease when she was everything but.

That was interesting and new, Lexa concluded.

"Raven why didn't we know you could sing?" Bellamy questioned with a head tilt.

The girl smiled bashfully and shrugged as she walked towards Monty who still held the phone. She smiled triumphantly at him before she yanked the phone away from him and waved Clarke over. "Get your ass up here Bellamy. You and Lincoln are next." The girls laughed as they thumbed through the songs and finally decided on a boy band classic that both were sure to know enough to hum to.

Clarke made her way over to the unoccupied spot beside Lexa and smiled down at her before she sat. The brunette shifted into the fabric to allow the girl more space before she whispered to her. "An artist and a singer, huh."

There was a small head shake from the younger girl before she turned her head to face her. "No way. You guys got lucky. I usually only sing in the shower." She whispered back with a toothy smile.

Lexa nodded with a small chortle before she looked back at the two guys currently making fools of themselves.

As the night progressed the group began to thin out. Bellamy being first to depart as he received a call from Echo, which he claimed, was for a necessary ride home from a party she had attended. No one believed him, but he smiled regardless as he thanked Clarke and hurried out.

Everyone except for Lexa had called it a night. She stayed behind as she offered her assistance by collecting the empty beer and wine bottles into the cardboard boxes for recycling. "Lexa, please leave it. I can do it tomorrow morning." Clarke smiled as she tried to persuade the girl to stop helping.

"You can take them down to the bin on your own tomorrow." She grinned. "I'll just gather them for you."

They agreed to compromise as they cleaned the space in little to no time together.

It was well past midnight, but neither girl was ready to retire for the evening. Instead, Clarke offered Lexa coffee while they switched the television on to see what they could watch for a while. Together they sat in the living room, occasionally chatting between sips of the warm liquid and commercial breaks.

They talked about work at first, but at some point the conversation shifted to more personal topics, but neither girl refused to share.

"Why did you move out here?" Clarke looked up at the brunette inquisitively.

Lexa placed her coffee down on the side table before she leaned back in the sofa. Her brows furrowed for a second before she looked at the blonde. "My sister told me to." She paused to nod with a smile in response to the girl's questioning look. "I've always wanted to be a writer. I've been playing with short stories since I was in grade school, and by the time I got to high school I was heavily invested in the art of it. My dad paid for creative writing classes but he doubted it would lead anywhere. He wanted me to become a lawyer like him, but my heart was just not in it." She paused again as she recalled the conversation with her family. "I told him a week before graduation that I wanted to become a writer, and he allowed me the freedom to make my choice, but he never offered to help me or to back me. It was my older sister who sat me down after graduation and told me she would help me whichever way she could." Lexa smiled to herself. "She promised to buy me a ticket and give me money for a couple months of rent if I promised to work hard for my dream and name a character after her." Clarke laughed softly as she looked attentively at her, and Lexa swore she had never been more content to share her story with someone.

A moment of silence enveloped them as they looked at each other. "Is your sister back in DC?"

Lexa shook her head in response. "She was. But once my dad remarried she decided she needed some distance. Anya lives in Seattle now."

Clarke nodded as she listened to the information. "And how close are you to naming that character after her?" She smiled.

The brunette leaned forward and sighed. "That is up to the publishers. I submitted a book of short stories a few months back, but I have yet to hear from them." She craned her neck to look up at the blonde. "The truth is I want to become a screen writer so I'm working on a screenplay that I can submit to a network, but I can't seem to finish it. The endings are really difficult for me."

"I'm sure it will come to you when it wants to be told." She nodded. "Trust me, you can't force it."

Lexa nodded. "Anyway, enough about me. How's school? Learning anything?" She smiled.

There was a nonchalant shrug from Clarke as she grinned. "I might have completed my first realistic portrait yesterday." She smiled when the brunette beamed proudly at her. "Realistic portraits have always been the hardest for me. I always seem to miss the depth of the eyes and it distorts everything."

"Can I see it?" The girl straightened back in her seat.

Clarke only hesitated for a second before she stood to lead Lexa to her bedroom and part-time studio.

At first the brunette felt she was invading a private sanctuary of Clarke's, and seeing the small space so neat and cozy made her feel all the more guilty, until she felt the girl pull at her hand to invite her in.

Her eyes skimmed over a small area that served as Clarke's work station. The brushes, paints, and easel a testament to the blonde's passion for the art. And then her eyes caught the painting on the easel and her cheeks hurt from how wide she smiled. It was unlike anything she had ever seen. The colors that were used and the strokes with which they came to life on the canvas were beautifully paired.

"Wow." Lexa gasped and moved closer to it. "I'm not an artist, but the way you painted this woman's eyes, Clarke..." She stopped talking because words could not accurately convey what she thought.

The other girl nodded pleased with her friend's reaction. "I was very happy with how it came out."

"Who wouldn't be? This is great."

They both looked at the painting quietly before Lexa realized she was probably keeping Clarke from her sleep. Eyeing the bed longingly she sighed and turned to the blonde.

"You wanna crash on the couch? It's kind of late for you to drive home." Clarke offered with a smile almost reading the girl's mind on the matter.

Lexa shook her head softly with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I'm fine." Although she knew she was on the opposite side of town, a good thirty minutes away, and slightly farther from her fifth-floor apartment and her queen-sized bed.

Clarke shook her head, not satisfied with the response before she walked out of her bedroom and to the hallway closet that housed extra duvets and pillows. "You're staying." She deadpanned as she began to fix the sofa for her guest. Her eyes caught Lexa standing awkwardly in the hallway when she finished and she laughed. "I have some shorts and tanks if you want to change out of your day clothes."

"That's OK. Thanks for forcing me to stay." She teased.

The blonde shrugged. "You can go if you'd like." She grinned. "But my sofa is more comfy than your driver seat."

They smiled at once before they separated to rest for the night.

**ClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexaClexa**

"Did you make it home, alright?" Raven chatted casually with Lexa as they strode in to Tassels.

Lexa shook her head and opened the door for the girl before they walked in towards the lockers. "I actually stayed at her place."

"You spent the night at Clarke's?" Raven's voice remained calm and collected, but her eyes and grin said everything the other brunette guessed she would say as soon as the words left her mouth.

"It got late after we cleaned and talked for a while. She insisted I stay so I wouldn't have to drive home." She rolled her eyes at Raven's ensuing smirk. "Her sofa was very comfortable." She added as she stuck her tongue out.

"Hey Lex…" Raven was about to tease some more before the girl flipped her off and walked back out towards the main room.

"Shut up, Raven." She smiled in amazement back at her friend, but her reaction sent Lexa on a journey of introspection that had her tripping over herself the entire night.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, so we begin to see a flicker of SOMETHING in Lexa with regards to Clarke. Does she know what she feels? Does Clarke? I hope we find out soon...


	6. Conversion

For two weeks Lexa denied any change within her with regards to Clarke as they worked side by side. Even though the night she spent at the blonde's and Raven's instigating had alerted the brunette to traces of connections she had undoubtedly formed with the blue-eyed girl.

It was the way she carried herself, how she described her perception of the world, and how she genuinely smiled at things she found amazing and beautiful that forced Lexa to take notice.

Still, Lexa had said nothing on the matter and never hinted beyond the usual banter. She carried her growing appreciation for the girl silently until the need to vocalize it became too much.

That is how the brunette ended up calling her sister to vent her frustration with a beer in hand.

"I don't even know if she's fair play." Lexa drowned deeper into her sofa at the admission.

"You mean you've been working with this girl for months and you can't tell if she's gay or not?" The older sister teased. "Looks like this Clarke girl has you all twisted."

"That's why I'm calling you, Anya." Lexa rolled her eyes in the darkness of her living room. "I don't know whether I should approach her, wait to learn more, or just give up altogether."

There was a low chortle on the line. "Well don't just walk away, Lex. You've never just **not** gone after what you wanted."

Lexa nodded in agreement, remembering the times she has fought against everything, including her own self-doubt, to accomplish something. The image of her most recent love flashed behind closed lids. "I still miss her, Anya." She sighed heavily into the phone.

"I know. I do too, but don't you think it's time you move on. She would want that." The older woman responded. "Why don't you take your time in getting to know this Clarke girl and see where it takes you?"

"Yeah. I think I will. Thanks, Anya." The girl finished her beer and set the bottle on the coffee table before she sighed. "I'll talk to you later."

They bid their farewells before the brunette retired to her room for the night.

Across town, Clarke placed the finishing touches on her latest portrait, one that featured Raven. She had asked the girl for permission to feature her in her class project, and Raven being the extrovert that she was, quickly agreed and even forwarded the blonde a selfie to use as reference.

She smiled proudly at her work and with a final nod placed her tools in their cleaning jars before she walked away to let the canvas dry overnight.

When the blonde realized she was wide awake and not at all tired, she settled on the sofa to stream one of her favorite shows. She watched distractedly as she flipped through her feed on one of her social networks and smiled when she came to a photo of Octavia, Raven, and Lexa with her at Polis Billiards. They had enjoyed a few pitchers of beer and several rounds of pool before they called it a night. Each of the girls had a huge smile on their face and Clarke realized she kept sketching one in particular with her eyes.

It was a smile worthy of being immortalized Clarke concluded, and immediately decided she had her next subject.

Clarke wasted no time in mentioning it to Lexa the following night as they experienced yet another slow shift, and found themselves standing side by side behind the bar.

The girl smiled at the dancers before her gaze traveled to the blonde when she called her name. "What's up?" Lexa responded.

"I need more portrait work for class. I want to paint yours next." She smiled wide hoping it would convince the bartender.

Lexa contemplated the request and looked cautiously at the girl with an unconvinced look. "I don't know. There's so many of us here, why me?" She really was not a fan of selfies and photos in general, and it made her a bit nervous to think all of Clarke's class would be scrutinizing her face on a canvas. "What if people think I have a disfigured face or something?" She shrugged.

Clarke laughed. "Then that would be might fault not yours." She argued. "Besides, I promise to do a good job. I'll be extra focused on yours." She batted her eye lashes in pleading form.

The brunette shook her head, still not fully convinced, but eventually sighed in consent. "Fine."

There was a small squeal from the blonde before she nodded with excitement. "Ok but there's a catch." Clarke added and grinned at the girl's eye roll and feigned annoyed glare. "No selfie. You come to my place and we work in person."

"What?" Lexa shook her head. "That hardly seems fair. Raven got to do it with a selfie." She pouted with a playful frown.

"Yes, but she offered before I could tell her otherwise. And my instructor wants us to get comfortable with in-person lighting and outside variables that could challenge our skills." Clarke responded. It was mostly true, but deep down her motives hardly related to that and had much more to do with the fact that she enjoyed Lexa's company. Discussions with her far outweighed any benefit from having a still photograph she could paint from in no time.

After some more pouting and shaking of her head, Lexa nodded. "Ok. When do we start?"

"Tomorrow? Maybe bring your clothes and we can carpool to work?" Clarke shrugged innocently.

Lexa shook her head again because she sensed the blonde was finding ways to get her to say yes. In reality the brunette could not bring herself to mind spending time with the girl. Still she found it was fun to pretend to be irritated. "Fine. That works." She casually shrugged before they both shifted their focus towards the stage.

When the night was over, Lexa could hardly contain her excitement for the following day. She made sure not to openly express it, however, as she grinned and bantered with her friends per usual. She proceeded with her routine of asking Clarke if she needed a ride home, and of course Clarke declined politely like always.

"See you tomorrow, then." Lexa smiled as she walked nonchalantly towards her car and left Raven and Clarke standing near the edge of the sidewalk.

"I'll wait with you." Raven smiled and ignored the blonde's look. "I wanted to mention that I saw a hot guy looking at you earlier. He kept looking for you while you made yours rounds."

There was an unimpressed look from Clarke as she shook her head at her friend. "Not interested."

"Well he sure as hell seemed interested in you. Did I mention it wasn't his first time here?" Raven nodded with a grin. "Clarke's got an admirer."

A sigh of relief escaped the blonde as she saw her rideshare approach them. "Good night, Raven."

"Night." The brunette waved with a grin before she walked towards her own car.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa smiled a lopsided grin as she observed the way Clarke's eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Her left hand glided effortlessly upon the canvas as she added more paint to the portrait.

"I need a real smile not just a grin." Clarke spoke to the brunette, but never actually broke her focus from the canvas.

It was something that made the brunette shake her head incredulously at her before she cleared her throat and straightened her posture. "Do you want a fake smile, toothy, small, or loveable? I need direction miss artist." She teased.

Clarke shook her head too as she continued the brush strokes. "One like the one you flashed that night at Polis Billiards." She tore her blue eyes from her work just enough to lock them with Lexa's.

The girl pondered for a minute before she shook her head. "Then we have a problem because I need more beers for that one."

Small laughs echoed in the living room as they chuckled together. "There you go." Clarke nodded as she spotted the sincere smile on Lexa's face. "Just hold it."

And Lexa did hold it despite the burning in her cheeks for another thirty minutes while the blonde worked diligently. When it became too much she shook her head and rubbed her face. "Sorry, Virginia. I can't anymore." She frowned apologetically.

"Sorry. I get in the zone. We can stop for today and finish tomorrow if that works for you." The blonde waited with the brush in hand for Lexa's response.

"Tomorrow." She nodded. "My face hurts, and I'm hungry." She continued to rub her face. "Want to go grab some food before work?"

Clarke moved around the space as she put away her tools and moved the easel towards the corner of the room. She nodded while she situated her work station. "Yup. I can eat."

It was a short drive to the diner a few blocks from the apartment and soon the girls sat opposite each other in a secluded booth. They ordered their meals and proceeded to talk effortlessly while they waited. The blonde laughed at the story Lexa recounted about Octavia and Raven and how they hated each other at first. She could not picture the girls not being the best of friends because since she came to know them, she noticed the pair often did everything together. Even going as far as going on blind double dates.

She shook her head as the brunette continued with the details. "No way."

"Yes." Lexa nodded. "Octavia nearly ripped Raven's hair out one night because she thought Raven was trying to flirt with her boyfriend. But you know Raven, she's a people person."

"Yeah." Clarke nodded with a laugh. "That she is."

When their food arrived, they didn't stop talking and only moved from topic to topic when the previous one was exhausted. It was all very easy and Lexa couldn't fight the feeling of contentment that took over her.

"Raven said there was a guy in the audience the past couple of days that keeps eyeing me." Clarke opened the discussion as she bit one of her fries.

"I haven't noticed him." Lexa responded flatly and tried her best to hide the disdain in her voice. She sipped on her drink to avoid having to say anything more on the matter.

"Same here." The blonde shrugged. "So what about you, Lexa? It's been months, and I have yet to meet anyone in your life." She smiled suggestively.

Lexa snorted and shook her head with an impish grin. "People can't handle me." She smiled so wide that Clarke actually thought she meant it.

"Is that why of all the people that flirt with you every night, none of them have succeeded?" Clarke took another fry in her mouth with imploring eyes. "Are they scared? Or are you?" She challenged.

"Please." Lexa waved her hand dismissively. "They're just in it for the free drinks. I'm the bartender remember?" She smiled again. Clarke shook her head at the way the brunette dismissed her questions.

There was more she wanted to say to tease Lexa, but in the end she dropped it so they could eat. That did not mean however, that their time was quiet or lacked the usual teasing the two thrived on by now.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

When the girls arrived to Tassels, most of the crew was already dressed and sitting in the main room looking dismally quiet.

Indra stood on the stage and tore her eyes from the group to the two ladies that had just entered the establishment. Her eyes lacked their usual motivational gleam and color.

Something was wrong and the girls quietly and carefully made their way to an empty cocktail table to listen to whatever Indra had been saying before they walked in.

"Clarke, Lexa, thank you for joining us." Indra smiled sadly with a small nod.

"What's wrong?" Lexa questioned her before she looked around the room. When she saw no one was missing she allowed herself a sigh of relief.

"The group can fill you in on the details, but to keep it short, if we experience any more slow nights like in the previous weeks I am afraid we will have to close down." She shrugged defeated and the two girls could sense the woman fought back tears.

Lexa shook her head stubbornly. "I know it's been slow at times, but we still bring in a good amount from the bar. How much are we short? What can we do?" The brunette asked in near desperation because at the end of the day, the Tassels crew and business was her family and it's what kept her going.

Clarke looked keenly over at the brunette. Her eyes were glued to Indra, but even then Clarke could hear the determination in her voice. It made the blonde respect her all the more for her willingness to contribute in whatever capacity. Because of it she nodded along with her. "I'd like to help, too. Let us know how, Indra." She looked at her boss and could feel the other girl's eyes on her this time.

"Thank you, ladies. But simply put, we must increase business enough so our earnings pay for the operating costs, employee wages, and mortgage." Indra nodded despondently.

"Then we will increase business." Raven cut in with an unwavering tone. "Let's think of how we can increase the number of customers." The brunette looked around the room.

"Well it seems to me that our numbers began to drop when the new club opened up around the corner." Monty cleared his throat and voiced his thoughts. "Has anyone been over there to see what's so special about them?"

There was a resounding silence in the space before Bellamy cleared his own throat. "Actually Echo and I went to check it out." When the room gaped at him as if he had betrayed them he smiled and shook his head. "We didn't stay; we pretended to be lost and in need of directions." He looked back at everyone with a smug grin. "Anyway, the main difference is that they have two shows, one like ours and one very unlike ours and more…rated R." He shrugged.

"I'm not stripping for anyone." Octavia shook her head adamantly.

Indra allowed herself a small laugh. "No one is stripping, O. Don't worry."

"What if we add singing?" Harper asked.

Everyone in the room considered her suggestion for a minute before Jasper nodded. "We know who can sing, that might work." He grinned at some of the girls in the room.

"I'm not singing. I don't sing." Clarke shook her head inflexibly as Lexa looked to her and smiled wide.

Lexa nodded. "You **can** sing, Clarke." She added.

Clarke looked at green eyes disbelievingly; feeling like her friend had just sided against her. "I'll sing if you write." She challenged with a smirk.

Several instigating remarks were heard around the room before Lincoln jumped in. "That's a great idea. Lex, you write a script or something. We can make this a legit play but sexier." He nodded at everyone. "I'll take care of writing the music to fit whatever tone you go for." He offered.

A feeling of relief and anticipation flooded the room as the ideas were tossed around, considered, tweaked, and decided upon. Not everyone was in complete agreement or even comfortable with the changes, but one thing was for sure, everyone was willing to give it a try if it meant Indra kept her family business and they all got to stay together.

As they worked that night, everyone smiled at each other, but no two more than Clarke and Lexa.

The girls were the personification of sexual tension as they bumped into each other with shoulders, and their hands lingered too long on the small of each other's backs. One of them fully aware she enjoyed every single minute of it, the other reciprocating mindlessly…reflexively as if her body had been doing so for years.

Neither girl fighting it.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so we have Lexa fully accepting there's something she feels for Clarke, and do I detect Clarke's unknowing willingness to be close to the brunette? Anyway, thanks for reading guys! Hope you're all still with me.


	7. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Once again, sorry for any mistakes.

Lexa sat in Clarke's living room once again as the artist focused on some of the last details and brush strokes.

Her green eyes studied the girl as she moved her own gaze from the brunette to the canvas. The way her brows wrinkled made Lexa want to smile, but she held back.

Clarke smirked when she read the sudden change of emotions on the girl's face, despite her attempt at hiding them. She wasn't sure if she had caught the slight upturn of the brunette's generous lips because she knew her expressions, or if her skills as an artist had allowed her see what was beyond the girl's features. Either way, the blonde smiled at the obviously subtle exchange.

"So what do you think I should write about?" Lexa spoke in a hushed tone, but nearly laughed at her lame attempt to not disturb the blonde.

Said blonde shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "Shhh."

"I know, I know. I heard myself too late." Lexa whispered and this time did laugh. "Sorry. Proceed Ms. Artiste." Clarke grinned and shook her head in response.

They existed in silence for a long while before the painter allowed herself a sigh of delight and stretched her arms with her brush and pallet in hand.

"We can call it a day." Lexa proposed as she too re-positioned herself in her seat to allow the blood to circulate.

Clarke was quick to shake her head with a smile. "No need. Your portrait is complete." She stated proudly. "Wanna see?"

Lexa nodded as she stood and moved towards the girl, shaking her legs and moving awkwardly in the process.

There was a small chuckle from the other girl. "Uh oh. I know that dance. Sorry I didn't give us a break today."

"It's OK." She dismissed the comment with a grin. "I'm sure I'll regain feeling in that region soon enough." She laughed as well before she walked slowly around the blonde to admire her work. They stood in peace while they both took in the convergence of colors and shading. Clarke sighed again, and it was then that she felt the heat that radiated off the brunette and nearly burned her shoulder blade.

"So?" She stammered as she regained her voice and did her best to ignore the sudden awakening of nerve endings that signaled Lexa's close proximity.

The girl stared at the portrait and nodded with satisfaction. "I don't look disfigured." She shrugged and avoided a quick bump that Clarke sent her way in retaliation. "It's amazing, Clarke. Really." She finally allowed the seriousness and pride to be heard in her voice. "You are amazing." She said it almost silently, but sensed the blonde had heard her loud and clear and her heart sped anxiously.

Still, she continued to look at the painting from her position and wished for an accidental brush of skin.

They were so close that all Lexa had to do was nudge an inch forward towards the perfectly shaped ear. Or lift a hand towards the exposed skin near the girl's waist band of her jeans.

She didn't.

And much to Lexa's dismay, Clarke broke the trance she found herself wrapped in. "Thank you, Lexa." She cleared her throat. "Early dinner?" The blonde asked as she stepped away with the pretense of cleaning her tools to create some much needed space between them. "My treat for making you sit through the entire session today." Her smile was hidden by the angle of her face, but the brunette heard it in her voice.

"Sure." Lexa agreed as she walked nonchalantly towards the door to wait for the girl outside.

After their meal Lexa suggested they take a short drive to Grand Park so they could walk and begin to brainstorm on the Tassels changes.

They made their way side by side unhurriedly as they looked around at the families and kids that ran around. Neither girl had broken the serenity to begin the work talk, until Lexa took note of the time on her watch. Eventually they would have to head back to Clarke's so they could grab their work clothes and head in for the evening grind.

"I think you should work on advertisement portraits for Tassels next." Lexa finally commented as she stuffed her hands in her pockets. "Is that something your instructor would allow?" The brunette turned her head to look at her friend.

Clarke shrugged in thought. "I could ask, but I would do it either way." A small smile graced her features. "Got any ideas on what I should advertise?" She tucked some hair behind her ear and Lexa was transfixed despite the simplicity of the move.

She cleared her mind quickly to respond. "You can start with some really appealing poses of the girls in their dance numbers." Her eyebrows hiked in challenge and Clarke could not fight the laugh that rumbled from within her.

"Right. Octavia will love that." Clarke shook her head with a smile.

"Octavia will be fine. It's you I'm worried about. You think you can take painting all of them in compromising positions?" She teased.

Clarke shoved her with her shoulder. "Please, I can paint anything and everything. Even nudes."

Lexa cringed in jest as she pretended to picture them all naked. "Please some of them are like my sisters."

"Perv." Clarke teased in return and after they recovered she continued. "So thought about a script for the play?

"I have some ideas." The brunette replied and proceeded to bounce them off of Clarke to get her opinion on the matter.

They exhausted their voices and their minds before they drove off towards Clarke's apartment to get ready for work.

When Clarke invited Lexa in, the girl opted to wait in the car so they could beat the traffic they were sure to encounter as soon as the artist came back out.

She waited and toyed with her phone for a few minutes before she got bored of the social media apps. Her green eyes roamed the surroundings for the first time since the blonde had moved in. Lexa knew the area was not the worst or the greatest either way, but the lack of kids playing outside made the girl do a double take. She spotted a man on a bike followed by a lady on hers and she followed them until they disappeared around the building. Their demeanor suggested they were anything but friendly, but she decided not to judge based on that so she shrugged it off and proceeded to flip through the stations on her radio.

"Ready?" Lexa jumped, clearly still in her own mind when Clarke opened the door and jumped in.

"Let's roll." She smiled and drove off.

For the first time since Raven had mentioned it, Clarke noticed the regular customer that would glance at her every now and then. It made her uncomfortable at first, but when he struck up a small conversation; she was relieved to see that he was not a stalker.

He courteously introduced himself, but he was every bit the confident man he dressed as. By the end of the night, he even left his business card on the cocktail table for the blonde to find. Assuming she was interested, he walked away without as much as a request for her own number.

That irritated her as much as it made her curious. The man, Anthony, was good looking and coincidentally a gallery owner if the business card could be trusted.

Clarke made a note to keep the card, but only for future reference. She was really not interested, and decided it would be best if she made all the friends she could for now.

Later, as the crew gathered their belongings and headed out for the night, Clarke detected a shift in Lexa's behavior. Her body was rigid and her eyes were almost devoid of their green color. She noticed it between glances that were periodically averted.

She probably should have avoided bringing it up, but the blonde felt the urge to lighten Lexa's obviously foul mood. "Everything alright, D.C.?"

The brunette huffed in response with a forced smirk. "Super."

"Wanna go grab a late bite or something?" Clarke prodded further.

The brunette shook her head at the girl before she quickened her steps towards her car. Without looking up she unlocked the door and replied. "Nope. See you tomorrow."

Her short answers placed Clarke on edge immediately, and it cost her the ride to her apartment and her night's sleep while she retraced their day to figure out what had bothered the bartender.

It suddenly occurred to her, minutes before the badgering sound of her alarm alerted her of the time, that maybe Lexa had seen her exchange with Anthony.

Her heart sped up and a spike of emotions flowed to her stomach at the unexpected realization that maybe the bartender was jealous.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa stayed up well into the early morning hours outlining key points for their play. Alright, she attempted to work on the outline while she fought off images of Clarke and her mystery admirer.

The brunette had a feeling the man in the suit would end up being the regular Raven had referred to, but she figured he would just appreciate Clarke from afar. Her heart had dropped when she realized how wrong she was. Nothing prepared her for the onslaught of emotions that coursed through her at the sight of him smiling up at the girl, and her smiling back.

There was no way Lexa could know what Clarke was feeling then, but a smile meant a lot to the brunette. In her world, a smile conveyed everything the heart and words could not. It was why she rarely allowed genuine smiles, not smirks or grins, but smiles to show on her face.

She had hoped that the distance from which she observed them obscured the type of smile etched on the blonde's face. And she had succeeded in placating the burning in the pit of her stomach until she witnessed Clarke take what she assumed was his card, and placed it in her back pant pocket.

It made Lexa feel even worse when Clarke had asked her out for a late night dinner, and she had chastised herself internally for being upset at that. The blonde had meant well, but she just could not think of sitting in close quarters with her all the while avoiding the one topic that would likely nag her the entire time.

She recognized she would have to apologize to the girl for her behavior, but Lexa tabled that thought a while longer so she could discard the half-assed outline and sleep at least a couple of hours.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

By the time Lexa walked into Tassels Clarke was already dressed and invested in a conversation with Raven and Octavia.

She debated whether she should walk over to the group and say hello to pull Clarke aside or if she should just save the conversation for later. In the end, the brunette simply addressed her hello to all three before she walked towards the lockers.

"See. Something is bothering her." Clarke added the evidence to her argument about Lexa being upset.

Raven dismissed the blonde's concerns before she rolled her eyes. "Lexa doesn't get upset easily. She's like the most level-headed person I know."

Octavia nodded but knitted her brows before she added, "True, but she's also very protective of those-"

The brunette was cut off by Raven. "Those she works with. True." She attempted to glare at her friend subtly so Clarke would not see.

Clarke didn't fall for it as she shook her head with a small smirk. "Not slick. I know she's upset and it has something to do with me. I'm going to go talk to her."

Both dancers looked at each other. Things could get really interesting soon and they knew it.

Before completely disappearing upstairs, the blonde turned to yell something about discussing art projects she had in mind. The pair nodded in agreement before they smiled at each other.

When Clarke walked into the locker room, she was relieved to see no one else but Lexa was there.

She smiled when Lexa peered around the locker door she had open. The brunette nodded.

"Hey." Clarke replied and felt a bit disappointed that all she got was a nod before the girl returned to the confines of her cubby. "Want to go out after work or something?"

Lexa sighed as quietly as she could before she closed the door to look at the blonde. "Is something on your mind?"

The girl was taken back by her curt question, but the shock didn't last long as she became irate with the girl's tone. She couldn't believe that Lexa had just managed to question her in such a manner that implied Clarke was the one with the problem.

"I should be asking you that." Clarke replied with creased brows and crossed arms. "I get the feeling you're upset and I wanted to make sure everything was alright." She glared at the brunette.

Lexa grinned before she shook her head. "Everything's alright, Clarke." She wanted to say so much, but she was damned if the blonde before her was going to make her seem like a jealous idiot.

Clarke shook her head not convinced by the girl's response. "Alright." She uncrossed her arms and made to walk out before Lexa reached for her arm to stop her.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this Anthony guy is really going to irk me. Lexa seems to be bothered as well. What do you guys think will happen with this mini triangle we find ourselves being a part of?


	8. Ups and Downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still with me. I just realized we're already on Chapter 8. Wow. Ok, so I think we can start to expect some things...all kinds of things...you know. ;-) Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Stunned blue eyes searched for green ones, but Clarke was out of luck. Lexa's own orbs studied with clear regret the way her fingers were tightly gripped around the blonde's arm.

She retreated immediately as if her hand had touched a flame and urgently shook her head. "I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence in the room before the blonde shook her head softly. "It's alright." The girl looked at the bartender waiting for her acknowledgment. When Lexa looked up and locked eyes with her, Clarke smiled softly. "We're OK." Nods escaped them simultaneously before the brunette sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry for my behavior. I've had a lot on my mind and it suddenly all caught up with me." She spoke in half-truths, but figured it was best at least for now.

Despite the fact that she was still not convinced, Clarke decided not to push the subject. And with a nod she said as much to the girl opposite of her.

Fortunately, the girls managed to get back into their usual bantering and rhythm the entire night of their shift. Neither one openly said it, but both Clarke and Lexa were grateful for that.

They were so engrossed in their casual teasing that neither girl noticed Anthony the entire night. And when Raven mentioned the neglect, both girls shrugged it off.

"Does anybody want to go to the pool hall?" Bellamy asked in the parking lot at the end of the night.

Several of the group agreed to join, but Clarke and Lexa both decided against it in order to brainstorm for the projects they had each taken on.

When everyone had separated Lexa offered Clarke a ride, like always, and was pleasantly surprised that the blonde conceded without much of a discussion.

"Any new developments on the script?" Clarke asked over the low music that echoed in the car.

Lexa shook her head. "I spent some time on it, but I ended up tossing everything in the trash. It'll come to me." She attempted to sound unconcerned.

The blonde nodded. "I'm sure it will. Is there anything you might need for inspiration?" She asked, not really meaning for it to sound as flirtatious as she realized it sounded.

There was a small chuckle from Lexa before she looked at her for a brief second before looking back to the road. "Like what? Are you offering to be my muse?"

It was a turn the artist saw coming, but still was not prepared for. Her nervousness took over and suddenly she became a stammering teenager. "No. Wait. What."

"Relax, Virginia." The writer laughed and shook her head.

"No, it's not…I mean…" She finally shrugged feeling pathetic for lacking the composure to carry on a conversation that resembled many of their usual banter-filled back and forths. "Everyone needs a muse." She surrendered to the awkwardness with an attempt at a joke.

"While that is true, I'm not sure I'm ready to claim you as mine." She teased hoping to ease the girl's embarrassment. "Besides, you might already be someone else's."

The comment made Clarke do a double take at the girl beside her. Her brows swiftly showing the confusion she felt. "What do you mean?"

"The man in the suit." Lexa had gone there, and though she agreed it was a risky move, she decided to speak casually as if it was all part of her teasing. She grinned without moving her gaze from the road.

"What about the man in the suit?" She prodded.

Lexa shrugged. "He's a renowned gallery owner and curator who often organizes showings in big cities. The people love him. Especially the girls." She paused to grin again. "I'm sure even some men."

"Get out." Clarke dismissed her mockery with a slap to her shoulder.

"It takes vision to pull those together, I'm sure." The brunette continued. "Perhaps he wants you to be his motivation."

"Shut up." The artist shook her head with a small smile, but her heart beat increased at the exchange. Both from the excitement she felt at the easy-going teasing, and because they were finally broaching the subject she had tiptoed towards since they started their shift.

"I'd be careful though. He's a real ladies man." Lexa grinned, but added a hint of seriousness behind her tone.

The car fell silent while Clarke attempted to hide the consternation that bubbled to the surface for the first time since she had arrived in Los Angeles. She had avoided the subject thus far, and was unsure she wanted to go there so soon…at all even. "I'm not interested." Clarke shook her head. "I was someone's muse once and it didn't end so well." She shrugged as she glanced outside and realized they were nearly to her apartment.

Lexa felt several things then. On one hand she was glad because she kept peeling the many layers of the blonde and learned another thing about her. Yet she couldn't help but feel almost sad at the tone she used. Clearly she had lost something special, or what she had presumed was special until it was not. It made the brunette feel protective of the girl beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She tread carefully because though she was curious, the last thing she wanted to do was open old wounds for the quiet girl.

There was a small shrug and something that resembled a muffled meh. "Nothing to talk about really. He said I was his one. I believed him. Turns out he had another on the side." Clarke finished and turned to face the girl with an almost devastating expression. Lexa knew it. She had seen it before. It was nothing short of defeated sadness mixed in with a tad of anger.

If Lexa had not been driving, she was sure she would have responded with a snarky remark about the loser before spitting out a cocky one-liner, but she held back and simply nodded.

Much to Lexa's chagrin, she made the final turn to where Clarke lived and slowed the car to a stop. "See you tomorrow."

Clarke nodded quietly with a small smile. "Yes you will. Good night, Lexa. Thanks for the ride…and for listening."

"Anytime."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

A few days later an incessant buzzing pulled Lexa from deep sleep.

She struggled to locate the unpleasant noise maker in her half-cognizant state, but a stubbed toe and a colorful string of curse words later, she undocked it from its charger.

Groggily she answered into the device, half swearing that if a telemarketer was on the other end she would find them and finish them.

Her blood ran cold and she quickly wished it **had** been a freaking telemarketer.

It was nearly midnight when her car came to a screeching halt in front of the familiar apartment building. As her eyes reflected the flashing red and blue light flickers her adrenaline pumped faster making her more heated and more worried by the second.

The brunette was quickly approached by a cop as he prepared to stop her from entering the scene. She scanned the area for the one person she needed to see, but failed when he blocked her line of sight. "You guys called me." She never meant to sound as annoyed as she did when the officer stopped her.

"Alexandria Silva?"

Lexa nodded impatiently as she still sought out the blonde's whereabouts. "Is she ok? How bad was it? Did they hurt her? Where is she?" Her mind and mouth raced a million miles per minute, and her heart was not far behind as she shifted on her feet.

Officer Kane, whose name tag she read in a hurry for future reference should he be of no assistance, gave her an empathetic smile before he appeased her with a hand to her shoulder. "Ms. Griffin is fine. She has a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing major. She's really shaken up."

The brunette breathed a sigh of relief as she acknowledged the information. Her eyes finally landed on the girl when the officer moved aside enough to give her access. "What happened exactly?" She questioned as they walked slowly towards Clarke.

"It was a mugging; luckily a couple on bikes frightened the assailants quickly enough to prevent any further escalation. They were the ones who called us." He responded before he ushered her past the line of patrol cars. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, officer." She nodded courteously at him to show her appreciation.

Her head swam with all of the possible scenarios she had been replaying for the past hour, and thanked whoever she could that none had come to fruition. She exhaled to calm herself and become the pillar of support she knew the blonde needed.

When she towered over Clarke who sat on a concrete step with her face in her hands, Lexa's heart broke a little more. She didn't want to startle her, but saw no other option than to make her presence known. So she knelt in front of her and pulled gently on the girl's hands to see her face.

"Hey you." She smiled remorsefully and Clarke sniffled while her eyes reddened instantly at seeing her friend. "You are not allowed a night off anymore."

"I'm sorry they called you so late. I didn't…you were the first name I gave them. I'm sorry." The pair of blue eyes danced around Lexa's face searching for any hint of anger or disappointment.

Lexa released her hands and draped an arm around her as she moved to sit next to her. "Are you kidding? I'm glad they called. I was just worried I was going to need a new hire." The blonde glared at her before she shook her head. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm glad you're ok. If I told you everything I was thinking about on the drive here you would know how freaked out I was." She admitted before she tilted her head to smile at Clarke.

Immediately Clarke felt the relief wash over her and she smiled back while she allowed herself the liberty of leaning on the brunette. She hoped the action wouldn't jar her too much, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care too much about repercussions just then. The girl's warmth and her supporting embrace made her feel safe and less alone.

They sat in silence for a few moments as they looked around at the patrol vehicles and the several uniforms that readied to leave the scene. Some neighbors had ventured out to peek nosily at the events that unraveled before them, but the girls simply sat grateful that nothing worse had happened.

"So do you want to talk about what happened?" Lexa asked and tightened her arm to let her know she was still with her.

Clarke shrugged resignedly at first, but finally decided to retell the story. "I was walking home from the market around the corner. Class ran long today and I didn't get a chance to go earlier, but I needed groceries." She began. "I didn't even hear them coming, Lexa. They hit me on the head with something, I fell, and they took my phone." She kept talking rather quickly, but Lexa followed along attentively. "I can't stay here tonight. They have my wallet with my ID card. They have my credit card, debit card, my money." The girl finally sighed dismally and threw her head back against the brunette's arm in disbelief. Her eyes straight up at the night sky while she mulled over her options.

There was a pause in the air while most officers pulled away in their squad cars. Officer Kane approached them and asked if there was anything else he could do for Clarke before she shook her head and thanked him. "Lock your doors, Ms. Griffin. Please stay safe." He added before he bid them goodnight.

They watched on as they were left alone on the steps in the mild late night air. Lexa tightened her hold on the girl yet again before she spoke. "My place is available if you'd like." She shrugged hoping the blonde would accept. Not so much because she increasingly wanted to spend every minute with her, but because it would calm her anxiety about the girl's safety if she were under the same roof. "You can take my bedroom, or the sofa, whichever you'd like. It's not a huge place, but it's got room. Plus, it's much closer to Tassels and less away from the chaos of Downtown."

She wanted to look like she was considering it carefully when in all honesty Clarke had made up her mind after Lexa first offered.

It took little to no time for Lexa to figure out that she knew the answer.

Stepping inside past the doorway, Clarke soon realized she was seeing the space for the first time.

When the lights flickered on she smiled because from what she could see, it was entirely Lexa's kind of place. Bookshelves that reached the ceiling separated the dining room from the living room with spines of different heights neatly squeezed together, adding privacy between the rooms. The coffee table was littered with more books, and a solitary laptop sat open on top of the abstract pile of hardcovers. And if Clarke was recalling the smell of a library correctly, the scent of ink filled pages wafting around the apartment came pretty close to it.

"You like books much?" Clarke teased and spared a glimmering glace at the girl who shook her head and rolled her eyes in response. "Thank you again for offering, Lexa. I really do appreciate it." She readjusted her bag over her shoulder and nodded appreciatively at the girl.

"Anytime, Clarke." Lexa replied with a small smile before she broke their eye contact to move further into the space. She pointed in general directions while moving her eyes from each room to the blonde's studious glance. "You can have the sofa or the bedroom. Your choice."

There was a moment of pause from the girl before she replied with a smirk. "The couch will do. I'm scared of what your room might look like. I might be tempted to read in bed or something."

"That would be a travesty given that you only have eyes and hands for a paint brush." The brunette teased back before they both chuckled and situated themselves for what could be a few days of an unusual living arrangement.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so looks like someone hurt Clarke at some point. I wonder when we'll meet the mystery person...if ever. Who do you guys want/not want it to be? I'm glad Lexa's there to lend an ear and some "protection". Gawd protective Lexa is my favorite. And would you look at that, Clarke staying at Lexa's...this should be fun. Challenge: Not a tough one, what word was used in place of woods/the woods/forest in this chapter?


	9. Outside Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Elona who a while back guessed correctly where the inspiration for this story came from. *Cheers*
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

"I heard about the mugging. I'm glad you're ok, Griff." Raven smiled and held back the chuckle at seeing Clarke jump in surprise.

The girl looked down from the top step of the stool, taking a break from cleaning the mirror wall as she sat down on it. "Thanks, Raven." She nodded down to the brunette. "I'm glad I lived to see your face another day."

Raven smiled arrogantly. "Lucky you." She was going to continue with more ego-centric one-liners when she spotted the bartender cleaning glasses and stashing them away for later use. She turned back to look up at the blonde. "So you're staying at Lexa's huh?" She smirked at the girl.

Heaving a sigh, Clarke rolled her eyes because she knew this was inevitable. People were bound to insinuate and assume everything, and would play twenty one questions with her. While she didn't really care what people thought, she feared the monotonous conversations would send her over the edge eventually.

Still she kept her face devoid of any expression, aside from the obvious irritation that her eye roll conveyed, and shook her head at her friend. "She was nice enough to let me crash there. You know, since the jerks have my address and all." Clarke smirked satisfied with her response.

Raven nodded slowly with a gleam in her eye. "Sure. Ok. Well, let me know how if there's anything I can do for you, though I think you're pretty much set."

Clarke took that as her cue to continue with her previous task so she stood. "Go rehearse, Rae." She shook her head again as she watched the brunette walk away.

She had successfully avoided looking at the brunette behind the bar thus far, but in a quick blur she caught her outline and her eyes refused to go anywhere else. She observed her inconspicuously for a few moments, reveling in the sudden flood of admiration and appreciation she felt. It was becoming more evident to Clarke that her feelings for the bartender were though undefinable, unshakeable and undeniable.

It was a shock, and her cheeks blushed red when Lexa looked up unexpectedly and their eyes met.

The blonde quickly brushed off the embarrassment of being caught staring and smiled down at the girl. Her heart raced when Lexa smiled in kind. She had no idea that when she moved under the counter, the brunette had done so to obscure her own flushed expression.

Before Indra gave the go to let the customers in, Lexa interrupted her with a smirk gracing her face. She had everyone sit and listen to her ideas about the upcoming script she was working on. Though she had yet to actually complete any scenes, she assured them that they would like it. The band members whistled sexily at the dancers and they in turn rolled their eyes before being cajoled into batting their eyelashes at them.

Lincoln chimed in after they all settled down, and he mentioned he wanted to spend some time with the bartender to discuss the tone of the script so he could work on writing up some pieces to go with it. They would need time to rehearse, especially the band, and he wanted to start right away.

The atmosphere was light and the group nodded excitedly before Clarke jumped in to ask the dancers who wanted to be first in line for the poster work. Several of them were excited the girl had decided to use her artistic skills to promote their cause. Lexa looked intently at the blonde, a half smile hidden from everyone except for her. Clarke made sure to smile back before looking out at the rest of them.

"Thank you all for this." Indra added. "It means a lot that you are all willing to fight for this place as much as I am." She smiled kindheartedly at them all.

There was a moment of silence as their boss walked away, but soon the arrangements were made between the two parties that were ready to start on the project.

"I can go back to my place today so you can concentrate on the script." Clarke stood next to the brunette as she waited for the drinks that her customers had ordered.

Everyone was pleased to see that the crowd was not as thin as it had been in the previous nights. They all knew it was a day when the "new place" opened later so it made sense people would venture over into their establishment for some entertainment, but the relief was there nonetheless.

Lexa looked up from the glass she was topping off and casted an unconvinced look upon the girl. "You just left your place last night, Clarke. You think you're ready to go back so soon?" She looked at her in challenge for an honest answer.

The way with which she questioned her made the blonde hold her breath in thought. She was afraid to respond and have her voice betray her. Of course she wasn't ready to go back so soon. The mere thought of someone having access to her place, and having her sense of security compromised made her shiver uneasily. She would much rather stay at Lexa's for a while longer. "I'm not ready, but I will be if you need me to be." Clarke looked hesitantly up at the green eyes next to her.

She felt the tray shake in her hands as the bartender placed the drinks on it. They locked eyes before the brunette shook her head slowly and smirked. "No need, Clarke. I'm pretty good at writing and ignoring distractions."

An easy going smile crossed Clarke's features and she sighed internally, grateful once again for the girl's ability to lighten any mood. "Are you saying I'm a distraction?" She teased.

The brunette shook her head again. "Don't keep your customers waiting, Virginia." Lexa smirked before she moved away reluctantly towards one of her regular customers and former classmate. "Hi Elona, same as always?" She eyed the girl.

"Please. I've had one a hell of a day today." The girl replied with a heavy sigh.

"School kicking your ass?" Lexa made small talk while she poured her a drink.

The girl nodded. "Had a mid-term today. It was brutal. I love writing, but that instructor is savage. We had a little over two hours to write up a fifteen page paper about iambic pentameter. Are you kidding me?" She shook her head and nodded at Lexa in thanks when she was handed the drink.

"Yikes, that is brutal. But obviously you completed the mid-term, right?" She waited for the girl's response with a knowing look.

There was a small sigh from the girl before she grinned at the bartender. "Obviously." She lifted her glass up to the brunette before she took a nice gulp of the liquid. Lexa only stared on in amusement. A small wince took over the girl's features as the strong liquor hit her taste buds and proceeded to warm her throat on the way down. "So when are you going to re-apply, Lexa? I know you left because you hated the curriculum, but you're a good writer, girl. Give it another shot."

Lexa looked down at her cleaning cloth and wiped the already spotless countertop clean. "You know, I've been thinking about it more and more. Especially since I have yet to hear back from the publishers about my book." She nodded with a quick look at Elona before Clarke made her way across her line of sight towards a table. There was a small moment of silence between the girls before the bartender looked back down at the girl. "Who knows, I might find the motivation I need."

Elona lifted her glass again. "Well I hope you do. Cheers girl." She downed the liquid before shivering once again.

"Another?" Lexa grinned at the girl. It was never any different when the girl stopped by for a drink. She always asked for the hard stuff, and despite not really having an affinity for the burning sensation, she drank away at least four shots each time. The brunette chuckled before shaking her head at the girl's silent response.

Clarke smiled wide when Raven, Octavia, and Harper took the stage. Their costumes sparkled in the spotlight as they began to whirl their arms along with the beat of the band. They made it look so effortless and suave, and though their smiles were likely added on for good measure, there was no way people could fake that kind of enjoyment.

She shook her head at one of Raven's hand gestures before she removed empty glasses from a table and placed them carefully on her tray. Her intention had been to make her way back towards the bar, especially when she saw the brunette grinning and laughing with a customer, but when she headed towards them she spotted a familiar smiling face in the crowd.

Clarke did her best to ignore her curious nature which pleaded with her to investigate the cause of Lexa's jovial mood, and moved towards the man instead.

She stopped beside the table and smiled back at the grinning customer. "You haven't called." He deadpanned with an artificial pout.

The blonde shook her head and shrugged. "Sorry."

"I thought we found some common ground. Was it my forwardness?" He questioned.

"No." She paused. "I'm just not the girl that calls a guy one conversation and a business card later." The girl grinned.

"Ouch." He touched his heart with a phony look of pain. "But you remember my name at least?"

Clarke shrugged. "I might if you remind me what kind of drink you're buying."

"Ouch again." He smiled and shook his head in disbelief. "That's all I am? A customer?"

"You're in here right?"

"Touché." He grinned. "I'll have a dry martini, Clarke." He beamed up at her as he handed her his card. "Keep a tab open, please."

The girl examined it quickly and nodded, pretending being reminded of his name by the plastic card. "Sure thing, Anthony." She replied before pivoting and walking towards the bar.

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa had caught the last of the exchange as she looked up from where Elona sat. Her eyes drifted from the pair to a patron that lifted their hand up to get her attention at the end of the counter. The brunette had tried hard to snub the familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach, acting indifferent as she smiled at the person she handed a beer to.

Yet Lexa sensed it would be a long night's battle between her head and the nauseating prick of jealousy in her gut.

When Clarke approached her she resorted to wiping down the counter. She only stopped the dabbing when she felt the blonde standing close enough to whisper into her ear, the tray and empty glasses neatly deposited on the counter top. "Get ready, D.C. We're about to make some money." A wave of shuddering goosebumps decorated her skin from her neck down to her legs, and she quickly closed her eyes to regain her confident bravado to respond. She dug deep for it.

An itching desire to clear her throat forced her to swallow discreetly. "This isn't that kind of place." She taunted with her usual grin which earned her a playful smack on the shoulder. "You're so nice to want to contribute Clarke, but there's got to be another way." Lexa chuckled and recoiled from the impending second swing of the girl's palm.

Clarke glared at her playfully before she shook her head. "Fine. I get to keep the tips then." She sauntered back towards the register to stash Anthony's card in the drawer. "Dry martini. Make it extra **extra** , please."

Lexa got to work on the drink with a backwards glance at the blonde. She thought about shelving the topic, not wanting to start up a certain conversation just yet, but her mouth got ahead of her brain when she saw the girl looking down at her. "I see your friend is back. Is he here to convince you to be part of his inspiration entourage?" She made sure to grin as casually as always before looking back at the martini glass.

She walked up to her, her front nearly pressed up against the bartender's back when she leaned down to whisper again. "I've heard I can be a distraction, I'm trying to rectify that."

Her breath hitched, but this time she denied her body any reaction as she straightened instantly and turned around with the glass in hand. They were in each other's spaces, but neither girl budged. Instead, Clarke took the drink from Lexa and trained her gaze upon the green orbs that challenged her. "Don't sacrifice yourself on my behalf." The brunette smirked.

They stared for a while longer before Clarke shook her head to break the haze that surrounded both of them. "Thank you, Lexa." She smiled sweetly before grabbing her tray and walking away nonchalantly.

Lexa stood in place as her eyes followed her out. Her heart drummed against her ribcage and she finally let out a silent breath.

"You got it bad girl." She heard Elona yell over the music. There was no way she could argue against it.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lincoln huffed in frustration and scratched out the progress he had made on his music sheet, yet again. It was four hours ago that he sat down in Lexa's living room to begin the collaborative effort of piecing together their play.

While the brunette had successfully completed the plot and proceeded to outline the entire play, he had been mulling over the opening and general tone of the musical numbers. Unsuccessfully. Because every time he thought he had something, he would second guess himself and scratch out the notes he had added to the paper.

Lexa laughed at him under her breath before she decided it was time for a break. "Want a beer?" She asked with a sympathetic grin before she stood. His face was painted with a pout and he nodded dolefully up at her.

"So where's Clarke?" Lincoln asked casually as he leaned back into the sofa to rest his eyes.

The brunette shrugged mostly to herself as she emerged from the kitchen with a beer in each hand. "Not sure. She's been gone most of the day." She handed Lincoln his beer before she sat back down.

They drank from the bottles simultaneously before they allowed a few minutes of silence for themselves. When they were half-way through their beverages they resumed the discussion about the musical aspect of the play.

Both had suggestions about the style of music, and what it should help convey, but neither was convinced the right feeling had yet come to them. The musician was hesitant about making it too much like a striptease, and Lexa was quick to agree. They needed to make it sexy as they barely tiptoed on the line of separation.

Lincoln jotted more notes and allowed the girl to provide the lyrics which were dialogue scenes from her outline. Together they worked on the opening number. An hour later they sighed, relieved at having successfully tackled that feat.

"Got more beer?" The guy asked with a wide smile.

Lexa nodded and headed for the fridge to retrieve their rewards.

"Oh hey, Lincoln." Clarke greeted the guy as she closed the door behind her.

He waved from his spot on the couch. "I found Clarke, Lex."

The girl rolled her eyes at the small joke as she headed out of the kitchen with their beers. She eyed Clarke carefully and nodded. "Hey. Shopping?"

"Not really." Clarke shrugged. "Just needed a quick outfit."

Lexa knitted her brows as she walked past the blonde to sit. "Going out?" She asked casually before she took a gulp of her beer.

"Not really." The blonde shrugged again. "Kind of."

"Now I'm confused." Lincoln added with a smirk.

"Anthony asked me out to dinner a couple of nights ago." She felt her face redden as the temperature seemed to spike in the room. The pair of scrutinizing green eyes made her nervous, and she diverted her gaze towards Lincoln instead. "But it's just a friendly dinner. To talk about art." Clarke added as she looked over at Lexa to defend herself. Technically there was no need, but she felt compelled to clarify the situation to the girl.

"Art." Lexa drank again. "Right."

Lincoln grinned at the pair before he drank from his own beer with a shake of his head.

"Art." Clarke nodded. "Yes." She rolled her eyes exasperatingly at the brunette. "Anyway, I'll be out of your hair for a while. Have fun with the session." She smiled and waved at them as she headed for the washroom.

They looked on as their friend left the room and eventually looked back to each other.

Silently they took a swig of their beers. In the quiet they had time to reflect on the situation. Lincoln wanted to ask questions, while Lexa wanted to pretend no one else could pick up on what she felt for the blonde.

It was a few seconds later, when Lincoln decided to poke and prod at his friend that he whispered.

"So how long have you liked her?

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Finally we have both girls contemplating what's brewing underneath it all, and others are totally catching on. I'm excited for our girls. Elona, hope you liked your character, maybe she'll stick around. ;)


	10. Inadvertent Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Milestone...Chapter 10! Whoohoo it's been a good ride so far. I can't wait for you guys to see what I have planned already. Hope you guys stick around.

Lexa sat lost in thought as she finished off her beer. Her eyes stuck on an invisible spot on the ceiling as she avoided her friend's examining gaze.

The truth was she knew exactly how to answer Lincoln's question, but she felt uneasy about her response, especially given the fact that the subject of their conversation could walk out at any given moment.

After a few minutes of silence and her picking absentmindedly at the bottle label, she realized she had to say something. Mostly because it was unlike her not having a witty remark or comeback during uncomfortable situations.

Lexa shook her head slowly before looking back at Lincoln, her green eyes locking with his brown ones in challenge. "I never said I did." She allowed a devilish smirk to cross her features before she stood to collect the bottles and offer the guy another drink.

She was glad when he accepted. It made her feel less guilty about needing to drink more to hide the pang in her stomach. Perhaps an inebriated buzz could help alleviate the other buzz she felt over the entire situation and conversation.

When she approached her seat and landed on it rather dismally, she sighed. Lincoln had seen through her response, and now he was surely not budging until he got an answer. And judging by his raised eyebrows, she would have to come up with one soon lest his face get stuck with that expression.

The brunette laughed to herself at the thought. The beer was already getting to her.

"So?" He inquired.

"Since karaoke night at her place." Lexa nodded with a shrug and a lopsided grin. Lincoln sunk further into his seat at the revelation. He took a sip from the bottle while he worked quickly to formulate a response.

He sighed along with her this time and nodded. "Wow. What's holding you back?" He drank some more beer after he asked.

Breathing out yet another sigh she shook her head. There was really nothing holding her back except for the fact that she was still not sure Clarke felt anything in return. The blonde was easy to talk with, but she felt disconnected from her still. She was hard to read at times, and that was a challenge for Lexa.

Sure they teased and flirted, but friends did that all the time. What made them different? Perhaps the blonde only saw her as a really good friend. Nothing more. And in all honesty, being rejected was not something Lexa was accustomed to, but deep down dreaded.

The relationships before [ **the one** ] had all been initiated by the other party. It had come naturally to her. She was easy going, could strike up any conversation, and she knew she had the confidence that many lacked. Her past girlfriends had all complimented her on it.

It wasn't until Costia that Lexa had to approach a girl and put those skills to the test.

They hadn't fallen instantly, but after they met at a high school party the summer before their senior year, it had been nothing but easy coasting for the girls. Long phone conversations, midnight texts, and late night meet ups to watch movies neither girl really liked were enough for a while.

Until Lexa knew Costia was the one she wanted to be with, possibly forever. She complimented her in every way, and no one had ever made her feel the way she could. That's when the brunette texted the girl, in the middle of the night, telling her she couldn't wait to see her the following day at school.

They had exchanged similar messages before, but the subtext of that message was unlike any other, and Lexa knew Costia would understand the difference.

She was right, because the next day during lunch Costia approached the brunette with a knowing smile on her face. Her brown eyes twinkled at Lexa, and her teeth bit lightly on her bottom lip with anticipation. She knew.

Needless to say, they spent the entire lunch break under a tree in the quad, smiling freely and basking in the new emotions while Lexa geared up to make her move. Costia had agreed to be her girlfriend before the bell rang.

It was the start of the best three years of her life.

"If the list is that long maybe it's not the right time." Lincoln brought Lexa back from her memories with his comment, and the brunette shook her head before looking down at another picked off label.

"Not the right time for what?" The duo jumped at the sudden intrusion from Clarke. Thankfully she only had a clear view of Lincoln, allowing the brunette enough time to recover, and for her face to lose the shade of red that heated her cheeks.

When Lexa turned her head enough to see the blonde her mouth dropped open. She had to remind herself that breathing through her nose was an option as she slowly brought her lips back together.

"You look great." Lincoln replied before Lexa could formulate a response and she sighed to herself gratefully for the change in topic.

"Thank you." Clarke nodded in appreciation at him before looking back at the brunette who sat not four feet from her. "You alright, Lexa?"

The brunette nodded as she recovered. "Lincoln's right, you do look beautiful, Clarke." She tipped her beer bottle at the girl before drinking the last of the alcohol.

The girl's cheeks reddened just enough to be noticeable. "Thanks." She paused to look around awkwardly. "I uh, gotta head out. You two have fun working on the play."

"Wait, wait, wait." Lexa waved a hand side to side. She wanted to make sure she heard her right. "You're meeting him? Why isn't he picking you up? What kind of date is this? He's doing it all wrong. How do all the girls fall for this guy?" She teased with uneven brows that shifted lightly into a smirk.

Lincoln suppressed a throaty laugh as his forehead creased in question.

There was an embroidered eye roll from Clarke before she shook her head at her friends. "Jerks." She looked down at her phone when it alerted her that her rideshare was there. "It's not a date."

"But you're dressed like that." Lexa pointed with her eyes at the form-fitting dress that made her want to gulp.

"So." Clarke wrinkled her brows, annoyed by the implication. "Can't a girl dress nice for herself without it meaning she's trying to attract attention?"

"But you do attract attention." Lexa argued back. She caught her tone and questioned whether she had just morphed the teasing into a more serious and dangerous conversation or if the beer affected her hearing.

"You most definitely can. And what person wouldn't look at you?" Lincoln added with a wide smile to shift her intense glare from Lexa to him.

She exhaled heavily before shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "My rideshare's here. I'll see you later." Clarke smiled at Lincoln and nodded seriously at Lexa before she walked out of the apartment.

The echo of the door latch catching the strike plate sounded around the room and Lexa dropped her head in her hands with a grunt. "What the hell just happened?" She mumbled rhetorically.

"You just acted like a jealous jerk." Lincoln smirked with a firm headshake. "And you insulted the girl you're pining over."

She groaned again this time reclining in her seat and dropping her head back to look up at the ceiling. "There's no pining."

"There's definite pining." He retorted. "Got any more beers?" Lincoln smiled when the brunette looked at him, silently thanking him for trying to make her feel better.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke and Octavia were quietly working away on the first poster when Lexa walked in to the living room holding her head with both hands.

"She's alive." Octavia joked while attempting to keep her pose for the artist who had yet to look away from her work.

"Barely." Lexa replied as she walked past them muzzily, cursing the hangover her body was nursing. "Coffee anyone?"

"No thank you." Clarke responded while continuing to add brush strokes to her painting.

The brunette nodded perceptively, recalling the night before and assuming the girl was still upset. She wanted to apologize, but decided to do it when they could be alone. Her eyes drifted towards Octavia in question and the girl shook her head no as well.

When she reemerged from the kitchen a few minutes later with a mug in hand Octavia looked at her questioningly. Something was off with the blonde, and she wanted to know if the bartender knew what it might be. Lexa took a sip of the steaming liquid, ignoring her friend's curious stare, and focusing instead on the work of art before her.

The corners of her lips pulled up in the barest hints of a smile as she watched Clarke paint away on the canvas. Her mind's eye could picture the blonde's focused expression although she only had a view of her hands and her messy bun from where she stood.

Soft touches of the brush brought Octavia to life on the painting and Lexa nodded, impressed with the work. She looked up at the brunette and gave her a thumbs up as she sipped on her coffee again.

"Stop distracting my model, please." Clarke muttered in a way that sounded annoyed yet playful all at once. Lexa grinned and moved from behind the painter to stand beside her. She could feel the blonde's tense energy and supposed she was shooting her a sideways glare.

"Fully proportional. No disfigurement. You look like a work of art, O." Lexa teased in a mock critical tone. "No pun intended." She smirked. "Good job, Clarke." She added.

"Why are you here?" Clarke dropped her brush into the holder on her pallet before looking directly into Lexa's eyes.

Lexa shrugged. "I live here." She looked at Octavia to avoid the blonde's wrath.

The blonde groaned. "I know that, but why are you **here** here?"

"I was getting coffee." Lexa moved her mug closer to Clarke's dissecting blues in an almost childish manner. 

"Let her go, Clarke. She's hungover." Octavia smiled at the exchange, and no longer questioned why the blonde was in such a serious mood as she stared at the culprit. 

"Thanks, O." Lexa nodded at her before grinning and walking away towards her bedroom to get dressed. 

Neither girl said a word as they heard her leave the apartment minutes later. 

Sometime later, opening the door to her apartment had never been more nerve wracking. 

Lexa was unsure about what to expect when she walked through the door. Maybe Octavia still striking a pose, stiff from the hours she would have held it by now, while Clarke worked away. Perhaps Clarke sitting on the sofa she had been sleeping in the past few days while she doodled away. But definitely not Clarke sitting in Lexa's favorite love seat with tears running down her face. 

That, Lexa did not expect. 

"Clarke?" The brunette walked cautiously towards the girl before setting a doggie bag from their favorite diner on the coffee table. "What's wrong?" She asked as she knelt in front of her. The girl's eyes were red and completely aloof as she stared at her hands despite the brunette's questioning. A surge of panic took over Lexa as she looked around and back at the blonde feeling useless. "What happened?" Her voice was laced with a hint of desperation. "Clarke?" She almost whispered it then. 

It was that which brought Clarke out of her stupor and had her blinking down at a very distraught looking Lexa. "I was going to leave." She sighed with guilt. "I didn't want to over stay my welcome, but when I remembered why I was here I panicked." Her voice began to crack and her eyes drowned in the tears she fought to hold at bay. 

Lexa smiled sadly up at her before placing her hands over the blonde's. "Clarke I would never kick you out. I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcomed." She shook her head at the girl hoping she could really hear how sorry she was. "You leave when you're ready." 

"What if I'm never ready?" Clarke shrugged with a watery smile at the brunette. 

She laughed softly and shook her head. "We'll talk about it if it ever happens, but you're strong. You'll be ready eventually." Lexa smiled up at the girl and squeezed her hands before standing. She stood in place, not knowing whether to sit and keep the girl company, or leave her to recollect herself in peace. 

"Is that for me?" Clarke eyed the doggie bag almost bashfully as she imagined it held something greasy and delicious. Her eyes were still red, but her small smile set Lexa at ease. 

"I don't know." Lexa shrugged. "I mean I'm still kinda hungry." She back-pedaled towards the bag, feeling particularly playful and in need of taunting the blonde. 

Sensing what Lexa had in mind, Clarke shook her head steadfastly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Nope. I'm not chasing you around for that bag. I'm not 12." She pouted. "Can we be adults and you hand me the bag like a normal person?" She eyed the brunette who grinned from ear to ear. 

Sinking further into the love seat, Clarke feigned disinterest and included a yawn for show. When Lexa swung the bag from side to side before her, she shrugged and leaned back with eyes closed. "I guess I'll just eat these onion rings all by myself, then." The brunette remarked. 

The rumpling of the bag had the blonde opening her eyes wide. And the smell of the beer-battered onion rings as Lexa pulled one out made her salivate in response. 

In an instant, Clarke jumped out of the love seat and nearly succeeded in tearing the bag out of the girl's hands. But Lexa was quick as she side-stepped her eager clutches and avoided the coffee table before rounding the sofa to use it as a barricade. 

"Lexa, give me the onion rings, please." Clarke pouted from the opposite side of the couch. 

The brunette grinned roguishly as she munched on the greasy treat before wiggling her eyebrows in challenge at the artist. "So good." She took another bite. "Come get them." 

She felt like a little kid chasing someone who had stolen her favorite toy, but Clarke ignored any common sense of maturity to circle the living space behind Lexa. 

They laughed and dodged each other as Lexa continued to pull onion rings out of the bag to pop them in her mouth. On one particular instance however, when she was too engrossed in the act of chewing, Clarke caught up and tackled her from behind. 

Their bodies landed in a tangled heap on the floor and Clarke frowned when she heard the brunette laugh heartily beneath her. Her eyes were shut tight and her teeth on full display as she let her limbs fall resignedly beside her, the paper bag no longer any concern as she let it go with an audible thump. 

"What's so funny?" Clarke huffed out of breath as she looked down at the brunette. 

"Nothing." She responded in between catching her own breath and small chuckles. "I just wonder what my downstairs neighbors think just happened." Lexa opened her eyes, glossy with a happy shin of laughing tears before sighing and locking gazes with Clarke. "That was fun." She took a moment to appreciate the view she had. It could have been anyone else towering above her, but nobody could have made her breath catch like Clarke just had. 

Her hands moved of their own accord as she felt the blonde's hip bones snugly in her hands. She squeezed impulsively and sighed again when she saw Clarke's eyes widen and grow darker. She cursed herself inwardly for alerting the girl of their compromised positions. 

Their eyes remained trained on each other as their breathing remained labored, albeit not from the exertion of running around in circles. 

Lexa felt herself clinging softly onto the girl's hips, but it was not much longer that Clarke cleared her throat and pushed herself up and off of the brunette. 

Neither girl spoke about the disappointing emptiness that flooded them at the loss of contact. However minimal it had been. 

Instead they smiled wide at each other, with only the slightest hint of awkwardness, before they walked to opposite sides of the room. 

"That'll teach you to keep onion rings from me." Clarke puffed out victoriously as she retrieved the bag, grateful it hadn't spilled the goodies. 

"You're welcome, Clarke." Lexa countered as she made her way towards the washroom in need of a refreshing shower, thrilled that at least she now knew Clarke felt something. 

Thanks to those big blue eyes of hers, she had seen it clearly. 

Still, there was much to figure out, especially where Anthony was concerned. 

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh such a good development. I feel it coming now. They're so close to giving in that I can feel it. Those two are so into each other it's a wonder how they've managed to stay away this long. Hope you're all still with me. Lets see what the next chapters bring us...hopefully Anthony-less...who knows.


	11. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys still with me right? Raise your hand if you are. Thanks for sticking around! I'm having a blast with this story. Enjoy!

Preparations for their show were proceeding nicely, and two weeks after Octavia had sat for Clarke the blonde was nearly done with every dancer's poster.

Lexa and Lincoln had succeeded in collaborating on the music that would best tell the story and they celebrated by drinking too many beers at Lincoln's apartment.

His instrument set up was amazing and they found it best to play along to the notes he jotted down in real-time, and when something sounded wrong, it was easier to fix it on the spot.

The two chatted about the show for some time before Lincoln questioned Lexa about her relationship with Clarke, or lack thereof. She gave him little as she shrugged and instead shifted the talk towards him and his own infatuation with Octavia.

"I'm not obsessed, Lexa." He shook his head stubbornly from behind his drum set.

The brunette laughed. "Linc, I've seen the stolen glances. I see the way you hold the door open for her even when she's yards away from the entrance. You like her." She raised her brows and waited for him to say she was right.

He sighed and nodded. "Fine."

"You're obsessed?" Lexa poked further.

"No." He examined his snare drum for no reason other than he needed not to make direct eye contact with his friend.

"Just like?"

"A lot." He nodded in admission.

Lexa sighed with an empathetic smile at her friend before she dropped herself on his futon and drank her beer. "We've got to do something about our situations."

They smiled over their beers and cursed both their good and bad luck of falling for a pair of amazing young women.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

When Clarke opened the door to Lexa's apartment she was surprised to see the brunette on the sofa watching television.

It was late, and the beers Lexa had consumed had caught up to her enough to make her eyes droop with sleep, but she flipped through the channels nonetheless.

The blonde sighed and prepared herself for the onslaught of questions.

"Another non-date?" Lexa smirked, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes." Clarke rolled her eyes.

Since their first friendly dinner, Clarke and Anthony had met twice more to discuss her goals and desires to see her work in a big-name gallery. Though there were the occasional flirty responses he would shoot at her, Clarke still insisted he was nothing more than a friend with similar interests.

"So where did you guys go?" Lexa questioned as she set the remote down, her full attention on the blonde.

"That spot on Boyd and San Pedro." Clarke glared at her with a grin of her own, knowing Lexa knew the place.

The brunette nodded with a smile. "I like it there." She picked up the remote to continue flipping mindlessly through late-night television shows. "Cool place." Her anxiety somewhat quelled with knowing the bar was a nice hangout, and not really a 'date' restaurant.

Clarke shook her head and smiled back at the writer. "You get so worked up for nothing." She jabbed before walking away to freshen up and change into her nightwear.

Lexa, though still slightly inebriated gasped as she dropped the remote on the sofa cushions. "I didn't get worked up. I **don't** get worked up." She called over her shoulder hoping the girl heard her over the running water.

"You always do." Clarke muffled a response, unaware of the bewildered look etched on the brunette's features.

It was possible the beer was making Lexa hallucinate, but it seemed to her that they were really having a conversation about feelings. She wasn't sure she was ready because of her mental state, but she was damned if she was about to back out of the talk now.

"Forgive me if I concern myself with your well-being." She argued.

Just then Clarke reemerged with a face towel in her hands. She patted her skin dry before smirking at her friend. "Please." She rolled her eyes when they peered over the terry cloth. "We both know this has nothing to do with my well-being." She tilted her head at the girl in challenge.

When Lexa recovered from the sudden rush of butterflies in her stomach, she cleared her throat. Standing up rather unsteadily she shook her head and wiggled her finger at the blonde. "It's always about your well-being, Clarke." She responded honestly before walking towards the artist.

Clarke felt their knuckles brush as Lexa headed for the end of the hall and towards her room. "I'm more concerned with your well-being." She spun to comment before Lexa could move out of earshot, ignoring the rush of heat she felt on her hand. "How did you get home?"

Lexa furrowed her brows at the way Clarke looked at her, genuinely concerned. "Rideshare. Lincoln will drive my car to work tomorrow." She grinned and pointed at the blonde. "Thanks for caring. See we both care."

The door to her room closed and Clarke was left in the hallway nodding. "Yes we do." She whispered.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke sighed profoundly for the millionth time as she glared viciously at her work. She had been painting the flowers in the vase for an hour and a half, and she had yet to be satisfied with any part of it.

Her brain refused to work with her. It was the equivalent of having re-read the same paragraph ten times and forgetting every single word. Her lack of concentration was criminal.

Still, she drowned her paint brush in the green paint and dabbed heavily on the canvas.

A surprised hum sounded from behind her and she dropped her head ashamed. Her brush fell away from the canvas and lay waiting for a purpose beside her leg. "Something's on your mind my dear Clarke." Frankie smiled wisely at the blonde who had finally lifted her head enough to meet the woman's eyes.

The blonde shrugged. "I can't seem to concentrate."

Frankie smiled with raised eyebrows. "That's pretty clear. The way you were forcing the brush onto the canvas made me nervous. You wanted to kill the flowers. Or the brush. I had a hard time deciding." She looked calmly between Clarke and the unfinished painting.

There was a silent chuckle from Clarke as she shook her head. "Neither. I just can't focus. Something's keeping me from envisioning my goal."

"Perhaps you have a more demanding goal in mind, but you're repressing it." Frankie nodded at the girl's confused glance. "Take a minute, Clarke. A moment of reflection always helps me when I get stuck." She patted the girl on the shoulder. "Good luck."

Frankie was the most sagacious person Clarke knew, and twenty-six minutes later, after having stared blankly at the flowers on her easel, she shook her head both frustrated and amazed by her findings. "Damn it." She muttered.

She brushed off the nagging need to finish her work before texting Raven and Octavia on her way out of The Ark.

When the girls arrived Clarke was already situated in her usual booth with a plate of fries and the thickest chocolate shake she could order.

"This should be good." Raven grinned at her best friend before they sat with the blonde.

Clarke looked up from her fries and sighed. "Thank for meeting me guys. I just needed some girl talk so I can decipher what the hell my life has come to." She bit angrily at the fry.

Octavia's eyes widened with surprise and amusement. "Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb and say this has Lexa written all over it." Raven nodded in agreement.

"What?" Clarke scrunched up her face in denial as she grabbed her milkshake to down as much of it as she could without getting brain freeze. "This isn't about Lexa." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Right." Raven smirked and flagged the waitress down to order more greasy food. When the girls eyed her disbelievingly she shrugged. "We're going to be here a while."

"Spill it." Octavia crossed her arms and leaned forward on the table. Her eyes and posture demanding the blonde begin with the truth.

Heaving a sigh Clarke rolled her eyes. "I think I might have a crush on Lexa." She looked dejectedly at both girls.

"That's no crush. You're in like." Raven deadpanned and Clarke shot her a glare. "Don't look at me like that. You two couldn't be more obvious. I see it from the stage and I wear contacts." She nodded emphatically to counter Clarke's head shake.

Octavia snorted in amusement. "You're one to talk." She blurted out before grabbing a fry and ignoring the penetrating glares from both of her friends. Neither girl said a word, but Octavia knew the one she had directed the comment towards was itching to punch her shoulder and ask for clarification. But that was a conversation for a later date. She swallowed the food and shrugged at Clarke. "So you have a girl problem and you want us to be your wing-women?" She suggested excitedly.

"Not exactly. I'm not sure. I don't know." Clarke covered her face with both hands and grunted into them. The girls across from her looked at each other and then at the blonde.

"Sweetie you have to clear that up for us." Octavia shook her head in response.

The waitress walked towards them then and smiled widely when she set the food down for the girls. Raven thanked her and went straight for a buffalo wing.

"Ok." Clarke sighed and straightened. "I think I have feelings for Lexa, but I don't know if I should approach her. It's been a long time since I felt this way about anyone."

"Is it because she's a girl that you're hesitating?" Raven questioned with furrowed brows.

Clarke smiled as she stared at the plate of fries absentmindedly. "No. Not at all. I mean she's the first girl to make me feel this way, but in all honestly it didn't even cross my mind." She looked up to her friends with the same smile still plastered on her face, and the girls shook their head at the admission. This could be more than just 'in like' they thought simultaneously to themselves.

"So what's the problem?" Octavia took her turn at asking questions.

The blonde sighed before she looked out the window at the passing cars on the street. It was only a matter of time before she had to let her more personal demons out, it was inevitable. "I haven't had the best of luck with, um, love, or whatever." She looked despondently at the girls, both of them equally taken back by the sincere sadness painted on her face.

"Um, what happened?" Raven asked.

She proceeded to recount her 'tale of woe', as Lexa once called it, and the girls listened.

When she was done, her friends shook their heads in solemn disbelief and sighed. "Damn girl." Raven replied.

"Yeah." Octavia added.

Clarke nodded. "I know." She sighed and picked at a cold fry before looking back up at the pair. "So you see why I might be a bit hesitant to move forward with her."

Raven agreed with a small nod but instantly shook her head. "Still, Lexa is one of the best people I know, and just because you've had bad luck before doesn't mean it will happen again."

"Yeah, give it a try, Clarke. Lexa is not like everyone else. And she's not going anywhere. Once she's committed, she's there for good. It's why she's so involved with Tassels; it's why she's let you stay at her place. She cares too much to walk away."

Octavia's advice made the blonde nod in realization. Lexa had been the first one to welcome her and she hadn't left since. The girl had a big heart, and Clarke knew it.

Which then also brought on her next epiphany: if she wanted to have a shot with Lexa, perhaps the first step would be to move out of the brunette's apartment. "I should move back to my place." Clarke nodded without looking at either girl, almost as if she were holding a conversation with herself.

Octavia and Raven cast quick glances at each other before shaking their heads at the girl. "You don't have to." Raven suggested.

"Are you ready?" Octavia asked with raised brows.

In all honesty, there was no way she was ready. The thought of heading back to her apartment, her desolate apartment, where she no longer felt calm and feared the loss of sleep and sanity, still sent her into a frenzy of nerves. There was nothing Clarke dreaded more than an empty home where her mind and heart were no longer at peace.

Clarke moved her gaze towards the girl and shrugged. "I'll have to be. How awkward would it be if I was dating her and living with her at the same time?"

"It happens." Raven shrugged.

The artist knew it was probably true, but she figured if she had a chance at a relationship with Lexa, she was going to do it the right way.

Or at least try.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww. Lincoln is one of my favorites, and I wanted to make sure he gets some love in this story. Do you guys think him and Octavia have a chance? How about Clarke and her girls, huh. Finally we get her to openly admit to others that she likes Lexa. Now we just need one of them to make a move. Come on Clexa! Hurry up. What will we see next week? I wonder...


	12. All Eyes on Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with this chapter. Lots of smiles, tension, and frustration. I hope you guys enjoy it! Sorry for any mistakes.

Moving out of Lexa's place had been more difficult than Clarke expected. She had stayed long enough to form an affinity for the coziness and companionship she found there.

It was a sad fact that the familiar fragrance of old hardcovers would no longer lull her to sleep at night. One that took Clarke weeks to overcome once she was back in her own apartment.

It had come as a shock to Lexa when the blonde mentioned her plans to move out. The brunette apologized relentlessly because she felt perhaps she had over-stepped her bounds with Clarke. But the girl assured her it was time to challenge herself by moving back to her apartment, and that it was not due to Lexa's lack of hospitality.

Still Lexa struggled to feel appeased, even barely. After all, she was sad to see the artist leave.

Together it took them half a day to move Clarke back into her small apartment miles across the city, but they had made the best of it. Both girls could sense a change in their friendship, a blossoming comfort that made both of them smile every so often without excuses or reasons.

And when they were all done, they agreed to have dinner at the usual spot, sat across from each other in their booth. Everything was comfortable and they ended up driving to Clarke's to talk all night before Lexa headed home, albeit reluctantly.

It took Clarke a considerable amount of time to fall asleep knowing Lexa wasn't only just a few feet away.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Before everyone knew it, the night of their grand re-opening was upon them, sending bodies scrambling with nervous anticipation as they made last minute preparations.

Lexa paced backstage fretfully as she gripped the master script in her fisted hands. Lincoln had attempted to pacify her anxious energy a few times as he peeked in through the curtain and smiled at her. She made an effort to smile back, but repeatedly found herself faking it and nodding back more for his sake than hers.

"Hey Linc. Good luck out there." Octavia caught him as his face peeked between the ripples of curtains when she made her way to Lexa.

He nodded with a wide smile. "You too, Octavia." Lincoln nodded one last time at Lexa before he disappeared.

The younger brunette look amusingly at the writer as she fidgeted with the papers in hand. "Everything's going to be cool, Lex. Relax. We've all rehearsed for countless hours, and some of us are hot enough to distract from our less than mediocre singing squeals." She smiled in jest.

A small chuckle escaped Lexa as she looked gratefully at her friend for the moment of levity. "I'm more worried about Clarke running the bar without me than you guys." She smirked

Octavia gasped with a mock shocked expression. "I'm going to tell her you said that."

"You do that and I'm taking away your parts." She glared mockingly at the girl.

"Fine." The dancer pouted and shrugged. "Good luck, Lexa."

"You too. Knock 'em dead." She gave her a thumbs up.

When she became overrun with a wave of anxiety once again, she peered out at the growing audience and back towards Clarke. The blonde looked confident as she sported her usual smile and made drinks for the waiters. It hadn't been easy at first, Lexa had struggled for a week or more getting Clarke familiar with the recipes for popular drinks, and some less-commonly ordered ones. In the end though, the girl memorized a nice list of cocktails and assured the brunette everything would go smoothly with her at the helm.

Lexa had smiled proudly at her and draped an arm around her shoulders nonchalantly. She could still feel how Clarke relaxed into the embrace with her own smile in place.

As if on cue, Lexa found herself staring at Clarke, her smile aimed at her from afar and a thumbs up signaling everything was alright. The brunette nodded with a smile, and her heart raced when Clarke mouthed "good luck" before she returned to making a drink.

A few minutes later, the voices from the crowd died down as the lights dimmed and the band began with the introductory song that Raven would sing along to.

When her number was over, generous clapping echoed in the Tassels building as Raven danced sultrily out of the spotlight and towards the back of the stage.

The brunette smiled and winked at Lexa as she stayed out of the audience's sight to ready herself for the next number. Lexa couldn't help but grin proudly at the interaction between the girl and her spectators.

She felt her nervousness ebb as Harper, Octavia, and Echo made their way out onto the stage, their arms and legs already moving fluidly along to the band's beat before they began to sing their dialogue. A sense of satisfaction enveloped her as the crowd cheered and hollered at the suggestive jokes and hand movements the girls played out on stage. It was clear that everyone was entertained and devoted to watching the story unfold before their eyes, and the writer couldn't be happier.

Men and women clapped excitedly when Raven appeared on stage again. And when a few of the band members abandoned their instruments for the stage to surround the dancer, people cheered and laughed along to the dialogue that flowed from the girl's mouth. Her voice hit some high notes that had people's jaws on the floor and salivating. It was a sight to see and Lexa enjoyed every minute of it.

It was especially amusing when Octavia reappeared to compete for the limelight and the band's attention as part of the play.

The girls had called Lexa out on it when they first read the script, knowing full well why she had chosen to add that particular scene in. They had laughed about it, reflecting on how silly and immature they had been the time they almost fought over a guy, but made Lexa promise not to add any hair pulling for them to reenact.

By the time their handcrafted original play had ended, and the audience rewarded the characters with catcalls and resounding claps, an hour and a half had flown by.

At Indra's insistence, all of the Tassels crew flooded the stage to thank their viewers with a courteous bow and wide smiles.

Lexa smiled from behind the curtains and fist pumped in victory at the turnout and warm reception. She knew they could pull it off, and now that their first show was out there, she hoped and expected the customers to spread the news and increase their numbers.

People continued to applaud as they watched the performers walk off stage when the lights came on to signal the end of the first showing. Some stayed seated to finish off their drinks, and others thanked the host and Indra's assistant Titus on their way out of the establishment, satisfied smiles on their faces.

They had two shows back to back before the crew gathered around the main room to hold multiple excited discussions.

Indra smiled at her employees and nodded proudly at them. When she said nothing Raven was the first to break the silence. "We did great right?" She yelped and held her arms open wide in dramatic fashion. "Admit it, you love us." The dancer grinned.

The older woman laughed and nodded. "I do love you all. And you guys did so great." She smiled gratefully at each person in the room.

"I propose a celebration party!" Jasper shouted from near the back of the group, and his friends immediately nodded and chattered in agreement.

The owner contemplated the proposal and pretended to mull over her decision for a while longer.

"Alright." She gave in and nodded. "Tomorrow, after the last performance we'll stay open for the celebration."

"Just for us?" Bellamy asked with a grin.

"No." Lexa responded. "The people should stay and see how grateful we are for their support. It'll be as much for them as for us." The brunette suggested and looked around for any objections. When she got none, she nodded and smiled at the blonde beside her.

Before the night ended the group agreed on small details and Monty had agreed to design a simple flyer for posting around the city and on social media platforms. The more people showed, the more money they could generate.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa laughed softly with Elona as their glasses clinked in celebration.

Clarke caught the exchange from the back of the room as she made her way down the stairs. She had used Raven's mirror to complete her look and light make-up, and was surprised to see most of the crew was already drinking and mingling.

She walked carefully in her heels and smiled wide when she locked glances with the writer who she had been eyeing just seconds prior.

Lexa made sure to examine the blonde as she approached, appreciating both her figure and her sincere smile. Their eyes locked one again when Clarke stopped in front of the pair, but only for a second as Lexa allowed a lopsided grin to convey her approval of the outfit the blonde wore, before cautioning one last glance downward to her legs.

It couldn't have been more obvious what either one was doing, but neither girl found it in them to stop walking down the path they were headed.

A clearing of a throat forced them both back from the visions that clouded their minds. "Lexa?" Elona asked with a teasing tone.

Lexa shook her head softly and grinned before looking back at Clarke's blues. "Uh, Elona this is Clarke. Clarke this is Elona. We met at Chapman in a creative writing course." The brunette finally spoke and smiled back at the blonde.

"Nice to meet you Elona." Clarke extended her hand and smiled at the way the girl nodded in response. It amused her because it was something Lexa would do. Maybe it was a writer's way of communicating without having to waste precious words. "You look nice, Lexa." Clarke moved her eyes back to the bartender and smiled almost sinfully. The girl could rock the hell out of a button down with slacks and it was quickly becoming her obsession, Clarke admitted.

"You look very nice yourself." Lexa replied with a sly smirk. "Whiskey?" Lexa asked and moved to face the bartender when she got a slow nod from the blonde.

The girls talked for a few minutes about how they had come up with the idea for the play and about Lexa possibly heading back to school before Elona excused herself to mingle around the room.

Clarke and Lexa stood with their backs against the bar counter as they surveyed the room. Bodies intermingled everywhere and smiles were not sparse on their faces. "You did such a good job with that play, Lexa. People are going to talk about it and more people will come."

Lexa looked around and nodded before taking a sip of her drink. "We're all a pretty good team. Everyone was committed and that's all it took to make this happen." Clarke smiled at the girl's modesty. "Besides, it could have been those alluring posters out front that did the trick." She flashed the blonde a smile.

It was anything but awkward as they stood cocooned in their private moment despite the crowd and noise level. They were silent for a while as they smiled at each other.

It wasn't until a tall body came to stand before them that they acknowledge they were not the only two people in the room. "I heard I should congratulate you two for such a great show." Anthony flashed the girls a wide smile, but Lexa wanted nothing more than to feed him to the sharks for his intrusion.

She spared a side glance at the blonde beside her before feigning a smile to keep up appearances.

"Thanks, Anthony. I'm glad you could join us." Clarke replied before hugging him.

Another reason why Lexa wanted him to walk the plank.

Lexa nodded despite her annoyed state, and her admittedly immature thoughts. She behaved as best as she could, and hid the fact that she was terribly irritated by the man before her.

When the man looked over to her unsure about whether he should hug her or not, the brunette quickly extended her hand to fist bump him instead. The move caught him by surprise, and Clarke glared menacingly at Lexa, but before either one could comment on it she excused herself.

"Enjoy yourself, Anthony. Thanks for coming. I'll catch you later, Clarke." Lexa walked away casually towards the band members that were visibly having too much fun with their drinks, leaving a very stunned Clarke behind to gape after her.

It was some time later that Lexa found herself sitting at a bar stool looking out at the make-shift dance floor with droopy eyes. She smiled at the sight before her.

Lincoln and Octavia danced together with excited body language and smiling eyes. The brunette nodded to herself, pleased for the couple that was hopefully taking a step in the right direction.

"Is this seat taken?" Lexa had a split second to battle the million responses that formulated in her hazy mind. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do to fight her alcohol-driven emotions as she rolled her eyes with a frustrated sigh.

Immediately she regretted her action, but silently thanked the man beside her for not pointing it out or responding in kind. "Nope." Lexa shook her head and promptly closed her eyes against the dizziness that swept over her.

There was a moment of silence as Anthony situated himself with his own drink in hand. To say they were engulfed with tension and awkwardness was an understatement as they both fiddled with their drinks.

Anthony was the first to speak when he cleared his throat, but kept his eyes glued to the dancing patrons. "I wanted to apologize for earlier. I got the feeling I might have interrupted something."

Well damn, he could have saved everyone the wasted eye rolls and waves of hot jealousy (yes, she described it in those words…because she was a writer and could get away with it) had he walked away after having felt that. Lexa thought it, but held her words as she shrugged in response instead.

They were quiet again for a few minutes before Lexa felt the rush of courage that flowed through her veins. She thanked the alcohol for such a response. "Listen Anthony I don't really know you, but I think we both know the reputation you hold." She tore her eyes from her friends to watch him carefully, suddenly more sober than she had been minutes prior. "What is it that you really want with Clarke? Really? You've been hanging around her for a while now, but I doubt it's just because of the art factor." Her brown eyes studied him intensely as she waited for his response.

Lexa couldn't decide if Anthony was baffled by her honesty or by the fact that she had just called him out on his 'reputation' and possible ulterior motives. Regardless, she could tell by the way his eyebrows wrinkled in thought that he was working towards an honest answer.

"I like Clarke." Anthony responded hesitantly as he looked up from his drink. He cleared his throat. "I really like her."

The writer felt her stomach tighten with that familiar pang of jealousy before she shook it off. "Have you told her?" Lexa had nothing else she could think of saying.

The man shook his head. "I had thought about doing it tonight." His admission made the panic in the brunette hard to conceal as she shifted in her seat. She looked at everything and everyone except for Anthony. He paused to get her attention, and as expected Lexa did look up at him. "But I wanted to ask you first if perhaps you knew whether Clarke felt the same about me."

There was a pregnant silence as she swallowed her words and her feelings to look for the one person she needed to lock eyes with. When she spotted her, the blonde was in a deep conversation with a group of people Lexa didn't recognize. She sighed at the failed attempt to gather courage from Clarke.

There were so many things Lexa wanted to respond with that would work in her favor, but the damn alcohol had worn off enough to grant her the ability to feel sympathy and compassion for the man beside her. She cursed silently her ability to be considerate and diplomatic. "I'm sorry Anthony." She spoke as she stood. "I cannot answer that. Only Clarke knows the answer to your question."

He nodded in understanding as she tipped her glass towards him in salutations and walked away.

Across the room, Clarke caught sight of Lexa as she walked up the stairs towards the back rooms. She smiled politely and tried her best to keep her attention focused on the men and women that held the discussion around her, but her instincts were to follow the girl to make sure everything was alright.

"If Frankie thinks it's too soon we can wait another session, but I believe you are ready to showcase some of your work." The man commented as he waited for Clarke's response.

She nodded with a small smile; her brain caught only a few key words before she felt they all awaited her response. "I would like to talk to Frankie first, if that's alright." Clarke winged it and exhaled as the group echoed their understanding with nods. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back."

Raven watched amused from the stage as she witnessed Clarke's escape from the herd of artists and towards where Lexa had just escaped to. She frowned as she realized the events would have been much more enjoyable had she been digging into a bucket of popcorn.

The brunette almost groaned audibly as she saw Anthony intercept Clarke halfway across the floor. "Damn it." She shook her head at the man's terrible timing.

"Hey, Anthony." Clarke greeted him politely though the anxious anticipation was clearly detectable in her tone. "Having a good time?"

He smiled down at her. "Um, sure. Yeah. I actually needed to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" He reached down to grab her hand in his.

Clarke could think of how many minutes she actually didn't have right then…or rather didn't want to spare, but she held her composure and nodded anyway.

Raven shook her head in exasperation as she saw the pair exit the building. "Oh my god, are you serious?" She looked up and nothing and sighed.

"What's the matter with you?" Echo asked as she made her way beside her to look for Bellamy from a better vantage point.

"Nothing." Raven replied. "Where's your boy toy?" She asked with a fake smile.

"Around." Echo grinned.

Back outside in the cool night air the pair looked awkwardly at each other. Clarke raised her brows with a lopsided smile at the man that shuffled a nervous hand through his coiffed hair. "What's up?" She pressed.

"I…" He paused to chuckle nervously. "Damn it."

"Is everything ok?" Clarke began to worry.

"Yeah. No. Sorry. Listen I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me tomorrow."

The blonde smiled and nodded. "Of course. Why not. Same spot?"

"No, I was thinking we could go somewhere nicer." Anthony shook his head and Clarke began to see where the conversation was headed.

"Are you asking me out?" Clarke smiled awkwardly up at him and his reddened face.

"Yes." He sighed heavily before taking both her hands in his. "I like you Clarke and I would love for you to go on a date with me." Anthony smiled hopefully at the blonde. "Do you accept?"

Clarke stared at their joined hands and smiled back at him.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Clarke moved out, can you feel how sad they both are? Awww. But hey the play has finally premiered and everyone likes it. The team has done it! Should we talk about Anthony now? Are you guys annoyed? Happy? Sad? Indifferent? Personally I...nah, I won't influence you guys with MY feelings on the matter. What do you guys think Clarke will say? 'Till next Thursday peeps, I have a feeling it's going to be a great one coming up! P.S. All of you at Comic Con...I am uber jealous right now.


	13. I'm All Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright peeps, this chapter lives up to the rating of this story. You have been warned. As always, I apologize for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Clarke swallowed the uncomfortable lump in her throat that threatened to choke her.

She knew her answer and could tell he knew it as well, but despite the hurt it would inevitably cause, she had to give him her response. "You're a great guy, Anthony." The shine in his eyes faded away, but Clarke tried not to focus on that detail so she could continue. "I can't accept the date, and I'll understand if you would rather not be friends from here on out, but I hope you know I enjoy your company and the discussions we have. You're one of my favorite people to debate with." She added for good measure, but sensed nothing could lighten Anthony's spirits. Not even the soft kiss she placed on his cheek.

The cold air sifted through her fingers when he dropped her hands as gently as he could. He smiled reservedly down at her before he nodded. "I understand." Clarke heard him loud and clear and hoped he really did understand. "I think I'm going to go, but I'll call you later." He pretended to be alright as he looked towards the direction where his car waited for him to aid in his escape. "You're amazing, Clarke. I hope you know that." Anthony left her with that as he walked into the night.

Minutes passed before the blonde could gather the courage to leave her solitary silence for the questioning glances she was sure to find inside.

Raven was the first to greet her as she handed her a drink. "He'll be alright. He's a big boy."

"What?" The brunette's astute observation confounded Clarke. "How did you know I was...that I just…"

The dancer waved a dismissive hand at Clarke before she smiled. "I know everything. Now can you please go get your girl? She hasn't been down since she left seventeen minutes ago."

Clarke shook her head in amazement as she accepted the drink gratefully and made her way towards the stairs.

To the untrained eye, the artist walked unconcernedly through the many different people in her path.

In reality, Clarke strode cautiously towards an ambiguous future that could result in catastrophic failure.

Still, she did not falter as she moved one foot in front of the other to climb in search of the brunette that was cause for her heart's most erratic beats.

It took no time to spot the brunette looking out of the window next to one of the many mirrors in the room. "Hey." Clarke ventured a soft announcement of her presence, but the lack of surprise from the brunette suggested Lexa already knew she was there.

"Hey." Lexa smiled but never tore her eyes from the outside. "Quite the cozy goodbye there, Ms. Griffin. I assume Anthony talked to you."

The blonde shook her head at the already antagonistic tone Lexa guarded herself with. "He did." She figured she would answer truthfully and ignored her instinct to rebut in an equally aggressive manner.

"What did he say?" She pried.

Clarke took a few tentative steps towards the girl before she replied. "He asked me out on a real date."

"I'm not surprised." Lexa responded and shrugged. "I mean I don't blame him."

The room buzzed with an energy unseen, but felt by both. Clarke sighed, frustrated because she could tell they both wanted this, but neither wanted to be the first to take the plunge.

They were silent for a few minutes before Lexa finally turned around to face the blonde. Her back against the window sill and her hands deep in her pockets as she mulled over her next words.

"Can we be honest now?" Clarke asked shyly with a hesitant eyebrow lift before Lexa could talk.

The brunette looked quietly at the artist for several beats before she smirked. "I want to dance." Lexa suggested, not entirely ignoring the girl's question as she found a way to reply. "Let's go."

Clarke was taken back by the girl's forward approach as she took her drink from her to set it down on the vanity. She was even more surprised when she felt the brunette lace their fingers together as she led them downstairs towards the celebration.

It was a feeling unlike any other following Lexa hand in hand into the unknown.

Several eyes landed on the pair as they joined their friends on the dance floor. Raven in particular raised her eyebrows in question before Clarke shrugged to let her know she had no idea what they were doing.

In fact she did have an idea, and she hoped for more than just tonight.

The girls faced each other timidly at first before Lexa dropped their laced hands to pull the blonde closer.

Clarke's heart thrummed in her ears as she felt her friend's hands gripping her hips. She wondered if Lexa could feel the rush from her veins underneath her fingers, and if she felt as titillated as she did.

Almost in response Lexa grinned as she stared avidly at the blonde, her hands pulling her closer before they began to move to the music.

Soon a new song played through the speakers and people sang out loud and bounced to the notes. Clarke beamed from ear to ear as she recognized the song and began to sing along as well. Lexa laughed at the blonde's blithe demeanor, and soon found their faces coming closer during particular lyrics they yelled in excitement to one another.

The A-ha song continued to sound as the crowd roared the chorus, but in a sudden moment of bravado Lexa halted their dancing and smiled. "Let's go." She bellowed over the music at Clarke who still grinned widely.

"Where?" Clarke giggled, feeling young and carefree in Lexa's personal space.

"I don't care." The brunette shrugged and waited anxiously for a response.

Without hesitation Clarke nodded her answer and proceeded to pull Lexa along behind her towards the exit of the building. The brunette smiled almost shyly at the floor as they walked through the crowd, but inside she felt as confident as ever.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

They laughed out loud as they walked through Clarke's front door carrying too many boxes of popcorn and several kinds of wine. It had been the blonde's suggestion that they grab some unnecessary junk food and drinks to watch a movie on her couch.

She had been pleasantly surprised when Lexa didn't skip a beat in walking them to her car before they drove off.

Their hands never unlaced, not even as they walked through the small convenience store isles.

Lexa was quick to place the items on the dining table so she could double over in laughter. Clarke watched mesmerized by the sound and expression on her favorite person's face.

"I told you he's not boring." Clarke finally invalidated a previous insult from Lexa. She meant for it to sound sterner than she had delivered it however, and noticed the brunette shaking her head in victory. "Anthony's a good guy." She smiled alluringly at the chuckling girl.

"Fine, he's too tall." She inhaled deeply in an attempt to recover from her bout of laughter.

"Too tall?" Clarke wrinkled her eyebrows displeased. "That's the best you can come up with?" Somehow, and at some point during their drive, the conversation about Anthony had come up. Clarke fought hard to make her case about him being more than the reputation he carried around, while Lexa dismissed every argument with a negative quality he possessed. It was admittedly annoying at first, but eventually Clarke laughed along with the brunette as she realized it was all in jest.

There was a twinkle in Lexa's eyes as she shook her head, a playful smirk on her lips. "He's not me." She finally denounced before she retrieved the wine glasses and a bottle to take with her to the living room.

Clarke stood there with her mouth ajar as she used a hand to steady herself against the back of a chair. Her legs felt weak and her breathing came in short gasps at the comment the brunette had just flung at her so nonchalantly.

When she regained her composure, she made her way towards the sofa where the other girl already sat and waited for her with an outstretched arm that held her drink. They smiled simultaneously as she accepted the glass and sat as close to the girl as she could without appearing desperate or clingy.

Not that Lexa would mind, though. Because as Clarke sat down, the brunette automatically shifted closer and smiled. The butterflies in her stomach gradually shifting lower to other parts of her body and making even her toes tingle with delight.

It was unbelievable the feeling that took over both girls then. They felt so young and almost overwhelmed by the anxiety and anticipation. It was like an uncontrollable energy that generated sparks of desire which neither girl wanted to put out, but still felt the sting of.

By then the alcohol from the party had worn off, and it gave way to the sheer intensity of every wave of adrenaline and raw emotion that washed over them.

They both felt the pull and unfulfilled need for any form of contact, but the hesitancy to proceed was back, and neither girl wanted to rush whatever it was that was growing between them.

Instead, they decided to sit restlessly through the movie Clarke had suggested they watch. The flow of electricity between them never ebbed, and they missed lines of dialogue before they realized more than halfway through that neither one could claim to have paid attention.

It was then that Clarke placed her empty glass on the side table and turned sideways to face the brunette who feigned sudden interest in the movie with a small grin in place. Who cared about rushing or going slow, they had already lived together anyway, she repeated in her head. Anything to help boost her courage.

Lexa felt the pair of blue eyes on her. "Watch the movie, Clarke." She smiled, but never moved to look towards the blonde.

Clarke stirred unnervingly on the sofa as she fought the war that waged in her head and her heart. "I lost interest in the movie a long time ago." She decided to jump head first into the brewing cauldron that was her and Lexa's relationship.

Finally.

There was a small chuckle that escaped the writer's lips before she shot a sideways glance at Clarke. "You picked it, and now you're bored? You must have terrible taste."

The blonde leaned forward to slap playfully at Lexa's shoulder. "Maybe." She smiled and felt a sudden surge of adrenaline and bravery as she tucked a strand of dark brown hair behind the girl's ear. "Maybe not." She inhaled deeply and released a quiet sigh to calm her frantic heart.

The air became thin, and both girls found it difficult to breathe. "Clarke…" Lexa whispered in caution before she turned to face the girl, their eyes mirroring the feelings each felt.

"Yes?" She smiled, but her eyelashes covered her blues as they analyzed every twitch of Lexa's lips, leaving the brunette without a clear glimpse into the girl's thoughts.

"If you keep touching my ear like that I will not be held responsible for what could happen next." Lexa whispered again, but the clear hint of desire echoed even in the hushed words that flowed from her mouth.

Clarke ceased her movements as she realized she had been mindlessly caressing the outer shell of Lexa's ear. She wasn't sorry though, and she didn't apologize. "Are we being honest now?" She opened up the discussion from before, the one that the writer had tabled when she led them towards the dance floor and away from the inevitable conversation that awaited them.

Lexa nodded slowly and swallowed before she proceeded to give her thoughts a voice. "I want to kiss you." She replied unreservedly after some time.

"How long have you been waiting to tell me that?" Clarke played with the girl's hair again, barely avoiding her ear.

The brunette shrugged. "Too long." Lexa finally replied before she swallowed the lump in her throat. She had no further reservations, and her self-control diminished to less than zero as she licked her lips in preparation.

Finally.

Her body moved on its own as her head craned forward eagerly to claim the lips she had for so long thought about, and when she finally had a taste of them it was better than she imagined. Nothing could have compared to the reality of her lips moving impatiently and in sync with Clarke's satin ones.

The sounds of the movie were white noise and understandably forgotten as they focused instead on the soft sighs of desire escaping their parted lips every time they adjusted angles. Because there was no way that a soft gentle kiss could discharge the tension they had been dancing around with for the past few months.

It was that fire which had stemmed from their budding friendship that had both Clarke and Lexa panting as they sought to get closer, desperately so.

Their lips moved hungrily over swollen flesh and in between teeth before Lexa pressed her tongue past the barriers of Clarke's mouth, unchallenged.

A sigh escaped one of them, if not both of them, as the brunette tasted the wine and barely there hint of whiskey with a gratifying moan. She felt the urgency in the way Clarke pulled her closer and allowed her to delve deeper, taking her own turns to explore her mouth with equal fervor and matching moans of appreciation. So when she felt Clarke pull back as she moved to bring her onto her body, she was surprised, worried even.

They broke apart, breathing heavily as Lexa searched feverishly for any hint of regret written on Clarke's features. The blonde smiled ruefully in return with a small shake of her head. "Not here." She smiled languorously before standing, however steadily she could, and offered her hand to the girl.

Hearts beat violently as they attempted to recover from the small traces of oxygen they had been allowed, and when they made it to Clarke's bedroom, the recovery was short-lived.

Clarke initiated a quick exchange of ardent kisses before she walked the brunette to the foot of her bed. They smiled at one another and simultaneously exhaled because they knew there was no going back. Not that either one would consider that an option anymore.

They stood rooted in place, a short-lived moment of uncertainty transpired, but only because they were equally unsure about the disrobing protocol. And when they both asked the question silently and couldn't believe their identical thinking process, they laughed together. "I have a feeling clothes would have been the last thought on our minds had we continued this on your couch." Lexa commented hoarsely, her mouth still swollen and her throat still dry from their intense kissing.

The blonde shook her head and a light-hearted laugh escaped her mouth. "And miss out on this? Never." She smiled at Lexa's nervous laugh and began a seductive decent of fingers on buttons as she worked on Lexa's blouse. Clarke's eyes moved from the girl's green ones towards the body she was revealing as she dropped the fabric from her smooth shoulders. She swallowed the anticipation as she traced the brunette's shoulders and neck and her defined collar bone with curious fingertips.

Lexa gasped for air at the sensation, and hoped that Clarke had missed it.

There was no way she had, especially not as she saw the quick rise of her shoulders with the sharp intake.

"You're beautiful." Clarke spoke as she allowed her eyes to continue their downward decent as the pads of her fingers skimmed over the tops of Lexa's covered breasts, feeling how soft her skin was. Her eyes paused momentarily on the brunette's toned stomach and small navel just before they continued to the button on her dress slacks.

Neither girl missed the shiver that ran down Lexa's body then, the tiny bumps visible on her skin as a result.

"So are you." Lexa shook off the prickled skin and moved to cup Clarke's face, bringing her close to press their lips together. She knew she was impeding the girl's mission of undressing her, but she grew desperate and anxious for her mouth then, all else would have to wait.

Clarke smiled into the wet kiss, but before either one could deepen it, she pulled back with a groan. "Wow. Ok." She exhaled the energy of their lip exchange before grasping the top of Lexa's trousers and opening the button. Quickly she pulled on the zipper and began to move the article off of the girl's hips before strong hands caught onto her wrists.

There was a fraction of second where Clarke felt nervous about her actions, unsure whether she had overstepped or pushed too soon, but Lexa's tender look reassured her everything was alright.

"Turn around." Lexa urged in a pleading tone that had Clarke complying unhesitatingly. The blonde's own breath caught in her throat when she heard the zipper of her dress unclicking on it's decent to reveal her bare back and black underwear.

A sudden moment of panic washed over her as she failed to recall whether she had chosen to wear a pair suitable for the occasion.

Little did she know Lexa could care less as her eyes wrote invisible words on her skin to describe the smoothness she felt with her fingers. Her mouth closed and she swallowed hard as she moved her fingers down Clarke's spine and to the slope of her lower back. The dip of it driving Lexa over the edge with eagerness at what she knew was coming next. Black lace, black silk, black cotton, it didn't matter. All that mattered was the way the fabric fit snuggly over the rounded skin that all too soon was partially obstructed by the dress.

Lexa almost groaned disapprovingly.

She might have had Clarke not spun around slowly to smile awkwardly, still self-conscious about something as trivial as underwear. "Ready?" Clarke questioned with a shy smile.

The brunette nodded in response as she began to remove her bra. She felt it was only fair to be evenly undressed to alleviate any insecurity that might surface. "Are you sure?" Lexa asked and smiled at Clarke's agitated headshake.

"Now you ask?" The blonde teased.

"I had to make sure." Lexa grinned. "And just so you know Clarke, we don't have to do this. I want to, I really want to, but I can wait. I've waited this long just to kiss you. What is another day for more?" She looked earnestly at the girl in front of her.

Clarke stared back in awe. Lexa had basically admitted to having held back her feelings. For how long? As long as she had? Longer? "I think we've both waited long enough don't you?" She replied with a loving smile, disclosing her feelings as well.

A moment of silence overcame them as their clothing fell to the floor in swift fluid movements. Any remnants of uncertainty disappeared when they drank in each other's almost nude figures, transfixed by the beauty they saw in each other.

The familiar feeling of butterflies invaded Lexa's abdomen before she grinned at Clarke. She wanted to reach out and touch her, she wanted to pull her in and kiss her, she wanted everything all at once, but she wanted to be mindful of their first time.

Of Clarke's first time. Because she suspected, and gathered as much from previous small conversations about past relationships, that the blonde had never been with a girl, and Lexa wanted to make sure she felt as comfortable and as valued as she should be.

Luckily for her, Clarke took it upon herself to make the first move. Slowly she walked Lexa back, her fingers soft as they commanded her body to sit on the edge of the bed. She smiled down at her and allowed them both a moment to breathe before she gracefully moved to straddle her, her knees pressed tightly against Lexa's hips.

Contented sighs echoed in the bedroom as they felt the feeling of skin on skin for the first time.

It was surprising to Clarke how they could move so slow, enjoying every caress, given the fact that her body was on fire and could feel the tremble in Lexa's own.

They managed to partake in a gentle exploration of bare backs and exposed clavicles as open palms ran the length of skin without haste.

Lexa found herself drawn repeatedly to the warmth between Clarke's breasts, using her nose to caress the soft skin before running her lips over the swells in barely-there kisses. Her hands held tightly onto the girl as they moved up and down her back and around her hips just above the only garment that still covered her.

She heard the moan that escaped the girl above her when her fingers grazed her sides; the move erected a field of tiny bumps on once soft pale skin. Lexa smiled up at the blonde, her eyes were closed with her head tilted just enough to expose her throat. It was a no-brainer for the brunette as she reached up with her right hand firmly behind Clarke's neck to move her throat closer to her lips.

Clarke inhaled deeply as she felt Lexa's mouth trace the column of her throat. The particular sensation sent her into a desperate circling of her hips to quell the yearning between her legs. She exhaled almost urgently when she ground herself against the brunette in search of more of the same sensation, but ironically the more she moved the less satisfied she became.

To allow herself a minute to compose her ardent and growing need for Lexa, Clarke ran her own fingers through Lexa's hair, over her ears, and down to her cheeks. There, she held the brunette captive as she continued to explore her throat before pulling her back slowly so she could kiss her.

They shared another breathtaking kiss, dueling with lips and teeth and tongues before Clarke decided it was time to do more. To see more, and feel more.

So the blonde slowed the kiss, turning it into a deep caress of Lexa's full lips with her own rather than a battle for domination while she leaned forward to push the brunette back into the mattress.

Her mouth never dithered, not even as she realigned herself with the girl's lower half to keep the contact ever present. And the firmness with which Lexa's fingers held her hips down, guiding her to sway just a bit that way and a bit back, made Clarke want to remove all barriers as soon as possible.

Before she could take any further action though, she felt Lexa move underneath her as she brought her arms up to wrap around her back, bringing the blonde down to her and their naked chests together.

Almost immediately pants of pleasure rushed out of their busy mouths and into the dimly lit space of the room. Both girls could hardly restrict their hands to curves and flat smoothness. Lexa's hands in particular were restless and without recourse.

"You're so good at that." Clarke breathed in between a biting of lips, referring to the way Lexa overloaded her senses with desirous kisses and tender caresses along her spine, sides, and neck.

The blonde sighed and savored every new caress from the brunette's fingers and lips.

Lexa grinned and their kissing became sloppy as the blonde insisted on pecking while the brunette smiled, placing awkward kisses on her teeth. The rhythm they had successfully moved to now off beat.

Yet the moment itself was not awkward as they both broke apart to breathe heavily and laugh.

"I'm sorry." Clarke apologized with a bashful grin as she recollected herself and moved to roll Lexa over her. "Where were we?" She asked before taking the brunette's lips in a bruising kiss once again. Her teeth marking Lexa's fuller bottom lip before soothing it with her own.

There were no further exchanges of laughter as Lexa gave herself fully over to Clarke. All that was heard were moans and sighs as the brunette moved her lips away from Clarke's mouth and to her neck. She sucked hard on the tendon there and smiled when she felt a shiver shake them both. It was when she felt she had explored the hollow of her neck sufficiently that Lexa moved further down, dragging her fingertips along Clarke's breasts while she lifted herself on her knees for better access to the rest of the blonde's body.

When she opened her mouth to take in a pert nipple, Lexa hummed in realization that not only did she leave the party with the most beautiful girl there, but she was actually in the process of worshiping her body as well.

It was amazing, and they had yet to get to the best parts of the night.

Lexa continued to indulge in the blonde's generous assets of her chest as she felt them rise and fall from her mouth. Clarke's breathing became erratic and her hands desperately entangled themselves in the brown strands of Lexa's wavy hair.

It was barely audible, but the brunette swore she heard the girl mumble her name as she squirmed beneath her. The sound registered and drove Lexa further south, licking a small trail down the center of her abdomen and dipping into her belly button. She realized that probably did nothing for anyone, but when she got no negative response in return, Lexa decided to gently bite on the fleshy rim before kissing it soothingly.

Clarke squirmed some more before she huffed out in frustration and grabbed Lexa's hands to guide them towards the elastic of her under garment. The brunette was taken back by the sudden command and grinned against soft skin before she obeyed by ridding the girl of the fabric, albeit at a torturously slow pace. She was about to head for her main focus after having decorated Clarke's inner thighs with kisses, but a shift in the mattress pulled her focus towards the blue eyes that looked down at her.

The blonde leaned forward to pull Lexa up towards her. Her hands framing the face she was getting more and more…in like with. "Later. I promise." She murmured, unmistakably agitated and in need of instant gratification.

Lexa nodded in understanding and allowed to be pulled in for a hungry devouring of lips. She got caught unprepared, her mind focused on the shifting of her tongue and the battle of lips, when Clarke pushed her to the side to roll them over and take charge. She fit her hips between Lexa's legs and settled there with a grin in place.

It was her turn to make Lexa writhe in burning anticipation for a while, and the devious gleam in her eye made the brunette groan, accepting the payback.

Clarke smiled and wasted no time in closing her teeth lightly around the brunette's earlobe, not missing the shiver and exhale that took over the girl. Expertly she moved waves of brown to the side and proceeded to lick and kiss from ear to clavicle. She blew softly on the wet trail her mouth had painted to cool Lexa's already fiery flesh.

She grinned in victory at the goose bump flesh and found even more drive to move to Lexa's breasts. There she alternated between palming each one firmly and sucking on every inch of skin. It was no surprise that the brunette enjoyed the ministrations as much as Clarke had. And she allowed herself one more round before kissing each peak and moving down.

Lexa's toned stomach made Clarke swallow almost embarrassingly, and she hoped the girl had not seen her reaction before she moved to trace the muscles with her fingers. She kissed each lightly defined square of Lexa's abs as she moved her fingers down and into the dip of her hipbones.

Her mission was unexpectedly halted when Lexa hissed and shied away from her touch.

She looked up with concern and waited for the brunette to explain. Lexa shook her head and opened her heavy-lidded eyes to look down at the blonde. "Sorry. That tickled." She smiled coyly before shrugging apologetically.

After a few seconds of sharing an amazed glance with her, Clarke shook her head in response. "Not to worry. There are other places to touch." She winked before they both nodded in agreement.

There was no actual rush, time could fly or stand still all the same, but the yearning that coursed through their bodies and settled between their legs had Clarke precipitously pulling on Lexa's underwear.

They were finally entirely exposed for one another, and Lexa groaned when the blonde moved to straddle her. Their heats so close it nearly made them combust in pleasure.

"Oh my god." Clarke panted as she rocked her hips using her hands on the brunette's chest for leverage.

It was unlike anything Clarke had ever experienced before. The softness of each other, the heat they created with the friction, it was something that the blonde took to engraving in her mind forever. She quickly decided that nothing else would compare to this first time with Lexa, and she smiled in realization of how immense the moment actually was to her. For both of them, she hoped.

Releasing another groan of approval Lexa nodded. "Yeah." She huffed on the near brink of embarrassment. It hadn't been that long since she was last intimate with someone, but she could say without a doubt that it had not been with anyone who seeped into every pore of her body straight into her most basic cells. Clarke was driving her mad from the inside out, and there was nothing that could make Lexa want it any other way.

So, the brunette allowed Clarke to move over her some more, occasionally leading her tempo with firm hands at her sides. In spite of the calling inside that begged her for more.

More touching. More kissing. More licking. Just more.

And the voice inside of her kept chanting for just that until Lexa's control broke and she lifted up to kiss Clarke deeply. She was grateful that even in their current position the blonde never stopped moving, only pushing harder against her as she enveloped the brunette with her arms and kissed her back with as much urgency.

Still, they could feel in each other that the hunger had yet to be fed. That's when Clarke, without parting her lips from Lexa's, coaxed the brunette to bend a knee so she could move one leg under hers, and fully unite their aching centers.

A throaty moan broke free when one of them pulled back to gasp for air. They couldn't tell who did which and neither one cared as a sudden wave of euphoria swallowed them both.

"You're so warm." Clarke breathed out, feeling marginally apprehensive about her inexperience. She was not a vocal lover, but something told her she was free to say what she felt with Lexa, so she didn't hold back.

Lexa, on the other hand, was having a great difficulty with words. Only air escaped through her gritted teeth, her brain unable to formulate much of a thought to articulate. She fought the haze and finally nodded at Clarke. "You're so soft." She exhaled as if the three words had been a marathon her tongue could barely finish.

Clarke almost moaned loudly when their velvety movements created an overwhelming wave of pleasure, but she quieted it with a hard bite of her lip before she moved towards Lexa's mouth. "God, Lexa…" she mumbled in the brunette's space, mere centimeters from her lips, unable to finish her thought.

The feeling of being consumed by fire became more intense as Clarke continued to gyrate, not allowing either of them to breathe freely as she held Lexa firmly in place and kissed her chaotically. Pants and moans bounced off the walls around them, providing them with earfuls of approvals and pleas neither wanted to tune out.

Lexa released her hold on Clarke's enthusiastic hips and began to squeeze and mold every inch of her skin in her hands, from her sides and hips to her breasts, nothing was untouched or ignored as she met each twist of the blonde's riding movements with extreme fervor.

They nearly lost their rhythm when Clarke's body jumped at the sudden feeling of Lexa's fingers on her hypersensitive bud. Lexa would not allow that to happen though, and she kept them moving in sync as she worked her thumb over the bundle of nerves whenever their movements would permit her access.

Clarke suddenly broke their kiss, taking the extra oxygen to fill her burning lungs and pacify her racing heart. She had no idea how Lexa could focus on her so keenly when she lacked the capacity to concentrate on anything else besides her continued undulating, and the overload on her nerves that was leading her to her impending end.

Lexa breathed heavily and closed her eyes against the cramping in her hand from the repeated movement and awkward angle. Still, she didn't hesitate or stop as she made it her goal to completely satisfy the writhing girl in her arms. Even if it meant they didn't go over the edge together. There would be more opportunities for that. There was no way she would ever let Clarke go. Not now. Not ever.

She caught herself moaning out loud as Clarke sucked hard on the spot where her shoulder and neck met. The feeling that she was close and nearly there with the blonde making her move faster against her.

It took little after that to bring Clarke to her climax with a rapturous moan and her head thrown back, grasping at Lexa's skin, the wall, anything that could keep her from toppling over and off of her brunette.

They panted together as weakened hands held onto bodies to keep them connected for just a bit longer, because the feeling was too good to let die just yet. They were warm, they were slick- from chests to legs, and it all felt amazing.

Eventually their desperate breathing slowed to deep inhales and exhales and Lexa finally moved to break the connection, however disappointed she was at the loss of heat, so they could lay down facing each other.

Clarke breathed contentedly with closed eyes. She almost purred when she felt Lexa move matted strands of blonde off of her glistening face. There was no fighting it as she smiled and enjoyed the way the brunette stroked her cheeks.

"Wow." She finally managed to say although her throat was dry from all of her heavy gasping.

Lexa smiled drowsily and sighed. "I know." She sighed again. "You were great."

"Me? My toes are still numb." They laughed softly at the comment. "I want to do it again." Clarke admitted excitedly.

"We will." Lexa nodded and closed her eyes.

"Wait, did you?" Clarke's eyes shot open at the sudden realization that Lexa had not had the same ending as she. The brunette's needs selfishly forgotten in the midst of her mind-numbing orgasm. "I'm so sorry, Lexa." She apologized sincerely for the lack of attention she felt she was guilty of.

The brunette shook her head in response and smiled. "Don't worry about it, Clarke. There will be time for that." She opened her eyes to meet the blues that stared back at her in apology, and kissed her.

Damn right. There was no way Clarke was letting this brunette slip through her fingers. Not now that she knew they were compatible both emotionally and physically. "Yes there will be." Clarke nodded in between kisses as she rolled Lexa on her back and moved her hand down to the girl's sodden heat. They both groaned at the feeling as she forwent slow and gentle to sink two fingers into her.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We officially have Clexa! It took them long enough to do something about their feelings. Poor Anthony, but I feel he could be happier elsewhere. I know some of you agree! Oh, can anyone guess the song that Clexa was singing along to at the Tassels party? So, our girls moved right into what they felt, but I have a feeling we might get to see some cute sappiness in the coming chapters. Who's down for that? Stick around! Thanks for reading.


	14. You're All Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome. I see you guys sticking around, and I appreciate that. Have we recovered from last week's chapter? That was intense. Hope you guys made it out alive. ;-) Enjoy!
> 
> FYI- Centered Italics are flashbacks.

The enticing smell of bacon pulled Clarke from a foggy sleep and towards the land of the living.

She opened her eyes slowly and smiled when she recalled the…various…events from the night before. Thankfully it hadn't been an alcohol-induced dream. The few articles of clothing that now lay on the foot of the bed and the aching of certain parts of her body alluded to that.

A moment of absolute bliss washed over her before she stretched, her body sounding off with various soft pops and cracks. Liberating a small sigh from deep within her lungs, she stood to gather something to wear so she could finally go in search of her gorgeous brunette. She smiled again as she felt the twinge in her hips and center.

After freshening up she made her way to the kitchen where she heard the clanking of a spatula and smelled breakfast. The sight before her made her smile widely. The ravishing brunette was dressed in underwear and her rolled up button down as she flipped pancakes effortlessly. It was the sexiest thing Clarke had ever seen. "Can we skip breakfast? I think I want to take you back to bed." The blonde beamed at a surprised Lexa who turned around with the spatula in hand.

They smiled at each other before Lexa responded. "After I slaved all morning to treat you to pancakes and bacon, no, I don't think so." She paused with a grin. "But maybe **after** you'll get a chance to make your wishes come true. Sorry to have gone through your cupboards for the food."

Clarke huffed in response before she nodded with a sultry smile. "Good morning." She finally moved towards the girl who welcomed her into her embrace. They shared a gentle kiss before sighing in unison.

"I'm addicted." Lexa mouthed as she pecked at the girl's lips.

"Thank you." She smiled into it. "Now feed me, please."

"Yes ma'am."

The girls proceeded to share small laughs and flirty stares as they talked and ate their breakfast.

It was as effortless as it had been before they had decided to cross the physical boundary of their relationship. Nothing had changed really. They enjoyed each other's company, felt the connection, they made easy discussions interesting and fun, and time was never something either of them kept track of.

The only difference now was they each felt free to steal kisses whenever they wanted them.

Staring was also very much unabashedly conspicuous and completely welcomed.

After their meal, Clarke offered to pick up while Lexa moved to the living room with a mug of coffee. She had intended to watch something on TV, but a new painting in the corner caught her eye. Curiously she moved towards the blonde's work area and studied the canvas carefully.

There was no denying that it was an amazing piece, but the colors Clarke had used were not ones Lexa was accustomed to seeing in her pieces. These were darker and deeper, almost sad.

Lexa continued to look at the portrait while she drank the warm liquid and imagined who it could be. She assumed it was a model from one of the girl's classes, but she could not be certain, especially since she recognized most of them by now.

Clarke walked into the living room with her own mug in hand when she spotted Lexa in front of her painting rather than on the couch. She had hoped for a cuddle session, but quickly accepted they might not get to that anytime soon.

Sometime in the previous days she had started the portrait and had forgotten to store it in its carrier after it dried.

Accepting that they had just missed out on the snuggling, she made her way over to Lexa and the painting. "That's my dad." She answered the girl's silent question as she stood next to her.

The brunette turned her head to look at Clarke. "It's a beautiful painting." Lexa smiled. "But I can tell by your tone and by the colors on that canvas, that maybe it's not a pretty story."

Clarke nodded as she broke their eye contact to look at the painting of her dad. "You're right." She drank some of her coffee before setting it down on the small table where her tools resided.

"We don't have to talk about it." Lexa suggested with a soft shake of her head and a compassionate smile.

"No it's ok. I want to tell you." She replied, and after a few moments of silence she continued. "His name was Jake." The blonde breathed in slowly to recall a story from her not so distant past.

__

_Clarke tossed and turned in her twin-sized bed as she waited anxiously for her parents to return her calls._

__

__

__

_It was the last day before the holiday break, and most of her dorm mates had already been picked up by their parents, leaving Clarke alone in her darkened room feeling worried and afraid of the implications._

__

_They had agreed to pick her up no later than seven that evening._

__

_That time came and went with Clarke fretting over the several ignored texts and missed calls they had yet to respond to or return._

__

_The girl sighed heavily, willing the tears in her eyes not to fall as she conjured up a million scenarios in her head. She might have fallen asleep if it weren't for the loud ringing of her phone that jostled her out of bed and into her own personal version of hell._

__

_"Ms. Griffin this is Virginia P.D."_

__

_Clarke stayed on the line for eleven minutes, but she failed to listen to any words that were said during that time, and the truth was nothing they could tell her would matter much. All she knew was that she needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible._

__

_When Clarke rushed into the emergency room, her hair was a disheveled mess and her eyes were swollen from all of the crying. She ran up to the counter and demanded she be updated on her family's conditions, her patience on really thin ice as the clerks worked much too slow for Clarke's diminishing sanity._

__

_It took the clerks seven minutes to page the doctor, but it felt a lot longer to the young girl._

__

_"The accident involved five cars; your parents' car took the brunt of the collisions, being pinned in between the others ahead and behind them. They came in with internal bleeding and the young man in the back was ejected from the car. We tried our best, but I'm afraid their injuries were just too severe."_

__

_She heard words, but with the constant fading of his voice and the jumbled syllables falling from lips, she failed to really understand all that he was saying._

__

_Clarke had never been into a cold storage room. She had never seen the inside of a locker. It was never even a fleeting thought, why would it be? She was young, her parents were young, and he was young. No one so young should ever have to be in or near such a dreadful room, and she cursed everything and everyone as she stood there._

__

_The dim lights did nothing to comfort her aching heart as she nodded tearfully to the doctor while he unveiled three beautiful faces that were so surreally devoid of life._

__

_The pain in her heart nearly sent her to the floor. The realization that her dad, mom, and Finn were suddenly gone forever left her instantly stunned and disconnected from anything or anyone else for a long time._

Lexa stood rooted to her spot in utter shock. Tears flowed freely down her face as she heard the way Clarke's raspy voice cracked with emotion and her face knitted in painful recollection. "I'm so sorry, Clarke." She finally voiced roughly as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She had no idea when she set her coffee down, but almost immediately after the blonde stopped talking Lexa wrapped her arms tightly around her.

They stood enveloped in each other for several minutes, their tears forming dark wet circles on each other's shirts and their breathing coming in identical patterns.

"I'm sorry, Lexa, for dumping all of that on you so soon." Clarke whispered as she clung onto the brunette, afraid that her tragic story would somehow ruin what Lexa saw in her.

The girl shook her head, and Clarke sighed gratefully when she realized she couldn't have been more wrong. "You didn't dump anything on me. I asked. Thank you for sharing it with me." Lexa replied, still wanting to know more, but not feeling up to prying especially given the severity of the situation.

"Finn was my boyfriend." Clarke spoke, her eyes closed as she breathed in the girl's unique scent. She didn't know how she knew, but she definitely could tell Lexa wanted to ask, and probably held back out of respect.

Lexa sighed remorsefully and squeezed tighter.

"I'm sorry. I know how it feels to lose someone you love." Lexa admitted before she exhaled and buried her nose in blonde strands of hair. "Is that why you left Virginia?"

Clarke nodded over Lexa's shoulder. "Mostly. Among other things that I'd rather not talk about just yet, if you don't mind."

Lexa pulled out of their embrace and took a moment to take the girl's face gently in her hands. "Of course." She flashed her a still-teary eyed smile before moving in to kiss her softly. "Let's go back to bed." She suggested and smiled when Clarke nodded in agreement.

The room was silent as the girls lay in bed facing each other with eyes wide open. No words had been spoken for several minutes. Instead they focused on admiring each other's features freely, learning about the few marks and tiny creases that they hadn't yet noticed.

Clarke traced the smallest beauty spec on Lexa's upper lip and smiled. "For target practice." She joked in a near whisper.

"It's all yours." Lexa replied as she took pleasure in the feeling of the girl's finger tips on her lip. It was almost automatic when she kissed the pads slowly and closed her eyes with a sigh.

"Someday, maybe not today, you'll have to tell me about her." Clarke spoke knowing her words would catch the brunette off guard, but needing to express her desire to learn more about the love Lexa had lost as well.

The girl opened her eyes slowly and looked intently at Clarke. It was an unacquainted feeling the one her blue eyes evoked. They awakened a sense of longing that Lexa had long ago pushed aside, but more than that, they provided her with a greater sense of belonging. Like Clarke had been the piece of the puzzle that Lexa never knew was really missing.

She felt more and more that her feelings for Clarke ran deeper than she ever expected, and she was coming to terms with that.

"I will, I promise." Lexa finally responded and closed her eyes again, feeling smooth lips ghost over hers for a fleeting second before Clarke's body curled into hers.

__

_Wells and his father stood beside Clarke, even long after everyone had left the grave sites, even when Finn's parents had walked away in full embrace. Though she felt she wanted to be alone, she was eternally grateful for their companionship._

__

_They had been instrumental in the days following the accident, and she told them so the night of the viewing, hugging them tightly as she declared she might have lost her mind had they not been there for her._

__

_But even their supportive hands on her shoulders could not ease the stabbing in her heart as she witnessed the groundskeeper shoveling the last of the dirt into the third hole. Sealing it forever, encasing the physical body of her father for the rest of eternity._

__

_She swiped furiously at the tears and prayed that if there was a heaven, her family would be there waiting for her someday._

__

_The Jaha's stood beside her through the entire ordeal, only parting at the end of it when Clarke declined a ride home from Wells, ensuring him she would be alright to drive her mother's car home._

__

_Wherever home was, because nowhere felt like home anymore._

__

_Going back to school after the holidays had not been a priority for Clarke, but the image of how happy her mother had been at being accepted into such a prestigious university drove her to try. So she did._

__

_For a year she sat through lectures, labs, and study sessions with her nose deep in every text book. At first, the task felt fresh and it helped to drown out the still constant reminder of her loss and the pain that came with it. But things changed._

__

_When the inquiries and interest started to pour in regarding her parents' home, she lost the energy to deal with school. Instead she devoted herself to passing off the home to the next family, a complete one. So, she hired a big fish in a small pond of a realtor to help list and sell the house._

__

_Forty-seven days later, she shook her head at the latest offer. Unable and unwilling to part ways with her childhood home, she eventually took the house off the market and stayed._

__

_One night Clarke sighed heavily as she shot up in bed, drenched in the nightmare-induced sweat that covered her body._

__

_Finn had inhabited every minute of her latest dream. It felt so real, his face bruised and battered from the accident, his skin ashen from the lack of heat and flowing blood. No matter how much time had passed, or how many dreams her mind could conjure up, there were always more._

__

_Clarke felt suddenly and completely out of place in her room then. It was much too big for her. The space in the house allowed for her own heat to escape, leaving her a cold and clammy shell of a person._

__

_She came to hate that feeling, and decided to spend as much time away from the house as possible, enrolling in a nearby community college and earning a job as a waitress. Clarke was happy with her recent developments, initially diving head first into her studies and enjoying the people she shared her time with at work._

__

_Still, every night she stepped through the door of her empty home, she stepped into a world of revolving questions. Was her current life something she truly desired? Was it worth not going back to her true passion so she could satisfy something she felt she owed her mother? Was the loneliness worth the familiarity of her past life?_

__

_No. She always knew how she would answer, but her mother's face haunted her every night she had thoughts of straying from her current path. "Clarke. Clarke. Clarke." Her mother would repeat and look at her in that way only she could, reprimanding her without another word other than her name. "Clarke. Clarke." She repeated with sunken eyes and pale skin._

"Clarke." Lexa shook the blonde, attempting to rip her from whatever visions had her moaning and thrashing so agonizingly. "Wake up."

Clarke gasped and jolted up to look around the room, her room. Expelling a sigh she covered her face with shaky hands, grateful she was not still in her old twin bed, in her old house, back in Virginia. "What the hell." She puled, peeved by the sudden onslaught of dreams.

Lexa sat up with her and looked compassionately at her. "Are you alright?" She rubbed her shoulder soothingly.

"Yeah." The blonde nodded. "Some things came back to me in my sleep. Probably from our talk earlier." She shrugged. "I'm sorry to have woken you." She uncovered her face to look apologetically at Lexa.

"I hate to admit I woke up a while ago." She smiled guiltily. "I might have been staring before you started moving around in your sleep."

Clarke cracked a small smile before she leaned sideways towards the brunette, connecting their lips in a slow but deep kiss. "That sounds creepy."

"It's not. I mean it could be, but only if you catch me doing it." She smiled, hoping to banish whatever murky cloud hovered over the blonde.

Suddenly unsure about what to say, Clarke smiled before releasing a sigh. She stared at Lexa for a minute before she shook her head shyly. "You're staring."

"So are you." Lexa deadpanned with a grin.

"Do you want to get up and get dressed so we can go eat before work or something?" Clarke shrugged.

The brunette pursed her lips in thought and furrowed her brows. "We can." She mouthed casually before moving to push Clarke gently onto her back so she could cover her body with hers. "Or we can do something else before that." She leaned down and pecked the girl's lips repeatedly. "Interested?"

"Very much, actually." Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's back and kissed her, not fighting the soft moan that the brunette pulled from her mouth.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

They got to work late, lunch and early dinner forgotten outside the confines of Clarke's bedroom.

Both girls had effectively avoided having to talk to Raven and their friends, grateful that their relationship developments could remain theirs and theirs alone for a bit longer.

The play had been a success for another night, the growing crowds marking Indra's face with wide appreciative smiles.

Clarke had operated the bar again, which made her a little sad knowing she wouldn't be able to walk up to Lexa and stand just a little too close or graze her fingers for just a little too long. Her growing need and desire for the girl burned in her loins and on her itchy fingertips.

Lexa felt equally disappointed by the fact that she couldn't take full yet subtle advantage of their newly established relationship while she stood back stage and directed everyone.

As they both worked away throughout the night, Clarke had arrived to the conclusion that she would never be satisfied with stolen hours in the space of either of their apartments. She admitted she needed Lexa all hours of the day, and that excited her as much as it frightened her.

She smiled at patrons and handed them their orders as she formulated a plan that would allow her more alone time with the writer.

It's how she found herself walking towards the girl's car at the end of the night, when most of their friends had already left, with a confident grin in place.

Lexa waited patiently rested up against her door with her hands in her pockets and a similarly wide smirk on her lips. "Would you like a ride, Virginia?" She asked like she always did, but the excitement at her connotation and the likelihood of them ending up in the same bed now, did things to her insides and her ego that she liked just a little too much.

Yet she doubted Clarke would complain, and she herself obviously didn't mind the thrill of it all.

Clarke smiled tantalizingly and spared a glance around to make sure they were alone before she moved closer to wrap herself in the girl. She felt herself being crushed into her body while their lips moved hungrily over each other. There were echoing sighs before Clarke fisted her hands in Lexa's jacket and melted just a little more into her.

"I would love a ride." She finally managed to respond as they pulled back with swollen lips and hungry eyes.

Lexa nodded and was surprised when Clarke wouldn't let her budge an inch to break the contact and enter the car. "We have to be in the car if we want to actually drive anywhere." She teased and re-wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist.

Clarke smiled. "I wanted to ask you something." She paused and waited for Lexa to give her the green light. "I'd like to go on a date with you. It's not too late, we can go right now." She looked almost bashfully at the girl before her.

The brunette didn't fight the pull of her lips as she nodded eagerly. "I'd like that. Where would you like to go?"

"We can go to our diner." She shrugged, hoping the casual setting was not a turn-off for her brunette.

Sparing her a feigned pensive look Lexa nodded in response. "That's perfect for tonight. Tomorrow, though, I'm taking you to my favorite spot in all of L.A."

"Tomorrow? We'll see how the first date goes." Clarke teased with a playful smile.

"Please." Lexa retorted smugly. "This is me you're going out with."

"Alright, Ms. Silva, we'll see." She chuckled before leaning in to kiss her again. "We should go soon before I change my mind, though."

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic-ish Clexa, again. Ugh. I love seeing these two together. They're perfect, am I right? So there goes our first glimpse into Clarke's past and her troubles in Virginia. I have a feeling that's only the tip of the iceberg, though. Lexa seems to have a bit of a past too. I hope our girls can be there for each other. Stay tuned for dates and fluffy stuff.


	15. Little Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the ongoing support. I enjoy reading your thoughts and comments every week. Thank you. Thank you. Here we go! Sappy sap sap. Enjoy. And sorry for any mistakes.

Clarke was nervous, she knew she had no reason to be, but she found herself calming her anxiety by triple checking her makeup in the mirror.

She adjusted the fitted dress over her hips and nodded, pleased with her appearance at last, hoping that her date would appreciate it as well.

There was no doubt in her mind that Lexa would.

The blonde was just about done and ready when she heard a knock echo in her apartment.

Immediately she glanced in the mirror one last time and walked nervously towards the door.

The last time Clarke had been on an actual date had been long before Finn officially asked her to be his girlfriend. A while ago to be precise, which justified her edginess; she defended herself to no one in particular.

When she opened the door she was met with the widest smile she had ever seen plastered on anyone's face. Let alone on Ms. Alexandria Silva herself, who rarely graced the world with her most sincere of smiles. The thought that the brunette could smile like that just for her made a feeling of pride wash over her.

"You look beautiful, Clarke." Lexa finally spoke with her hands behind her back.

Clarke smiled haughtily at her date before she examined the girl's outfit. If looks could kill, Clarke would surely be dead then. It was like the brunette had rummaged around in Bette Porter's closet (Yes, she was familiar with the show, thanks to Raven and Octavia who suggested it, and she admittedly was crushing hard on the female protagonist…but who wasn't), and borrowed her best ensemble.

If Lexa wouldn't have gone through the trouble of calling in favors for the reservations at her favorite restaurant, Clarke would have pulled her in by the beaded necklace that hung over her breasts and towards her bedroom. Regrettably, it had been with quite some difficulty that she had secured the reservations, and Clarke recognized and appreciated that, so she would enjoy their dinner to the fullest.

"You look very…sexy." Clarke smiled back at Lexa with a twinkle in her eye.

They shook their heads and laughed softly at the energy that buzzed between them before Lexa pulled a bouquet of flowers from behind her back. She handed them to Clarke and grinned when the girl accepted them in awe. It was the simple things that always made the blonde smile, and Lexa loved that.

She gave her a few seconds with the tulips before she cleared her throat. "Are you ready to go or should I give you guys some time." Lexa teased.

"Jerk." Clarke rolled her eyes before she smiled. "I'm ready." She closed the door behind her, but brought the bouquet along with her.

Clarke decided against bringing the flowers with her into the restaurant, but she honestly had wanted to. It helped her decide when Lexa laughed as she asked her if they would need an extra seat for her tulips.

"That was mean." Clarke pouted as they were escorted to their table under the large skylight of the main room. The blonde looked up at the darkening sky as she waited for Lexa to respond.

The brunette smirked and pulled out Clarke's chair before she sat down across from her. "I'm sorry. It was just too good to pass up. I won't do it again, I promise." Lexa smiled at the pouty expression her blonde still wore. "Do you forgive me?"

Clarke mulled it over as she looked back up and around the space before she nodded. "Only because this place is gorgeous and my date isn't bad looking either." She winked.

They talked about their friends and the burlesque show over a glass of wine while their food was prepared. Clarke had been pleasantly surprised by the menu, finding both comfort foods and fancy dishes. She had a difficult time choosing between a sophisticated steak dinner and a doughy pizza, but in the end, she had decided on the pizza- one of her favorites, which she was currently engrossed in discussing with Lexa.

"It's the greatest creation on earth. Carbs, cheese, meats, sauce, special sauces…I mean who wouldn't claim pizza as their favorite?" She smiled innocently.

Lexa shook her head. "Me." She nodded along to Clarke's incredulous look. "I like to eat it, but it's not my favorite. I prefer a nice juicy burger. Medium well with everything on it." Her mouth watered as she described her favorite food.

Clarke nodded impressed with her choice but then sighed. "This might not work if we're going to be fighting over which one to order on a lazy Sunday afternoon." She smirked.

The brunette shook her head. "We'll just have to find something we do agree on." She feigned a pensive look before she looked back at the blonde. "Spaghetti, like it or hate it?"

"Like it." Clarke nodded before she thought of her own. "Chinese?"

"Like it." She paused. "Burritos?"

Clarke shrugged. "Don't hate it, but not my favorite."

"Great! Me too." She smiled. "But you do like Mexican food in general, right?"

Clarke nodded. "I love tacos."

Lexa nodded in agreement. "Ice cream?"

"For dinner?" Clarke bunched her eyebrows.

"And breakfast, and lunch." She retorted.

"Yes, yes, and yes."

"See, we agree on most things, we'll compromise on the rest." She argued with a grin.

"You're something else, Alexandria." The blonde smiled before she sipped on her wine.

Lexa smiled wide. "Right back at ya, Griffin."

The staring they had both become very fond off was in full play as they shared smiles across the small square table.

Their food being brought out to them was the only thing that forced them to break out of their cocoon with stifled youthful cackles. It was an amazing feeling for both of them the one that enveloped them every time they were near one another. The sense of wanting to be near was overwhelming, but it was welcomed. And their eyes were like magnets wanting to collide with any part of the other's body, be it with hands, fingers, lips, face, or eyes themselves, the desire to be connected somehow was always there.

They didn't fight it, and they didn't shy away from it.

Instead, they spared long glances in between silent pauses as they consumed their meals and drank their wine.

Most of the dinner however, was filled with conversations that came and went naturally.

Clarke smiled over at the brunette as she finished her last bite of her food and sighed blissfully. "That was the best pizza I have ever tasted, Lexa." The girl smiled and nodded back at her.

"Yeah, this place doesn't get any complaints from me. Everything is good. You should try this pasta next time." She brought a forkful to her mouth and smiled again.

The blonde felt inspirited by Lexa's words. They awakened hope and longing for their next date, something that neither girl was opposed to. If Clarke was being honest, she hoped their dates, and their time together would never come to an end.

It was quite clear to her that Lexa was someone she could see herself with for a long time, but she wouldn't openly admit that, not yet. Especially not since she could feel neither one was entirely healed from their pasts yet.

All too soon their dinner came to an end, and after a brief discussion about how completely lethargic they felt, Lexa suggested they take a walk somewhere.

"I thought we were going for a walk." Clarke almost laughed as Lexa walked towards her car.

She smirked. "Unless you want to walk around these streets with nothing but buildings as our romantic backdrop, we have to drive a couple of minutes to the nearest park." Lexa looked at her with a victorious grin while she opened the passenger door.

"Smart ass." Clarke retorted before she kissed the brunette's cheek as she walked past her and into the car. "But such a gentle lady." She smiled up at her.

"Please, you're making me blush." Lexa teased as she closed the door.

They walked gingerly up the paved path side by side as they took in the darkened sky. There weren't many stars, it was Los Angeles after all, but neither girl cared much as they took in the few that did manage to dot the canvas.

"Ever been anywhere else outside of Los Angeles since you moved out here?" Clarke asked.

Lexa shrugged. "A few places. Obviously I've been up to Seattle with my sister. Northern California, too. I even had a brief stint in San Diego, not the best time of my life, but it wasn't half bad either. The city I mean." She looked down at her feet as they shuffled onward. "Why do you ask?"

The blonde shook her head slowly. "I just wonder what other places have to offer. Not that I'm at all tired with this city, but I'm curious. I think I'd like to travel, you know. When I was having a rough time back in Virginia I often wondered what life would be like in a different place. Anywhere but there, actually." She smiled almost bashfully as she caught Lexa's eyes.

"Maybe your art will let you travel so you can finally satisfy that curious nature of yours." Lexa suggested with a motivating smile.

"Maybe your writing will do that." Clarke shrugged.

"Maybe we can travel together." Lexa nodded with a sly smile. "If neither of us becomes obsessed with the millions we'll be making, I think we can make it work." She teased.

"We'll see." Clarke countered before she laughed softly and looped her arm around Lexa's.

They walked in silence for a while, watching as people walked their dogs in the cooler evening air, and as cars drove down the street. Their footsteps echoed as Clarke's heels moved in sync with Lexa's boots.

Lexa was about to ask Clarke about her art sessions when the blonde gasped and pulled the brunette from her thoughts and into a temporary moment of panic. "What?" What happened?" She looked around at their surroundings.

Clarke missed the girl's apprehensive tone as she almost squealed and moved them towards a part of the park that was dark and only illuminated by a giant blow-up projection screen. "They're playing a movie under the stars, Lexa. Let's go." She pulled excitedly on Lexa's arm.

"Uh, slow down there, Virginia." Lexa stood her ground with the blonde's arm gently in hers. She smiled and shook her head when Clarke turned and ventured a questioning look. "We're not exactly dressed for a night on the lawn." She looked down at their attire, and while Lexa could easily sit given her slacks, Clarke would find it difficult in her dress and heels.

The blonde nodded dejectedly as she realized her date was right. She looked around in search for an alternate option because she really didn't want the night to end anytime soon. When she spotted a place where they could sit, she led them to it and smiled wide. "Looks like they're playing The Breakfast Club." She sat down on the less than comfortable bench and patted the space beside her.

Lexa smiled down at the blonde, amazed as always by the girl's ability to get swept away by something so simple. "Alright, I don't mind spending some time with some of the brat pack." She sat beside Clarke and smiled before kissing the girl's cheek.

Luckily, they had stumbled upon the movie early enough, and the pair was able to enjoy the night under the open sky. Lexa wasn't sure when she did, but eventually her arm wrapped around Clarke's back to pull her in. Clarke recited lines from the movie the entire time as she nestled comfortably into the brunette's side.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa was happy to be back behind the bar, trusting the group fully to keep up the great performances on their own.

There was something about getting the opportunity to interact with her patrons that still had her craving the familiarity of bartending. Even if she did love writing and enjoyed the organized chaos of producing.

Plus, there was a bonus to the absence of a fabric curtain obscuring her from the crowd and vice versa.

Nothing stood between the blonde that currently strode through the door, and her own dancing eyes that sought her out every so often. She admitted she sounded and felt like a sap most of the time now, but she would happily convert to a love-sick fool if it meant she got to hold said girl in her arms and kiss her senseless day in and day out.

Immediately Clarke's blues met hers and they shared similar smirks. The moment was brief however, as the blonde walked towards the upstairs rooms to lock her stuff away for her shift.

A sap indeed.

Lexa shook her head at the thought and decided to work off some of the energy that flooded her body by stacking clean glasses in crates and reorganizing.

"So, are you two getting it on yet?" Lexa jumped out from under the bar at the unexpected break in silence.

"Geesh, Rae." Lexa puffed out as she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Don't do that."

"Your mind must have been in the gutter, Silva." Raven teased.

"My mind was focused on work, if you must know." The bartender argued as she proceeded to move behind the bar organizing the tools of her trade. "Go get dressed and stop asking questions."

Raven eyed her suspiciously before she nodded and hummed. "I'll get it out of ya."

"Bye Rae." Lexa shook her head annoyed as she saw the dancer leave towards the back as well, hoping she wouldn't corner Clarke with a million personal questions.

The show commenced and soon nearly every seat was filled with smiling customers. For a random Tuesday the crowd couldn't have been better. Lexa was pleased with the turnout yet again.

She smiled as she topped off tumblers with chosen poisons and mixed sweet beverages for her regulars. While many would assume she smiled at them and their latest stories, the real reason for her joyous mood suddenly walked up behind her.

Clarke held her usual tray out to the side as she leaned forward to whisper in Lexa's ear. This was not unusual as she often had to move in close to give her orders to the brunette because of the music, but if anyone truly analyzed their bodies they could probably figure out there was more under the surface of their pretense.

She leaned in a little too far, brushing just enough of her chest against Lexa's back, and her lips were close enough to kiss the ear they currently moved over.

It was like playing with fire, but neither one minded the burning of the flame as they smiled under hooded eyes.

"I want to kiss you so badly." Clarke grinned as she pretended to place and order.

The brunette held back the shiver and laugh that rumbled throughout her insides as she nodded in agreement. She didn't miss a beat as she continued to make drinks, though her hands did require extra concentration to keep steady. "I can get one of the girls to cover. Meet me around back in five minutes." She supplied. "Now, did you need any actual drinks, Virginia?" She teased much like she always did.

Clarke nodded her head with a small eye roll. "Two whiskeys, neat. One Long Island and three Bud Lights." Both girls cringed jokingly at the mention of the beer and chuckled.

"You got it." Lexa lined up the tumblers before she got to work on the order. "Five minutes." She repeated as she placed the drinks on Clarke's outstretched tray. The blonde nodded with a sultry smirk.

Both girls worked anxiously for what seemed was the longest five minutes of their entire lives.

Clarke escaped the busy floor first, letting one of the other waiters know she was going to take a small break. The guy nodded without a second thought as he continued to retrieve empty glasses from people that still cheered the performers on.

Lexa waited a minute before she called one of the waitresses for backup. She claimed she was headed out for a breath of fresh air and the girl nodded, excited to move behind the counter for a change.

When she opened the door that led to the alleyway, she expected Clarke to be in the shadows, but not a second later she found herself being pulled away from the opening, the door effectively closing beside her as she was pinned against the wall. "Excited to see me?" She grinned at the blonde who looked at her with eager anticipation.

"Maybe." Clarke retorted as she used her hips to hold the girl in place while her fingers threaded through brown waves. "Aren't you excited to see me?" She asked with a playful bat of her eyelashes.

"Very." Lexa nodded before she dug her fingers tips into the girl's hips to pull her impossibly closer. Their lips crashed in a sudden fury. Moans escaped happily from their mouths as they rejoiced in the feeling of their kisses. Exploring tongues dueled before they tired and gave way to the gentle caressing of lips on lips instead.

"Wow." Clarke breathed out in a rare moment between deep kisses.

Lexa simply smiled against the blonde's lips that readied for more, but didn't continue with as much fervor. She allowed them time to breathe as much as they pecked and moved over each other's mouths. "I had been waiting all day for that." The brunette finally admitted.

"I know. Can you come over tonight?" Clarke asked as she kissed the girl again before moving to her neck, her fingers still holding onto the waves of Lexa's hair and pushing them back for better access.

It took the girl a second to answer as she bit back the moan that threatened to escape in response to Clarke's hungry mouth. "Yes." She paused to swallow before she continued. "But I have to leave early. I scheduled a call with the publishing company. They owe me an answer." She sighed as the blonde moved further away from her pulse point and towards her clavicle.

"Did you just growl?" The blonde questioned against soft skin with a satisfied grin.

Lexa shook her head with a hint of irritation because without a doubt she had just let out something resembling a growl, and she didn't want to admit it.

She allowed her hands to roam up and down Clarke's back as the girl kissed her way across her neck and collar for a minute longer. But when there was too much energy radiating from her toes to her head, Lexa pushed the blonde away gently and spun her around to press her into the wall. "Just kiss me." She almost begged before their lips collided again.

They sighed and smiled into their ardent kisses, knowing that they were becoming extremely proficient at the art of making out.

"We should go back in." Clarke breathed out but her body screamed otherwise as she tightened her grip on the brunette.

"You first." Lexa replied, her lips never slowing as they caressed Clarke's.

They both whined silently because neither one wanted to stop to go back in. So, they continued to move into each other and swallow each other's moans.

"Lexa the bar needs you…" Lincoln's voice registered too late for their bodies to move away. "Whoa…" He stammered as he felt the sudden urge to retreat back into the building and away from the moment he had so obviously interrupted. "Back." He finished with an apologetic smile as the two girls looked at him in surprise, their hands still on each other.

"Um…" Clarke started as she looked between Lincoln and the girl in her arms.

"I'll be right in, Linc." Lexa exhaled and smiled at him. "This stays here for now. Please." She smiled again at his honest nod.

"See you guys in there." He voiced with a big smile in place before he walked back inside.

Clarke groaned as she exhaled to calm her racing heart. "Back to work." She finally mouthed before wrapping her fingers around Lexa's chin. The brunette nodded slowly before she smiled and moved in to kiss the girl slowly.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Those two give me a toothache. That date seemed super sweet and cute. And...now I want some pizza...or a burger. Anyway, I think these two are falling hard. Making out at work, oh yeah, they've got it bad. Lets see what more is in store for our Clexa duo. I'm excited!


	16. From the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well look at you lucky lucky people. You guys get to read the next chapter a day early. I'll be out of town for the next few days with limited access to the internet, and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. Thank you for the ongoing support and likes and favorites. You guys are awesome. Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Oh, just in case, centered italics are memories or flashbacks. Cool? Cool.

Lexa sat across one of her best friends as they ate breakfast.

It had been too long since she had met up with Lincoln to talk. The last time they so much as had a beer, they were working in his apartment to come up with the music for the burlesque show she had written.

She missed his honest talks and sagacious advice. He wasn't much older than her, but she always felt he was wise beyond his years. Plus, she felt she needed to explain what he saw the other night and update him on her relationship with Clarke. A lot had clearly changed since she pined openly for the blonde over some beers on his futon.

They each drank their coffee and bit into their fluffy pancakes before Lincoln smiled knowingly at the brunette.

"Alright. Alright." Lexa smiled back and rolled her eyes.

Lincoln raised his hand to stop her. "No details, please. But clearly you two have gotten…closer." He teased.

Lexa could do nothing more but return the grin with a slight nod. When she finished the forkful of pancakes she looked at him earnestly. "It's still very new, and we haven't really labeled it, but we both agreed we feel something, we like to spend time together, and yes there is the occasional sleepover." She smiled into the mug of coffee she brought up to her lips.

Her friend responded with an impressed nod. "Good for you, Lex. I know it's been a while since you've gotten close to anyone, but it seems like the right girl came along to get you back into the game."

The brunette nodded. "Yeah." She looked off into space as she realized he was right. No one she had come across since Costia's death had ever been successful in breaking down her walls. She had expertly erected those cinderblocks around her heart and fortified them throughout the years. So much so that her lovers never even so much as dented them. Until, Clarke did exactly that and more. "It's kind of scary that Clarke was able to do that so quickly." She continued and glanced back at him. "But I think I'm done with questioning whether I deserve to be happy again. Or questioning whether I want to live in fear of loss again." Lexa shook her head. "I'm done with that."

Lincoln took another sip of his coffee before he nodded sympathetically at her. "Good for you. You deserve to be happy again. You're a great person, Lex."

Lexa smiled and audibly expressed her appreciation with an 'aww'. "Thanks, Linc. You're sweet. I love you, you know that right?" She nodded at him and was happy to see he returned the sentiment.

"So have you talked to Clarke about Cos?" He inquired albeit carefully.

The girl shook her head with a lugubrious frown. "She kind of knows, but I wasn't ready to tell her about it. I will though."

"Good." He nodded in agreement.

"So how about you and Octavia?" She grinned and continued to dig into her breakfast. "I saw you two getting chummy on the dance floor at the Tassels party. Any…progress?" She shrugged innocently.

Lincoln smiled.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

_Clarke had been eyeing the boy in her art class for some time, but every time she felt the courage to approach him, she suddenly remembered who she was. She was his opposite in every way, in every wrong way. He was confident and outgoing while she was quiet and reserved. He liked to drink in his friends' basements, and Clarke had yet to actually taste alcohol._

_Still, there was something inside of the blonde that always forced her to look in his direction. She wasn't sure if it was so much her as it was him. Maybe he had some sort of control over her. Whether he knew it or not, that was something that Clarke was anxious to find out._

_"Why don't you just go and sit with him at lunch?" Ontari whispered sideways as they feigned working on their easels._

_"Yeah, I hear he broke up with his girlfriend a month ago." Zoe added in as she joined the conversation._

_Both girls knew of Clarke's crush on the boy, and had encouraged her day in and day out to speak up._

_"Right." Clarke huffed as she smudged some charcoal on the paper, not entirely happy with her work. "You guys know Fox's reputation." Both girls rolled their eyes. "I heard she almost fought Luna when she thought she was flirting with him last year." Clarke shook her head. "I'm not into that kind of drama. I'd rather keep my distance than fight over a boy." She deadpanned and tried again at adding her details to the piece._

_While Clarke was right, she couldn't help but feel that maybe he would be worth it. She really wanted him to be worth it. Because being her second crush, and oh what a crush it was, was not enough. Clarke wanted him to be more. Her first real boyfriend, and not just the kind of boyfriend you have in fifth grade that you claim is yours but never so much as hold hands._

_There was a small sigh from her left. "Alright, Clarke. But if you don't say something to him, you'll never know if he likes you back." Zoe concluded before returning back to her own work. Ontari nodded in agreement at the blonde._

_The conversation left Clarke to ponder her options the entire day at school. It wasn't until two days later that she decided she would at the very least strike up a conversation with the boy._

_And she wasn't disappointed._

_"Nice work yesterday. You're really good." Clarke praised the boy as nonchalantly as she could to avoid setting off dweeb alarms for all to hear._

_The boy's baby blues looked up from his binder where he scribbled the homework assignment that was on the board. He smiled up at Clarke and his eyes closed slightly, almost devilishly and arrogantly with pride. "Thanks. I've seen your work too. You're the charcoal fan."_

_Clarke nearly collapsed into a pile of mush as she realized he knew who she was. She swallowed discreetly before nodding. "I do. It was my first love really."_

_The boy smiled and shook his head. "First loves are hard to get over. You think you can before the end of the semester when we're forced to dip our brushes into some water color?"_

_The blonde nearly laughed at the innuendo. What did he know about first loves? What did any of them? They were all barely high schoolers. She smiled nonetheless and shrugged. "We'll see I guess."_

_"Yeah." The boy replied, never moving his eyes from hers. "Maybe we should partner up. I'm good with water colors, you're good with charcoal. We can learn a few things from each other." He suggested smugly and playfully all at once._

_"Sure." Clarke nodded calmly, but could feel the pace at which her heart raced. "I'll jot down my number for you. I'm Clarke." She waited for him to hand her the pen and immediately took to writing her information on his notebook._

_"I'll text you so you can save mine. Roan." He smiled wide before their art teacher walked in to address the class._

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke sat across from Frankie's desk with an awkward smile. The woman was an artistic genius, and despite her easy-going nature, she still intimidated the younger girl.

She had barely stepped foot into The Ark when not a minute later Frankie requested she meet in her office. That fact alone made her nervous, unsure about what the topic of conversation would be.

"Ease up, darling." Frankie laughed. "This isn't the principal's office." She smiled.

Clarke nodded with a sigh. "Sorry. It just caught me off guard that you wanted to see me."

Frankie nodded in understanding, but quickly added a wave of her hand to denote it was nothing bad. "You being in here is a good thing." She paused and waited for the blonde to relax. "I got a call from Mr. Harwood, one of the top gallery owners in the state."

"I've met him." Clarke nodded remembering the conversations she held with the small group at the Tassels party.

Frankie nodded. "Yes. He did mention where he saw your work. The portraits you did of your friends were very popular among the group of curators. I'm sorry I missed it myself, I would have loved to set eyes on them in person." She smiled at the blonde. "Anyway, Mr. Harwood asked if you had an interest in working on some pieces or submitting already finished ones for his upcoming event."

Clarke felt the nervous energy course through her at the thought of displaying her work for a larger more adept audience. She smiled at the woman before swallowing the lump in her throat. It was a conversation that was in her mind, long overdue. She needed to hear some constructive criticism from someone far more knowledgeable than herself. "Actually, I've been meaning to discuss something with you."

Frankie sat back in her chair and signaled for Clarke to proceed.

"It's only been a few months, but I feel you've seen some of my best and worst work already. Do you believe I'm ready for something as big as being included in Mr. Harwood's gallery?" Her laced fingers fidgeted as she waited anxiously for honest feedback.

The older woman smiled sympathetically at her pupil. "Darling, no one is ever truly ready for any sort of life-altering event. Life is about taking risks and going for what seems unattainable. The reward of wisdom is worth whatever possible consequences arise from taking the leap." She smiled, and Clarke was forced to swallow another lump of emotions. Her words hit so close to home. "That being said, Clarke, I believe your work is some of the best I have seen in a long time. It is honest and heartfelt, because it comes from within you. It's not forced, and that' something that doesn't always come naturally in the business."

Clarke couldn't fight the smile that peeked out from her tightly sealed lips. Her throat still thick with emotion, but she managed a short nod. "I appreciate that."

Frankie stood and walked around the desk to lean against the front. Her eyes were soft and encouraging as they looked into Clarke's still apprehensive ones. "I'm not saying there isn't room for improvement," she smiled, "but I think that you should definitely submit some work to Mr. Harwood." She leaned forward with her hands on her knees to look more closely at the blonde. "Perhaps paint something now. I see a lot of emotions and turmoil still inside that need to be expressed. You've seemed much happier and collected lately, but today especially I sense uneasiness. Use that, paint it, and let it take you on your journey." The woman finished with another smile.

The blonde understood and took in her guide's words, but she sensed it all to be easier said than done. She nodded up at the woman and smiled. "Thank you, Frankie."

"Oh, don't thank me yet, child, you have a long road ahead of you." Frankie mouthed with a sage grin and stood to move back behind her desk. "Good luck, sweetie."

Three hours later, after having stepped out of Frankie's office with an equal mix of determination and dread, she could not muster a single ounce of motivation. Her hand held tightly onto the charcoal that itched to scratch the surface of her canvas.

In the recent days she had been thinking a lot about her past. Her conversation with Lexa about her father had opened up a can of worms she had successfully sealed and stored away. Since then, random thoughts would come to mind, and the visions would play behind her eyes as she stared at nothing in particular.

She imagined it was exactly that which kept her from materializing any of her skills into actual motor movements, to even dot the blank easel before her.

There was nothing she wanted more at that moment than to escape the confines of The Ark to get a breath of fresh air. So she did.

_Clarke: Hey, D.C., are you busy?_

The blonde waited a few minutes for a response before she decided she was going to get going anyway. She was pleased to hear the beeping from her phone as she locked up her materials and gathered her satchel on her way out.

_Lexa (because she had since decided that 'Alexandria' was far too formal): Clarke from Virginia. ;* I'm just about to finish up. I had a small moment of inspiration so I picked up the laptop and started writing._

_Clarke: Are you sure?_

_Lexa: That I'm done? Yes, I'm sure. What's up?_

_Clarke: I need a milkshake and some fries. Care for some?_

_Lexa: With you? Always. Meet you at the diner._

Clarke was grateful that Lexa had agreed to meet her at their favorite spot without questions asked. She knew she needed to get out of her head for a while, and memories were urging to be set free, but she didn't want to talk yet. She simply wanted to be in existence with the one person that always made her feel at ease.

They had sat beside each other in their booth. Clarke could remember their first date when they instinctively gravitated towards one bench as opposed to sitting across the table. It was new and it came with its rewards.

Feeling the brunette brush up beside her, and having the liberty to squeeze her knee with her hand when she needed to feel more connected, that was worth the limited space.

So, they shared the basket of fries and onion rings they enjoyed so much and finished their milkshakes while making small talk about everything and nothing in particular. Simply being content with being with one another.

When they walked out they had done so with laced fingers and arms, but separated reluctantly to drive their individual cars to Lexa's apartment upon her suggestion.

Lexa knew Clarke needed her presence, and she was more than willing to be there for her.

Clarke knew she needed Lexa's company, and she was more than willing to accept it from her.

Sometime later, Clarke lay awake and enveloped by Lexa's warmth. They had melted into each other as soon as the door to her place had been pushed open. Neither one willing to part as they made their way expertly entangled towards Lexa's bedroom.

Clothes had fallen onto the plush rug, and hands had kneaded away the tension of the day as lips revered flesh.

They had moved together until their bodies were exhausted and satiated, succumbing to sleep not too long after.

Clarke released a content and relaxed sigh as she hugged Lexa's arms around her more securely before turning carefully in place to kiss the brunette's cheek.

She extricated herself, careful not to rouse the girl from her sleep. Not only did she need the quiet moment for her sudden moment of creativeness, but a sleeping Lexa was quickly becoming one of her favorites.

Clarke needed to preserve the slumbering beauty with charcoal before she stirred.

Luckily she left basic art supplies the last time she spent the night, and after quickly but quietly moving around to drape a shirt over her naked body, she grabbed her tools and sat on the bed to commence her work.

The blonde sketched, and outlined the heavenly figure before her with great care, and when she began to refine the piece, her attention to detail was impeccable. She furrowed her brows and bit her tongue in concentration as she moved her charcoal over the paper and used her finger tips to shade for contrast.

"Look who's staring now." Lexa mouthed halfway into her pillow as she remained on her stomach with her arm under what had been Clarke's pillow.

Her sleep-drenched voice caused the blonde's face to break out in a small and appreciative smile. "It's for class, now hush." She smiled down at the paper, stealing glances over the top of it when she felt the brunette had dozed off again.

"That's worse. At least when I stare it's because I admire your beauty. You're doing it to exploit me for my good looks." She nodded into the pillow absentmindedly. They were both quiet for a few minutes before she finally yawned the sleep away and opened her eyes. "Can I see?"

Clarke continued to work away as she shook her head softly.

"Please?" Lexa whined and finally turned over in place, the sheet not fully covering her breasts.

"Fine." Clarke sighed in defeat as she moved to lie beside the girl. She held the workbook at arm's length so both of them could look at the piece. "I'm not done." She defended what she felt was an incomplete portrait.

"Come on." Lexa reached out to touch the lines. "It's finished. You made me look like a goddess." She grinned. "Thank you." She moved her face towards the blonde's before connecting their lips.

"Thank you." Clarke whispered in between pecks. "I had a rough time in class today, all I wanted was to see you, and then all I needed was to draw you." She admitted somewhat shyly.

Lexa nodded, knowing as much, sensing the blonde's distress even through a series of texts. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I do." Clarke nodded, but clearly hesitated moving forward with her words.

"Ok." Lexa sighed and turned on her side to face the girl. She rested on her elbow with her head in her palm to look fully at her. "Her name was Costia." Lexa took the plunge. It was only a matter of time before she felt the need to share her story with Clarke, and if doing it allowed the blonde to feel comfortable opening up, she would gladly do it.

The blonde turned her head to face Lexa and listened attentively, grateful that the girl was about to share her own past with her.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first things first, do you guys think Lincoln and Octavia already hooked up? Or are they still dancing around each other? Also, how mad/happy/surprised/shocked are you guys that fetus Roan is an old high school crush of Clarke's? I had to. It's going to work well for this story. I hope. And things are looking up for Clarke professionally, but can she shake those demons to fully capitalize on her opportunities? Sweet sweet Lexa, I have a feeling they're going to help each other through a lot.


	17. If Only For a Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little later in the day than I would like, but here is the next installment. Beware, things get heavy and emotional in this chappy. I foresee flashbacks and retelling to take place in this and coming chapters. Anyway, sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy the read, grab a tissue, and see you guys next week!

_"I'm going to L.A., Cos, and I want you to come with me." Lexa caressed the girl's cheeks and looked expectantly down at her. It was a conversation she had been dreading for a while now, but she fought hard against the anxiety and pessimism to express her wishes. "We're approaching the finish line here, and I know I can't stay longer than I have to. Anya is going to help me get settled out there." She paused to lean down and peck the girl's lips. "We can live together. You can study out there. They have some of the best schools for engineering in California." Lexa kept stating her case, hopeful, but feeling the optimism diminish as Costia's silence echoed in her bedroom._

_Lexa waited, her heart ticking like the timer on a bomb that Costia was about to detonate. She could feel it in the girl's touch, she could see it in the girl's eyes, she had made up her mind, and the answer was one that was bound to cut so deep into the both of them that the brunette could hardly lie in place and wait for it._

_So she didn't. Despite the girl's insistent hands and fingers attempting to anchor her in place, Lexa pulled away from Costia's warmth and stood to get dressed. The stinging cold from the late winter air bit at her flushed skin, but she could care less._

_"Lex, please. Stop." Costia finally voiced as she sat up in the bed and held the sheet close to her body. "You're being stubborn. Can you just sit for a minute and hear me out, please?" She urged softly._

_"I think I know what your answer is. You don't have to explain it to me, I get it." Lexa knew she was being irrational, walking away without first talking through it, but the fear and anticipation of losing Costia ignited a fire inside her that burned so bright it hurt to be near the source. Even her eyes stung and threatened to overflow with tears._

_"I want to go, I do. I would love to, but I can't just leave my parents behind, my sister, they all need me here." Costia stated dejectedly as she looked at Lexa's wandering form half-dressed and hard-pressed for open air._

_"I said I get it, Cos." The brunette bit back harsher than she intended before she stopped to look at the girl. "Look, I'm sorry." She sighed as she finished buttoning her jeans. "I know what I'm saying is a lot to take in, and I know it's a big step." She nodded at Costia. "I know it is, but I love you. I want to go out to California to make a name for myself, and I want to do that with you by my side." Lexa exhaled and swallowed the rock in her throat. "I know it sounds harsh, but your family will be alright if you move out with me. Your parents are amazing people and your sister is smarter than both you and me. I know she will become something great someday. Maybe here, maybe not, but their lives are their own. Why are you so afraid to tell them you want to experience your own? Have you even told them you want to become an engineer?"_

_Costia sat in awe, not angry, but shocked by her girlfriend's words as they left her lips. "How long have you been holding that in, Lex?" She sat up straighter as she demanded an honest answer with her brown eyes._

_Lexa stopped fidgeting as she fought the rising bile in her stomach. She looked apologetically at her girlfriend, but knew there was no taking back her thoughts now. "It's been a recurring theme in my worst nightmares." She admitted. "I leave and you stay, because you're loyal to a fault."_

_"Am I?" Costia nodded incredulously at the brunette as she waited for more words to cut into her._

_"You are." Lexa replied but without malice, sympathy coating her words instead. "And I love that about you, but how much longer will you place everyone else's happiness before your own?" The brunette asked, her arms falling at her sides in defeat as they gripped her V-neck._

_Costia stared through the clouded film of unshed tears as she shook her head slowly. Her words lost in a sea of responses and emotions that overwhelmed her._

_"I don't want to force you into anything." Lexa wiped conspicuously at her own tears before she finally rolled the shirt over her chest and stomach. "I love you so much, Cos. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy or for you to resent me for making you leave. If you want to stay, then you stay, but I will never stop trying to make you see that you deserve the world."_

_"And you're it, huh?" Costia retorted, but instantly regretted the words and she shook her head, upset with herself._

_Lexa nodded with more tears fighting the race down her cheeks. "I guess that's what you would think I meant." The brunette shook her head. "Jesus, Costia, I'm not that selfish." Lexa returned as she laced up her shoes, realizing that fighting after a heated sex session did not go hand in hand with a quick escape._

_"I know, I know, I'm sorry." Costia replied as she stood in a hurry with the sheet wrapped around her body. "Don't leave, we're not finished." She pleaded._

_"Maybe not, but if I don't leave now we might be crossing a line we can't uncross." Lexa answered honestly. "I leave the week after graduation." She felt the need to share the information in case the girl changed her mind. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."_

_Costia cried softly as she saw Lexa close the door to her bedroom, leaving her alone with her thoughts and choices._

_They did see each other in school the following day, and they did sit together under their tree to eat lunch, but neither girl spoke about their conversation, and neither one parted ways with their customary kiss._

_Despite the fact that they loved each other, the tension was obstinate, and a month had passed before either one addressed it._

_Lexa walked up to the familiar door before she rang the bell and was met by a smiling face. The woman was quick to hug her before she ushered her in with excited talk about being pleased to see her again._

_"Lexa, honey, it's been almost a month since you've been by. I was beginning to worry." The woman smiled at the brunette. "I'm glad you accepted Costia's dinner invite."_

_"It's been a hectic month. Senior year is not all fun and games, it seems." The girl responded and feigned a light-hearted smile in spite of the growing nervousness that took residence in the pit of her stomach. "But I'm glad Costia invited me over, Nia."_

_They made their way deeper into the house towards the family room before Costia's younger sister strode in with a wide grin. "Look who decides to grace us with their presence." She teased. "Where have you been hiding Lex, Costia's been intolerable."_

_Lexa laughed and shook her head as she sat on the sofa while they waited to start dinner. "I hardly consider planning out my future as going into hiding, Gaia." They smiled at each other. "You'll see for yourself soon enough."_

_A few minutes later, they all sat gathered around the table making small talk and eating. Costia's father would periodically tease the pair about the miracle that was them not being in the same room every day after school for the past month._

_The girls would lock eyes across the table, but neither one would say much, instead alternating to smile up at the man with a shrug. "So, Lexa, Nia tells me that you've been busy mapping out your future. Have you decided on a school yet? Surely some have already accepted you." Rivo commented over his bite of food._

_The anxiety she felt when she first walked in to the house tripled as she mulled over her response. Costia had not mentioned whether she wanted to tell her parents about her plans yet, and she was unsure about how to proceed with the question. She shared an imploring glance with her girlfriend before she swallowed to speak, saddened that Costia had not jumped in to rescue her. "Well, actually…"_

_"She still has time, dad." Costia interjected before Lexa could continue. "We both do." Lexa smiled._

_"Not much time. You guys are a couple of months away from graduating. In fact, you guys have no time at all." Nia added with a motherly tone and a worried glare. "It's good to know you have at least chosen a career." She looked at her daughter._

_Lexa pushed her food around while her foot bounced up and down anxiously under the table. She bit her bottom lip to keep from speaking as she looked warily at Costia. The silence reverberated in the dining room and every person at the table felt a shift in the air._

_A fork clinked on a plate as Gaia cleared her throat. "Yikes. Cut the air with a knife why don't you." She attempted to ease the tension. "Anybody want more sparkling lemonade?" She offered as she made her way to the kitchen._

_Everyone followed her exit with their eyes before the girls and Costia's parents returned to their food, stealing cautious glances at one another. "What's going on, Cos?" Rivo finally asked._

_The girl shrugged as she cut into her chicken breast._

_"I'm not sure I want to be a teacher anymore, that's all." Costia voiced as she looked fixedly at her food._

_"But you've always said you wanted to teach." Nia began. "And with the programs around here you wouldn't have to dorm anywhere. You said you wanted to stay here while you studied." She argued._

_"I know." Costia nodded with understanding. "That had been the plan, but I've been thinking about engineering for a while now, and I can't seem to shake it. Maybe it's my true calling." She defended as she finally looked up at her parents, casually skipping over Lexa's green eyes._

_Her parents looked quietly at her before they nodded simultaneously. "We can't afford a fancy school, sweetie. You know that." Rivo began. "But I will not stop you from becoming what you want to become. If it's what you want, then do it."_

_Nia turned quickly to her husband and glared at him before looking at Costia. "You know I want you to be happy, but make sure that you're doing this for the right reasons."_

_"What are you insinuating?" Costia dropped her fork on her plate, careful not to appear as angry as she felt. "Say what you mean, mom."_

_Nia looked at Lexa who looked up apprehensively. "Lexa, sweetie, you know we love you, but do you have anything to do with this change of heart?"_

_The brunette inhaled and exhaled quietly before she shook her head. She was unsure whether she should be insulted or not, angry or not, but her emotions were definitely at an all-time high. "No." She choked out._

_"Lexa has nothing to do with my intentions, mom. How could you think that?" Costia accused._

_"Alright, let's take a second to calm down." Her father recommended. "Lexa, we meant no disrespect. Clearly emotions are on edge over this development. You can leave the table if you'd like, or you can stay. It's your choice."_

_There was a brief moment where she felt it would be better for all if she excused herself and joined Gaia in the kitchen, but one shared look with Costia had her sitting in place. "I'll stay. And I took no offense." She added._

_Rivo nodded and pushed away his plate to lock his fingers over the table as he gathered his thoughts. "Nia, honey, I know we can't afford to send her to a prestigious school, but we can't hold her back because of that."_

_"There's financial aid." Costia added. "And I could work study wherever I decide to go."_

_Nia listened to her family as she nodded with a small sigh of defeat. "I'm sorry, honey. I overreacted. I'm only surprised that you want all of this when you seemed so adamant about staying nearby until you graduated college. I guess I was looking forward to having you here longer."_

_Costia nodded. "I know. But things change. I love you guys, but I need to learn for myself what it is that I really want to do."_

_Lexa shared a discreet smile with the girl before Nia nodded in agreement. "You're right." She then turned to Lexa. "Last time we spoke about this you were talking about becoming a writer. Is that still the dream?"_

_The brunette looked at Costia for any sign of disapproval, and when all she got was a shrug she responded. "Yes it is. I'm actually moving to Los Angeles this summer to start on that."_

_The admission sent a shockwave around the room and gasps of surprise echoed around them. Gaia rushed in with the bottle of sparkling lemonade in hand and her mouth agape. "Oh dear." Nia looked perplexedly between her daughter and Lexa. "This is an eventful dinner."_

_Gaia rolled her eyes at her mom and got straight to what everyone was thinking. "You're moving?"_

_Lexa nodded. "Yeah, my sister is fully on board with this and has offered to help me out."_

_"Um," Rivo started as he cleared his throat and looked to his daughter, her eyes downcast and her body slack as she pushed her plate away. "Maybe this is a conversation for a later time." He suggested, sensing that his daughter and her girlfriend had yet to iron out the plans with regards to their relationship._

_Lexa looked around the table at the various expressions that inhabited their faces before she nodded. "We have things to figure out, but we'll come up with something."_

_"You are not taking my daughter with you." Nia cut through the silence, her outburst a surprise even to herself as she sat back in the chair with an apologetic shrug at the girls._

_Costia's mouth fell open slightly as her eyes watered. She sensed her mother's reaction long before it came. If she had only given Lexa a hint that she shouldn't say anything yet, perhaps they could have avoided it, but it was done. "Mom, nobody said that I was going." She defended Lexa, not knowing the girl might take her comment the wrong way._

_"Right." Lexa nodded her own eyes red with both frustration and sadness._

_Gaia sat back and witnessed the exchange with a heavy heart. She sighed softly before she gulped the lemonade straight out of the bottle, wishing she was older, and that it was spiked with alcohol._

_"Ok, I think we should all move to the family room for a quick movie so we can clear our minds." Rivo suggested, ever the pacifist._

_"No." Nia declined as she stood with her dishes in hand. "I'm going to clean up. You guys go. Costia, think about what I said." She eyed her daughter cautiously. "Good night, Lexa." The farewell was not altogether cheeky, but its curtness did make the brunette cringe subtly._

_"I'm sorry about that." Rivo commented as he stood to make his way out into the family room. The girls trailed behind him. "We really do not mean to sound disrespectful and clingy. You're like family by now, Lexa. I think everything just came out unexpectedly. She'll come around, and when you two talk about your plans, come to us and we'll figure it out." He nodded gratefully at the brunette before he kissed the top of Costia's head on the way to the sofa._

_The girls stood at the door way while Gaia situated herself on the floor ready to settle down for the movie. Costia took the opportunity to lace her fingers through Lexa's. The brunette looked down at their hands and smiled into brown eyes before she pulled her towards the door. "I think I'm heading out. Good night. Thanks for dinner." Lexa announced before walking out with Costia in tow._

_"I'm so sorry." Costia moved in to the circle of her girlfriend's embrace. "We need to talk about all of this on our own. I still don't know what should happen, but I know I want to be with you." She buried her face in the other girl's neck. "I don't want this to end."_

_"It doesn't have to." Lexa assured her with a tight squeeze. "We'll figure it out, Cos. I promise."_

"Did you guys figure it out, eventually?" Clarke questioned as she moved closer to Lexa's body.

The girl nodded. "Her parents agreed to let Costia come with me." She smiled. "It took a substantial amount of convincing, and Nia was less than pleased, but they preferred to let her go then have her live with the guilt of doing it without their blessing. She enrolled in a community college and I enrolled in Chapman while we both worked to save money. It worked out. It was hectic, but it worked out." Lexa paused as she looked down at the blonde with reddening eyes. "We never knew life was going to go so wrong." Lexa spoke quietly as she ran her fingers gently up and down Clarke's arm. "We didn't know what was wrong for a few weeks, but after it was official, we spent our days tethered to our studio apartment because Costia was in so much pain." Lexa paused as she felt the memories resurface; Clarke trailed her finger tips down the girl's cheek in support. "She never complained, but I saw how raw her knees were from kneeling and emptying her stomach of nothing but bile. The chemo was so hard on her body that it completely ate away at her."

_It wasn't just physically draining; the emotions and stress that came with the disease took a toll on all of them. Nearly every other phone call back home became an argument about what Costia should and shouldn't do. Where she should be treated, and who should be by her side. It brought out an ugliness in all of them that could hardly be taken to heart. Though the hushed voices assigning faults and resentment did sting, eventually apologies were whispered across miles and tears spilled freely unbeknownst to the callers on either sides._

_Lexa and Costia spent a copious amount of time insisting her parents not travel back and forth unless anything happened, but they never listened. Sometimes both visited, sometimes only one flew out, but the lack of their support was never an issue. Even Gaia made appearances whenever school allowed._

_Their company and Lexa's friends from Tassels were the only things that kept both girls smiling and free from negative thoughts._

_Until they were alone and fitful sleep came to abrupt ends with writhing screams of pain and cold sweats._

_Shhh. She always whispered soothingly as she embraced her with great care. "I'm here, Cos, I'm here. It'll pass." Her words were resilient, but her tears carried with them every ounce of pain and weakness she felt._

_It was almost a year to the day since their relocation to Los Angeles that Lexa sat in the doctor's office with Costia snuggled close to her. Her weakened form and frail bones teetered on the edge of combustion from the pain of sitting in such a position. Yet not even the agony could tear her away from the person she loved most in the world._

_"Ms. Rivers, Ms. Silva, thank you for waiting. Your parents elected to sit outside, but if you would like them to come in I can bring them in." Costia shook her head courageously. "Very well, as you know we have been monitoring your levels very closely and often." Both girls nodded. "It is quite evident that none of the remaining procedures have worked." Costia sighed with heavy defeat, but Lexa swallowed the sting of his words to be strong for her girlfriend._

_"So are you saying we are out of options?" Costia murmured._

_The doctor looked at her with compassion and nodded. "However, there are more experimental approaches, but those will carry a heavy toll on your body since you will need to be flown outside of the country to other facilities."_

_"Let's do it. Where do we sign up?" Lexa rejuvenated with hopeful excitement at the possibility of finding something that would bring back her Costia._

_The girl beside her smiled sadly and wrapped her fingers around Lexa's arm to placate her. "Lex, I'm tired."_

_"You can't give up. You don't give up. Cos?" She mumbled with denial and confusion in her green eyes._

_The doctor sensed the discussion that needed to be had and left the room. It took Lexa all of five seconds to invite Costia's parents into the office so she could convince them to side with her with regards to the next course of action. Tempers and emotions flared as choices were weighed and decisions were made. It was one of the worst days they had all share, physically, mentally, and emotionally._

_But it was far from the worst._

Lexa stopped talking as she wiped at her tears. The emotions she felt back then swirled around and reignited the pang of fear and loss within her.

"She died two weeks later." She finished with a far-away look in her eyes.

**TBC...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being "I couldn't with the sadness", I think I'm guilty of a 10 when writing this. It was very difficult to put to words and harder to proofread just because it's a lot of emotions that many of us might relate to. Just know that you have people in your family and all over the world who feel them with you. On another note, it was very nice to get to know more about Lexa's struggle with her past. I can tell why she's been so closed off to people since. Hopefully Clarke can make her feel loved and cared for in the next chapter. Also, Nia, yes Nia, what are your thoughts there, huh?


	18. Surviving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know last chapter was sad. This one will make you a bit mad, but I promise you will feel better by the end of it. Thanks for your continued support, guys! Sorry or any mistakes.

Clarke sniffled beside the brunette as she felt fresh tears making their way down her face. "I'm sorry, Lexa."

The girl nodded gratefully before sucking in a mouthful of air to collect her composure. "It was the hardest thing I have ever been through."

"Well, yeah, and you were very young. You were so strong when you stayed by her side." The blonde commented with a soft caress to Lexa's bicep.

"There was no other option. I wasn't going anywhere, so I had to be strong." She replied. "But after it happened, I had no strength left in me to fight for anything or anyone."

_"Lex, I know you're hurting, but you can't just run away from the pain. Think about what you're leaving behind." Anya urged her sister to calm herself as she saw her move hurriedly from one end of the studio to the next. Her body was on autopilot as she stuffed clothing, shoes, and electronics into a duffle bag._

_Lexa could hardly pay attention to what her only sibling was telling her._

_The routine continued for several minutes before Lexa stopped in the middle of the studio to look around. Endless yet too few memories floated in the apartment, and the brunette could swear Costia's laugh still echoed against the walls. It was no longer comforting to know she had shared the space with such a beautiful soul, the notion now only a curse. One she had to get away from immediately._

_"I'll be back, An. I just need time to process all of this." Lexa mouthed as she picked up her duffle bag._

_Anya shook her head. "I don't think this is a good idea. You'll be alone down there. At least here you'll have your friends, and I can stay longer if you need me." She offered, but her sister shook her head slowly._

_"I can't stay here. I'll call you when I get back. I love you." Lexa shrugged apologetically before she walked towards the door. "Rent is paid for through the rest of the month. You can stay here while you make arrangements to go back to Seattle. I'll let the landlord know I want out of the lease."_

_"Lex…"_

_"Bye, sis."_

"Was that your stint in San Diego?" Clarke knitted her brows in question.

Lexa nodded and sighed. "Five months of moving around the city from motel to motel." She paused. "Every night was an adventure to try and numb myself. Luckily I was never into drugs, but the alcohol got me pretty good. I wasn't an alcoholic, but I liked to drink the strong stuff to drown out the memories faster. I worked under the table at various bars, which is how I learned my skill of bar tending." She smiled softly at the memory. "I met a lot of interesting people, some as messed up as I was and we partied together nightly until all of us ended up asleep in uncomfortable places and positions."

"Any girls?" Clarke asked genuinely curious about Lexa's rebellion against pain.

The brunette nodded again. "A couple. Nothing serious." She continued. "Later I met a tattoo artist, though. She was a free spirit that loved to drink and convince people to let her tattoo them." Clarke nodded, knowing where her story was headed. "The ones on my arm were inked on while she was a quarter into a bottle of Sailor Jerry. We all knew it was a bad idea, but when she talked through what the tattoo meant, and the confidence with which she worked even through inebriation, it nearly made me fall in love." She joked. "I sat through it and couldn't think of a better place to be just then."

There was a small laugh as Clarke traced the lines on the girl's bicep. "So what does it mean?"

"Steph knew I was in San Diego because of a lost love. She had no idea Costia had died, but the tattoo means the same regardless. Each of the heads represents a stage of love. Falling in love, becoming a couple, facing disillusionment, and creating a love that lasts forever. The endless swirls and lines stand for the continuous fight in each stage, succeeding, failing, but never giving up." Lexa finished as she looked over to Clarke who was looking at her rather lovingly.

"That's beautiful, Lexa." She nodded.

"It is." Lexa agreed with a small shrug. "Except I almost forgot and gave up on several occasions. I never wanted anything to do with love or connecting with others beyond friendship after Costia. The memory of losing her kept playing in my mind every time I thought I could finally move forward and open up."

"Have you remembered, then?" Clarke questioned with a heavy heart, suddenly feeling the insecurity creeping up as she listened to the way Lexa spoke. "How to open up, I mean."

Lexa stayed quiet for several moments not because she didn't want to answer, but because she was truly searching herself for what she felt and wanted moving forward. Clarke became increasingly nervous nonetheless. "At the expense of sounding extremely clichéd, you made me remember not to give up." The brunette turned to face her fully.

That was good enough for Clarke. "Right back at ya." Clarke responded before moving in to kiss her brunette deeply.

When they pulled apart they smiled before Lexa continued. "A couple of tattoos and endless therapy sessions with Steph and the liquor later, I decided it was time to face my demons. So, I kissed her goodbye, she smiled sadly and asked if I could see myself staying, and I simply smiled in return before waving goodbye. I know she had fallen for me, but even the tattoo couldn't remind me then. I hated that I left her that way, but I hoped she could understand." She looked embarrassed as she locked eyes with Clarke. The blonde only smiled and caressed her cheek. There was no judgement from her. "Indra was more than generous to let me back into Tassels, although she did make me work hard for it. It's been a couple of years now, and the lessons have been hard-learned, but I'm happy and in a stable place in life. Not to mention, I met this insanely gorgeous blonde with these killer boobs and I think she likes me."

Clarke laughed. "Lucky you." She teased.

"Yes, lucky me." Lexa kissed her again, but before she could press her into the mattress, Clarke pushed softly against her. The brunette looked curiously at her.

"I want to tell you my story before I get so wrapped up in you that I forget to."

"I make you forget your own name, I bet." Lexa smirked.

There was an obvious eye roll before Clarke responded. "Shut up."

Lexa sighed with a hint of frustration as she nodded in acquiescence. "Fine. Fine. But after…"

"Maybe. If you're lucky." The blonde cut her off with a grin.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

_"You guys just hit a rocky patch." Zoe attempted to placate the blonde who currently fidgeted with her brush._

_There was a low snort as the blonde listened to the understatement from her friend Zoe. "I'm telling you, Zoe, he's different now. He used to be so sweet and considerate, and he liked spending time together while we worked on our projects. Now, I can't even get him to come over for that."_

_"But art is your guys' thing. Roan and you are like the unstoppable artistic couple of the century." The girl commented in rebuttal._

_"He just seems distant now. I miss the Roan I fell for. He's a different guy a year and a half later." Clarke finally set her brush to her canvas, but began to bounce her leg anxiously. "He was my first, you know, it means something to me." She whispered to Zoe. "But if he's over it now, I don't know what I'll do."_

_Zoe shook her head dismissively. "Clarke, you don't believe he'd be over you for a second. That boy looks at you like he's crazy about you."_

_"He used to." Clarke deadpanned before she huffed in frustration at the water color painting she hated now._

_"Then talk to him." Zoe suggested calmly. "Maybe he's just going through something and doesn't know how to talk to you about it."_

_"Right." Clarke conceded as she thought up a way to approach her boyfriend with her concerns._

_She slept little that night, but the following day she formulated her plan and hoped for the best._

_Clarke was about to head for the exit after the dismissal bell rang before a lithe body walked in front of her to cut off her path. "Clarke Griffin." The voice sounded too calm and collected._

_"Fox." The blonde greeted not too happily as she looked up at the young girl. "Can I help you with something?" Her question sounded more menacing than she intended, but Fox had proven to be every word that was written about her reputation. Her entire relationship with Roan had come with the drama that followed his ex. She was in constant flings, but that did not deter her from texting and calling Clarke's boyfriend sporadically with one-liners that hinted at flirtatious sexual innuendos. While he insisted they were innocent, and assured Clarke that he didn't care if they weren't, the blonde did have trouble wrapping her mind around the continued communication they held._

_The girl narrowed her eyes at Clarke before she smiled oddly at her. "I don't like you, Clarke. You don't like me. Yet we have one thing in common."_

_"I doubt that." She refuted._

_"We do." Fox insisted with a smile. "We're both girls who fell for the same idiot playboy."_

_Clarke saw red and nearly pushed past the girl before Fox held her in place with a hand on her shoulder. "Roan is cheating on you, Clarke. He's the kind guy who will fall quickly, but will get bored just as fast. He did it with me, and now he's doing it with you."_

_"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked, anger, fear, and anxiety swirling the bile in her stomach._

_"Luna wasn't just my imagination, Clarke. She was an innocent girl, but she flirted with fire, and eventually both of us got burned when Roan got what he wanted." Fox urged the blonde to listen._

_"Roan cheated on you with Luna?" Clarke asked incredulously._

_"Yes." Fox nodded. "Drop his ass, Clarke. He's doing the same thing to you now. He would have come back to me if I didn't tell him our texts were just to spice up my own life." She cautioned._

_"Who? And how do you know?" The blonde finally asked with unshed tears in her eyes._

_"Your friend, the brunette with the crazy glare and stone-cold face." Clarke knew exactly who she was referring to, but a big part of her didn't want to believe it. "Ever wonder why when one is missing from your group, both are? Roan and I were texting a week ago before I teased that he had become a prude. To prove me wrong he sent me a picture of a naked girl's back. I recognized her shoulder tattoo."_

_"I don't believe you." She resigned to responding silently because it was the only thing left to do. In fact she did believe her, because it all made sense. Fox was right, and that killed Clarke._

_"Yes you do. But if you need proof, just confront Roan." Fox responded before she prepared to leave. "Good luck, Griffin."_

_Clarke nodded mindlessly as she felt the girl brush past her. She felt embarrassed, used, and alone as she thought about what Fox had told her. There was still hope in her body that Roan would never do that to her, but the signs were there. She felt it in her heart that what she had been feeling about Roan lately was attributed to his detaching from her and finding someone else. Her own friend._

_Determined yet hurting Clarke drove to her boyfriend's hangout and studio, an abandoned barn that stood…only just….off the road on her way home._

_When she arrived she saw nothing out of the ordinary. His car was parked in the usual spot. The single light in the shed was on, as was customary when they met up to work on art in semi-solitude. It wasn't until she opened the door that the subtle ache in her chest ignited with pain and betrayal._

_"Clarke!" Ontari pushed away from Roan's naked form in a hurry. The boy could barely contain the groan of supposed self-loathing, which Clarke was pretty sure was more likely annoyance at her barging in._

_Her world spun, and the combination of anger and other emotions caused her blood pressure to drop, reducing her vision to a simple tunnel. "How?" She mumbled repeatedly at the two._

_"I'm sorry." Ontari stood with a pillow covering her exposed body. "I'm so sorry, Clarke. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how to."_

_Suddenly Clarke lifted her finger in the air to silence her. "I don't care, Ontari. Some friend you are. You…" She pointed at Roan who attempted to sink further into the couch to avoid her wrath. "How could you? After everything we've done together? What we've seen and created? I can't believe you."_

_He shrugged apologetically. "I'm as passionate about love as I am about art, Clarke. How can you blame me? The heart wants what it wants when it wants. As an artist you can understand." He defended._

_The blonde shook her head with tears streaming down her face. "I loved you. I trusted you. And in return you give me this?"_

_"No. I gave you your own passion. I encouraged you to try different things, awesome things, to better yourself and your love for the art. Others have always ingrained in our minds that nothing beautiful like art can ever become a career, and I helped change that in your mind. You will become someone big because of me." He continued._

_"You're an idiot." Clarke retorted. "I loved art before you came along."_

_"And now?" He asked in challenge._

_"Now, it doesn't matter. You have no right to know what I think or feel anymore." She established, wiping her face with resolve before she pivoted to walk out of the barn._

_"Clarke, I'm sorry."_

_"Fuck off, Ontari."_

_Clarke still loved art, but for years to come, she worked tirelessly to convince herself that it was unnecessary for her happiness. She instead followed in her mother's footsteps, taking classes more related to the sciences and biology as opposed to art._

"Hey you, where were you just now?" Lincoln asked Lexa while she stood with a cleaning rag in hand staring off into the distance.

She was quick to clear her throat and smile at him. "Not where you think I might have been." She warned him and they shared a small laugh. "Clarke and I had a talk. We both kind of aired out a lot of stuff and now we know each other on a deeper level, and I can't help but feel the need to give her more."

"Meaning?" He leaned on the bar.

Lexa pulled a glass out of the dish washer and proceeded to dry it before she continued. "I told her about Costia." Lincoln nodded, happy that she had decided to share that part of her with the blonde. "She was so considerate and didn't judge at all when I told her about my not so unsullied time in San Diego." Her eyes moved towards the blonde that currently talked animatedly with Raven near the stage. "She makes me happy, Linc. It's crazy. I haven't felt like this is a really long time. Maybe ever."

"But?" He waited for it.

"But we both have things that we need to get over." She added with a sad smile.

"Like?"

"My inability to let my heart lead over my head." She deadpanned. "And her inability to trust herself or anyone else." Lincoln looked at her inquiringly. Guessing his question, she continued to explain. "Some recent self-doubt with her art has brought back old memories. Some idiot kid in high school she fell in love with hurt her, and basically told her without him she was no good at her craft." She rolled her eyes with an increasing need to meet the guy and punch his lights out. "He cheated on her with her friend, in a space that was sacred to her because that's where they did their best work. This Roan guy is the reason she decided to quit art and pursue medicine like her mom." Lexa sighed heavily. "She's been through a lot. We both have. And I just think we both need each other to move forward, but we also need to heal on our own. Am I making sense?" She asked with knitted brows as she finished her task and placed her glasses under the counter.

"Yes." Lincoln nodded with a sympathetic smile. "You want to remind her that she's amazing because she simply is. And you want to make her your girlfriend despite the voice in your head that's telling you to be careful." He added the last part in for motivation.

A small grunt escaped her at hearing his deductions. "How are you so smart, Linc?" She smiled.

"Good genes." He laughed. "So, when do you plan to make it official?"

"I don't know, but I have something in mind." She grinned. "Anyway, how are you and O?"

Lincoln laughed. "I'm taking her out today as a matter of fact. First date." He smiled wide.

"Oh, first dates are nice. Where to?"

"Nope, not saying a thing. Don't wanna jinx us."

"Come on," She mouthed more loudly as he walked away. "I tell you everything." She pouted.

"Soon." He smiled with a side glance. "Have a good night at work." He finished before walking away.

The commotion pulled Clarke's attention towards them and she smiled at Lexa from afar.

"I know you're hooking up, Clarke. So tell me already." Raven begged for the umpteenth time.

The blonde smiled at her with a gleam in her eye. "You need a boyfriend, Raven. Seriously, so you can stop trying to live vicariously through me." She laughed at the frowning brunette.

"I hate you, Griffin." The girl replied. "But you're right." Raven nodded solemnly. "I'm gonna go get me one." She grinned at her friend. "Tell Lexa I'm glad you two got your heads out of your asses and are banging now." She whispered before walking up the stairs towards her vanity.

"Damn it, Reyes." Clarke smiled and shook her head.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. These two have been through some things am I right? A little history about Lexa's bicep tattoo(s). I was actually pretty happy with the interpretation. What did you guys think? Roan is such an ass for cheating on our girl. But do you guys think Lexa can and will help her move on? What do you guys think Lexa has planned for Clarke, and how long can they keep it a secret from Raven? Because I think she knows. ;-)


	19. Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cute moments with our girls. Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes.

Bellamy glared at Lincoln across the pool table as they fought to dominate the game. Neither one was particularly sober enough to be good at it, but they both tried hard to one-up each other.

The rest of the group scattered around Polis Billiards as they drank and conversed about current events and even the tension they felt around the two men occupied in a game of drunken pool.

"What do you think that's all about?" Raven asked Lexa, Clarke, and Harper as they sat on stools and drank beer.

Each girl shrugged and shook their head at the question. Lexa lied, she knew it probably had to do with Lincoln and Octavia going out, but she couldn't be certain.

"Bellamy caught us making out." The brunette stunned the small group with her sudden response and appearance. She nodded her head when she saw the surprised looks on Harper's and Raven's faces.

"I knew you two were bound to get together. You're so cute." Clarke replied with a smile.

"I never would have guessed." Lexa added with a grin.

"Liar." Both Octavia and Raven replied in unison before they all shared a small laugh.

They sat around the table with their beer glasses in hand as they decided to watch the game unfold.

Bellamy continued to shoot daggers at Lincoln, but when Lincoln sank yet another winning ball, Octavia's brother groaned and grinned at his friend. "That's like 4-2, now." He stated dejectedly.

Lincoln nodded with pride. "Told you I would win. Now you have to listen." He stated hazily, the beer still lingering in his head. The younger boy shook his head, but Lincoln led him to a cocktail table and served them more beer. "I like Octavia, a lot. What you saw was not me just trying to get in her pants." Bellamy shook his head in disgust before he covered his ears in jest. When he was ready to listen again, Lincoln continued his speech. "I asked her out like a proper gentleman, took her out to a nice dinner and after we just walked the pier. She's special to me, man. Octavia is special to me." He repeated and waited patiently for the girl's brother to respond.

There was a moment of silence between the two, and the girls that observed them from their table waited on the edge of their seats. Octavia smiled at Lincoln when she heard what he had to say, defending his honor and his relationship with her.

After a few minutes, Bellamy nodded. He knew Lincoln, he liked the guy, and more than that he trusted his sister's judgement. If they wanted a relationship, and Octavia chose it to be so, then he would gladly support them as long as his sister was safe and happy. "If you hurt her I will come after you, Linc. That's my baby sister dude, I will protect her against anybody, even you." He looked seriously up at his friend.

The guy nodded with a grin. "I promise to take care of her." That was the only thing Lincoln said before clapping Bellamy on the back. "Another game?"

Octavia smiled widely before making her way over to the pair. She hugged her brother tightly before placing a chaste but sweet kiss on Lincoln's cheek. The brunette stuck around them while they played another round.

Meanwhile Raven, having had enough of the emotional display, began to stare down two particular girls before her.

Clarke was oblivious as she continued to look around the room at her friends, subconsciously rubbing her palm up and down one of Lexa's legs under the table.

Lexa feigned interest in Jasper and Monty's current game, but used her peripherals to study Raven. "Is there something I can help you with, Rae?" She finally broke the silence, but never moved to look directly at the girl.

Harper and Clarke turned to look curiously at Raven.

"What?" Raven asked with a shrug. "I'm minding my own business here drinking my beer."

"Sure." Clarke added with a grin because she knew if Lexa had called her out there had to be a reason.

Harper cleared her throat awkwardly before she pushed Raven with her shoulder. "What's up?" She asked with knitted brows.

"You're as blind as the rest of them." Raven's response caused a confused look to surface on Harper. "These two are hooking up and no one has noticed." She pointed at Clarke and Lexa.

The girls feigned ignorance as they scrunched their noses at each other, then at them, before shrugging innocently.

Harper looked bewildered at the pair. "What? You two? Since when?"

Lexa was the first to end the charade as she shook her head with a grin at her friend. "Damn it, Rae."

"What?" She asked rather loudly. "You thought you could hide it forever?" She smiled proudly. "I would have figured it out every single time. You know me and my observational skills."

"I know you're nosy." Lexa nodded in response.

"You love me despite my flaws." Raven countered.

"We do." Clarke added.

Harper smiled. "So, are you?" She questioned the pair again.

The girls nodded simultaneously.

"And you're like girlfriends?" Raven questioned curiously.

Lexa rolled her eyes. She had a feeling the question would come up, but she had no clear cut answer for that just yet, and she feared hurting the blonde if she replied with a curt no. So she avoided having to give any response at all until she had the chance to figure it out with Clarke. "No details, no specifics, that's it."

Clarke laughed at the brunette's stern look and pointed finger before leaning in to her. "Happy now, Rae?" She added. "I know you've been dying to say something."

The brunette only nodded.

"Found that boyfriend yet?" Clarke asked.

"Suck it." Raven replied.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa ended her call, finalizing her plans for the evening, just as Clarke walked back into the room.

The blonde handed her a glass of wine before sitting beside her on the bed.

They smiled at each other after sipping on the red liquid. "So, where are we headed tonight, Ms. Silva?" Clarke asked as she nestled closer to the brunette.

"I've got an idea." She replied with a smile. "But I need to go home so we can get all spiffy."

A small pout formed on Clarke's face before the brunette leaned over to kiss her softly. "If I don't leave you'll ruin my plans." She teased.

"Fine." Clarke nodded.

When they arrived to the shopping center, Clarke was confused. She knew the late hour meant the shops would be closed, so she wondered why Lexa was driving towards the parking structure.

They were the only car in the building, and the security guards patrolling the area nearly made their way towards them before their radios crackled to life and they walked away.

Clarke began to feel uneasy with the situation and she made it obvious to her date. "Lexa, what are we doing here? It's late and the stores are all closed. Security is going to kick us out." She eyed the patrol car as it drove down and away from their level.

Lexa smiled wide before taking Clarke's hand in hers and leading them towards the escalators. "Relax, we're fine. Besides, what's wrong with a little breaking and entering?" She teased and laughed at Clarke's glare. "Will you just trust me and walk with me, please?"

The blonde held onto the girl's hand as they walked through the dimly-lit stores that were indeed closed for the night. The only sources of light hung on strings from building to building. "Lexa…"

"Shhh. You'll attract attention and they'll come for us." She teased, but Clarke took it seriously as she looked around for the security guards in precaution. "I'm kidding. Come on." She led them to the only building that was more lit than the others.

"Barnes and Noble?" Clarke asked with knitted brows and a hint of disenchantment in her voice.

Lexa smiled before she opened the doors to the building. Stepping inside she took a whiff of the familiar smell. The pages in books with a hint of coffee beans. She quickly took her blonde's hand and led her up the escalators, taking gratification in the impressed look on the girl's face. "I have friends in high places." She joked. "Literally."

When they opened the door that seemingly led to nowhere, they were greeted by more string lights and the open air. In the middle of the rooftop was a table set for two. Small candles flickered in the breeze as they took residence in the center.

Just a few feet from the table were two easels separated by a small table housing essential paints, charcoal, and brushes.

Clarke was amazed, and her voice could not convey her gratitude at the sentiment.

"Ms. Silva, Ms. Griffin, your dinner will come out soon, please make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the wine." The voice broke through the blonde's haze as she blinked back tears (because she really was a romantic fool who cried for everything).

Lexa nodded in acknowledgement before leading Clarke to the table. "Thank you, Elona." She winked at her friend and the girl gave her two thumbs up behind the blonde's back to signal her approval of the entire situation.

A small sound escaped Clarke's mouth as she shook her head and smiled at the brunette sitting across from her. "You are such a romantic, Alexandria Silva." She smiled. "You make it hard to compete. Can't really out-do you in this department can I?"

The brunette huffed out a small laugh as she shrugged. "No shame in trying."

"Noted." Clarke nodded. "How did you get Elona to do this for us?" She whispered and leaned forward out of reflex.

"She's got friends in high places, too." Lexa answered with a grin. "Elona works here at Barnes and Noble part-time. She's close with the manager and luckily the manager isn't a jerk. As long as nothing goes missing and we clean up and lock up, she's alright with us being here."

"So she's a romantic, too." Clarke joked.

"Must be." Lexa shrugged.

"Well thank you, I'm touched." Just then Elona walked out with a gentleman carrying their dinner plates.

The smell of Italian cuisine hit their nostrils and caused a subtle rumble of stomachs. "Thank you, Geoff." Lexa dipped her head at the young man as he set her plate in front of her. "This looks as delicious as always." She added.

"My pleasure. Enjoy." He bowed his head politely before retreating with Elona who had also presented Clarke with her meal.

They waited for the pair to disappear before looking back at each other with small smiles in place.

"You know him, too?" Clarke inquired before cutting the pasta squares with her fork. Her mouth watered with anticipation.

Lexa nodded as she took a sip of her wine. "He's Elona's brother. Works at Little Italy and is slated to become the sous chef." She shared.

Clarke closed her eyes as she savored the tasty pasta. "I can see why." Clarke added with a satisfied moan. "This ravioli is amazing."

They ate and held conversations about their goals for the near future in each of their fields, and eventually moved on to the topic of Lincoln and Octavia.

Neither girl was surprised. They each had caught the pair's long stares and awkward mumbles whenever they were near each other. At first, they thought it was just a temporary situation and some heavy crushing, but it quickly became obvious that what Octavia and Lincoln felt was more than just lust.

"I think they're cute together." Clarke continued on with the discussion.

Lexa hummed in agreement. She loved Lincoln like a brother, and she was more than willing to support him if he was happy with Octavia. "Octavia is a great person. And Lincoln is one of my favorite people in the world. They're bound to make a cute pairing." She smiled and continued to eat.

"Am I one of your favorite people?" Clarke asked suggestively.

The brunette chuckled and nodded. "If you weren't, do you think I would have brought you here tonight?" She challenged jokingly.

They shared a small laugh when Clarke shook her head shyly. She felt the sudden need to kiss Lexa, but held back until a table adorned with candles was not sitting between them.

After dinner, Elona helped clear out the table while Lexa moved towards the easels with more wine in their glasses.

Clarke admitted she was curious as to what was to happen next, but she trusted Lexa would tell her in time.

And she was right, because after another short conversation they shared while they slowly enjoyed their wine, she explained what she envisioned.

"We're going to draw, paint, and or however we can artistically visualize what we want most right now." Lexa commented.

The blonde knitted her brows in question. That was clear cut for the most part, except she still needed more information. "Right now in this moment? Or right now in the near future?"

"Right now in this moment." The brunette suggested.

"Material or otherwise?"

Lexa laughed softly then. "This is harder than I thought it would be." She joked. "Either one, Clarke. You choose. The only rule is we can't see what each other is working on until we are both finished."

When she was satisfied and clear on her instructions, the artist smiled in challenge and rubbed her hands together. "Alright let's do this." She grinned before moving to the small table and collecting her tools.

They worked unhurriedly on their pieces as soft instrumental music played from inside the bookstore. Lexa made a note to thank Elona for all of the help and small touches. Eventually, when both of their wrists tired, they dabbed each other with paint, trying their best not to look at each other's canvas while they engaged in their paint fight.

Clarke laughed when Lexa aimed a clean but wet brush at her cheek, missing and instead giving her a 'wet-willy' with the bristles. "Lexaaaa." She whined. "That's gross." She wiped at her ear with a playful pout.

"You like it when I do that in bed." Lexa shrugged with a cocky grin.

The blonde shook her head adamantly. "Oh, not as much as you do. I'm not the one with the ear thing remember." She laughed when it was the other girl's turn to pout.

They continued their small battle, but decided it was best to continue painting the papers and not their dressy clothes.

It was an hour later that Lexa sighed in satisfaction. Her piece was complete; she just hoped that it was as good as she believed it was.

"I'm almost done." Clarke mouthed while placing the finishing touches on her canvas.

Lexa, still trying hard not to look, replied, "No rush."

So she didn't rush, and fifteen minutes later, they had both completed their task and sat at the table with more wine. "Any explanation before we reveal?" Lexa asked curiously.

The girl across from her shook her head. "I think it will speak for itself." She smiled. "Yours?"

"Same."

They agreed to stand and walk over to the paintings at the same time. When they each examined the art before them, they were so mesmerized that they forgot their own work. It gave them no time to ponder or worry about criticism.

Though, in reality, criticism was not likely to be negative that evening.

Clarke's painting was a close up of lips locking onto each other. The tip of one tongue was just barely visible past the plump flesh of a mouth. There was no wasted space on the canvas, and therefore, no need for a backdrop or color. The mouths occupied the entire work space beautifully.

The writer was not an artist like Clarke, but her painting was great in its own way. The backdrop was a deep green with spots of even darker shades of the color. She had taken the time to outline with charcoal letters she would later fill in with red. It was simple, but it was also heartfelt and got straight to the point.

"Clarke, I don't know if I'm in love or in lust with this painting." The brunette admitted with a small grin. "It's hot, but beautiful at the same time." She added.

Clarke cleared her throat a few times before she talked. "You're a writer in deed. You've got a way with words." She smiled a watery one.

Lexa remembered what she had done, and suddenly the anxiety churned inside her stomach as she went on full alert. Her heart thundered as she waited for the girl to continue. She faced her and felt hope rise as her shaky hands were taken into soft ones. "You don't have to answer that right now if you need time to think." She offered unevenly.

Letting out a soft sigh and smiling softly at her, Clarke shook her head. "I don't need to think about it. Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." She beamed at her before she pulled her girlfriend in for that kiss she had been craving.

Her girlfriend. Lexa was her girlfriend. She was Lexa's girlfriend.

After everything Lexa had gone through, and after all of the heartache she had faced herself, they believed in each other enough to give their relationship a chance.

They were both equally as willing to fight through the insecurities they harbored about themselves, for each other.

Clarke couldn't be happier and she held firmly onto Lexa's face to show it. Her lips were eager and hungry for the brunette's warmth and sounds of approval.

They kissed deeply and soft moans of happy pleasure escaped into the night.

"By the way, I think that painting is definitely one you want to send to Mr. Harwood." Lexa spoke against the girl's lips.

A small smile had their teeth nearly clashing before Clarke responded. "I think I will, after all, my best work is about art imitating life." She kissed her girlfriend more passionately then.

It didn't take long for them to pack up and close up after that. The hunger inside of them, and the urgency to celebrate their milestone had them rushing out the door, waving and thanking Elona on the way out.

"I'll call you later." Lexa promised her friend as she exited the bookstore. "I'll be back for the paintings in the morning." She added as the girl laughed and shook her head in response.

And as Elona carefully hid the paintings in a storage room so they could dry, she read, the one she assumed belong to Lexa, out loud. A smile widened her cheeks. Her friend was a true sap.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So we have Linctavia happening, and we officially have girlfriends Clexa, so awesome! If anyone can guess the shopping center, I will give them a virtual high five. There might be enough clues to figure it out. Also, who's still wondering what Lexa wrote on her painting? Anybody? No? Ok. I won't say. Ok. Ok. I will. Her painting read: 'Fate: 270 miles back East, and we meet 2700 miles out West. Will you be my girlfriend?' Awww. What a sap she is. Just a little trivia: in my mind Arkadia, Virginia is near or where Blacksburg, Virginia is. That means Clexa was really only 270 miles apart when they each lived in their hometowns. And Washington, D.C. is a little under 2700 miles from Los Angeles. So, there you go. Thank you guys for reading! Muah!


	20. Bittersweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing. I find your continued interest in this story a motivation! Keep reading, and I'll keep writing. This chapter is another one geared towards adults. Read at your own risk. Sorry for any mistakes.

_"It's not that we didn't enjoy the stories Ms. Silva, but as a company we are looking for something else. You are very talented indeed, perhaps you can submit something else. We'd be happy to read it." Lexa sighed heavily, moving the smartphone away from her mouth to keep her crestfallen response private._

_No wonder the Maunon Publishing Co. had yet to contact her; they were busy setting her stuff aside to make room for the next writer. It was frustrating and heartbreaking, and she found it difficult to keep her tone even and unaffected. "What is it exactly that you are looking for, if I may ask?"_

_There was a chorus of throats clearing, surely coming from a group of people sat gathered around a conference phone, and that made Lexa more upset. Great. They couldn't have one person reject her; they had to get the whole company in on it._

_"Well, Ms. Silva, frankly we were looking for stuff more relatable." There was a pause. "We enjoy children's short stories, but we have never really published those kinds of works. Our contracts center on early adulthood to midlife stage pieces. Sexy, funny, and relatable to our demographic."_

_Lexa sighed again and shook her head incredulously. "Sex sells." Of course that's where they were headed with the conversation; she should have seen it coming a mile away._

_"It does." Someone replied, and Lexa realized she had said that out loud. "Our readers like to read one of two types of novels, one where they see themselves in the characters, or one where they wish they could be one of the characters." The male voice paused. "We were all children once Ms. Silva, but I doubt any of us in this room would like to relive it all over again."_

_In theory, it made sense, but that did little to comfort Lexa. Besides, people were nostalgic by nature. Who didn't like to be reminded of happier simpler times?_

_"Like we said Ms. Silva, submit another work to us that better fits our model, and we will read it." The female voice came back on. "Take this as a challenge to expand your resume, not as failure. If you can claim to be a writer of several genres, then you will be more successful than the rest of the writers out there."_

_The brunette nodded in regretful concession, taking the words in and digesting them with her mind. "Thank you very much, Ms. Vie." She sighed yet again. "I will consider your suggestion. Mr. Wallace. You all have a lovely day." She concluded the call before swiping the end button rather solemnly._

_There were a few things she had to think about. Especially given the obstacle now currently obstructing the path she had envisioned for herself._

Lexa stood proudly beside her girlfriend with a drink in hand.

It was hard not to smile as Clarke held effortless conversation with the group of artists and investors that currently surrounded them. Many had attended Mr. Harwood's gallery with the hopes of seeing pieces by renowned artists, but most had fallen prey to the unfamiliar ones that greeted them upon entry. They were captivated and curious about their creator, and his or her reputation in the world of art.

The fact that Clarke was, for all intents and purposes 'nobody' in their world, enthralled them more so. Soon, several of the attendees, artists themselves, wanted to know all about the self-taught girl from Virginia.

Because of that, the girls had yet to make their own way further into the building, stuck in place for the past hour or so.

The brunette sipped her whiskey and listened attentively to Clarke's responses and comments. Suddenly, it became apparent to her that her eyes had been glued to the blonde's lips the entire time. Subtly she moved her gaze down to her own feet, giving her time to collect herself before returning her undivided attention to her mesmerizing girlfriend.

"Surely you are pulling my leg when you tell me that you have never attended some prolific art school." A man shook his head before drinking out of his own tumbler of liquor.

Clarke shook her head slowly with a proud smile. "Frankie's institution is the only place where I have been able to really learn and dissect the wrong from the right." She paused. "Before that, my career path was filled with future tiny patients and sleepless nights."

"Ah, a doctor." A woman commented. "I'm sure you still suffer from sleepless nights." She smiled. "I know I do when I have my mind churning up 'the next one'."

The blonde nodded in understanding. In fact she was very familiar with that anxious feeling. It still puzzled her why some of the best and most inspiring ideas came to her at night, before sleep could claim her. It was then that her fingers itched to hold a brush or charcoal the most.

"Sometimes she makes up for it in class." Frankie laughed as she added that in jest and the group laughed. "I only kid, of course. Clarke quickly became one of the top students at The Ark." Her compliment was accepted with a wide smile and subtle nod from the blonde.

They conversed for a while longer before Mr. Harwood interrupted and asked that the guests make their way towards the section of the gallery that had been set up for dinner.

Clarke and Lexa walked hand in hand towards their seats, smiling from ear to ear at the occasion.

"I knew you'd have paintings hanging in a gallery sooner or later." The man's voice stopped both girls in their tracks. Their facial expressions blatant opposites with the feelings his compliment elicited.

"Anthony!" Clarke moved to hug the man in appreciation. His smile was wide as he was happy to see her. "I had no idea you'd be here." She added as she pulled back to stand beside Lexa.

He nodded at the brunette, knowing she was not likely to reciprocate a hug or a handshake.

Lexa's clear disdain for the man was not enough to keep her from being cordial in a place surrounded by so many future potential business connections of Clarke's. So, she extended her hand and shook his firmly while he lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

"Mr. Harwood and my parents go back. He liked your work for the Tassels show, and he can't stop talking about you. He mentioned he had acquired some of your work so I had to come and congratulate you."

"Thank you." Clarke responded. "This is really just to get my name out there. I don't expect Mr. Harwood to place any of my paintings up for auction just yet." The blonde shrugged nonchalantly.

"Someone will want one, Clarke. I'm sure." He replied. "Lexa how's your writing going? Any new plays?"

The brunette flashed him a feigned smile. "It's great, Anthony. Thanks for asking. But no, no new plays. The burlesque show is still doing great, no need to change it up just yet." She paused and Clarke knitted her brows in concern. "Should we go find our seats?" She looked over to Clarke.

Sensing her girlfriend was no longer comfortable with the direction of the discussion, the blonde nodded. "Where are you sitting, Anthony?" She looked back to her friend.

"Far back. Nowhere near where the cool talented people sit." He flashed her a grin.

Lexa fought hard against the urge to roll her eyes and puff in disbelief. "Come find us after. Maybe we can chat some more." She found the resolve deep, very deep inside, to feign interest in talking to him again.

He nodded, oblivious to the brunette's thoughts. "Oh and congrats." He looked to both of them and smiled as they looked at him confused. He simply pointed to their laced hands.

Clarke reddened instantly before she smiled. "Thanks." She replied. "See you." She moved quickly towards their table, towing her girlfriend behind her. "No matter what anyone says, when someone that asked you out and you rejected congratulates you on your current relationship, it gets awkward as hell." She chuckled before kissing Lexa's cheek and sitting down in the chair the girl pulled out for her.

"Well it works wonders for my libido." Lexa whispered in her ear as she pushed her closer to the table. "Of course it could be because I was the lucky one that you said yes to."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke moaned out loud when she felt Lexa's tongue on her. The girl was talented as hell when it came to stimulating waves of pleasure with just one muscle. It was a mind-blowing experience each and every time the brunette went down on her.

She felt her toes curl as Lexa delved into her center and exhaled through her mouth. It was to keep from suffocating, but the inadvertent sensation of her warm breath on the soaked skin made the blonde twist in bliss. Her fingers curled automatically into the sheets as she tried to delay the inevitable.

There was no way she could succeed as Lexa made it her goal to have her orgasm one more time before she allowed her to touch her.

When she came, Lexa exhaled with an accomplished smirk before kissing her way back up the blonde's curvaceous body. "You weren't lying when you said you were turned on earlier." Clarke breathed hard and opened her arms up to her girlfriend so she could cover her fully.

Lexa looked down into those blue eyes she liked so much. The blonde's skin burned onto hers as she still recovered. "I wasn't." She smiled.

Letting a smile grace her features, she began to caress her face. "Allow me to show you what you do to my libido." Clarke whispered before she kissed the brunette deeply.

A sigh escaped them before Lexa spoke with their lips still moving over each other. "Correct me if I'm wrong Virginia, but I believe you just showed me…twice." She wanted to smile into the kiss, but Clarke kissed her harder before hooking her leg around to flip them. That left little room to gloat in victory.

Clarke moved down Lexa's toned body without haste, but her desire to counter the pleasure she felt earlier made her kisses turn from soft caresses to open mouth nips and wet licks down increasingly flushed skin.

"Then," She mouthed over a defined hipbone. "Allow me, to help you, show me, what you do to my libido." She smiled as Lexa writhed due to a nip on her sensitive contours.

Several seconds passed between Lexa's exhale and the next time she gasped for fresh air.

The blonde heard the sharp intake somewhere in the flurry of every other sound emanating from the brunette.

She observed the girl as she licked and nipped at sensitive skin. Carefully she took inventory of every twist of her body, every faint ripple of muscles, and even of the times her knuckles blanched from clenching her fists.

It came as a surprise to Lexa when the blonde covered her sensitive nerves with her mouth as she simultaneously entered her with one determined finger.

The overload of stimulating ministrations made it difficult for the writer to hold back the whimper in her mouth. Not even biting her lip and feeling the teeth sink in stopped a guttural moan of satisfaction.

Sounds escaped both of the girls then. Each one feeling the effect of the other's responses to the touches and explorations.

Clarke felt her center flush with heat at the deep sounds that Lexa allowed to escape her, and she nearly stopped what she was doing to her so she could demand the brunette touch her instead.

Admittedly, she was jealous that her girlfriend's fingers were not inside her, making her squirm in ecstasy like hers were. A brief moment of reasoning made her slow in embarrassment at her thoughts, but she quickly dismissed it-her frustration suddenly becoming the drive and motivation to make Lexa orgasm.

Anything to pleasure her so they could then pleasure each other. It was selfish, and she didn't care just then.

When Lexa yelled with her release, Clarke's body was on fire, but she could not decide whether she was drained or more driven with excitement to feel the brunette work her over the edge.

She had little to no time to decide before she felt Lexa pull her up like a ragdoll to kiss her hungrily.

Their lips and tongues made an ardent mess of their usually slow post-coital kisses.

They moaned into each other's mouths as their fingers made quick work of rustling locks of hair before trailing across slick flesh.

The desire to get closer, to become fused to the bone, consumed them as they heard their kisses become wetter and more desperate.

Lexa could hardly stand it anymore before she decided to sit up, forcing the blonde to abandon her lips as she backed up slowly, waiting for her next move. There was little time apart however, as the artist found herself in front of her girlfriend, their knees sinking in to the mattress as they straightened up and resumed their kissing.

Releasing a desperate moan, Clarke pulled Lexa closer.

The brunette allowed herself to fall into the girl as she slowed the kiss drastically, promising her silently that she was there with her. But Clarke needed more assurance, so she took the liberty to show her what she needed. Guiding her hand down from her waist, she sighed into their kiss when she felt Lexa's dexterous fingers begin their journey.

It took all of her willpower not to sit down on the hand and let Lexa do all of the work, but she finally succeeded in moving her own fingers back towards the heat between her girlfriend's legs.

Together they sighed and moaned in unison, searching for the spots they had since learned were the most satisfying. The pads of their fingers had learned to memorize the folds and flesh that opened up to fields of flowering nerves waiting to be brushed up against.

Neither girl fought the waves of overwhelming sensations as they continued to push each other higher. And when they were on the cliff's edge, they kissed deeper, they held tighter, and they moaned louder before letting go.

Spent and hazy they let go and fell onto their sides with heavy exhales.

No words were spoken as their breaths mingled before them instead.

Minutes later when their breathing had slowed and their hearts had returned to beating at a normal pace, Clarke moved to partially cover Lexa's exposed body.

The brunette opened her eyes and wrapped her arm around a now-clammy hip. She looked curiously up at the blonde.

"You lied when you told me your call with MPC had gone well." Clarke stated, but not as accusatory as she feared she would. Her fingers traced lightly over Lexa's breast to signal she was not upset and actually trying to provide comfort and support.

There was a long pause before the writer sighed softly and closed her eyes for a brief moment. Opening them again, she nodded. "They don't want to publish the short stories." She swallowed as she recalled the phone call. "Apparently, my style does not fit their demographic." Her eye brows arched as she shrugged.

"Fuck them." Clarke responded, her need to protect the brunette causing a sudden rush in adrenaline. "What the hell does that even mean?"

Lexa shook her head to dismiss the conversation, but when Clarke wouldn't move on, she replied. "They want trash novels not family friendly stories." Her voice hardly shook, but her insides felt the rejection all over again.

Clarke looked softly at the girl before smiling wide. "So give them sexy, babe." She pecked the girl's lips, gliding nonchalantly over the new term of endearment.

The word caught Lexa by surprise, but she couldn't find it in her to dislike it.

Sure, she had never used it in previous relationships or flings, mostly because she never felt it appropriate. And the term did hold a certain level of promiscuity that never seemed synonymous with sweet Costia. Yet the way it sounded coming from her blonde, and the way it made her feel, marked a clear stage in her life where she felt she had experienced enough, and seen enough, to be fully comfortable with it.

It no longer felt like a dirty word she shouldn't label herself or others as. It felt earned and just, and not in any inappropriate or 'loose' manner. It was a word; yes a sexy one, which she could now own alongside her gorgeous girlfriend.

It was an odd time to logically deduce that, she realized, but Lexa had no qualms about her conclusion once she smiled up at Clarke and found herself deep in a kiss. "You're smart, Lexa, and talented." The blonde spoke once they broke away. "You can give them sexy. You can give them touching. You can give them everything and anything they want." The brunette felt a surge of appreciation for her girlfriend. "Maybe this can be motivation to finish that story you can never complete."

Lexa shrugged. "That story is definitely not what they're looking for." She shook her head adamantly.

"Don't be so quick to dismiss it. I bet it's something good already." Clarke supported. "What if I read it for you, and give you a direction?" She offered.

Wide green eyes stared back at her. She sensed exactly what Lexa felt then. It was something like what she felt when she doubted her own talents. There were times she never wanted a painting to see the light of day. "I'm not ready to share it with anyone, yet." Lexa whispered.

There was no way that Clarke was going to push the issue then and ruin the moment, so she let it go. "Alright." She smiled. "At least think about it. I don't ever have to read it, but don't give up on it. This could be what you've been working towards."

Lexa nodded. She didn't know what direction she was headed in next. The rejection from Maunon had adversely impacted her self-confidence.

But one thing was certain, there was no way she was done trying to become the writer she swore she was going to be. Even if it meant evolving a little ahead of schedule.

She pulled Clarke down for a soft kiss before moving around to spoon her.

Together they fell asleep as they separately lived with the ups and downs of their personal ambitions.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bittersweet indeed. Can you guys imagine how Lexa feels- being happy for her girlfriend, but feeling like a failure because she can't get her hard work published? I feel for her. So, Anthony made a re-appearance. How did you guys do? Not too bad right? He just wanted to congratulate Clarke. I know he can be annoying, but it looks like Lexa came out OK. More than OK if you ask me. ;) Excited for the direction of this story. See you guys next week!


	21. Eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience. I realized many of you might not follow me on Tumblr (WriterKomLoveKru), and I apologize if you didn't get my note. I left my flash drive at work over the weekend, so I had no way of updating this story. Sorry! But here's a good way (hopefully) for you to start your week! Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Things were looking up for Clarke. She was convinced that for the first time since she decided to move out west, her career was finally beginning to take shape. A sign that her audacious decision to leave her small-town home had not been for naught.

Well truth be told, had she ended up working a regular nine to five, and Lexa had still crossed paths with her, she would still be content with her life. The brunette was everything Clarke had not expected, but needed.

In any case, her life was good and she was happy.

Of course, she had yet to become a household name in the art world, but her continued lessons at The Ark, and the exposure Mr. Harwood had gifted her with, had gradually associated her with the right people.

Various artists, friends of Frankie's and Mr. Harwood's, had taken notice of her unique talent and had not hesitated to offer her their own guidance and business acquaintances.

It was daunting at first, knowing so many people with such influence, but Clarke worked diligently to earn every single compliment and vote of confidence they bestowed upon her. She spent her days bringing life to her thoughts and visions on every blank canvas. Perfection was extremely hard to come by, but that was her goal every time.

More times than not, she found a new way to use her life as inspiration for her art. It was not uncommon to find herself constantly referencing or altogether including her girlfriend in those pieces.

Lexa had repeatedly teased about her continued starring role in the blonde's work, often pretending to hire an agent who could draw up a legal contract for her. Really, neither girl hated those times. Mostly because they got to spend time together. Absolutely because those nights usually came to an end with passionate sex.

The girls had become quite acquainted with Lexa's living room carpet and Clarke's sofa in recent weeks.

It was a win-win in both of their minds.

Work at Tassels was great, and Indra had finally relaxed enough to let Titus breathe. She drove the poor man crazy during the months when she struggled with the knowledge of their debt and impending closure. Nowadays the man usually looked bored, because if he wasn't running around looking tense and intimidating, he wasn't doing what he was born to do. At least that's what Echo and Lexa would say night in and night out.

Many of the crew had suggested that Indra give it a go with her trusted assistant, but she shot down the idea immediately every time. Her words were along the lines of 'Insanity is trying something multiple times expecting different outcomes'. She had married twice, divorced, became a widow, and she had concluded that her life was better suited for running her business and raising the 'children' that worked for her.

Besides, Indra was always so busy providing motherly advice to the crew that she hardly had time for her own love life, or lack thereof.

Which is why Clarke was not surprised when the woman walked up to her.

"Hey there, sweet girl." Indra walked up to bar counter where the blonde was cleaning the mirrors and liquor bottles. She turned with a smile as soon as she heard the older woman's tone. "I heard about your art hanging up in some fancy gallery. Is there a chance we're going to be able to see it for ourselves any time soon?" The woman asked before sitting on a stool in her sophisticated manner.

Clarke smiled as she got off the step stool and walked over to her boss. "You can go any time you'd like, Indra. Mr. Harwood won't bite." She teased.

The woman nodded. "I might just go soon, then." She smiled again. "Congrats, sweetie. We're all very proud." She paused. "I'm proud."

"Thanks, Indra." The blonde replied almost shyly. "It means a lot."

Her boss nodded at her. "Lexa won't stop talking about it. I know she's proud too."

There was an instant smile on the younger girl's face at the mention of her girlfriend's name. She nodded back at the woman. "She is and that makes me super happy, Indra."

"How's Ms. Silva treating you? Are you treating her well?" The woman changed the subject without indecision.

Clarke smiled and held back the small laugh that bubbled up. Indra could be such a mom sometimes. "We're both treating each other well. We're happy, and we're both trying our hardest to be the best versions of ourselves in this relationship." She admitted, grateful for the woman's genuine concern.

"Good." Indra nodded. "I'm glad to hear that. You two are precious girls, I want to make sure neither of you is getting hurt."

"Thank you, Indra." Clarke began to wipe the surface of the bar before she opened her mouth to continue. She closed it immediately, but Indra looked at her curiously urging her to continue. "I would never hurt Lexa, but I feel she's been in a funk because of me. She hides it pretty well, but I know when she's feeling…off."

"How so?"

The blonde cleared her throat. "She doesn't say it, but I know the more I hear back from business connections, the more she thinks about her writing and the her publishing company."

Indra nodded in realization, understanding what she meant. "You're concerned she's hurting because of the recent developments in your career." She stated rather than asked.

Clarke was quick to nod. "She's been working so hard, and I feel she might resent me if she keeps hitting roadblocks while I climb up the proverbial ladder."

Genuinely invested in the girl's concern, Indra nodded. "It could happen, I won't say it can't, but it is up to both of you to support one another in every endeavor. Perhaps talking to her about it might set you at ease."

It was easier said than done, Clarke thought as she mulled over the older woman's words. It was a sensitive subject that she didn't really feel like bringing up to Lexa. It was uncomfortable for anyone in such a situation, even if they did have a great relationship built on honesty and trust.

When she realized she hadn't acknowledged Indra's counsel, the girl nodded with a heavy sigh. "You're right. It's just uncomfortable to bring it up, you know. If I don't, then I'm not considerate enough to let her know I stand behind her. And if I do, I might come off as a condescending douche." She groaned softly as she dissected her dilemma out loud.

The pair remained silent until the door opened and in walked the object of Clarke's worry.

Taking the girl's entrance as her cue to leave, Indra stood with a soft smile. "You can do it. Good luck, honey."

Blue eyes locked on green ones as they moved closer. Smiling widely, Clarke set the cleaning supplies down and feigned complete composure as her stomach flipped with anxiety.

"How did it go? Was your writing session a success?" Clarke asked as she reached out to grab the brunette's hand under the counter once she was close enough.

Lexa pouted before she responded. "You didn't have to leave you know." She squeezed the girl's hand.

A short shrug later, Clarke replied. "You were in the zone. I didn't want to disturb you." She admitted.

The brunette smiled. "Thanks." She squeezed her hand again. "Next time, stick around; I might need you for inspiration." She continued with an honest expression.

"Do you remember when you insinuated I was a distraction?" Clarke smiled coyly and Lexa nodded with a grin as she recalled that conversation. "I was doing so well with not being one; you're going to break my streak."

They shared a small laugh before Lexa pulled on her girlfriend's hand. "I'm still pretty good at writing and avoiding distractions. Besides, you're my favorite person to get distracted with." She flirted.

The temperature in the space rose by a few degrees as they stared hungrily at each other. "If I don't walk away Indra is going to fire us for having sex on this counter." Clarke whispered as they moved in just an inch closer.

Lexa's throat bobbed as she swallowed. She nodded, but she refused to budge.

A clearing of a throat surprised the pair and they sighed in unison with a hint of annoyance. Clarke was the first to step back reluctantly, but grateful in some part for the disruption because it was certain she and Lexa were close to disrobing in public.

"You two love birds about done there?" Octavia teased with a straight face. When they didn't reply she rolled her eyes. "You two are gross." Her delivery was dry, but she allowed a small grin to escape her lips. "I actually wanted to talk to you Lex," She paused. "About Lincoln." The smaller brunette continued. "Do you have some time before we open up shop?"

Lexa nodded. "Sure." She kissed Clarke's cheek quickly before following her friend out the alley door.

Clarke's smile disappeared as the queasiness in her stomach reemerged. She was still concerned about her girlfriend, and she still didn't really want to bring it up. It worried her even more when she thought that through. What kind of a girlfriend doesn't want to talk to her partner about something as important as this? Was she a bad girlfriend? Was she just a bad person period?

She shook her head in an attempt to vanish her thoughts, but as she resumed cleaning Lexa's work space, she realized there was no way she could escape her worries. Not until she did something about them.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa sat in her usual loveseat as she typed away furiously on her laptop.

She had succeeding in completing another section of her story before her girlfriend knocked on her door, gave her a quick kiss, and sat at her easel to paint.

It had been a gift, and she insisted the blonde should come over and paint whenever she needed a change in scenery. Clarke wasted no time in treating Lexa's as an escape from 'artist's block', and it was an added incentive that she inevitably wound up sleeping in the brunette's bed those nights.

The girls worked quietly, with the sounds of keys clicking and bristles scraping being the only sounds circling in the living room.

Well, save for the sporadic chiming coming from Clarke's phone, those were the only sounds.

After an hour of almost-silence and concentration, Lexa finally sighed and stretched in place. She had made enough progress to reward herself so she stood to collect a couple of beers for them.

When she handed the bottle to the blonde, she waited beside her until Clarke looked at her. The girl's eyes locked on hers in question.

"You work so hard you can't hear your phone?" Lexa teased, but the chime had grown somewhat annoying.

Clarke looked down and over to her phone with a dismissive glance. After some time she shrugged. "I can check those later." She smiled, hoping that her girlfriend would take her answer and return to her work. Casually she sipped on her beer to continue on with her careless appearance regarding the message alerts, but she was not surprised when Lexa stood rooted in place.

The brunette's eyebrows rose up to her hairline in question. "What's going on, Clarke?" She finally managed in between the silence and a sip of her beer.

Sparing another casual shrug, Clarke shook her head in response. "Nothing, babe." She lied. "Listen, I'm getting a bit tired from staring at this." She pointed to the unfinished painting. "How would you like to go out tonight? My treat."

Lexa suspected her girlfriend had just changed the subject to avoid whatever might be going on in her head, and she wanted to pry, but she sighed in defeat and nodded. "Sure. Take me out on a date I'll never forget." She smiled despite the uneasy feeling that flooded her.

Clarke exhaled subtly, grateful that Lexa had chosen to abandon the questioning. She really didn't want to continue on with the discussion. Because she knew if Lexa found out she was avoiding texts and emails from Mr. Harwood, Anthony, and other art aficionados, she would want to know why. And Clarke was still not sure how to tell Lexa that all she wanted was to avoid hurting her, and not flaunt her growing list of connections and potential roads to success.

Still, the artist couldn't help but feel that eventually it would all come back to haunt her. What was the saying? 'No good deed goes unpunished'? Lexa would know it for sure, but she was not about to ask.

Their date started off without a hitch as they ate at their diner. It had been some time since they last sat in their booth to enjoy some greasy foods, so they were equally content to be digging into their burgers and fries.

Waitresses came and went as they ate in comfortable silence, but soon the girls found themselves fully satiated and in need of conversation to divert their attention from their bloated stomachs.

Lexa expressed her satisfaction with a small smile before she spoke. "We can't go this long without eating here because this is what happens when we do. We overdo it and stuff ourselves." She shook her head while the blonde chuckled with a nod.

"Agreed." Was Clarke's reply. "Hey so I've been meaning to ask you, what did Octavia want to talk about the other day?"

The brunette sighed. "Lincoln's exes. For some reason she thinks of me as his keeper even though she's known him just as long as I have."

Clarke hummed with interest- juicy gossip about her friends. That was something she could get behind at the moment. "Please continue." She urged with a grin.

Responding with a small incredulous head shake, Lexa continued. "She's falling in love with Linc, but she wanted to know her feelings weren't being wasted on just anybody."

"That's ridiculous." Clarke shook her head. "Lincoln is such a sweet honest guy. Totally worth it, in my opinion."

Lexa raised her eyebrows at her girlfriend. "Oh yeah?"

The other girl rolled her eyes with a smile. "He's a good guy. Handsome. Anybody would be lucky to have him."

"Really?" The brunette continued to tease.

"Shut up." Clarke replied with a smirk. "We both know I only have eyes for you." She batted her eyelashes in jest.

"That's what I thought." That was her girlfriend's comeback before they shared a laugh.

"Anyway, are you ready to head out? I kind of wanted to take you somewhere else after dinner."

Nodding her head, Lexa stood. Clarke was quick to leave some cash on the table to cover their meal and the tip before the brunette could beat her to it. The brunette glared playfully at her, but took her hand in hers to walk out after.

When they arrived to their destination, Lexa knitted her brows in curiosity. Of all the places she thought they would end up, the entrance before her was definitely not one of them.

"Clarke, why are we at the Hollywood Temple?" She asked in a questioning tone and matching expression.

The blonde's smile fell immediately as she realized her girlfriend knew where they were. "You know of this place?" She asked with a disappointed look. "Of course you do. You've lived here for a while." She answered her own question before grunting at her failure to impress the brunette.

"Whoa." Lexa pulled on the girl's hand to show her appreciation at the attempt. "Hey, that doesn't mean that I don't want to go in. Or that I know why you chose this place for part two of our date."

Though she still felt disappointed, Lexa's words pacified her. Squeezing the girl's hand she opened the gate and walked them inside. "Obviously you know who Aldous Huxley is." Clarke began after a short quiet walk along the path between the green grasses.

She nodded. "He wrote _Brave New World_ and a few screenplays." Lexa added.

"That's right." Clarke admonished. "He even helped to write the screenplay for _Jane Eyre_." She smiled when the writer looked at her proudly. "When we first met you asked for my tale of woe. I was not familiar with what you were referring to, but I played it off."

"Poorly, but yeah." Lexa teased.

"Jerk." Clarke pushed her with her shoulder. "Anyway, not long after that I actually bought the book. Great novel." She added with a proud smile of her own. "I finished it in less than a week."

"Nice." The brunette nodded. "So why are we here?" She smiled curiously, her mind working quickly in an attempt to piece everything together.

Clarke smiled in return. "Huxley was known to come here often. Mostly for meditation purposes, but he would visit a small kiosk and sit to write every now and then."

Lexa raised her brows in astonishment. Clearly she was not privy to that information, and the fact that Clarke had taken interest in this aspect of her life made her grateful and happy. "I had no idea." She admitted to her girlfriend. "That's neat." The blonde smiled victoriously.

They remained quiet for a while as they made their way deeper into the gardens that surrounded the main building.

Their hands were laced as Clarke led them to one of the kiosk buildings that house several small cement benches inside. "Not the most comfortable probably, but this could be a nice spot to write." The blonde suggested as she sat on the bench, pulling Lexa down with her.

Lexa smiled despite the growing curiosity that nagged in the back of her mind. When neither girl said anything after a few minutes, the brunette finally spoke. "This is a nice place, Clarke. And I love that you took the time to show me it, but why?"

"Why what?" Clarke asked with knitted brows.

Giving her a small shrug, Lexa sighed. "I can write at home. Why would I come here? Why is this even coming up?"

Clarke realized her girlfriend was more curious than she had hoped she would be. "You offered your place to me as a way to escape the mundane surroundings I could get caught up in. It helps with my art. I figured this could be a place for you to escape to when you need more inspiration than I can provide. I know we work together a lot, and that might cramp your efforts at times." She responded, cautiously avoiding the other part of her reasoning. "This place has a deep connection with writing, with a great mind that created amazing work with his words."

Lexa nodded, accepting the blonde's response despite the feeling in her stomach that she still hid something from her.

They sat around for a while, enjoying the night under the gazebo, listening to the cars and people that passed by on the other side of the gate.

"You know," Lexa cleared her throat before she continued. Clarke faced her with an attentive glance. "You don't bother me. If that's what this is all about." She paused to look at blonde, who in turn sat still with an apologetic smile. "But I've continued to work on that story I could never finish, and I might seem frustrated from time to time. I just want you to know it has nothing to do with you." The blonde flashed her a small smile, feeling guilty about letting her girlfriend make this about that rather than Clarke's own concerns. "Anyway, thank you for pushing me back towards it. I've been avoiding it for a while, but I'm glad I'm back on it."

Clarke nodded. "Of course. But that's all you. I've done nothing to help. And I'm sorry about that. Really. If there's anything I can do with that, let me know Lexa." She moved to squeeze her hand and was pleased when Lexa interlaced their fingers.

The writer nodded. "If I say that your spending the night at my place helps, would you do it more often?" She teased with a hooded grin.

Ignoring the sudden irregular beat of her heart, Clarke smiled in return albeit reservedly. "What are you really asking, DC?"

Swallowing the lump in her throat, and heaving a sigh, Lexa looked seriously at her girlfriend. She shook her head, not knowing whether she should voice what she was really thinking. On second thought, she knew she wanted to ask Clarke, so she did. "I don't know, I was thinking that maybe you could move back in. I mean, if you want. No pressure." Lexa managed to stammer through her thoughts and waited nervously for Clarke to react.

A million thoughts crossed the artist's mind. One of which was how much she really enjoyed living with Lexa. Of course it had been before they had moved forward in their relationship, and perhaps it would be vastly different now that they were officially a couple, but the thought excited her.

Another thought though, one that unfortunately cast a shadow on current elation, was that of their careers. The thought of moving in with Lexa, only to move out because one or both of them couldn't deal with the successes and or failures involved, made her breathe unsteadily.

She hoped Lexa couldn't tell.

Her next words would have to be very carefully chosen.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have some uncertainty brewing between our couple, but is their relationship strong enough to withstand it? What do you guys think- will Clarke bring up her concerns to Lexa? Will she move in? Hopefully our girls can get on the same page before trouble comes knockin'.


	22. The Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being so patient. You have been rewarded with another chapter! Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Lexa sat with an apprehensive gaze as she waited for Clarke to respond.

Perhaps it was too soon since their relationship progressed for them to move back in together. She thought they had been moving along well, but with the blonde's silence, doubts began to bubble to the surface.

"Clarke?" She swallowed. "Um, forget I mentioned it. Maybe we should just keep at it how we are, grow a little more. Everything's good, no need to mess with it." She backpedaled reluctantly because her mind was still set on her girlfriend moving in.

Clarke closed her mouth, something she was surprised by since she hadn't noticed it had been open the entire time. She swallowed and exhaled softly so the brunette wouldn't catch it. "Hold on." She started in an attempt to calm the other girl's nervous jabbering. "Ok." She took a deep breath. "Before we go any further, I want to bring something up." She looked down at her feet. "I didn't want to do this now, and not while we're on a date, but it looks like there's no better time than now."

"Ok now **you're** talking too much." Lexa replied with a curious expression.

The blonde nodded with an apologetic smile before she continued. "Something's been bothering me for a while now, but I didn't know how to bring it up." She looked at Lexa, her eyes begging her to be patient and understanding as she expressed her concerns.

Lexa was silent the entire time her girlfriend voiced the gnawing feeling she had been carrying around.

She wondered if she should be insulted that her girlfriend would think her capable of begrudging her success, but Lexa knew it was a valid worry. One that not everyone would care enough to address in the first place. So, she was more grateful than anything to have heard Clarke's apprehensions.

"Babe, there's no way that I could ever envy you getting ahead in your career." Lexa finally interjected on a pause from Clarke. The blonde exhaled in relief and nodded slowly at her. "You have earned every accomplishment, and you have reached every milestone because of your tenacity to succeed. I could never hold that against you." Lexa reached for the blonde's hands before squeezing them gently.

Of course, Clarke knew that. She did, but deep down everyone can feel a twinge of hurt at someone's success while they trudged along. Roan had been a clear example of that. He had been sweet and supportive of her work at first, but when she began to get more recognition from their professors, he consistently added a jab after his initial congratulatory comments. 'I wasn't even trying', 'looks like someone used her looks to get that grade', 'next time you might not get that lucky'. Those still stung like hell when she heard them in the faraway distance of her memories. She doubted he meant to truly put her down, but bitterness was an ugly friend, and it could turn the kindest people into monsters.

Well, Roan had done that in other ways, but the fact remains.

She squeezed the brunette's hands in response, hoping to convey her acceptance of the girl's words. "I just don't want any of this to get in our way. I'm here for you, and I'll be here when MPC calls begging for your next transcript. I need you to know that I believe in you. Whether we both succeed or we both fail, I want to make sure we have each other's backs. Always." Clarke finished with a small timid smile.

"I have your back, Clarke. If you become some famous artist millionaire, or if you don't, I'll still be here. I promise." Lexa nodded. "So, will you move in with me, Virginia?"

Releasing another sigh of relief, Clarke smiled wider. "If you're willing to deal with my ravenous hunger for morning after pancakes and my paranoia, you've got yourself a live-in girlfriend."

They shared a small laugh under the gazebo, not minding the few visitors that cast looks at them. The place was silent except for their chuckles.

When they recovered from their small fit, they sighed in unison and moved in for a kiss.

"Wait, is that why you haven't been answering your phone while you're with me?" Lexa questioned when they moved apart, suddenly making sense of the blonde's odd behavior.

Clarke nodded sheepishly. "I didn't want to keep rubbing it in your face, especially not when you get in your zone and start typing away."

She looked at her appreciatively before shaking her head. "You don't have to worry about that, and you don't have to put any prospects on hold, not for anyone and certainly not for me." Lexa added. "Alright?"

"Ok." Clarke nodded, hopeful that everything would work out for them both. "Now take me to our place so we can make out like teenagers in bed." She moved forward to kiss her girlfriend again.

"Oh, we're going to do more than just make out." Lexa replied as she stood with Clarke's hand wrapped in hers.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Raven sat beside Clarke on the bar stool as they watched their peers walk to and from their areas preparing for the night.

Some time had passed since they unveiled the new burlesque show Lexa had written, and though people were still attending and business was good, Indra had asked her writer to come up with a second show. She even offered her higher pay, which the brunette declined straightaway with a menacing yet playful glower.

Lexa had taken her time, but the second time around had been much easier for her, the band, and the performers. Upon completion of the first rehearsal, Indra had happily approved and asked that everyone be able to execute it within two weeks' time.

Her team didn't fail her.

"Your girl strikes again." Raven smiled as she looked at her friends flailing and accentuating gyrations up on stage.

The blonde nodded proudly before responding. "She's a natural."

Raven agreed. "Yeah, so is she planning on submitting either of these plays to that bitch ass publishing company? I mean those guys are idiots for not buying her stuff already. They're missing out on some serious bank."

It had been a few months since they had started living together in Lexa's place again. There had been no new developments for either of them, but neither girl complained, at least not openly. They still spent their nights working at Tassels, hanging out with their friends, and during the day they did everything they could together, including working on their respective crafts.

Clarke had promised herself not to push Lexa into talking about 'the story', but she had mentioned it to the brunette that she should try sending the Maunon Publishing Company a copy of her first play.

Though Lexa had not dismissed it outright, she had still not submitted anything, and it became difficult for the blonde not to ask her why she hadn't. All she could do was let her girlfriend deal with it how she saw fit. For now.

"No. I don't think she wants to send the plays in." She sighed as she observed her girlfriend giving the dancers their directions. "She has her reasons, and I have a feeling it has something to do with a bigger story she's working on."

The brunette dancer nodded in understanding. "Saving the best for last kinda thing, huh." She looked over to Clarke. "Good for her. She's going to blow their fucking minds, I bet."

"I know she will. If not them, then some other company better suited for her." Clarke smiled at her friend. "Anyway, shouldn't you be up there or something?"

Raven waved her hand flippantly. "It's all up here." She pointed to her brain. "Besides, I have some time to chat before they really need me for my parts. So, how's the married life going?" She began to tease.

After an emphasized eye roll, Clarke decided to respond. "Shut up." She smiled. "Living with my girlfriend," She corrected. "has been amazing. It is definitely different from the first time, but better." The blonde paused as she caught sight of Raven's own eye roll. "Thanks for asking as if you cared, jerk."

"Oh, come on, I care." Raven defended, and after a silent moment of introspection she continued. "I actually kind of envy you guys." Clarke quirked an eyebrow in question. "You guys are happy, and it came as an unforeseen epiphany for you guys. I mean everyone could tell you were going to end up together, but neither of you was looking for that. Some of us look actively with no luck." She presented a solemn smile.

Draping an arm around her friend's shoulders, she offered some words of comfort. "I know who you look at, but that's a dead end. As a friend, I'm imploring you stop that so you can finally notice someone else." Clarke squeezed her friend into her side. "Maybe if you stop looking altogether, someone will come along and surprise you." She smiled reassuringly before squeezing one last time. "Now go up there and help my girl kick some ass."

Raven nodded, her eyes were slightly red and watery, but she smiled in return. "Thanks, Clarke. Love ya."

"Love you too, Rae."

While Clarke manned the bar area and Lexa worked things back stage, she noticed her friend Anthony had decided to return to Tassels after a long absence, and sat at his usual table before the commencement of the show.

She wanted to walk over to say hello and personally give him his customary cocktail, but no other bartenders were on hand to help cover her. Instead, she asked one of the waiters to deliver his favorite drink before the lights dimmed and the show began.

He turned around to look at her and smiled with gratitude before lifting the glass in silent toast to her.

The music began and each dancer was unveiled in sequence while they performed the opening number. There was definitely more skin showing this time around, but without revealing too much or making the girls feel uncomfortable, which they appreciated.

Still, the audience erupted in whistles as they watched the performers move fluidly with the music as they sang their dialogue. Raven was the last to come out and truth be told, Clarke thought she looked flawless.

The blonde smiled at her friend and nodded proudly as she realized Lexa had outdone herself. She had managed to make this play even better than the first.

By the time the show was over, Anthony had made his way back towards the bar. He was perched on one of the stools when Lexa walked over and fist bumped him. It had become a joke between the three by now, and it was the closest thing the brunette could come up with that resembled a proper hello.

"This one had me sweating, Lexa." The guy grinned. "You have a way with words. Amazing."

Lexa nodded in thanks before moving around the back of the bar to help Clarke. "It's really up to the dancers to make it sexy. The words are important, but the delivery matters just as much if not more." She replied.

"Man, and deliver they did." Anthony nodded. "The scene with the small dinghy, wow."

He was referring of course, to the part of the play where Raven enacted the discovery of an unblemished new world where the only inhabitants were burlesque amazon women.

Her worn leather ensemble hugged each and every curve of her body as she yielded a weapon in one hand and a lantern in the other. The small fabric was great for exposing just enough to make everyone drool at the images their own minds conjured up. The added mist spray of simulated sweat beads made her skin glow with the spotlight, it was surreal and racy.

The bonus was that Raven's character was also a gladiator who could kick some serious ass if provoked. And on several occasions she had, with Lincoln and Jasper being her victims, although they had clearly showed up in her world to attack her not the other way around.

Clarke and Lexa smiled at each other when they heard the guy detail how much he enjoyed the entire show. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, Anthony." Lexa thanked him again before moving on to assist customers with empty glasses.

"She's great, Clarke." Anthony smiled at his friend. "I'm glad you two are doing well."

"Thanks. I'm glad too." She paused as her mind churned. "Listen, stick around for the second showing and I'll introduce you to someone." She smiled mischievously at him.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke sat next to Lexa as they enjoyed their breakfast. Coffee and pancakes on a Saturday was Clarke's favorite way of concluding a memorable night and welcoming a new day. Lexa knew this, so she did her best to surprise her every now and then with different variations of pancakes and fruit.

The blonde was two of the fluffy disks in when she felt the brunette's eyes on her.

She casted her a sideways glance as she chewed slowly. "What?"

Lexa shook her head with a small smile. "I saw Raven and Anthony chatting it up after we closed up shop last night." She commented.

"Yeah, so?" Clarke continued to dig into her soggy pancakes with her eyes glued to her girlfriend in challenge.

The girl shook her head, amused with the blonde and her feigned ignorance. "Clarke Griffin are you, aside from a budding young artist, also a match maker?" She sipped on her coffee after asking the question.

A look of disbelief crossed the artist's features. "Whatever do you mean, Alexandria?"

They smiled at each other before Lexa shook her head again. "You know exactly what I mean." Clarke grinned in response. "You're trying to hook those two up." She answered herself.

"Maybe." Clarke shrugged nonchalantly.

"Definitely." Lexa retorted.

Not realizing she was just about to admit to it, Clarke replied quickly. "They're both really good people that deserve a little lovin', don't you think?" She stated her case with a smile despite having just lost the battle against her brunette.

Lexa smiled with a nod because she knew Clarke was right. "You're cute, Clarke. You always worry about everyone, that's why I," She caught herself before finishing her natural train of thought.

The blonde waited on the edge of her seat as she realized she...probably knew what Lexa...possibly had on the tip of her tongue.

"That's why you're you." The brunette finished as if nothing had just almost happened. She was grateful that Clarke hadn't said anything regarding her near slip of the tongue. "I hope they go out and fall in love and make lots of babies." Lexa stated honestly before biting into her own pancakes.

Her heart still hammered in her chest, and she assumed Lexa's did too, as she exhaled and nodded in agreement with the writer. "Me too." She drank some of the coffee as she changed the subject. "Hey so how's the writing coming along? I know you tabled your work while you ironed out the play for Indra."

Lexa didn't want to go there again with her. Not because she minded Clarke asking, but because it frustrated her to no end that she could not make up her mind about what she wanted to do. A part of her wanted to send in the plays, both of them, so they could see she was capable of writing smutty stuff, but the bigger part of her wanted to submit only the best. While her plays had been revered and highly appreciated, she felt those were fun and sexy, but not worthy of any publishing company.

She sighed heavily as she thought about her response. "I'm almost done." She paused to look at her girl. "I don't want to send anything less than perfect to them. I've worked so hard now; I don't want that work to go to waste."

"I get it." Clarke nodded. "Hey, I use you for inspiration all the time- you can use me too, you know." She attempted to bring levity back into their moment.

"I did it for free. I have a feeling you'll charge." She teased and they shared a laugh.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke sat across from two prominent gallery curators with a seemingly composed expression.

She wasn't calm and collected, not in any way shape or form.

But she did have one saving grace.

The polished surface of the executive table distorted the lights above her, and in the reflections she tried to makes sense of shapes that weren't really there. Twenty minutes into it she had identified none, but the activity did provide a distraction for her anxiety.

Her palms were sweaty even as they resided over the fabric that covered her thighs. Better the slacks than the table she thought, because she could only imagine the marred glossy finish after having smudged her nervously wet skin over it time and time again.

When the meeting concluded she would have to thank Anthony for the short notice meeting he had managed to secure for her with a couple of associates.

Clarke was grateful of course, even in utter distress, she was glad to be sitting with such promising connections.

The couple was not top tier, not by a long shot, but they were well known and had several galleries under their watch that spanned across four states. Unfortunately for her, none of them included California, much to her surprise.

"Well Clarke, your samples and portfolio are fabulous and we would really like to feature you in one of our galleries." The woman spoke getting to the reason why they had agreed to meet with the young artist. "You can sleep on the choices and get back to us. We will make the arrangements then to get your collection over to the location."

Equal parts of excitement and nerves rushed through Clarke's body as she nodded along. "I really appreciate this opportunity, thank you." She smiled. "I will have an answer for you by tomorrow evening."

The couple nodded in acceptance as they stood. "Please, pass along our greetings to Anthony." The woman added before taking Clarke's offered hand in a firm grip. "I'm excited to get this business relationship set up, Clarke. I'm sure my husband is too." She looked casually to her left where the man agreed with a nod.

"Again, thank you." The blonde replied before watching the couple exit the conference room.

As she walked out minutes later, she spared a broad smile and thumbs up for Frankie who returned the gestures before disappearing back into her office.

She had generously offered The Ark to Clarke for her business meeting, and the blonde had accepted gratefully promising to make it up her. Frankie only waved her off with a smile before whispering something about not needing a payment in return. Clarke was still in awe of the woman-so carefree, so astute, and so selfless. She was amazing and Clarke hoped to keep her in her life for a really long time.

Clarke would make it up to her, but first she had to make up her mind about her next step.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel something brewing. Anybody else feel it? Anyway, so what do you guys think about Raven and Anthony, and who's the person Clarke referred to when she was comforting her? I'm curious. Aren't you? Say, did you guys catch our girl's line there in the middle somewhere? I had to. Really, I did. It was burning to get out. What do you guys think she was going to say? Nah, let's not go there yet. Muahahahahaha.


	23. The Approaching Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your continued follows and faves are my motivation. I really do appreciate you taking the time to read what I have to say. Thank you! Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

"You submitted my work for me?" Lexa was beyond irritated, and the distance between her and the blonde made it even harder not to jump to conclusions. She really wanted to clear things up with her girlfriend. "Call me back as soon as possible, Clarke. We need to talk about this." She sighed as she attempted to compose herself.

What the hell had Clarke been thinking when she sent her manuscript in to MPC?

_Clarke walked in to their apartment with a bounce in her step. She smiled to herself as she closed the door and spun around to look for her girlfriend. "Babe where are you?"_

_"In here." She heard Lexa call from their bedroom._

_She strode in and stopped in the doorway as she smiled at her brunette. "What are you doing, Alexandria Silva?" Clarke asked as she witnessed the writer sink further into the covers in the middle of the afternoon._

_There was a muffled groan from beneath the heap. "I couldn't concentrate so I came in here to rest my eyes. I fell asleep, but even then all I saw were blank pages with floating words that refused to stick to the paper. It was terrible so I woke up and have not closed my eyes since. By the time I was fully awake I was equally depressed so I decided to just stay in bed for the rest of my life."_

_Clarke chuckled softly at that. "You're quitting life altogether, huh?"_

_"Yes." The girl responded grimly. "Sorry, Clarke, you'll have to be my sugar momma." Lexa finally peeked from under the covers at the blonde that made her way towards her._

_"I don't like that term." The blonde retorted as she sat on the edge of the bed with her hands on either side of the lump that was Lexa. "Besides, I don't think I alone could satisfy that expensive taste you have." She teased._

_Lexa threw the covers forward enough to expose her head and torso. "Jerk. I'm not a spendthrift."_

_Clarke laughed. "I'm glad that got your attention, though." She moved forward to kiss the brunette soundly. "Get out of bed and I promise to join you in the shower."_

_Lexa's sudden smile of anticipation was quickly replaced with a furrowed expression. "Wait, have I become the smelly dreary writer that never showers or eats?" She looked to Clarke for an honest answer._

_The blonde shook her head and smiled at the other girl's sigh of relief. "I'm trying to take advantage of you while you're all soapy and stuff, Silva. Take a hint." She laughed and hurried to the washroom, her clothes marking the path towards the shower for her girlfriend._

_The water ran cold as it went ignored while the girls explored each other and reveled in slippery wet skin._

_When they finally dressed and toweled off their soaking hair, they also decided to stay in for dinner. They sat close on the couch, wine glasses filled, while the television kept them in a sort of peaceful relaxation._

_Their food arrived an hour later, and as they dug into the cartons of Chinese food, the quiet conversation they were both fond of and good at, flowed effortlessly between them._

_"So how was the meeting?" Lexa asked over a chopstick twirl of chow mein noodles._

_Clarke smiled as she swallowed her own food. "Great. The Sinclairs offered to partner with me and want me to be at the presentation in two weeks." She replied. "They seem really honest and excited about my work."_

_Lexa smiled widely. "That's great, Clarke." She paused to high five the blonde's chopsticks with hers. "It was only a matter of time before someone decided to officially debut you in a gallery. Mr. Harwood's exposure was great, but this is huge. Congratulations, you are on your way." She congratulated her girlfriend._

_"Thanks babe." Clarke nodded. "There is a small catch." The brunette knitted her brows in question. "Callie and Jacapo are making me choose which gallery to move my collections to. And, none of them are in LA." She waited for Lexa's reaction._

_Lexa nodded in understanding. "What are your options?"_

_"New York, D.C., Boston, or Chicago." She answered with a small shrug. "I had hoped for somewhere nearby, but that's what I have to work with."_

_Lexa smiled reassuringly. "You get to travel, Clarke." The blonde was grateful for her girlfriend's support as she remembered a previous conversation they had shared on the topic._

_"I thought we were going to travel together." Clarke pouted before setting her food carton down._

_"We will…later. Right now, you get to do this to set yourself up for bigger things." She soothed._

_"Where would you go?"_

_The brunette contemplated her choices before taking another bunch of noodles in her mouth. "Not D.C., clearly." She smiled. "I would do New York…maybe. I don't know. Those are tough choices."_

_They nodded in unison. "Well, I have until tomorrow night to let the Sinclairs know where I want my stuff sent. And I have to hunt for tickets and a place to stay by…yesterday." Clarke commented._

_The brunette chortled softly. "Decide away. I'll be here waiting for you." Lexa replied earnestly._

_Clarke looked at her flirtatiously. "Is it bad that I want to take you to bed **right now**?" She questioned as she moved forward in an attempt to claim the brunette's lips._

_"No, but I'm beginning to think you might have an addictive personality." Lexa answered before smiling seductively and pulling away so the blonde couldn't kiss her. "Don't make me chose between you and Chinese food, Virginia. You know I love Chinese food."_

_Clarke wanted to argue about that last statement, but she feared the conversation would turn awkward with implications running rampant. Instead, she decided to steer clear of that with a groan and an exaggerated eye roll. "Fine." She pouted before grabbing her food and digging in again._

_**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA** _

_Clarke sat at a shaded table as she waited for Anthony to meet her for lunch._

_They had agreed to discuss her upcoming trip so he could give her some tips and information regarding the Sinclairs and their galleries. The blonde really just needed to know her friend could help calm her nerves about the unveiling of her work to thousands of artists and potential buyers._

_He arrived with a smile and rushed to embrace her before sitting down._

_The guy exuded confidence most of the time, and it currently dripped from every word he spoke to her. He was intelligent and very sure of the information he was sharing with her and that made her breathe just a little bit easier._

_"They take great pride in their shows. It's nothing flashy when they unveil a new collection, but they make sure to invite only the most promising up and comers. The guests will be well off, but not filthy rich or over the top. They're typically artists or business people who made their profits off of hard work and take a genuine interest in the arts. Not one person there will be someone with wads of money just looking to collect a piece that will grow in value. You'll be in good company, trust me."_

_Clarke took it all in as she downed her mimosa. Anthony smiled at that as he shook his head. "Why won't you be there again?" She questioned with a frown._

_He shook his head as he bit into his sandwich, hoping she would stop trying to get it out of him. "I'll be there for the next one, I promise."_

_The blonde was not one to budge however, so she pried. "Have a hot date with Raven?" She asked forwardly with a grin._

_The guy swallowed and sighed. "Yes." He nodded. "It's your fault, so you can't be upset that I'm missing out on your night."_

_She knew he was right. If she hadn't introduced them, then perhaps they never would have taken as much as a second look at each other and Anthony wouldn't be bailing on her big night. Still, Clarke was glad she had gotten them to meet face to face. They talked a lot that night after the show, and it seemed to be working out. Raven thought he was a sweet guy and mentioned it more than once, and he was a grinning fool when he thought of the brunette. It was a welcome change to see her friends happy and not in a rut pining after unattainable people. Even if she had been one of them. "Yeah, yeah." She finally replied. "I hope you and Raven have fun canoodling while I sweat away my deodorant in a dress I can barely afford." She whined._

_"You'll be fine." Anthony reiterated._

_"That's what Lexa keeps telling me." She bit into a forkful of salad. "I wish I could take her."_

_"There'll be plenty of more shows to take her to, trust me." He nodded. "And she'll be more than willing to accompany you while Raven and I smooch in the lounge all night."_

_Clarke gasped. "You're such a jerk." She scowled._

_"I know." Anthony smiled. "So you have four days." He continued. "You all packed?"_

_"Just about." She nodded before finishing off yet another mimosa._

_**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA** _

_Clarke moved around the apartment as she finished packing her things. She still had three days, and she was only staying in Chicago for a total of two nights, but she couldn't help but feel the need to pack more than she needed._

_Lexa teased her about that._

_Much to both of their surprises, Clarke appeared to be one of those travelers. The ones that packed four outfits for two days despite the fact that they really only gravitated towards the same two pairs of jeans. They had laughed about it, but as Clarke tried to close her duffle bag, she realized she wished she wasn't that person._

_She finally succeeded in zipping the overstuffed bag before she moved it to the corner of the bedroom where she could see it clearly for the next few days. It's not like she could or would forget it; but still, it would help her sleep at night._

_Lexa will probably clown her about that too. Clarke thought about that and smiled._

_Lexa's current absence made the blonde miss her terribly as she stopped to listen to the quiet in their place._

_Lincoln had called the brunette over to his place not an hour earlier to go over some modifications to the music the band played in between shows, and Clarke had reluctantly watched her go while she continued to pack for her trip._

_Now, she was forced to mull over what to do to keep her occupied. She contemplated starting a new painting, but decided against it because she would likely get consumed by it and either a) miss out on her Lexa time to perfect the piece until her departure date, or b) rush and hate it so much it would end up in the dumpster downstairs. And Clarke was not fond of wasting valuable time, paints and or paper._

_So, she decided to sit and stream some movies while her girlfriend came home instead. She made her way to the couch and sat heavily as she caught sight of a manila envelope next to Lexa's laptop on the center table. How she missed it earlier with its bright obtrusive color she had no idea._

_She didn't ponder it for long though and when she flipped over the packet her excitement took over as she smiled from ear to ear. Lexa had completed her story, printed out the entire manuscript, and had packed it neatly in an envelope ready for mailing. She figured Lexa had been in the process of getting it set up for MPC when Lincoln had invited her over._

_A small part of her told her to set it back down and let Lexa take care of it, another part of her wanted to read it despite not having Lexa's blessing to do so. The fact that she had nothing better to do besides waste time watching movies made it extremely difficult not to take the stack of papers out. Another thought crossed her mind then. If she could help her girlfriend submit her work, then her time would be better spent doing that. So, she carefully pealed the protective paper from the adhesive and sealed the envelope shut._

_Thankfully Lexa had already taken the time to fill out the details of where it should go so all that was missing was a nice postage label. The blonde made her decision before she grabbed her bag and slung it across her body. The package was safely in her hands as she walked out of the apartment._

_On her way back home, she made a mental note to let Lexa know she didn't have to worry about mailing in the envelope. She even attached the receipt to a note she wrote while she waited in line at the post office. She knew it might seem corny, but she didn't care. Her support for her girlfriend had no limit, and a cute note was well within the boundaries anyway._

_She was almost to the entrance of their building when her phone rang._

_"Hey lady, Lincoln asked if we wanted to have dinner with him and O. Did you finish packing?"_

_Clarke smiled into the phone. "Yes. And Yes. I'm starving."_

_"So predictable, the stomach of my girl." Lexa joked._

_"Where am I meeting you guys?"_

_"B.S. on Seventh Street." Lexa replied._

_"Tacos! Yes!" Clarke almost yelled into the phone. "See you there." She didn't miss the small laugh from Lexa at her reaction._

_**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA** _

Clarke mingled calmly around the guests despite the increasing anxiety she felt as the time for the presentation neared. She was grateful for the glass of whiskey she currently held delicately between both hands. It served as both liquid courage and a distraction as she worked the surface of glass with her fingers.

She made sure to wear super discreet and extra strength deodorant for the event, and she was glad she had because she could only imagine what her armpits would look like if she hadn't. Her poor little blue dress would have been ruined for sure.

A few invitees struck up casual conversation with her, recognizing her from the pamphlets they had received upon entering the gallery, and made her feel welcomed with their soft smiles and gentle demeanors.

Thankfully Anthony had been correct about the scene she was stepping into. So far, the night proceeded without a hitch.

When she had a break in between small discussions, she made her way around the gallery. It was a gorgeous space nestled in the heart of Chicago. Typical of small galleries, it wasted no space with meaningless decorations, and every hanging space on the wall was carefully utilized with beautifully crafted sculptures and art frames.

It was the perfect space for her small collection. People would see her paintings and know that if they resided there, it was because they were meant to.

Clarke smiled as she read the title of the piece before her, her thoughts automatically shifting to Lexa. 'The Writer'. It featured a silhouette of a person complexly woven to an old-fashioned type writer. Nothing existed but the two and the moon which was worked into the dark silhouette of a desk lamp. It was an amazing piece and she suddenly wished she had her phone on her. Of course she knew the policy, and had gladly accepted it as she handed her clutch over to the doorman with the phone safely locked inside. Still, she wished she could snap a shot and send it to her girlfriend.

After greatly appreciating the piece she moved along to the next one. The colors and technique of the piece felt familiar to her. She didn't know why or how, but the title of the frame made it clear once she read it. 'Azgeda'. Her blood ran cold, but before she had a chance to fully process the unexpected bomb, her name was being called out by Jacapo Sinclair.

"Clarke we're ready to commence with the presentation." Jacapo outstretched his hand as he led Clarke alongside his wife towards the small platform against the furthermost wall.

She followed on autopilot, but her mind raced as she digested what she had stumbled upon just seconds prior.

The attendees gathered around as the three people of the event stood ready to start.

"Jacapo and I are pleased to introduce you all to the artist of the evening, Virginia native, Clarke Griffin." Callie welcomed Clarke forward and the blonde smiled politely with a small nod of her head. Her anxiety suddenly made her forget everything Anthony had shared with her and her own common sense. She struggled with the dilemma in her mind regarding bowing, curtseying, and such. Of course none of that was necessary, her nod of acknowledgement had been enough, but she had become extremely self-conscious in just the past few minutes. She was fortunate to have remembered her name otherwise she might have missed Jacapo calling her.

The couple clapped along with the guests before they continued to tell the artist's story and her achievements. Clarke took the time to scan the room for the one person she did not expect nor wanted to run into.

Would he still look the same? She questioned whether she would even recognize him now. Perhaps he had finally chopped off that unruly hair of his. Maybe not.

So, she searched for the only unmistakable feature of his, his piercing blue eyes.

And find them she did. As blue and as cold as the ice he was so fond of. His smile, however sincere, seemed contrived and she desired nothing more than to slap it off.

"Clarke would you like to say anything?" Callie Sinclair looked to the blonde expectantly.

There were about a million things Clarke was good at. Public speaking was not one of them. But the way the Sinclairs smiled at her made her feel obligated to try. She cleared her throat subtly before preparing her voice to project. "Thank you so much, Callie, Jacapo." She smiled at them before turning back to the audience. Her palms were sweaty again, and she wished she still had that cold class of whiskey to play with, but she tried her best to collect her nerves and her thoughts. "This small town girl from Virginia is grateful for the opportunity to showcase herself through the great city of Chicago. You guys are giving me a platform that I had neither expected nor imagined would manifest so soon. I hope that the work you have allowed me to submit to this beautiful gallery will draw both new and old enthusiasts of the arts. Thank you, again."

Everyone in the room clapped as they nodded along with her words. She felt proud then. Extremely.

If only Roan wasn't staring so fixatedly at her, she might have smiled wider.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh snap! What the hell is going on here? So much happened and I'm still trying to process it. So, Lexa is upset because Clarke submitted her story to her publishers. I feel that might be misplaced anger right? Clarke meant well. Of course she did, but will Lexa understand that? And it seems like Raven and Anthony are talking and maybe dating, but what's really going on with those two? I feel I shouldn't judge just yet. We'll see. And Roan! After all this time Roan runs across Clarke! The cruel tricks of the universe. What will happen next? Do you guys think it's going to get...CRAZIER? I have a feeling it might. Thanks for reading guys! See ya'll next week


	24. Gale Force Winds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys keep reading, and I'll keep writing. Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Lexa paced the living room while she waited anxiously for Clarke to return her calls. She had tried so many times that she eventually gave up. Her sixteen attempted calls and seven recorded voicemails were bordering on insanity, but her confusion and anger left her no other choice but to seek answers.

It was nothing short of a miracle when she finally threw herself down on the couch and sighed dejectedly into the plush arm.

The brunette kept repeating that she needed to stay calm, that everything would be alright, but she couldn't help the nagging voice that broke through every now and then questioning why Clarke had done what she did.

Eventually, she knew her only option was to get someone else to try and placate her.

Anya's voice came through after only a few rings and Lexa sighed in relief. "What's up little sister?"

"An, I need your wisdom and monotone voice. Now more than ever." Lexa muffled into the phone before turning to lay face up.

Her sister chuckled. "Asshole." She rolled her eyes at that monotone comment. "What happened? Are you having girlfriend troubles?"

Lexa sighed. "Kind of. No. I don't know sort of."

"Right." Anya laughed softly. "Nothing with you is ever that simple is it?" She teased. "What did you do to Clarke?"

The brunette knitted her brows disbelievingly. "I didn't do anything." She argued. "And I'm hurt that you would automatically think I'm at fault here."

"Clarke is a sweet girl. Not one for confrontation." Anya stated matter-of-factly. "The several Skype sessions we've had have been filled with nothing but smiles and praises from her." She continued.

Heaving another sigh Lexa closed her eyes tightly. "Fine. She's not one to fight, but she's not a saint alright. Stop trying to make her out to be one."

"Oh no, I'm sure she's not. You've probably already rubbed off on her by now."

"Asshole."

"Yes, hello, we're the asshole sisters." The older girl retorted. "So are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to guess?"

Lexa inhaled and began to recount everything that had led up to her finding out the manuscript had been mailed.

As it turns out, Lexa herself had forgotten about the envelope she had placed on the center table. She argued that she forgot about it because it had been moved in the first place. If it had been where she left it, she would have remembered to stash it away before she was truly ready to send it off.

The only reason she realized the packet was missing was because Maya Vie, MPC's lead administrator, had sent her a letter thanking her on behalf of Sienna Spencer, Cage Wallace, and the rest of MPC for having submitted her manuscript.

Anya listened on before she was ready to offer her opinion on the situation. "So when can you expect to hear back from them?"

Lexa groaned. "Anya you're digressing."

"Ok. Alright. So are you more upset that you were chickening out in sending it or that Clarke sent it for you without you knowing?"

The brunette almost yelled in frustration at her sister. She seemed to be in the mood of button pushing, and at such an opportune time. "I wasn't chickening out. It wasn't complete."

"Then why was it neatly stacked inside an envelope that you use to mail things in?" Anya asked in the same sarcastic voice her younger sister had just used.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Because it was almost complete."

"Then you shouldn't have placed it inside if you still had reservations about it." The older woman's honesty was something Lexa could always count on. Even though she didn't always appreciate it. "It seems to me little sis, that Clarke simply misunderstood your intention and thought she was doing you a solid. Besides, you'd think that someone so attached to a work piece would notice if it went missing all of a sudden.'

Her sister's reasoning made sense, but it was irritating Lexa. "It doesn't matter, Anya. Clarke shouldn't have done that. She shouldn't have meddled in my life."

She regretted the way the comment sounded, but she had said it, and she knew Anya sensed her remorse immediately. "You don't mean that. Besides, you two have been together for a while now, it's natural that your lives start to become about taking care of each other's needs. Aside from the obvious ones you know."

Lexa rolled her eyes for a second. Again, she hated that it all made sense, but she nodded to herself nonetheless.

There was a moment of silence before Anya continued. "I understand why you are upset. It's like your privacy was invaded, but think about it, it was in good faith. Give her a chance to explain."

"Yeah." Lexa scoffed. "That's if she ever calls me back. Thanks, An, I appreciate the talk. I'm gonna go now. I need a shower and a drink."

"Alright. Be nice. Don't do anything brash."

When they disconnected the call, Lexa felt better, but only marginally. Her brain was still racing and asking her a million questions she had no answers to.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

She managed to directly avoid Roan for the better part of the night, but Clarke knew that eventually her luck would run out.

It was a mystery to her whether she was more concerned for herself or for him. Mostly, she wanted to avoid a scene, especially given the fact that she had the support and respect from so many professionals present.

So, when Roan walked towards her, she breathed steadily several times and straightened her back to stand taller.

"I knew you would get to this level…eventually." Roan smiled.

"Did you?" Clarke asked with a hint of annoyance in her tone. When he nodded in response she wanted to slap him for lying. "Well thank you." She continued despite his condescending tone.

They looked at each other for several quiet moments, sizing each other up, comparing how much they stayed the same, and how much they had changed. It was expected, but that didn't mean that Clarke was at all happy or accepting of the way he seemed to be scrutinizing every inch of her.

"You look good, Clarke." He smiled smugly.

She rolled her eyes subtly, but suddenly decided she was over the farce. "That won't work on me now, Roan."

He seemed impressed with her instant response, but she made him smile wider then. "Can't an old friend appreciate and admire someone he was once close to?"

The blonde smiled and shook her head slowly. "No. No you can't. I'm sorry, but you lost that right a long time ago…friend."

His eyes squinted to near slits as he studied her. He shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I understand. You're still not over what happened. I'm sorry it all happened the way it did. If it makes you feel any better, Ontari and I lasted all of three months after that. I haven't seen her since high school."

It was tempting to walk away as Roan went on, but the artist held her composure and stood rooted to her spot. "You're an idiot." Was her only response.

Roan nearly laughed out loud before he recalled where they were and only chuckled. "I'm a different guy than I was back then. No longer an idiot, thank you."

"Sure." Clarke nodded with a sigh. "Anyway, Roan, thank you for coming. I need to go talk to the Sinclairs."

She pivoted and proceeded to walk away, satisfied with her self-composure and sense of dignity.

The guy would not budge, however, and he followed suit. "Admit it, Clarke, you miss the times when we would make each other better and you know the sex wasn't half bad either. If you're lonely, I'm right here. I know the life of an artist is a difficult one. I'm sure it's been tough trying to hold a relationship. It's why I refuse to do it."

His words infuriated the blonde so much she suddenly saw red, the angry sting of tears in her eyes became hard to ignore as well. She knew the place was not appropriate for whatever might flow out of her mouth then, so she smiled at her hosts before turning to face the blue-eyed man. Subtly she pulled on him and towards the exit of the building.

The doorman scurried to get her belongings, but by the time he outstretched his hands to her, she had stomped out. He sighed heavily because her abrupt exit only meant he would have to listen to the incessant vibrating in her purse for a while longer.

In the crisp Chicago air, Clarke pushed Roan into the brick wall while her eyes burned into him.

"You seem angry." Roan stated with a smirk, hoping to push her buttons. He liked passionate women. "Sorry if I was too loud in there."

"Shut up." Clarke began. "Stop the charade, stop apologizing, and stop pretending like you care about me or my work, just stop. What the hell are you doing here, Roan? Why did you show up? You had to have known what would happen if we crossed paths again."

"So you still feel it too?" He nodded before reaching to clasp her waist with his hands.

In one swift motion, the blonde slapped his hands down definitively. "No, asshole. I don't." She shook her head incredulously. "You're either really stupid or you're oblivious still to your own short-comings."

His eyes searched her body still as he knitted his brows to question her statement.

"You hurt me Roan, more than anyone had ever hurt me before, and that's that. I learned my lesson, and it has taken me some time to trust anyone and myself again, but I have. So please don't come back into my life now and make me question the progress I have made." She stood in place with her eyes locked on his. "Say something." She begged for him to acknowledge receipt of her words.

"I heard the Sinclairs had signed a contract with an artist from Virginia, and I knew it had to be you. I've worked with them for a couple of years now, so when I mentioned it, they jumped at the opportunity to reunite us old artist pals. Aren't you even slightly happy to see me? We're both growing. We're both here. You're here because of me as much as I'm here because of you."

A small puff of air escaped Clarke as she shook her head in disbelief. The guy was definitely ignorant to it all. "No, Roan, I'm here because of me. **Not** because of you. I looked up to you, but you broke all of that and more. No amount of time could ever change that. I have forgiven you, but that doesn't mean I care or even like you enough to be in the same room as you."

Roan's smile faded a bit before he pushed forward. The blonde retreated immediately, keeping her distance from him. "You forget that you called me." He paused and Clarke's eyes widened when he so bravely went there. She hated him a little more as she waited for him to continue with what she knew was coming. "When they were in that accident. I was the one you decided to call."

"I called you because I needed a ride." Clarke rebutted with tears in her eyes.

"You could have called anybody else. But you called me." His voice softened and Clarke hated him entirely now. He had no right to make himself the good guy in any part of her life story.

"I didn't have anybody else." The blonde swiped irately at the tear tracks on her cheeks. "I needed a friend not a fuck buddy." She glared at him with fresh tears welling up in her eyes. "As I recall, you left me in that hospital when I refused your advances. I had to call Wells and he had to drive down from Boston to come get me. It took him ten hours." A small laugh escaped her mouth. Not because she was happy, but because she couldn't believe the rush of emotions that were resurfacing. "You were such an ass to try and take advantage of my pain then. You had reaffirmed in my heart that leaving you had been the right thing to do. I was just a kid in love, and you used that every step of the way until you got bored and decided to move on to my friend."

Roan shook his head. "I was in love too, I still am. But that doesn't mean that I was ready to make you my one and only. I'm still not ready to make anyone that." He continued, and Clarke realized he was beyond understanding anything. "I hurt you, but I taught you how to be strong and survive after that. You're here and you're alive and well aren't you? I don't understand why it's so hard for you to accept that and move on."

"Oh my god, Roan." Clarke shook her head and decided she had shed her last tear over the entire part of her life that involved Roan. "Understand this, you're a jerk and no girl owes you anything. You use them to fulfill your own twisted desires of needing to fix them just so they can be grateful. There is no way in hell that I would ever say thank you for what you did. Never. I have moved on, and not that it's any of your business, but I'm happy. My career is kicking off and I'm in love with a great person, but please understand that none of it is because of you. Good bye, Roan."

"Lucky guy." Roan muttered with disappointment as she began to walk away from him.

"She **is** lucky, but so am I." Clarke retorted, aware that she had just used the 'l' word freely and casually moved along with it. It was bound to happen eventually; she just wished her first time confessing it would have been to Lexa. In person. Roan had taken that from her as well. The man was the devil incarnate.

Clarke was so flustered and in shock with everything that had just transpired that she almost forgot where she was. She nearly walked past the entrance to the gallery before she stopped dead in her tracks to recover before going back in.

The doorman smiled in relief at her and handed her the clutch. "Your purse has been buzzing for at least an hour." Clarke accepted it before smiling awkwardly at him and thanking him.

She became concerned when she lit up the phone screen to see she had several voicemails from Lexa and about a million more missed calls.

When she dialed her nervously to figure out what was going on, she was met with a few rings and her girlfriend's voice telling her to leave a message. She sighed heavily before trying her one more time.

"Hi babe. I'm sorry I missed your calls. Haven't left the gallery yet and we're not allowed to carry our phones. I'll be here another while before I head back to the hotel. I'll listen to your messages then. I hope everything is alright." She resisted the urge to finish with those three words that itched to break free from her lips. "OK. Bye."

Eventually, she walked back in to join the guests before they became suspicious of her absence.

It was some time later, after the night at the gallery wrapped up, that Clarke strode in to her room nearly collapsing from exhaustion on the bed.

Remembering her outfit and the makeup still on her face, she stood with a grunt and walked to the washroom. Clarke was not one for makeup unless the occasion called for it, and she suddenly remembered why. Taking it off was a pain. Especially if she was tired and in need of rest.

When she landed heavily back on the bed she reached for her phone, recalling the fact that Lexa had blown her up a few hours ago. She was surprised to find that the brunette hadn't called her or texted her back after she had left her own voicemail, but she shrugged it off.

Clarke thought about calling her back then, but when she realized it was after midnight back in California, she decided against it. Besides, if Lexa hadn't reached out again after having heard her voicemail, then it was probably something that could wait.

Before succumbing to sleep, the blonde made a mental note to listen the voicemails first thing in the morning.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke knew it was going to be bad, maybe worse, once she heard her girlfriend's voicemails. She had hurried off to the airport to make her flight, trying as she walked briskly to get ahold of Lexa.

Of course, it wasn't likely to happen. Not when Lexa's tone indicted she had been furious and in need of instant communication with her. Something that Clarke could not have given her then.

It was frustrating when she kept getting the brunette's voicemail, and Clarke imagined Lexa had felt the same way the previous night when she hadn't been able to reach her.

But after having sent a few text messages asking the writer if she was going to pick her up from the airport, and she still hadn't received an answer when she landed at LAX, Clarke became worried. Angry yes, but more concerned about what it all meant and the discussion that waited for her back home.

When the blonde had failed to get any response after some time, she hailed a rideshare instead.

Now, as she walked the hall towards their apartment, she realized she was nervous.

It took her much longer to open the door and go in than it had ever taken her, but she did eventually and she wished she could have postponed this a bit longer.

"Hi." Clarke muttered as she set her bag down next to her and closed the door.

Lexa didn't look up from her laptop as she replied. "Hey."

"You forgot to meet me at the airport."

"Sorry."

The only sound that resonated within the apartment was the steady tapping of Lexa's fingers on the keys. Neither girl said anything and neither one moved for a few minutes.

Clarke felt uneasy in the tense silence and cleared her throat to breach the subject. "I think we need to talk." She sighed before moving to sit opposite from Lexa's favorite spot.

"No, we don't have to." Lexa replied, again not moving her eyes away from the screen in front of her.

It seemed to the blonde that this was going to be much worse than she had anticipated, and there was no easy way to get through or around it. "I'm sorry about last night. I left you a voicemail and I called and texted this morning, but I never heard back from you." She exhaled silently as she waited for Lexa to react. "Look at me, please."

The writer ceased her tapping and managed not to glare too menacingly at her girlfriend when she did look up. "It's not about last night." She mouthed as she kept her eyes glued on the blue ones.

Clarke nodded both satisfied and anxious. "Alight. You're angry about me mailing in your work. I gathered as much from all seven voicemails." She paused with an apologetic gaze. "I did it because I thought you had forgotten to. I thought I was doing you a favor."

"No good deed goes unpunished." Lexa retorted as she finally set her laptop down on the center table. Her hands now clasped as she rested her elbows on the tops of her knees. "I didn't ask you for any favors, Clarke."

Her tone and standoffish glare made the blonde flinch back further into the cushions of the seat. "I didn't say you had." She defended herself. "Why are you so upset? I thought at the very least you would be happy that you finished your work."

Lexa shook her head. "That's just it, I'm not sure it was finished. That's why I hadn't sent it out, Clarke. I was double checking everything before I sent it off."

"It didn't seem that way, Lexa." The blonde argued. "It was ready to go in that envelope. I figured you were on your way to mailing it before Lincoln called you that day."

"It wasn't ready, and I wasn't going to mail it yet. You shouldn't have assumed." The brunette insisted as she shook her head again. "You should have asked. You could have told me you had mailed it before I received a note from MPC."

"I was going to tell you, babe. But between packing, dinner that night with O and Linc, and the trip I forgot. I'm sorry." She wanted to move towards the brunette, but she knew the girl wasn't ready yet.

She was right because Lexa stood heatedly from her seat. Her impatience and frustration evident with every step and swipe of her arm across the air. "The story didn't have a title yet. I was thinking about it. The cover page wasn't in there. You sent an unfinished copy to a professional publishing company, Clarke." Lexa knew she was being harsh with her accusations, but she really was angry. Whatever the intention, whatever the reason, Clarke hadn't helped her chances with MPC by sending a manuscript that was less than perfect.

"I'm sorry. Can't we call them and let them know that was me. That I mailed it in before you could add in the final touches? I'm sure they'll understand." The blonde suggested in hopes that her girlfriend would calm down.

"No. They won't understand. And you don't get it." Lexa nearly grunted.

The blonde felt the sudden urge to defend herself, even if it meant opening up a can of worms. "What's this really about, Lexa? Are you really upset because your work wasn't complete or because you still can't get past your insecurities with that publishing company?" The blonde asked and watched awkwardly as Lexa shifted on her feet with wide eyes. "They don't own you, Lexa. They don't even know you. You're an amazing writer and if they can't see that then forget them. Stop feeling like a failure because of them."

"This isn't about them?" Lexa muttered as she sighed and paced behind her seat.

"Really? Because I've sat on the sidelines for a while just watching you as you exhaust and second guess yourself since they denied you." Clarke argued.

There was no doubt that the conversation with Maunon had definitely left Lexa feeling inadequate. And yes, maybe more times than not she would delete entire sections because she felt they were a waste of space in her story, but what writer didn't overly criticize their own work?

Still, if the brunette was honest with herself, she would admit that her work ethic had changed since then, and not always for the better. But admitting that wasn't helping her at all.

If anything, it upset Lexa more.

"Let's not talk about insecurities, Clarke." She spit out, almost regretfully, but with clear derision in her voice.

Feeling the sting of it, the artist rose to walk towards the kitchen. She was unsure about her goal when she made her way in that direction, but she ended up in front of the fridge with her hands on the handle.

Lexa was confused and nervous. The silence that settled over them marked an unstable place for them in their argument. Were they finished? Was Clarke not going to argue back after that jab? Was she so upset that she had no words? Should Lexa walk away and let their emotions ebb some?

It took Clarke three minutes to decide she needed nothing from the fridge before she walked back slowly towards where the brunette stood awkwardly.

"I'm sorry." Lexa whispered as she shook her head. "That was a low blow."

"Yes, it was." Clarke nodded in agreement. "You know how much I struggled with myself, why would you bring that up? This isn't about me."

There was a heavy exhale with a hand rubbing the stress off her face before she replied. "This has everything to do with you, Clarke. You did something without my consent, took something that was mine and made it about you. Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Why did you have to intervene? And then you ignore my calls when I really needed you to explain." The flood gates opened and both the words and emotions came spilling out. Lexa was shocked at her outburst, but she waited for a response. She needed a response.

Clarke snorted and threw her head back as she tried to calm herself. "I intervened?" She paused in disbelief. She didn't even want to ask the girl to clarify that. "What the hell, Lexa. You think I mailed your story in for my fucking sake? Are you kidding me?" She shook her head. "I can't believe you right now. You sound like a child trying to pass the buck off to the next idiot kid on the playground."

"You've been pushing me to submit anything to MPC, and when you saw the opportunity you took it." Lexa continued. "Did you really do it to be a nice girlfriend or because you were tired of hiding your happiness and success while I moped around?"

This was it. This was what Clarke had feared all along. Whether Lexa meant it or not, she said it, and that meant that deep down the issue still lingered. Still, the blonde was flabbergasted.

"Wow." She shook her head again. "I'm at a loss for words right now."

"The truth hurts." Lexa nodded as she walked back around to sit in her seat.

"The truth?" Clarke asked rather loudly. "You couldn't be further from the truth if you tried, Lexa. I can't believe you. We talked about this, and we promised we wouldn't let that go there. I took your word for it and now you're throwing it back in my face?"

"Forget it, Clarke. We're done talking about this." The girl grabbed her laptop and continued to type away.

"You're right. We are." Clarke couldn't believe the argument, and she was so hurt and bothered by her girlfriend's demeanor that she couldn't stay in the same room for much longer. She sighed before moving towards the bag she had dropped on the floor and headed for the door. Her eyes burned, but she held the tears at bay. Their first real argument and she had no idea how to resolve it. "The truth is I sent it for you. Whether that was right or not I don't know, but I sure as hell never imagined you would be upset enough to say what you did." The blonde whispered as she opened the door.

"Where are you going?" Lexa panicked as she heard the doorknob turn and grind against itself. Her eyes moved immediately from her screen and towards Clarke's reddened eyes.

"I don't know. I'll call you."

"Clarke…." Lexa shook her head, but couldn't speak. She wasn't sure what to say or whether her words would mean anything to her girlfriend now. And because she was confused and still upset, she said the first thing that came to her mind. "Fine."

"Fine." The blonde draped the strap over her shoulder and walked out. "I'm surrounded by idiots." She whispered to herself, but Lexa caught some of it.

She had no idea what that was all about, but there was no use wondering now. Her girlfriend was out the door.

The door clicked shut and both girls exhaled dismally. Fresh tears rolled down each of their faces. Their argument concluded so far outside the realm of their expectations.

Having Clarke leave was the last thing Lexa wanted.

Leaving was the last thing on Clarke's mind.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So much happened, and Clarke seemed to just not catch a break. I understand Lexa's qualms, however, but still. Clarke had a rough few days. That guy Roan is a skip. Hehehe. I wonder if we'll see him again or if Clarke finally go through to him. I hope our girls fix their issues though. See you guys next week!


	25. Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest readers, I apologize for the delay. The last couple of weeks have been very chaotic for me. If you follow me on Tumblr you already know I was out of the country with an ailing relative. I have felt rather lonely without you all, so I'm back, and I couldn't be more relieved or de-stressed. Thank you for making me feel this way. Please enjoy this chapter, and I will see you again next week. Sorry for any mistakes.

__

_"I think I love you." Finn mouthed nonchalantly before grinning like a fool._

__

_Clarke had no idea how to react as she lifted herself up on an elbow to look at him._

__

_Of course she cared about him, more than she ever thought possible, but she had yet to truly dissect her feelings for the boy._

__

_The beginning of their relationship was a whirlwind of dance parties, movie dates, and lots of sex. Nothing had really changed by the time Finn asked her to be his girlfriend, and less growth took place between then and now that he let the "l" word spill freely form his mouth._

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_Clarke found solace in the fact that he had added uncertainty to the beginning of his declaration. This meant he himself wasn't at all certain he was ready for that._

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_Besides, the last time she felt deeply for someone, he ended up breaking her heart. She was in no hurry to get there with anyone else._

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Three days had gone by and Clarke had yet to call Lexa.

She knew she probably should, if only to ease the brunette's mind, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Partly because she was pigheaded, but mostly because she was afraid.

There was a deep-seeded worry that gnawed at her, one that revolved around allowing Lexa to hold so much power over her. Much like she had done so the previous two times in her life.

It was an irrational fear, mostly, but an obstinate one.

So, Clarke decided to wait a few days while everything settled before she confronted Lexa again.

"You'll have to see her at work tomorrow." Raven commented as she poured them another glass of wine.

Clarke had made up her mind about where to stay as soon as she left the apartment. One phone call later, the brunette had opened her door wide with a sympathetic look. She was as inviting as she was nosy, though, and she questioned the blonde as soon as she had settled in.

They spent hours talking about what had happened, and sleep didn't come easy that night for the artist, but the following day she felt much better.

Raven was still in awe of the entire situation, and she kept picking Clarke's brain for some sort of understanding. "I still can't believe she was that upset. You know Lexa, she's super sweet and understanding. It's not like her."

The blonde shrugged. "I get it, it's her work. I shouldn't have stuck my nose in her business, but I honestly was doing it with the best intention."

"She knows that." Raven added with a slow nod before she sat beside her friend on the couch. "It's just going to take you walking out on her to realize it."

Heaving a sigh Clarke shook her head. "I didn't want to walk out. That's the last thing I wanted. Especially with everything that's happened the last few days." She sipped on her wine distractedly.

"Spit it out, Griff." Her friend urged with a knowing look.

Clarke proceeded to tell Raven the details from Chicago. Everything from how well she was received to the drinks she had. She didn't miss anything and definitely didn't skip the part about running into her ex. It was as if her mouth and brain were on autopilot, they just kept going on without her. Had she really been thinking about it, she might have omitted the part where she told Roan she was in love.

But she hadn't, and now her friend stared at her with an open mouth as she divulged the rather important detail. "I knew you two were all googly eyed for each other, but damn. You're in love." She grinned at her.

"Shut up, Rae." The girl shook her head as she rolled her eyes playfully. "I shouldn't have told you."

"I assume Lexa doesn't know." She stated rather than asked.

The artist shook her head. "I mean, I hope she knows deep down, but I haven't said it out loud."

"I bet she knows, unless she's as dense as…other people, then she might not have a clue."

Clarke stared at her friend suspiciously, but tabled what she wanted to ask until they got through what they were discussing. "I don't expect her to read my mind, but I hope she has some clue. And, I honestly think she feels the same." She paused to remember a time when Lexa almost said something to her. "It sounded like she wanted to say it once, but she stopped herself."

"You two are idiots." Raven smiled and shook her head. "But I get it, that's a huge thing to commit to. Can't really just slip the words in randomly, ya know." She pretended to talk to someone then. "Can you pass me the salt, I love you, thanks." The pair laughed at that and sighed. "Well, I think you and Lexa have lots to talk about when you decide you're ready."

There was a small grunt from the blonde. "I know. I know."

They were quiet for a few moments as they continued to drink their wine. "Things aren't going to work out with Anthony."

"What?" Clarke knitted her brows in disappointment. "Why not? You two seemed to be having fun."

"Fun, yes." Raven nodded. "He's sweet, and I like him, but he's in a huge hurry to move forward with things."

"Like?" The blonde urged her to continue.

"He's been hinting at sex, and I'm all up for some casual fun in that department, but he's too pushy. Desperate."

"Is it possible you're misunderstanding what he's saying?" She suggested.

Raven shook her head emphatically. "Nope. The boy's got a bad case of attachment or something because he's begging me for it. I'm not down with that."

"Wow." Clarke smiled. "Well, I'm sorry that it didn't work out. I was really rooting for you two." She nodded in earnest. "This doesn't mean, however, that you get to go back to your old ways."

Raven shrugged. "I'm over it. We'll see what happens."

"Maybe you need a girlfriend." Clarke teased.

Her friend didn't argue it.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa rushed to the door when she heard the knock. In truth, she hoped it would be Clarke, but she had her key and the last time she knocked was months ago so she knew it couldn't be her.

When she opened the door she was shocked to see her sister glaring at her.

"What?" Lexa shrugged before she went for a hug.

Anya reciprocated before pushing her sister away playfully. "I came to help you fix your life you dweeb."

A short snort escaped Lexa as she shook her head and led them to the living room. "I don't need you to fix anything, An. How the hell did you make it down here so fast?" She sat down with a heavy exhale.

"As soon as I sensed you were going to make this a huge deal, I booked a flight to help open your eyes. You can be so stubborn some times. Besides, I could use a break from the rain right about now."

The younger brunette opened her mouth to argue, but shook her head and bit her tongue. "You didn't have to come down, An. I can fix my own issues, I'm an adult remember?"

"Yeah, yeah." Anya sat down across from her with a grin. "So where's Clarke? I assume you already made up with her, right? You know, since you're an adult and everything."

Lexa sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly before throwing her head back on the couch. "She walked out and told me she would call me. That was three days ago."

Anya shook her head. "Got any beer? This is going to be a long night."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Indra draped articles of clothing over Titus, nearly drowning him in the fabric as she rambled on about the play and her "kids". She had volunteered the man to assist her since he stepped through the door, and now not a soul could keep her from her objective.

"What are you so excited about?" Titus asked with a suspicious knitting of his brows.

The woman either ignored or missed his question because she moved about as if no sound but her own voice had just sliced through the air. "I have to make sure this fits Raven. That girl is so thin I can never be sure even the smallest size will do. Remind me to have her try it on as soon as she gets in so I can alter it right away if it's no good."

"Indra." He cut in.

"Oh, do you think this is too tight for Lincoln? I think it might be too tight for him. He's the complete opposite of my little Octavia." She sighed. "Those two are going to be the death of me."

"Indra?" Titus finally got her attention as he stopped and made her drop the last shirt on the floor rather than on the heap he carried. "What's going on?"

Indra smiled wide and waved him off nonchalantly. "Nothing. We have a big night to prepare for. Come on, Titus stop chit chatting and get to work."

He wanted to argue with her, but he shook his head instead. "You will be the death of me woman."

Back near the bar, Lexa walked behind her work area with her sister in tow. They smiled at one another before everyone made their way over to say hello to the eldest Silva.

"It's been too long, Anya." Lincoln was the first to engulf her in an embrace. "Why do you hide up there in gloomy Seattle so much?"

The woman smiled. "So I can get this kind of welcome when I do pop in." She teased with a grin. "I've missed you, Linc. How's life?"

"Great. Can't complain. Lexa keeps me on my toes so there's never a dull day."

The brunette huffed behind the bar as she prepped her glasses and bottles.

"What was that?" Anya turned to tease her sister and smiled victoriously when she got no response. "I believe you, Linc."

After everyone had separated and moved to their areas, Anya sat on a stool and watched her sister work. "There she is." Indra made her way carefully down the steps as the woman turned around to face her in her seat.

"I might have told Indra I was bringing you in today." Lexa whispered before she stuck her tongue out.

Indra, to put it mildly, adored Anya. She had held the woman in the highest esteem from the start, and when she witnessed first-hand how much she helped Lexa when Costia died, she knew she respected her more than others that had crossed paths with her.

On one occasion she even attempted to convince her not to leave and to work for her. Anya had declined politely using her job in Seattle as an excuse.

It was an honor, true, but Anya still felt rather uncomfortable with the doting affection Indra was capable of.

"You will pay for this." Anya glared at her sister before standing to hug the woman in front of her. "How are you Indra?"

"I'm great, sweetie. How are you? How's Seattle? Married now?"

Both Silvas chuckled softly after hearing Indra's excited tone. "I'm great. Can't say the same about your lovely Alexandria back there, but I'm great. God no, not married. Not sure that's for me." She shook her head emphatically.

"Oh come on, you'll find the right person and your opinion now will be very different then." Indra waved her off. "Trust me. Love is a crazy thing."

"You got that right." Lexa muttered as she wiped down the surface of her counter. When she looked up she saw both women looking at her curiously, she feigned nonchalance and said, "Sorry to interrupt. Proceed.".

"Alexandria what did you do?" Indra questioned her then.

Lexa shook her head and nearly laughed in disbelief. "Why does everyone assume it's me?" Her own sister had immediately placed the blame on her, and though it didn't bother her at first, it was beginning to irritate her now.

"Because it is." Anya replied.

The brunette glared at her as she stopped cleaning her area. "Shut up, An."

"Alright, alright. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Is everything OK with Clarke?" The older woman asked.

Neither one spoke, and all Indra got in response was a shrug from her dear bartender slash playwright. "I'm working on it." Anya stepped in. "All this one needs is a light tap on the backside of her head so she can get going."

Indra sighed dejectedly, afraid that two of her beloved children were in the midst of romantic troubles. And while that in itself was enough to sadden her, she also hoped her business would not suffer because of it.

Suddenly, as if Lexa had written it on a cue card herself, the door swung open and in walked Clarke with her arm linked in Raven's.

"Oh boy." Indra whispered. "I expect you two to be cordial and professional here at work. I love you both, but if you guys cause me any drama off that stage, you're out for the night…maybe the week." She added before she walked away. "Hi girls. Raven I'll need you on stage soon for a fitting." She waved at the girls before disappearing up the stairs.

Clarke's eyes immediately caught Lexa's as they made their way deeper into the room. She fought the urge to walk to her for a kiss. Man did she fight hard- her lips and heart were tough opponents, ones she rather not go to battle with.

Lexa nodded at the pair. "Hi."

"Hey." Clarke replied.

"Lex." Raven smiled. "You didn't tell me the better of the Silvas was coming to town." She teased before hugging Anya tightly. "How are you, An?"

The taller brunette smiled down at the dancer. "I'm good, Rae. Staying out of trouble?"

"Oh you know me." She replied with a grin.

"It's why I asked." Anya replied and everyone chuckled, allowing the levity to break the tension that became thick when they strode in. "Still boy crazy?"

Raven wrinkled her nose. "I've never been boy crazy."

"Please." She paused. "How could I forget Lexa's stories of your weekly crushes? I believe every single band member has been an unknowing victim of your fantasy daydreams."

"Not true." Raven argued. "I hate you, Lexa." She muttered at her friend who smiled wickedly before digging around for her glass crates. "I've had crushes…sure…but who hasn't? Right, Clarke?" She looked back to the blonde for help.

Clarke snapped and faced her friend in a hurry to reply. Her eyes had been searching under the counter, waiting impatiently to fall upon the green orbs she had come to love so much. "All I know is you've got serious guy trouble." The artist smiled and made her way over to Anya. "Finally getting to put my arms around you, huh?" She hugged the older woman and sighed.

"Hi, Clarke." Anya replied with an apologetic smile. "How are you?"

"Ok, I guess." She shrugged. "How long are you in town for? I'd like to sit and have dinner or something."

Anya smiled and looked to see if Lexa had resurfaced so they could communicate silently, but when she realized she was probably hiding, she replied. "Not sure, but I would love to get together. I'll call you?"

"Sure thing." The artist replied before excusing herself so she could get ready for the night.

The woman rolled her eyes. "You gonna stay down there all night?" She mouthed before her sister stood up looking guilty. "You're an idiot." She added.

"Shut up."

"I'd like to have dinner with you, too, An. Let me know." Raven smiled. "And you…" She looked at her friend. "Stop hiding and deal with whatever's going on. You two are too good for each other to let it go to waste on petty crap."

Lexa rolled her eyes then and wrapped her fingers around a crate she had pulled up. "All of you need to mind your own business and let us resolve this on our own."

"Can you imagine if we did that, they'd never speak to each other again." Anya joked with Raven before the dancer walked away to meet Indra backstage.

"You're so annoying." Lexa retorted as she walked towards the storage room with the crate in her hands.

"Love you, too." Anya replied with a firm shake of her head.

Clarke and Lexa managed to work alongside each other professionally. Despite the tension whenever they were near, and the fact that both had wanted to open up about what they felt on multiple passes, they steered clear of any drama.

Even when their fingers brushed and their eyes went wide with electricity, they didn't say anything that didn't have to do with drinks, bar tabs, and Tassels.

Indra appreciated that and she hugged both girls to let them know it. She took each one under an arm before smiling wide at them. "See you girls tomorrow. Good night."

The rest of the group separated with awkward goodbyes, unsure about where 'Clexa' stood, deciding it best to call it a night and spare everyone the tension fest.

Before long, Anya and Raven were the only two that stood in the parking lot with Clarke and Lexa.

The older Silva's eyes shifted from her sister to the blonde that currently played with the zipper on her sweater, waiting to see who would be the first to break.

Raven shuffled slowly on her feet before she took it upon herself to push the issue. "If you two aren't going to say anything to each other we should leave." She looked pointedly at Clarke.

Anya smiled, appreciating the girl's boldness. "Yeah, it's past my bedtime, either Raven and I split to leave you to it, or we all call it a night."

Clarke and Lexa sighed simultaneously as they swallowed the urge to groan at the two people in front of them.

There was a familiar burning in the pit of Lexa's stomach as she battled with the increasing desire to wrap her arms around her girlfriend, the need to yell out her frustrations, and the reluctance to do neither of the two.

"It's ok, Rae, I don't want to hold you up, you probably want to head home." Clarke suggested after a few uncomfortable moments of silence.

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat as she shook her head. She wanted to go against what the blonde had suggested, but her brain wouldn't let her.

"Actually, I'll go with you Raven." Anya cut in after seeing Lexa's reaction to the blonde's comment. "Let these two sort their shit out." She smiled. "Love you, Lex. Bye Clarke, we'll talk soon." The woman pivoted and pulled the dancer along with her, leaving two stunned girls behind with no thoughts on where to begin or how to move forward.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

__

_Clarke paced as she waited for Finn to meet her in the gym. The building would be deserted, no classes were due to take place there the rest of the day, perfect for what needed to be discussed._

__

_She had been thinking about how to bring up the topic of conversation for at least two months, and each time it seemed less approachable and more nerve-wrecking._

__

_When she saw her boyfriend's head bob into view through the too-small-to-be-useful windows, and finally walked through the royal blue doors, Clarke sighed. Whether she did so out of relief or anxiety, she couldn't decide._

__

_"I hate those doors." She blurted out loud, deciding that would be how she would start the conversation. Anxiety, definitely anxiety. "I just realized that." Finn knitted his brows as he came to a stop before her. "Royal blue is a nice color, sure, but whoever painted those doors didn't prime it or seal it, the chips are making my eyes twitch. And don't get me started on those ridiculous windows. Why include a window at all if not even a cat could fit through it? I mean, assuming the cat could rescue us from a burning inferno, you know?" Clarke paused and cleared her throat when Finn gave her another confused look. "That's another topic altogether, though, not something to start right now."_

__

_"Clarke?" He finally questioned._

__

_She waved him off, dismissing his concerned look. "Thanks for meeting me."_

__

_"Are you breaking up with me?" The boy asked with a disbelieving glare._

__

_Clarke wrinkled her own nose in confusion before laughing softly. "No." She touched his arm to pacify his sudden unease. "Actually, I want to talk about how we can make this last longer."_

__

_They sat on the bleachers for more than an hour, not minding the fact that each of them had just missed a lecture, talking about the inevitable end to their high school career and what it all meant for them._

__

_It was long ago decided that they would not be attending the same college. They were on different career paths, vastly different, and unfortunately each of their school choices was centered around each of their majors._

__

_"I don't care how we do it, I go to you, you come to me, we meet in the middle, I don't care." Finn reiterated. "If we both try to be there, and we meet face to face every now and then, I know we can make it work."_

__

_Clarke nodded, her tears of worry finally dissipating as she heard his reassuring voice. "We can make it work. I know we can." She nodded in agreement._

__

_"It will be hard, I'm not saying it won't be, but we will do everything we can." Finn added. "Because I know this is worth it."_

__

_"Really?" The blonde smiled, encouraging her boyfriend to share more of his compliments with her. "You think so?"_

__

_"I know so." He repeated with another nod._

__

_They nodded in unison before Clarke leaned in to kiss him softly. "I love you, Finn." She whispered as she pulled away. "I know we're worth it." She hugged him and sighed as he squeezed tightly, holding on to her with everything in him._

__

_"I love you, Clarke."_

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

"Fuck." Lexa whispered as she watched her sister walk away.

A clearing of a throat forced the brunette to look away from the two figures that disappeared into her friend's car.

"I can catch a rideshare to her place. Go home." Clarke suggested despite the voice in her head that told her not to let the girl go anywhere.

Lexa felt guilty as soon as she saw the genuine look of disappointment on her girlfriend's face. She sighed softly before shaking her head. "No, please, there's no need. I can drop you off."

"Honestly, I don't know if that's a good idea." Clarke responded.

The brunette shook her head, the frustration building inside and making her smile but not because she was happy. "This is ridiculous." Admittedly, those were not the words she expected to come out of her mouth, but she shrugged it off and searched for the blonde's blue eyes.

With a look of slight disbelief, the artist shrugged in question. "Standing out here with nothing to say "this'? Or this fight 'this'?" Once the words were out, she felt a rise in her courage and her own anger began to manifest in the form of raw honesty. "Because while both are ridiculous, one of them is slightly more absurd than the other." She paused and felt some gratification when she saw Lexa's eyes fall remorsefully onto the blemished concrete. "I'm not sure which one is which, but they both piss me off, Lexa."

Groaning in understanding Lexa nodded. "You don't think I'm pissed about this, too?" She finally allowed her eyes to travel back up and lock with the girl's. "We could talk about anything for hours. When we first met we carried conversations so well. This is not like us, avoiding each other's eyes, dancing around words we want to say. I hate it."

"So do I." Clarke retorted.

Sighing heavily, Lexa muttered. "Well then let's fix this."

The artist nodded emphatically. "Alright, you start." Clarke challenged with crossed arms.

"What?" Lexa knitted her brows and recoiled when she heard the tone her girlfriend used. "Why me?"

Shaking her head Clarke laughed. "Everything was alright. We were OK. Nothing was wrong with us."

"So it's my fault?" Lexa questioned angrily. "How's is this my fault when you overstepped in the first place?"

"I overstepped?" Clarke dropped her arms and made her way closer to the brunette that suddenly appeared younger and in more distress than ever. "I'm sorry you feel that." She stopped when her Converse-clad toes bumped Lexa's boot. "I'm sorry you can't see that maybe, just maybe, I stuck my nose in your fucking business because I cared."

The writer felt the need to retreat, but found herself trapped against the trunk of her car. Obliviously she had been backpedaling from the start. "It doesn't matter. You deliberately submitted my story, one I had told you repeatedly I was not comfortable with; to a company that sees me as a joke. I needed time to come to terms with that. I needed to prepare myself for the possible consequences if and when I chose to deliver it to them. I might not have sent it in the first place, and you assumed I would. You invaded my privacy and were inconsiderate of what I might feel."

"Fuck that." Clarke rebuffed. "You **know** I know you better than that. I recognize your feelings, even when you think you've fooled everyone else." Her eyes spared a downward glance at the brunette's plump lips, slightly parted to accommodate the increased intake of air. When her eyes locked back onto the green ones in front of her, she smiled, and her hands traveled automatically to Lexa's hips. "You've wanted to submit that story for weeks, to MPC, to anyone. You only stopped every time because you were scared to get rejected again, and I understand that more than most people. But you knew the story was good and done; otherwise you wouldn't have packed it away. If you had doubts, that manuscript wouldn't have seen the light of day and your words would still be hidden away in the safety of your laptop."

Lexa swallowed, both impressed and frightened because this beautiful girl, someone who had battled her own share of demons and insecurities, knew her and understood her so well. The attention to detail was undoubtedly an investment made only by someone who truly and deeply cared. Someone who…

"But I wasn't ready." She fought hard against the epiphany that threatened to consume her world, using any excuse to keep herself on topic and not digress to where she really wanted to go.

Clarke sighed heavily before taking the brunette's face in her hands, forcing the girl to really look at her and understand what she was offering up in her revelations. "Are you ready now?"

"Wh- what?" The brunette stammered.

Smiling wide and looking at her with determination, the blonde went for it. She brought their lips together in a fury of passion.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. These two. What do you guys see happening next with our girls? I sure hope they work out this issue. I need some happy Clexa again. So...Anya, huh? Hehehe.


	26. Regenerate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! New chapter. I'd like to say thank you to all the readers who are still with me and this story even 26 chapters later. I am having a great time writing it, and in turn reading what you all have to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you guys stick around till the end. Enjoy, and sorry for any mistakes.

Every neuron in Lexa's brain fired at once, like tiny warning lights in her head that were telling her she was about to play with fire.

Fireworks.

But like fireworks, the signals in the brunette's head were as dangerous as they were beautiful. She enjoyed that they were making her hyper aware of the teeth that sunk into her lips. She liked that they helped her recall the last time they kissed like this just by the smell of Clarke's perfume. It was dangerous, what she was doing, what they were about to do, but Lexa couldn't fathom breaking away from the warm mouth she was glued to.

Like a kid watching fireworks, she couldn't turn away, no matter how bright and loud the show was.

It was then that Lexa became conscious of the sounds in her ears. Aside from the obvious moans and groans, she heard as much as felt their feet shuffling towards somewhere. Their steps were messy as they scraped at the pavement below, but their feet moved in sync with each other.

When she felt the cold shape of a key ring in her hands, the brunette knew exactly where they were headed. Her body had worked against her, but she felt no fight in her as the key turned in the deadbolt and her fingers worked to open the door.

"When do I get a key?" Those were the first words she had heard her girlfriend utter since she pounced on her in the parking lot, and Lexa admitted she didn't appreciate them much.

So, she shushed her before feeling guilty about it. "Nobody knows I have one." She offered before she kicked the door shut and pulled Clarke back into her to continue their kiss.

"Not on the bar top." The blonde moved away from their kiss with a wet pop. "Please tell me that's not a fantasy of yours." She teased, only partially, as she hoped in the dark that Lexa wouldn't suggest they have make-up sex on the counter.

Again, words that Lexa could do without. She couldn't pinpoint her irritation, but she knew she wanted to hear nothing but their heavy breathing. Except, this time she chose to make it somewhat of an option for the blonde instead of forcing her to keep quiet. "Do you want to do this or not, Clarke?"

Clarke nodded as she moved in to take her girlfriend's lips, her hands holding the defined face captive.

Their lips moved over each other, alternating with unforgiving bites, as Lexa walked them carefully and quickly towards the stairs. "No, not the vanity room." Clarke whispered into the girl's mouth. "Backstage." She bit a plump bottom lip before she stopped again. "Clothes."

A frustrated groan escaped the brunette as she rolled her eyes. Not even the fact that they were tightly shut stopped her from doing so. "We're not having sex on Raven's wardrobe." She finally muttered as she pulled away to look seriously at Clarke.

"OK." The blonde inhaled to calm herself. They were both flustered and annoyed. "Maybe we don't have sex at all." She couldn't believe the words as they escaped her mouth.

Lexa nodded despite the disappointment she felt flood her. "We shouldn't." She bit her lip to keep from contradicting herself with a loud 'fuck it'.

They stood in the middle of the room, cocktail tables neatly lined to the side, as their hearts slowed and their breathing returned to normal. Nothing but the shine from the neon sign outside and the street lights illuminated their forms for one another.

Clarke sighed heavily as she reverted to toying with her zipper once again. A tick of hers apparently, and not one overlooked by her girlfriend. The green eyes across from her caught onto the slender fingers that moved the tiny object up a few teeth and down some.

She inhaled and breathed out with a small laugh before she looked away.

"So…"

"I guess we should…"

They shook their heads, amused by their timing as they interrupted each other.

"I can get that rideshare now. If you think it's best I go, I will." Clarke suggested even though she felt the need to stay rooted in place until they came closer to resolving their issues.

Lexa shook her head slowly before looking away. "No." She finally said. "We have to talk." Her eyes moved back to Clarke's.

The blonde nodded gratefully. "Want to flip a coin this time?" She smiled apologetically.

"I have a better idea." The writer replied as she walked towards the bar. Her fingers worked by memory as they found the switch for the rope lights. The tiny bulbs lit up and reflected off the glass bottles and polished tap handles, but none of them gave off as much of a sparkle as Lexa's eyes. "Want a drink?" She extended her hand towards the empty stool opposite her and smiled when Clarke moved towards it.

The blonde sauntered over and smiled wide. "Are you buying?"

Lexa shrugged as she looked around for effect. "It's on the house."

"In that case, top shelf, please."

"Let's not get carried away." The brunette replied with a grin as she took a bottle of their more expensive whiskey and poured it into two tumblers. "Indra makes tick marks on the bottles every night."

"No, she doesn't. You're terrible." Clarke shook her head, feeling relieved that their banter had not suffered as she feared it would. Hopefully they could keep it all from falling apart if they talked it through thoroughly.

They shared another low laugh before they drank the liquid slowly and in the quiet chaos of their thoughts. Nothing could be heard in the building, and that served as motivation for them to begin.

It wasn't awkward when they trained their glances on each other for several beats. Neither one moving to speak until Lexa looked down at the countertop. "You were right." The writer broke the silence as Clarke looked up from her tumbler with knitted brows. "I was angry because I was scared to get rejected." She admitted. "You were an easier target, so I lashed out on you, but I shouldn't have." They looked at each other before she continued. "Yes, that was wrong, and I'm sorry that I picked a fight with you before I really talked it through."

"If you say 'but', it negates whatever you said before." Clarke whispered, hoping her girlfriend wasn't about to fault her again.

Lexa glared at the blonde playfully before shaking her head in earnest rebuttal. "But…you were wrong in assuming your actions wouldn't affect me negatively somehow. I get why you feel that, but it wasn't all about you doing this for my own good. You knew how I felt about my story and about MPC, and you willingly disregarded my feelings on the issue."

"I honestly didn't think about it that way." Clarke defended.

The brunette nodded. "I know." She poured them another stream of the liquor before proceeding. "At the time I felt you either had no concern for my insecurities, or you did and overlooked it anyway. Either way, I'm still hurt that you can't seem to see you were wrong to force me into a situation I was dreading, and can't say sorry for it."

Clarke sighed forlornly, feeling like an asshole for only then realizing why Lexa was so upset.

They took a moment to swallow some of the whiskey before the blonde nodded with watery eyes. . "I feel like such a dick and the world's most inconsiderate girlfriend." She shook her head with a sorrowful expression.

Lexa shook her head too before tossing back the rest of her drink. "You're not. I'm not saying you are. I just needed to explain why I'm so mad at the situation, Clarke. I now see where we both went wrong, and I want to fix it."

"Yeah." The younger girl nodded. "I do too."

"I hate what this is doing to us both. I just want to be with you. I hate going home alone. I don't like that your side of the bed has been cold these past days. I wake up wishing I could kiss you, and then wishing I wasn't so upset that you aren't there." The brunette sighed as she leaned back to rest on the counter below the bottles of alcohol. "I don't want to assign blame, but I don't want either of us to think we can get away with hurting each other and then fixing it by ignoring it or jumping straight to sex."

The other girl nodded emphatically. "I get it. I do. I never meant to make you feel like I ignored your feelings. I never want you to think I don't care."

Clarke wanted nothing more but to make Lexa believe she never meant to hurt her.

Lexa needed nothing more than Clarke's sincere apology to feel liberated from the anger and hurt she felt.

Another small sigh escaped the brunette as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I know you care, Clarke." She allowed her eyes to travel back towards the blonde a moment later.

"I'm sorry." Clarke spoke before the other girl could say anything else.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Raven laughed out loud as she heard yet another Lexa story from her older sister.

The girl in the passenger seat would not stop talking. Despite several warnings from Raven about possibly peeing herself, Anya kept recounting the best of Lexa's embarrassing moments to the dancer.

"Stop." Raven inhaled deeply as she wiped the tears of laugher with one hand, and held the wheel with the other. "Please, An, stop."

Anya finally grinned and chuckled softly before nodding in defeat. "And that wasn't even my favorite story." She looked out the passenger window knowing the other girl would question her out of curiosity.

The younger brunette sighed in relief at having a moment to really compose herself. "There's a better story than that?"

"Oh, yeah." Anya nodded slowly and with purpose. "I still haven't told you what happened when she tried to get a girl's attention."

"Oh, that one should be good." Raven nodded in agreement. "But please wait till I can empty this bladder before you make my ass laugh like you did just now." She warned.

"Are you closer than Lexa's?" The older girl questioned suddenly.

"Yup, but I can take you to her place, it's no problem really."

"No." Anya replied. "Let's go to your apartment. I want to leave those two alone in case they've made up." She added.

Raven liked the suggestion, and she headed home with her friend. It had been too long since they had talked, and it felt good to be around her again. "Think they got their shit together?" She broke the unexpected silence in the car.

"It's tough to say. You know Lexa can be stubborn, but I know she loves that girl. She'll listen to what she has to say, and she'll find it in her to forgive her."

"Wait, did Lexa tell you she loves Clarke?" Raven asked wide-eyed.

The eldest Silva craned her neck to look at the surprised expression on her friend's face. "Why?"

"Clarke loves Lexa, too." She admitted with an almost gleeful look on her face. Guilt? What guilt?

"Shut up." Anya shifted to fully face her. "This is juicy stuff."

Raven nodded as she tried to keep her eyes on the road and on the girl in the seat next to her. "Juicy indeed. We have lots to talk about."

"You're right." She paused as she knitted her brows together in question. "Hey, are you still infatuated with Bellamy?"

Fuck.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

"I'm so sorry for how I made you feel. I promise that next time I will talk to you before I take any action." Clarke expanded on her apology, feeling the need to really emphasize her own disappointment at having hurt her girlfriend.

Lexa shook her head slowly before she walked to the counter and leaned in close Clarke's face. "I'm sorry too, babe." She smiled softly at her before filling their tumblers up one last time. "To relationships."

"To learning from our mistakes." Clarke toasted before swallowing the whiskey in one gulp.

They felt the burn of the liquor and exhaled the fiery flavor before looking at each other. "Will you come home tonight?" Lexa asked, her eyes hopeful, but her heart ready for a possible refusal.

The blonde nodded slowly with a sad smile. "I've missed you."

"It was a few days." The writer commented nonchalantly as if she hadn't missed her girlfriend every day she was away.

"Longest few days ever." Clarke added.

The pair chuckled as they held hands across the bar top. "This doesn't mean you get to have your way with me." Lexa replied as she toyed with the blonde's fingers.

After a dramatic pout, the artist puffed out tediously. "You mean no make-up sex?"

Her girlfriend shook her head. "I'm not that easy." She smiled.

There was no denying Clarke was disillusioned, but after mulling it over in her head, she decided to her mission was to make Lexa give in first. "Challenge accepted, D.C."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Much to Raven's dismay, Anya pushed the discussion towards Bellamy. The one person she had been actively trying to get over.

Not many people knew of her past with the guy. In fact, only one other person at Tassels was aware of her past discretions with the shaggy-haired brunette, but that person swore never to say anything.

So, the dancer was a tad surprised to see that Anya had somehow figured it out.

Lucky guess.

Anya shook her head in response. "Nope. I remember all of Lexa's stories about you batting your eyelashes at your coworkers. I told you. And I was here for some of them. But one I could never remember hearing about was Bellamy. You seemed to steer clear of him. Lexa never mentioned you going after him, so I figured you already had. In secret, and not even my sweet sister, the trusty bartender knew of it."

Damn.

Raven shrugged, accepting defeat with a solemn lopsided smile. "We were both less than sober after some pitchers at Polis Billiards, and it seemed right at the time." She stood from the couch to retrieve the last unopened bottle of wine Clarke had brought over as an offering during her stay. "After that, we had fun a few more times, but he pulled away as soon as Echo joined the crew."

The taller brunette nodded compassionately. "You had already fallen for the kid, though."

"I'm a tough gal, but even I have a heart." Raven admitted with two glasses in her hand and the bottle in the other.

Anya shook her head. "Don't worry; the right person will come along."

A wide smile escaped her. "I hope so." She handed Anya a generous serving of wine with a smirk. "Enough about me, let's talk about Lexa."

They sat comfortably on the couch while the older girl kept track of the story in her mind. Her words dramatically played out what she saw in her mind's eye.

"I swear to you, Lexa went all Lloyd Dobler on that girl." Anya finished with a drink of her glass.

Raven shook her head. "Brown trench coat and boom box?" She asked with an amused expression.

"Yup." The older girl nodded. "Lexa was always really good at getting girls, and this one was no different, but it took her a giant headache to get her. I'm telling you, the girl dropped a planter on Lexa's head before she realized it was her."

"Oh crap." Raven laughed.

"Yeah, I was in the car hoping I didn't have to rush her to the hospital. I saw Lucy coming to the window with it in her hands before Lex did, but there was no way I could have tackled her in time."

"That lucky bitch." Raven laughed. "She totally escaped being killed by a pot of roses."

Anya chuckled before she shook her head. "Roses would have been nice." She paused to drink. "This one had what looked to be a dead heartleaf philodendron."

"No way." Raven laughed harder. "Aren't those super hard to kill?"

"Apparently not."

They shared a laugh as they finished off their drinks in comfortable conversation. "Did the girl apologize? What happened to Lexa's head?"

"Well, Lucy rushed down and couldn't apologize enough. I sat in the car stunned and impressed by the girl's audacity. She could have killed someone, and all she could do was say sorry and kiss my sister over and over, but Lexa survived with a killer headache and a mountainous bump on her noggin."

"Wow. Lexa likes the dramatic ones." Raven teased.

"Clarke's the least dramatic one of all. I'm actually shocked now that I think about it." They laughed. "I mean apart from Costia."

Raven nodded sadly then. "Yeah. Costia was sweet."

"She was." Anya nodded as they drank in silence. "But anyway, what's on the agenda for tonight?"

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke had overvalued her will power, and underestimated the sexual magnetism that her girlfriend possessed.

The ride to their apartment had been one of the most grueling and frustrating things the blonde had ever been through. Sitting in the passenger seat had seemed like an easy task at first. Situating herself and buckling her belt with an overconfident smile while Lexa pulled out of the parking lot. Clarke had called it an instant win.

Prematurely.

Not ten minutes later, as Lexa drove up the on-ramp to the highway, Clarke found that the temperature in the car had risen a few degrees.

She accounted that to the fact that Lexa had not switched the fan on like she usually did. Yet, when she cracked her window to let in some of the cool night air, Clarke felt no better and far more anxious.

It was when she realized she had been ogling the brunette beside her that she accepted the true cause for her discomfort. It was quite evident after that. Because the way her girlfriend's jeans hugged her legs, or the way her muscles rippled below the fabric every time she moved her foot off the gas and to the brake, and the way her biceps flexed as her hands gripped the wheel made her mouth water and beads of sweat run down the center of her back.

If Lexa knew what she was thinking and the reactions she was having, she would tease her for acting like a cat in heat, but the blonde found she could care less.

The only thing she cared about was the fact that she couldn't reach over and run her hands down those legs. Or how she couldn't, nay, wouldn't run her fingers up past her biceps until they entangled in those brown wavy strands. Because once she did that, her mission was over, and she would have been the first to crack under pressure, and that was unacceptable. If make-up sex was to happen between them, she wanted Lexa to be the one to initiate it. Not the other way around.

After all, Lexa had been the one to suggest they wait some time.

But life was hardly ever that simple, and plans rarely stood after coming face to face with an opponent.

Which is how Clarke found herself swallowing excessively and scrolling unnecessarily through radio stations, while Lexa sat in peace and grinned over at her girlfriend.

Much to the blonde's luck, her girlfriend was smart and caught wind of what she was suffering through, which spelled disaster for her in an instant.

"Ants in your pants, Clarke?" She had questioned with a gleam in her eye.

It took a second too long for a response to come to mind, but eventually she found her voice. "I'm hot. It's hot. Can we kick up the AC?"

"It's sixty-eight degrees outside, Clarke. Why are you so hot?" The tone in her voice challenged her girlfriend to come up with a clever answer that could help conceal the real cause.

She couldn't, so she shrugged as casually as she could.

"Do you need me to show you how to work it?" The brunette mouthed with a curled lip.

Clarke's eyes widened. "What?" She swallowed again as she tried to even out her breathing.

"The AC, babe." Lexa replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh. No, I got it."

And then it had happened. Lexa had made her move, her one and only real battle strike to make Clarke fall apart. It was silly really, and the blonde couldn't believe her reaction to it, but it happened.

"The far vent has been acting up lately." The brunette kept a trained eye on the road as she leaned across the blonde to feign toggling the lever open and shut. Her knuckles grazed the passenger's torso with the barest hint of lingering, and dark hair fell over to tickle the exposed skin of the girl's chest.

Clarke could hardly stand it as she inhaled the scent that was so familiar and intoxicating to her. There was little she could do to keep her eyes from closing and rolling back as she drowned in the cloud of Lexa's perfume.

Her nearness drew her in and had her nearly colliding her nose with the girl's ear as she swallowed the desire to part her hair and take the lobe between her teeth.

"Oh my god."

"What?" Lexa asked with a concealed smirk as she withdrew and sat back in her seat.

The brunette's question brought Clarke back to earth as she simultaneously realized she had panted the words out loud. "What?" She had nothing better to say, and that was all Lexa's fault.

"We're almost home. I think you're tired." Lexa responded, but smiled as she took the blonde's frown to mean she had conceded the battle.

And win she had because Clarke could hardly exit the car without fumbling like a clumsy fool when they arrived at their apartment building.

Lexa laughed out loud as they neared their door and decided she had had enough. It was fun while it lasted, and she admitted it was sweet of Clarke for trying not to advance on her, but the brunette wanted only one thing as her reward.

Her girlfriend.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Clarke and Lexa wanted to wait a little for the good stuff, but lets be honest Clexa is crazy for each other and any opportunity to connect is one they won't waste. At least not in this story, damn it! I enjoyed the embarrassing Lexa stories, what did you guys think about Anya and Raven connecting? What do you guys think or want to happen next with those two? See you guys next week.


	27. The Fiberglass Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the slight delay, seems there was a holiday this week. ;-) Anyway, please do enjoy. And if you're under age, maybe skip this one.

Relief.

Clarke felt it for about forty-five seconds before the all-consuming passion invaded her senses.

There was little else she thought about besides Lexa's hungry mouth and her wandering hands as she was pushed back into the apartment door with such careful force.

How could someone do both?

Only Lexa could.

The thought caused Clarke to smile in the middle of their fierce kiss. She didn't miss the way Lexa whimpered at the small yet inconvenient space between their lips.

Hearing that sound escape through her girlfriend's mouth was her undoing, and she didn't fight it then.

Hands grew desperate as their lips continued to battle for contiguity.

Lexa wasted no time ridding the blonde of her sweater, enjoying the way it sounded as it unzipped and fell behind her. She made quick work of her shirt and belt too, craving to feel the warmth she had been missing the past few days.

Clarke was equally as eager to divest her girlfriend and she began to help her out of her clothes as she walked them back towards the nearest piece of furniture.

Boots and shoes were toed off and kicked away right before they landed on one of the couches.

Their ragged breathing echoed in the living room as Lexa moved further up the settee, so they weren't hanging off one end, and when Clarke covered her body with hers she moaned out loud.

"I missed you." The brunette muttered as she felt their skin finally come into direct contact.

Clarke smiled against a particularly intoxicating neck and nodded. "I missed you too, babe."

They kissed with a renewed hunger as Clarke felt Lexa's finger tips dig intimately into the curves of her hips.

Neither girl cared that they fell asleep entwined on the sofa, too spent to move to the comfort of their own bed.

When Clarke opened her eyes again, she realized the chill in the air was what had taken her from her peaceful sleep. The expanse of her back, except for the skin beneath Lexa's arms, was cold and covered with goosebumps.

She contemplated dealing with their situation. After all, her front was fairly warm, and she hated the idea of waking Lexa up. But in the end, she decided it was best to risk rousing her than to toss and turn trying to keep warm.

It was hard not to smile as she heard the brunette mumble incoherently once she planted one foot to stand up. Luckily, she only mumbled again and turned to face the back of the couch, giving the blonde a nice view of her toned butt before she walked away.

"Clarke?"

Unfortunately, her absence was very much felt when Lexa realized she was alone and no longer being kept warm by the blonde's body.

"Coming." She whispered on her way back with a blanket in her arms. "Do you want to get up and go to bed?"

Green eyes gazed up at her blearily before she groaned a simple no in response.

"I guess we're spooning on the couch, then." Clarke smiled widely at the sight of Lexa backing up into the sofa and opening her arms wide for her.

They fell asleep rather quickly once they cuddled up and warded off the cold.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Anya and Raven sat in the dancer's kitchen, digging into the scrambled eggs and toast they had put together.

They smiled and laughed as they talked about the younger Silva and her girlfriend. Both agreed there was no doubt they had made up, and the older girl thanked the brunette for letting her crash to give the couple privacy.

When they were nearly finished with their breakfast, Raven looked pensively at her friend and smiled. "I think you should come to Tassels again tonight."

There was a moment of silence as Anya shook her head slowly. "Please don't make me go." She joked. "One night of Indra is enough." She took a large gulp of her coffee before smiling back at the girl.

"Come on." Raven replied. "You know you love Indra. Come on, I'll take you to Polis Billiards after to unwind."

The other girl laughed softly and shrugged in defeat. "Ok. You owe me a pitcher of beer, though."

"Deal." Raven nodded as they finished eating and discussed how they would handle Anya's clothing situation. Her bag was stuck at Clarke and Lexa's apartment, and there was no way she was about to go back there so soon.

After much thinking, and some heavy cajoling from Raven, they ended up running to the nearest store to grab Anya an outfit for the day.

She was glad they had, because as soon as they stepped into Tassels, Indra rushed them with a look of panic. Apparently, the house bartender and writer had called in sick along with her girlfriend. Go figure.

"Why am I not surprised?" Raven rolled her eyes in jest. "They're probably getting it on like bunnies right now."

Indra shot her a disapproving glare before Anya rolled her eyes and tilted her head back with a groan. "Please, Rae, that's my sister you're talking about."

A small blush crept up on the dancer's cheeks as she shrugged. "Sorry."

The owner looked bashfully at Anya, and the girl shook her head in response. She knew what was coming, and there was no way out. "I hate to ask, but can you help me cover the bar, Anya?" Indra smiled wide to convince the girl.

A small head shake later the girl replied. "I'm not a bartender, Indra. I'd be no good."

Indra waved her hand dismissively. "You can help out. I have a server who can bartend, but you'll need to cover them on the floor."

After some careful consideration, the girl accepted albeit reluctantly. "Fine, Indra."

"Thank you, Anya. Sweet girl, I owe you one." Indra blew her a kiss before walking away, leaving the girls rooted in place.

"You owe me two pitchers, Rae."

"Fuck."

They sighed in unison as they split up and began what ended up being one of the busiest nights at Tassels.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa moaned deeply, and her eyes closed reflexively to relish the feeling.

A smile broke out on Clarke's face as she continued to lather her girlfriend's chest and shoulders.

Their entire day had been spent in the space of their apartment. They woke up, shared kisses, cooked breakfast together before more kisses and touches helped them reconnect.

After having spent several hours back on the couch, and finally moving to the bedroom, the blonde had walked provocatively out of Lexa's arms and into the washroom.

Her nude form taunting the brunette before she too left the warm bed in search of the washroom, nearly tripping on her own two feet before making it to her destination in one piece.

Lexa was quick to light the candles they kept scattered in the room while her girlfriend filled the tub with hot water and scented oils and salts.

At first, the brunette fought the artist for position in the bathtub, but as she reveled in the sponge bath she was treated to, she was glad she had allowed Clarke to be first in.

"We can totally reenact the scene from Pretty Woman right now." Clarke suggested with a smile.

The brunette laughed softly as she shook her head. "If you were taller maybe."

The comment earned her a small swat at her shoulder before the girl behind her responded. "Yeah, and if you were the CEO of some company, right?"

"So that **does** make you the prostitute." She teased and waited for her well-earned slap that never came.

Instead, she felt a soft bite on her earlobe before she instinctively craned her neck to stop the attack. "Jerk." Clarke's husky voice warmed the skin by her ear again.

They smiled together as Lexa readjusted herself comfortably against the blonde. "I did say I was sorry about everything, right?" The brunette started as she sighed deeply.

"Yes, and I did, too. And I still mean it, I'm sorry."

"We're ok right?" Lexa continued.

"Yes. I don't think we'd be playing hooky, naked in a tub together, if we weren't babe." She replied with a small smile.

A small sigh of relief escaped the brunette as she searched under the water for Clarke's hand. They linked their fingers together, the sponge forgotten somewhere in the tub.

Clarke brought their hands over to her lips and placed a small kiss on the writer's knuckles before wrapping their arms around her torso.

Silence engulfed them as they basked in the nearness of each other's bodies and the warm water that enveloped them.

After some quiet moments, Lexa broke the silence. "Oh, with everything that happened I didn't get a chance to ask you about Chicago. How did it go?"

She thought about her answer for a second before Clarke realized she wasn't nervous about that subject. Whatever had to be said would be said, and she was ready to share everything with the girl in her arms. "It went great, babe." She began to tell Lexa about the event and unveiling of her work at the gallery. She talked endlessly about the owners and how incredibly generous they were to allow her simple and no-name art to take up space on their walls.

"They're the lucky ones, Clarke. Your work is going to bring them tons of customers, and soon the money and request will start coming in." The brunette commented with a proud smile she wished the girl could see.

A small nod told her the blonde had received the encouragement gratefully. "It was interesting talking to so many people in the business."

"Good, keeping connected, you are on your way to stardom, babe."

"Please." Clarke laughed softly. "You're stroking my ego, I love it."

Lexa chuckled as she hugged herself tighter with their entwined arms. "Well, it sounds like it went without a hitch, and I'm glad."

The small silent pause had her shifting slightly to look back at the blonde. "Yeah, almost perfect." Clarke locked gazes with her girlfriend before showing her a small smile.

"What is it? What happened?" Her tone dripped with concern.

Clarke reminded herself that she wanted to be open and honest with the brunette as she shifted nervously, moving the water around and hearing it slosh before she continued. After swallowing the lump in her throat, she began to retell what happened with Roan. She chose not to share the admission of love just yet, however. "I was furious. He had the nerve to suggest that I was in the gallery because of him, again. He's such a dick. I came so close to punching him."

Lexa puffed out a frustrated sigh before shaking her head repeatedly. She felt a little foolish because for a second she considered letting the jealousy creep up. She trusted Clarke, but who didn't get nervous at hearing their significant other say they recently crossed paths with an ex? Now, she just felt the need to punch this Roan character to defend her girlfriend. "I wish I could have been there with you. If not to knock his lights out, then to hold your hand while you told him off."

"Thanks, babe." The blonde smiled gratefully at her girlfriend. "I'm glad you weren't there, though. He has a way of bringing out the worst in me. I'm a different person when he's around. Angry."

"That's understandable." Lexa nodded. "Every story that involves that guy makes him sound like an infuriating person. People like him have a talent for playing with people's emotions. Anger is a pretty simple one to ignite in someone."

Clarke nodded before hugging Lexa closer. "He's great at that. I still can't believe I chose to share any part of my life with him."

"Every person we cross, we do so for a reason." She offered, believing in the words she just uttered.

"Yeah, he seems to think his purpose in my life was to teach me a lesson. He believes it in his tiny brain that I am the person I am now because of everything he did. Including the cheating."

"Asshole." Replied the brunette.

"Yes, he is." Clarke sighed before shaking her head. "But, I am glad that I got to see him for one reason, I told him about you, and how happy I was to be with you."

Lexa craned her neck to look at her. "Really?"

The blonde nodded slowly. "Yes." She smiled.

Her sudden admission made the brunette feel guilty for everything that had happened. The way her face fell didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. "How awesome it must have felt to come home to my accusations after all of that, right?"

Shaking her head adamantly, Clarke replied. "I was shocked, sure, but you could never make me feel the way Roan does. Please don't compare yourself to him. Ever." She implored.

They shared a silent and locked gaze for some time before Lexa nodded. "I'm happy, too." She finally broke the silence with her words and genuine smile.

"Yeah?" Clarke questioned, excited to hear that from the brunette.

"Definitely."

"Good." The blonde smiled before dipping forward to capture the girl's lips in a slow kiss.

Several minutes later, Lexa shifted around to let some of the cold water drain. She didn't foresee them exiting the tub any time soon, and she doubted Clarke was a fan of cold bath water, so she quickly let the hot water fill up around them.

"Have you thought about asking MPC to return your manuscript?" The blonde spoke once they readjusted in the warmth of the water.

Lexa shook her head. "I won't be doing that." She paused. "I'm thinking about sending them the cover page and leaving it up to fate after that."

"I know they'll like it, Lex. I feel it." Clarke replied. "But I am still sorry about everything."

"We've moved on." Lexa shook her head. "Let's not dwell on the past."

The blonde nodded in agreement as she liked her girlfriend's plan. "When you get that call, I'm taking you out to the most expensive dinner money can buy." She added.

After a small chuckle, the brunette replied. "I'd settle for some greasy onion rings and another bath night." She smiled back at her.

"That can be arranged."

Feeling the sudden and urgent need to kiss her, Lexa turned around to straddle the blonde. She moved in quickly, not caring about the splashing of water over the edge of the tub.

Her move caught the girl off guard, but she recovered nicely as she moaned into their kiss. And judging by her eager hands, Lexa knew her spontaneous kiss was very much welcomed and appreciated.

Clarke felt the familiar pang of desire in her stomach and center as she pulled on the brunette's hips. She wanted no space to separate them, and suddenly she became irrationally envious of the water that slopped between them.

Another moan echoed as their mouths moved against each other, sending a flurry of butterflies down both of their bodies. It was then that Clarke knew she wanted more. So, she expertly used one hand to anchor her girlfriend to her while the other sought out the place she needed to touch the most.

She felt herself get increasingly flustered when her fingers moved fluidly against Lexa's center.

Lexa moaned and her body spasmed when she felt the sly fingers move over her sensitive clit. The action forced her to break the kiss, much to Clarke's disappointment, and she soon found herself being pulled back in towards a hungry set of lips.

Water continued to splash around as Clarke saw the opportunity to hit Lexa with a surprise of her own. Her slips moved slowly and with purpose before her tongue invaded the girl's mouth, diverting her attention away from below the surface of the water, where she wasted no time in entering her girlfriend.

The blonde smiled victoriously as she heard the girl above her gasp for air. If it weren't for the rewarding sound, Clarke might have been disappointed by the loss of contact between their lips.

She quickly found she needed both, however, and her mouth searched for Lexa's mouth again. They kissed ardently before the blonde's hand began to move under the water, working against the warm and slick center skillfully.

A guttural moan escaped from Lexa's mouth before she bit Clarke's bottom lip as a way to quell the burning that coursed throughout her body like electricity. She found herself moving in sync with her girlfriend 's rhythm, but she had no idea if her body was the conductor, or if the blonde's hands were.

The blonde felt the loss of Lexa's mouth when she rested her forehead against her shoulder to breathe. She knew she was close, and she soon curled her fingers against her front wall to build up what was coming.

Lexa needed another outlet for the energy flowing through her and she quickly found the blonde's neck. She bit and sucked hungrily against the sensitive skin, pulling a moan of satisfaction from the blonde's lips with a smile.

"You're distracting me." Clarke mumbled as she hugged her girlfriend close and continued to move in and out of her.

Out of breath and semi-coherently Lexa complimented the blonde. "You're doing great. Keep going." She mumbled in between a couple of pauses to breathe in air.

It didn't take long for Lexa to feel herself tense in anticipation.

Clarke heard their labored breathing as she angled her wrist with every deepened thrust.

Sounds mingled around them as the water moved around and their gasps for air became more prominent. And when Lexa's release hit her, they groaned in unison.

Their chests heaved, and their bodies slumped against each other as they both recovered.

"Wow." Lexa finally voiced as she pulled out of Clarke's neck to kiss her deeply.

"I know." Clarke replied groggily, but still managed to sound cocky.

They stayed wrapped up for several minutes before Lexa moved. "My legs are numb, babe. Want to finish this in bed?"

"Nope." The blonde replied. "I have a better idea." She moved Lexa back carefully before she drained the water and switched the tap to run towards the shower head instead.

Sensing her plan, Lexa stood and grinned. "Someone's beginning to like this."

"You have no idea." Clarke replied as she pulled her in to kiss her with renewed urgency. "Shower sex with you is one of my favorite past-times."

The brunette smiled into their kiss. "And here I thought it was baseball." She teased as she felt the warm spray of water fall on her back when she dipped to her knees.

Her hands traveled up toned and slick calves before lifting a leg to the tub's edge.

Both girls moaned when her tongue found Clarke's bundle of nerves and her fingers entered her without preamble.

As the blonde's own fingers hid in the brunette's matted chestnut waves, Lexa licked and nipped feverishly. She found her own lust and drive sky rocket as her girlfriend's free hand suddenly moved to her shoulder with a vice grip.

She pumped quickly and breathed heavily against Clarke's center as she exerted herself for the girl.

Breathing heavily, the blonde pulled desperately on her girlfriend's shoulder. "Wait, get up here."

Slightly confused, the brunette looked up questioningly. Her mouth abandoning its target, but her fingers never missing their mark. When the girl nodded down at her she stood and quickly backed them up into the wall, careful not to compromise their footing on the slippery surface below.

Still keeping her mission in mind, Lexa silently instructed Clarke to place her leg on the edge again so she could better angle her hand. Her thumb began to rub against the girl's clit while her fingers continued to move profoundly inside her center.

Their lips found each other, and in between heavy pants, they dueled and coaxed more sounds out into the open.

"Babe…" Clarke muttered against her girlfriend's lips.

"I know." The other girl replied as she increased the speed with which she moved her hand.

The blonde gasped and released a moan before she came apart. She repeated the brunette's name as her lungs searched for more air and she recovered.

"Oh god, Lexa." She sighed before she gripped the brunette's face and kissed her. Her tongue licked playfully against her lips, and she thanked her silently when she allowed their tongues to meet before they deepened the kiss.

They felt the water run cold and neither one cared as they finished washing each other off before they moved their activities back into the bedroom.

Shower sex was definitely something both of them were becoming extremely fond of.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was...hot. Officially made up. Did anyone really doubt it? Those two can't keep their hands off each other. Poor Anya, though, stuck with working Clexa's shifts. LOL. I'm sure Raven will make it up to her with those beers, though. P.S. I couldn't help it, I need to throw in that Pretty Woman inspired scene in. Wonder what good things will happen in the next chapter. Stay tuned!


	28. So Close I Can Taste It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in constant awe when I get notified that you all are still interested and continue to follow this story. Thank you so much for that. Like I've said before, I am having a great time writing this one. Thanks for reading.

_One Month Later_

Lexa promenaded the space of their apartment as she absentmindedly straightened items on shelves, and removed things altogether for safe storage. She shook her head when she realized that not only was it unnecessary, but instead of easing her nerves, the entire fiasco was causing her more stress.

When she received the letter in the mail, she hadn't expected to feel so nervous about a phone conference. Especially because the white envelope she had torn open with jittery fingers, had essentially summarized she was to become the newest client of the Maunon Publishing Company.

Upon discussion and agreement of a few things, of course.

Throwing herself into her favorite seat, the brunette sighed audibly as she re-read over her typed up notes. She wished Clarke could be sitting beside her whispering words of encouragement.

She mentally took note of the tenth tick mark to add to her ever-expanding 'Reasons Why Clarke Isn't Allowed to Leave for Chicago' list, before her phone pulled her from her thoughts.

Closing her eyes momentarily she inhaled and exhaled calmly before hitting the accept button on her screen.

"Alexandria Silva." She answered.

A small chuckle sounded off in her ear. "Since when do you greet me so professionally, D.C.?"

Lexa opened her eyes and released the spent oxygen she had been holding in her burning lungs. "Clarke?" She replied with relief. Had she missed the name on the screen? Yikes.

"The one and only." Clarke responded with a smile Lexa wished she could see in person. "I have a couple of minutes and I wanted to check up on you. Good thing I called too. Seems you might be panicking for no reason." She joked.

The brunette shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Well, seeing as this phone call I'm expecting could set me up or tear me down, I'm allowed a brief moment of utter panic."

Her blonde chuckled on the other end, and Lexa could almost see her eyes roll at her dramatic response. "MPC wants you, Lexa. They've already said so. This is just politics and documentation now."

Despite the encouraging remark, the writer couldn't help but shake her head with doubt. Nothing was ever that simple, was it? But could it be she had more than paid her dues by now?

Clarke was right; this was her moment, her ascension to the throne after having slayed the proverbial dragon.

Feeling suddenly optimistic she nodded. "You're right." She paused to exhale quietly. "It'll be ok."

"That's right." Clarke nodded on her end. "I know everything will be fine."

A brief pause between them allowed for their quiet breaths to mingle across the miles that separated them, and they found peace in it.

"How's Chicago?" Lexa finally asked.

The blonde snorted mordantly before responding. "Freezing."

"Oh, come on, are you telling me that good old California has ruined you for all four-season states already, Virginia?"

"Bite me." The girl quipped with a grin.

"I would, but because you have actual patrons that forced you to abandon me, I can't. And you must suffer for this as much me." She retorted.

Clarke smiled wide. "You miss me already? I've been gone for a day."

"A day is too long, Clarke." The brunette replied automatically, but sincerely. "Don't tell anyone I said that." She covered her weakness for sappiness.

"Your secret's safe with me, babe."

They smiled in unison before Lexa heard the rustling of what could only be Clarke's hand over the mouth speaker on her phone. "Gotta go?" She asked with a hint of sorrow.

"Yeah, the Sinclairs are beckoning me from a far and have sent their evil minion to collect me." The blonde replied light-heartedly.

"My writing is starting to rub off on you."

"I'd much rather have you rub off on me." She whispered into the phone just before the Sinclairs' assistant stopped in front of her with a frustrated glare in place.

"Clarke Griffin what's gotten into you?" The brunette replied in mock horror. "When you get home…"

"I can't wait." Clarke cut her off both because Wick's look was burning a hole through her forehead, and because she couldn't walk into a professional discussion all hot and bothered. "I l…good luck, babe. Talk to you soon."

Lexa stared pensively at the call duration digits that flashed on her screen, her mind reeling from the possibility that her ear had indeed heard correctly. That just for a fleeting second, Clarke had been on the verge of saying she loved her.

Little did she know that a couple of thousand miles away, Clarke made her way through a crowded art gallery, wishing she could have said it, while her heart beat thunderously inside her chest.

Her bittersweet turmoil was short-lived as she saw her phone light up, the number unmistakably announcing it was the call she had been waiting for.

"Alexandria Silva." She answered for the second time.

"Thank you for agreeing to take our call, Ms. Silva. How are you?" The woman's greeting sounded promising. A stark contrast to the way their call had started off when they rejected her work months ago.

Lexa couldn't help the buildup and ultimate release of a long quiet sigh before she spoke again. "Of course, Ms. Spencer. I'm doing well, excited to start this partnership. A bit nervous, too, I suppose." She admitted with a soft chortle.

"We're equally as excited. And don't worry, the anxiety will pass once we're done tonight."

The writer hoped that was a true declaration because she would like nothing better than to sleep peacefully after it was all said and done.

It was a longer call than either party had expected in the end.

What started off being a conversation about how well written the entire story was, and how the general feel and mood was exactly what MPC was looking for, swiftly turned into a multiple person analysis and critique of the work.

While Lexa was admittedly not fond of how the group did their initial reviewing, she quickly settled into a conventional back and forth of ideas with them.

"Give and take, Ms. Silva. This is a simple process that makes the world go 'round." Mr. Wallace interrupted the two women for the third time in the span of five minutes.

Lexa heaved a sigh away from her phone before she sunk back into her plush seat. "I can see you and I are not going to agree on this, but Ms. Spencer's idea sounds much more appealing to me, with all due respect." She shook her head and swallowed the urge to finish her sentence off with a resounding 'so fuck you'.

Ms. Spencer cleared her throat to continue where she and the writer had left off before they were cut off. "So, we agree that the ending has to be a close-loop ending?"

Careful consideration had the brunette tripping over her words, quietly and invisibly mapping out a pros and cons chart in the air. After a few minutes of silence, and in spite of the little voice in her head that told her to hang up, she decided to agree. "Yes. I will rewrite the ending to meet those demands, but with the condition that nothing else be changed or requested to be amended. My characters, my story, they all come alive because of my attention to every detail. I'm afraid if I skip around to change things, I'll end up scrapping the entire thing and starting from scratch so it's easier to understand in my head."

The two people on the other end looked at each other with impressed glances. Alexandria Silva was not only a great writer, but a true connoisseur of the craft. People like her were not to be taken lightly, and their work was definitely not something you modified on a whim.

Willing to agree to her terms, Wallace nodded along with Ms. Spencer. "Very well, Ms. Silva." He paused. "Welcome to MPC."

Lexa allowed herself to lean further into the sofa before closing her eyes in sweet victory. The feeling of accomplishment coursed through her and ignited a flame of pride she had never been truly acquainted with. "Thank you, Ms. Spencer, Mr. Wallace. I am pleased to be on board with your company."

"Great." Mr. Wallace replied. "We will have to meet to negotiate the monetary deals and to take care of the paperwork, but you are part of the team now."

"Thank you again." The brunette replied. "I will bring the edited ending with me. We can discuss any doubts or concerns about it then, if it's alright with both of you."

After approving once again, the call ended with an amicable and professional goodbye.

Sitting in the dark now, with only her laptop's glowing screen illuminating the room, Lexa allowed herself to cry. She cried because of the joy, she cried because of the sorrow, but mostly she cried because she feared her body and creative soul had been teetering on the edge of defeat for so long. And though she foresaw a long and strenuous road still, her path was clearly visible to her now, and that made her feel incredibly relieved.

She only wished Clarke could celebrate the feelings along with her.

_Lexa: I can't wait for my onion rings and warm bath. ;)_

The brunette watched the message as it was sent to her girlfriend, knowing she was likely walking around with potential buyers and enthusiasts, not having access to a phone call.

A sense of longing ran deep inside before she shook her head and decided to create an outlet for the sudden spike in emotions.

_Lexa: I need a drink, who wants to join me at Polis?_

Her friends were the other constant in Lexa's life, and she was grateful when most replied quickly taking her up on the invitation.

It was a good time at Polis Billiards as Lexa and her friends, including their maternal boss Indra, joined in a toast to congratulate her on the achievement.

Later that night, her intoxicated smile sobered up immediately when she re-read the same text a million times.

_Clarke: The things I'm going to do to you to celebrate are too many to count. XOXO_

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa is trying exceptionally hard not to compare everyone to her girlfriend.

It might be in vain mostly, but she has managed to work efficiently alongside the current server for the first time in the past three nights. And it's a good thing because it has allowed her to keep her mind on the drinks she rustles together expertly rather than on Clarke's absence.

The fact that her regulars bring the blonde up habitually doesn't help however, but she's trudging along and tracking the hours.

Which by her count, they had eighteen hours left before they could see each other again.

"When is my pretty girl coming back?" Her usual asked after tossing back a drink with a partial grimace.

Lexa shook her head. So much for sticking to making the drinks. "Do we need to go over this again, Bruce? Clarke is **my** pretty girl, please get your own." She teased with a smirk.

Bruce feigned insult and smiled. "I'd rather not. They'd keep all my money, and then how would I get my daily dose of Daniel's?"

Unable to hide the smile on her face, the bartender chuckled softly and nodded at him. "Good point." She served him another shot of the whiskey and pushed it towards him. "Without you, I'd be broke."

A dopey smile graced his reddened face. "Cheers to that." He raised his glass and took it down, providing the brunette with the levity she needed. "I hope she's coming back soon because you look about as good as I do on a lonely night." He slurred.

"Gee, thanks Bruce." Lexa responded with a lopsided smirk. "And here I thought I was doing a good job at masking my misery." She shook her head. "Luckily she's back tomorrow."

The man nodded with a smile. "Lucky you."

"Yes, lucky me. And no goggling alright?" She pointed a finger at him in mock warning, although she did feel a bit compelled to sound serious- defending her girl's honor and all of that good stuff.

"Of course not." He surrendered with a drunken but blank expression. "She's all yours, Lexy."

One thing was for sure, there was never a dull night at Tassels.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke smiled politely every time one of the Sinclairs would make eye contact with her over the dinner table, but she couldn't be more distracted if a celebrity suddenly traipsed into the restaurant naked.

Her mind worked in partial division, one half glued to the conversation that was being held by her peers and business acquaintances, and the other wondering what Lexa was doing.

She ached to be home with her. Because while the Sinclairs and their business associates were friendly enough, and had the potential to make her a big name in their world (which didn't sound half bad honestly), they just didn't hold a candle to her brunette.

No one in her presence the past few days had her eyes, or her subtle smile, or even her chestnut waves. Not a single person could ever come close, and to make matters worse, the taste of unsaid words in her mouth made her anxious to let them loose.

To the point, she just wanted to be with Lexa and tell her how she felt.

Her mind wandered some more when the discussion began to take a more quiet turn as they reflected on the names Monet and Seurat. Clarke herself could hold a decent conversation on both painters of course, but the vibrating of her phone in her clutch pulled her way from it altogether.

She excused herself from the table with another smile and made for the nearest door. Luckily, the exit led to a private patio decorated with several sectionals and arm chairs.

Quietly taking a seat, she instantly smiled at the text she had just received.

_Lexa: I hate everyone that reminded me you weren't at Tassels…again. :(_

_Clarke: Awww. I'll make Bruce pay for that, I promise._

A few seconds later a reply came through.

_Lexa: Nah, I'll just charge him double for the shots next time. ;-)_

_Clarke: You're so evil, Silva._

_Lexa: When it involves you, people better be cautious…_

_Clarke: Defending my honor, again, I see._

_Lexa: Always. <3_

Clarke's heart skipped a beat when she read the message. People used hearts in texts all of the time, sure, but her mind couldn't help but fire away with thoughts of Lexa's love for her.

She struggled for a few seconds to come up with an adequate response, wondering briefly if the brunette was on the other end sweating from her palms as much as she was.

_Clarke: Wouldn't want it any other way, babe. XO_

The blonde smiled nervously as she waited for another text.

_Lexa: I can't wait to meet you at the airport tomorrow._

_Clarke: Will you meet me with flowers?_

_Lexa: We both know I'm the anthophile, Clarke._

_Clarke: Fine. What do you call a person who really really likes brunette's named Alexandria Silva?_

_Lexa: A cheater. There better not be another brunette with that name who you really really like._

_Clarke: Idiot._

_Lexa: Thanks._

_Clarke: It wasn't a compliment._

_Lexa: Yeah, but you know you love me anyway. ;-p_

Both girls fiddled with the device in their hands, thrilled and mortified with the fiery dance they had just stepped into.

The cluster of butterflies that descended into the pit of their stomachs down from their throats made both smile wider at their screens.

Perhaps it wasn't the time or the manner to disclose such sensitive information, but neither girl could see any harm in the verbal foreplay they were engaged in.

_Clarke: Maybe I do…you big dork. ;)_

_Lexa: Oh, I love it when you talk dirty._

Clarke rolled her eyes at that one before she laughed softly to herself.

_Clarke: Gotta go, I see my dinner group getting anxious for my return._

_Lexa: Chicken._

Clarke fought the urge to end her text with THE 'l' word for the third time in as many days, something she found fascinating given she hadn't really used it with anybody in a really long time. Yet, with Lexa, it had almost become a natural feeling, wanting to say it or spell it out for her during their talks. The blonde couldn't see herself fighting it for much longer.

_Clarke: Whatever. Good night. Muah._

She smiled again when she read Lexa's goodnight text, this time adorned with the kiss emoji blowing her a heart.

Things were getting intense, and it awakened so much inside of the artist that she wished she could hop on a plane then and there.

When she walked back to the table, she realized the group had moved on to less artistic topics and were currently engrossed in talking dessert.

She smiled apologetically before sitting and ordering the same thing as the rest of them for the final course.

The group all chatted over servings of lemon poppy cheesecake, something Clarke had never tasted in her life.

"This is delicious." She commented with a pleased expression.

Jacapo Sinclair simply nodded with a matching look.

"So, Clarke, would you ever move back to Virginia?" One of the men at the table began as he sophisticatedly wolfed down the helpless dessert before him. She laughed in her head at the visual of a small cheesecake flailing its tiny arms (which for some reason were made of stick like a snowman's…odd).

Clarke smiled respectfully before shaking her head. "I don't see myself calling it home any time soon."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Meeting Clarke outside of her arrival gate had proved more difficult than Lexa had anticipated.

The throng of passengers making their way to and from the gates made it difficult for the brunette to get much further than the main doors. So, she opted for texting her girlfriend her location instead.

Her plan was somewhat thwarted, but she hoped Clarke would have a laugh nonetheless.

As the minutes ticked by, she made sure to keep a watchful eye on the crowd that exited the terminal. When she spotted the unmistakable strands of blonde, she pulled the bouquet from behind her back and pulled her lips up in smug grin.

"Welcome home." Lexa uttered with an outstretched arm, the makeshift arrangement coming inches from Clarke's nose. "I brought you flowers."

Shaking her head while laughing, the blonde accepted the gift. "I don't know whether to give you brownie points or take them away for this one, Lexa." She admitted before looking away from the 'flowers' long enough to meet the brunette's waiting mouth.

Their kiss was short and sweet, but they smiled as wide as possible before they walked hand in hand to the parking garage.

"So, do you like the flowers?" Lexa asked when they entered her car.

Taking another look at the bouquet that was still in her hand, she laughed with a nod. "They're beautiful." The flowers, or the ones Lexa insisted on calling flowers rather, were actually a dozen print outs of her face glued to skewer sticks. A red ribbon neatly tied into a bow held everything together.

"Nailed it, right?" Lexa replied.

Clarke continued to laugh softly. "Totally."

They drove for a while with the radio being the soundtrack to their thoughts before Lexa looked over at her girlfriend.

"I really missed you." She flashed her a lopsided smile.

The blonde nodded. "I missed you too. A lot."

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Good because you owe me some onion rings." Lexa replied with a grin.

As they walked in to their diner, and made their way towards their favorite booth, the girls talked about Chicago.

Clarke told Lexa about the buyers that were eager to own some of her work, and had requested a custom piece as a form of test. She mentioned she had accepted, pending their official deadline and buying price.

"That's great, Clarke." The brunette commented after she bit into an onion ring. "So, what is it they requested?"

The blonde smiled. "They want a landscape canvas of the redwoods."

"Really?" Lexa looked at her puzzled. "That's what they chose?"

After nodding, Clarke took a bite of her burger. "Yup. Care to go to the Sequoias with me?"

Her girlfriend nodded eagerly. "That sounds like fun. We can camp out and everything."

With wide eyes the girl replied. "No, no, no. I'm not camping. I'm not that outdoorsy." She glared at the girl across from her when she laughed softly at her.

"Fine. No camping." She relented. "But we're renting a cabin."

They continued to dig in to their food in silence as they shared dopey smiles across the table. When Clarke ordered a milkshake to share with her girlfriend, she opened another discussion.

"So, you mentioned you were going to tell me specifics about the MPC call when I returned." She smiled softly. "How was it? What did they say? You know, besides that you're the best writer they've ever had the pleasure of working with." She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously to bait the brunette into talking, tearing her away from the rather delicious looking beer-battered onion ring.

Lexa smiled and shook her head before setting the onion ring down. "They really liked the story, but they have an issue with the ending."

Clarke knitted her brows in question.

"They don't want an open ending like I had. They felt it would be smarter to tie everything together in a neat bow for the end."

The blonde shook her head. "How difficult was that for you to agree to?"

Rolling her eyes and releasing a heavy sigh she looked at the artist. "Extremely. I worked so hard for that ending. You know it's taken me this long to end it, and now they want me to change that. I know what they want is exactly the ending I was trying to avoid."

"I get it." Clarke nodded. "I know what it feels like not to be satisfied with what you created, or struggling to find the finishing touches." Lexa nodded along with her. "But I think you can come up with an ending that works for both you and MPC."

"I know I can, but I have three weeks. I must re-read everything to make sure the ending doesn't contradict or ignore anything that happened prior. It's going to take me some time."

"You can do it." Clarke paused to take a sip of the milkshake. "And it'll be fun…we get to work on our stuff together." She smiled.

Swallowing the mouthful of milkshake, Lexa grinned. "Don't we always work on our **stuff** together?"

"Jerk."

They looked at each other musingly, both struggling with the desire to utter three simple words as they continued their playful banter.

It was going to be hell until one of them could take the gamble and just let go.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is finally getting her chance! She's in! And it looks like Clarke is going to finally feel what working for pay feels like with her art. Amazing. These two are looking to be having the time of their lives soon. I'm loving it. I hope you all are too. So, question, how long do you guys think it'll be before these two say the words? I feel it. It's gotta be soon. Do you guys think it'll be dramatic? Sappy? Cute? Mellow? All of the aforementioned? Also, I want a bouquet of those Lexa flowers. LOL.


	29. The Truth In Her Actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have a lot happening at work right now that might delay my weekly posts. All I ask is that you guys stick around and not walk away if I happen to post later than normal. Thank you for all of the follows, the faves, and the comments. You guys make this even more fun. Enjoy and sorry for any mistakes!

Clarke waved happily as she stepped in to Frankie's office.

The woman, looking as lively and excited as always, ushered her in with a wide smile.

"Thanks for letting me take some time off, Frankie." Clarke commented as she sat in her usual seat across from the older woman.

Frankie's fluttering hand was accompanied by a playful roll of eyes before she replied. "Please, I know what it's like to be at the mercy of those who showcase your work. You belong to them now, at least until you can do all of that for yourself." She smiled. "Which I think you are close to doing, my dear."

It was nearly impossible for the blonde to hide the blush that crept up and tinted her cheeks. "Thanks, Frankie." She smiled. "I couldn't have done it without your help. I appreciate it so much."

"Yes, yes, of course." The woman stood to walk around her desk. "Will you be returning to class? Or are you officially graduating?" She teased.

Clarke had been mulling her options since her first trip to Chicago. She knew her time at The Ark was coming to an end, especially since she had branched out into the real world. But the fact was she didn't mind the continuous improvement, and she genuinely enjoyed her day to day interactions with Frankie. So much so that every time she thought about leaving, it was inevitable the small pang of sadness she felt.

Noticing the young girl's lack of response, Frankie smiled encouragingly. With it, the blonde found her voice.

"I want to stay on board." She paused to smile softly up at the director. "But I would hate to take up a spot when I might be out more than I am present during lessons." Clarke shrugged, honestly unsure about what to do.

Sighing quietly, Frankie moved to sit in the vacant chair beside Clarke, as she often did during their heart to heart discussions. "That is very considerate of you, Clarke." She stated before covering the girl's hands with one of hers. "But you earned your spot here. Regardless of whether you come back full time or part time, that depends on you, and ultimately what you have time for."

"I'm not sure what I'll have time for, Frankie." Clarke shook her head. "I have a project lined up that will take me out of town for at least a few days, and after that I'm flying back east. It's going to be very busy."

Frankie nodded in understanding. "Then perhaps you don't decide anything right now." She suggested. "Take care of what you have on your plate and then come back with your choice. This place is always open to you, and I will always be willing to take you in, Clarke. Your talent is not very common, and I enjoy our little talks." The woman smiled.

Clarke knew then, her decision about The Ark would be one less daunting task. Frankie was very understanding, and the blonde was glad for that.

Now, all she needed to do was make up her mind about camping.

She sidelined her thought process long enough to work comfortably alongside her classmates. Oil painting was the lesson of the day, and Frankie's favorite, so Clarke made sure to participate whole-heartedly for the rest of the day.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke shivered automatically once she stepped out of the car and into the cold air.

The season and the wind chill had a bite to them, and she was glad she had packed her puffiest coat for their trip. She was also grateful that her girlfriend had agreed to the cabin rental rather than the tent campsite. There was no way she could sleep in the cold.

Not even because she **was** from Virginia.

Her eyes lit up as she took in the sight of the cozy cabin they would call their home for the next week and a half. It was one of the campground's best kept secrets. Small, secluded, and comfortable.

Its interior was decorated with everything you would expect in a cabin: wooden walls, country wallpaper, and elk print on everything. But it also had the luxuries of a nice hotel room, starting with the rather conspicuous hot tub that took up more than half of the washroom space. Clarke was extra excited about that. One room was even designated as an office workspace, perfect for Lexa to get her writing done without the distraction of…each other, really.

Clarke smiled at her thoughts when she heard the rustling behind her accompanied with a small grunt. "Did I mention we were only here for a week, Clarke?" She turned around to see her girlfriend's cheeks painted red. She assumed it was as much from the cold air as it was from having carried both of their bags.

"I could have gotten my own bag, Lexa." The blonde grinned matter-of-factly.

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully. "That doesn't answer my question." She shook her head. "You over packed again, didn't you?"

Neither girl did anything except laugh when the blonde shrugged unapologetically.

Once they settled in, they used their first day to acclimate to the elevation. Because going from sea level to several thousand feet made both their lungs and their brains protest. So, they spent their day and early evening walking some of the small trails that circled the cabin, and resting by the fire when they got back.

Sometime between their last walk and dinner, they fell asleep on the sofa as the flames cracked the logs in the fireplace.

When they made dinner, it took them slightly longer than first anticipated. Lexa attributed that to the fact that Clarke couldn't keep her hands to herself. The blonde insisted it was Lexa's fault for looking so attractive in her hoodie.

"It's a sweater, Clarke. You've seen me wear them before." Lexa commented as she smiled while the girl kissed her neck.

There was a stifled mumble before the girl repeated herself, this time away from the flesh she treated with soft licks and bites. "Maybe it's the lack of oxygen then, because my brain can't stop thinking about how amazing you look in this one."

The irony was that no matter how much Clarke appreciated the sweater, she couldn't wait to get it off the girl's body.

That's how they ended up stumbling towards the sofa and spending the next hour tangled in each other while the vegetables they diced up sat ignored on the kitchen counter.

Needless to say, the first night quickly became reserved for impromptu sex by the fire, though not on the floor because Lexa had some rather graphic descriptions about what could be living on the carpet. She nearly ruined the moment until Clarke shut her up by kissing her senseless.

After dinner, they retreated to the bedroom to snuggle and watch television.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa exhaled heavily as she deleted yet another page of her edited ending. It had been the fourth time she had done so, and each time hurt a little more than the previous time. She made it a point not to delete entire pages, entire paragraphs, any lines, really. There was no greater sin than wasted words, and she couldn't stand it when she fell victim to that.

Still, there was no avoiding it as she sunk against the back of the chair and rested her eyes. A small squeak echoed in the office as she swiveled slowly from side to side, deep in thought.

When she had agreed to changing her ending, she had done so assuming the spark of inspiration would find her, but it hadn't. Three days into her and Clarke's working retreat, and she had yet to find any words that flowed flawlessly to a close.

She opened her eyes to stare at the blank page, the blinking cursor taunting her for her failures. With a deep huff and a glare at the stupid screen, Lexa slammed it closed and pushed away from the desk to stand.

The cabin was warm and cozy, and she contemplated not leaving the confines of the cocoon, but she couldn't fight the pull from the outside. A string that was unmistakably attached to the blonde on the other side of the door kept her from staying indoors.

So, Lexa ignored her natural desire to stay warm and grabbed her jacket before going in search of her girlfriend.

She found the blonde a few yards out, nestled in a small clearing that had a pristine vantage point of the landscape, her workspace covered by a small awning she had put up. Her sole focus was on the living trees that swayed subtly in the distance, and her hand moved expertly over the canvas as she added more paint to bring them to life on the paper.

A smile broke out on the brunette's face as she neared the artist.

Peeking over her shoulder she grinned with pride at the unfinished but amazing work she saw. "That's beautiful."

Clarke jumped in place before gasping and recovering from the surprise intrusion. "You scared me, Lexa." She glared at her before smiling back and returning to her work.

"Sorry." Lexa shrugged. "Shouldn't you have heard my footsteps in the snow?" She commented with a mocking tone.

The blonde shook her head, feigning annoyance. "I was in the zone."

"Ah." The writer responded before laughing softly. "Then I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to take you out of your zone." She used air quotes to tease her.

"Jerk." Clarke replied. "What are you doing out here?" She asked after a few seconds of silence.

Lexa expelled a long sigh and stuffed her hands deep in the jacket pockets before she gave her an answer. "I can't work."

"Too quiet?" She asked as she added another stroke to the canvas.

The brunette shook her head as she looked out at the trees her girlfriend was using as reference. "Too loud." She sighed and nodded when Clarke turned her head slightly to knit her brows in disbelief. "In here." Lexa pointed to her head and the blonde nodded in understanding. "I can't seem to narrow one thought down. So many different words are circling around up there, and I can't bring order to the chaos."

Looking at her sympathetically, Clarke put her brush down and turned to look at her girlfriend. "Do you want to take a break? We can go down to the campground convenience store to take your mind off everything." She suggested.

"No. I don't want to avoid this." Lexa replied with a grateful smile. "Besides, I don't want to pull you away from your work, you seem to be doing just fine."

"Well, can I do anything else to help?" She batted her eyelashes.

"That…" She paused to swallow the lump of desire in her throat. "Isn't the help I need." She grinned wantonly. "But I will take a kiss." She moved in to lock her lips with hers.

Clarke pulled away reluctantly, willing to table her need to prolong the kiss for Lexa's wishes to continue her work. "Go write, D.C."

Lexa sighed before moving back in to steal one last kiss. "God, I…needed that." She faltered, keeping the real words locked behind her lips before withdrawing towards the cabin. "Don't catch a cold, babe." She yelled back with a small grin, not missing the look of wonder and longing clearly etched on Clarke's face.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Heavy breathing echoed in the cabin as Lexa worked her fingers in and out of her writhing girlfriend. The girl's exposed throat drawing her in like the scent of blood to a vampire.

"Bed." Clarke uttered as she became frustrated with the lack of control she had inside the slippery hot tub. "Lexa, now."

The brunette groaned as she continued to work her lips over the skin on the girl's neck, never losing the rhythm or angle of her pumping wrist. "Now?" She repeated in question.

"Now." The blonde nodded, forcing Lexa to break the contact with her pulse point.

"We're all wet." She murmured in between gasps as she continued the movement in and out of the blonde's center.

"Lexa." Clarke warned as she threw her head back and shut her eyes tightly.

Reluctantly the brunette moved back, pulling her hand along with her and leaving her girlfriend flustered and breathless. The water sloshed in the hot tub as she stood, wary of her footing and the diminished sense of balance resulting from the long minutes she had been kneeling.

Not saying another word, Clarke accepted the brunette's offered hands as she struggled to stand on wobbly legs. She allowed herself to drown in the embrace that circled her waist before recovering enough to kiss her girlfriend. The feeling of their slick bodies making her want to forget what she had suggested so they could finish where they stood.

After careful maneuvering, the couple succeeded in moving out of the hot churning water before landing heavily on the bed in a tangled heap. Their lips glued and their tongues eager for more friction. Neither one cared about the mess they had just made, ignoring the way the quilt clung to their skin and the puddle of water that seeped into the rug at the foot of the bed. Reveling instead, in the caresses that came before Lexa proceeded with pushing Clarke towards her impending climax.

When they both pulled away satiated, they echoed each other's gasps for air as they rolled onto their backs. Tiny shivers began to be felt as goosebumps littered their now clammy bodies.

"I don't want to move, but I'm getting cold." Clarke mumble sleepily.

Lexa nodded before standing and instructing the blonde to do the same by pulling on the covers beneath them. She made quick work of throwing the soggy fabric to the floor and rushing to a closet where clean extras were neatly folded away. Not bothering to get dressed, they sunk deep into the dry covers before snuggling close to keep warm.

"I will never get tired of this." Clarke whispered in the dark as she moved in closer to spoon the brunette.

"I'm not a fan of being the small spoon, but yeah, I won't either." She replied only half serious, knowing full well what Clarke was referring to.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "I hate you."

"No, you don't." Lexa argued. "We both know you don't."

Clarke felt the urgent need to reply, but she felt her mouth would betray her and move the conversation into serious territory, potentially ruining their banter. "You're lucky I'm too far gone to argue that."

They chuckled softly before Lexa shifted slowly to get on her back. Her arm automatically sought Clarke's body as it wrapped around her and pulled her in. They nestled into one another in peace.

Minutes ticked by before either one so much as murmured.

"Clarke?"

"Hmm?"

"Does it bother you that I can see your paintings, but you can't read my work?"

So much for the banter and light-hearted talk, Clarke thought before she replied. "I hadn't really thought of it that way." She admitted. "I mean, I would love to read your work, but not if you don't want to share it. I don't want to force you or make you feel obligated to show me."

A sea of silent thoughts moved between them. Fingers trailing soft naked skin absentmindedly.

"I want you to read my story." Lexa finally said. Her eyes were focused on the wooden ceiling, but hear ears remained alert to every sound coming from her girlfriend. She heard the delicate way her breathing hitched just enough to be noticeable, how it almost turned into a sigh of gratification, but didn't because the swallow in her throat hinted there was still doubt or hesitation in accepting her words. The brunette even heard the way Clarke took in air just before she disclosed said uncertainty.

The slow head shake said it all, but the blonde replied anyway. "I don't want to if you're feeling pressured to give me that privilege." She hugged Lexa tighter. "I promised I wouldn't overstep anymore. I meant it."

"No, Clarke, I'm saying I **want** you to read it. I **need** you to read it so you can know this side of me. I want you to see where my mind takes me when I sit down and let the words pour out of me. Just like you've shown me what happens when you let your heart lead the brush." Lexa turned her head slightly to look at her girlfriend with a smile.

The blonde smiled back. "Not that I'm complaining, but why now?"

"Because I think I can't come up with the kind of ending MPC wants until you read the real one. Because that's the real me, and once it's published, it won't be."

Clarke's smile faded into a solemn one when she heard the sadness in her brunette's words. "Baby, you don't have to change anything for anyone. If you feel this strongly about it, tell MPC you refuse to do it their way."

Lexa had been close to telling MPC just that the night they spoke, but she withheld her dissatisfaction because she knew some (if not all) victories required sacrifice. The only thing that changed between then and now was that her heart was leading her fingers against the keyboard, not her mind.

"It's what's necessary to get this going. I don't like it, I don't have to like it, but I greed to do it because I want my hard work to resonate with people already instead of sitting in a laptop that only I know the password to. And maybe down the road, I'll get the luxury to say no and do things my way." She replied.

She understood. Of course Clarke could relate. So, she nodded caringly before lifting up enough to kiss her soundly. "I've never met anyone like you, you know that?" She whispered after parting from her mouth.

"Really?" Lexa smiled. "Never? Not even in good old Virginia?"

"Especially not there." Clarke grinned. "I've met good people, but none of them come close."

"Stop it. You're making me blush." The brunette smiled before running her long fingers down Clarke's side, stopping on her hip before squeezing.

"I'm serious." Clarke insisted. "I…I…you're amazing, and I'm glad I walked into Tassels that day."

They stared at each other in the dark, the silence not thwarting the comfort they nurtured between them.

So many words lingered in the air, unspoken, but conjured up by both quiet minds.

The magnetic pull between the couple intensified as they battled the need to speak and the desire to kiss.

In the end, mouths opened and closed upon one another with wet sounds emanating from behind teeth as their bodies rolled over and under each other.

For hours they let their hands, bodies, and lips speak what they could not let their words say just yet.

Clarke spent the following day engrossed in Lexa's story. The brunette insisted it didn't have to be read in one sitting, but the artist waved her off so she could take the words in in peace.

When she reemerged from the office, the moon had begun to tiptoe closer to the edge of the western skies and she hurried towards her girlfriend to embrace her.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never get tired of Clexa sappiness. So glad they got the chance to share some stuff on this trip. What do you guys think about Lexa sharing her work with Clarke? I personally think that was a big step for her.


	30. Peaceful in the Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. It's been far too long, but I'm back! New Year, New Me kinda thing. I hope you all had a GREAT start to your year, and that you're all still with me. Thank you to all who have been messaging me and opening up discussions...I always have a fun time responding. So, some stuff happens in this chapter. Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes. P.S. The title is a borrowed line from a Florence + the Machine song. I am in love with that line and what it means in this context.

"How was your trip to the secluded forest? Did you finally tell her?" Anya questioned her younger sister.

Lexa rolled her eyes wishing the older Silva could see her. "When are you going to tell me what happened with Raven?" She quipped back in order to avoid responding honestly.

The older girl laughed enigmatically on the other end, almost tauntingly so, making the brunette sigh in annoyance.

"What are you talking about, Lex?"

The girl moved to sit on her side of the bed. "Come on, we all noticed Rae was spending an awful lot of time with you while you were down here. And she was happier than we had seen her in a while."

Anya laughed softly again. "Can't a girl be happy to see her friend again?" She responded indifferently. "We hadn't seen each other in a while, and we both like to talk shit about you all so…it makes sense doesn't it?"

"Sure." Lexa replied with a sarcastic tone. "Except, she wasn't the same when you were gone."

Silence on both ends took over the conversation.

"And?" Anya responded.

Lexa shook her head. "And, she looked almost miserable."

"Well, she's allowed to miss me, isn't she?"

"Stop, An. What the hell is going on? Are you and Rae messing around? Did you hurt her?"

Another moment of silence engulfed them before the older Silva continued. "Fine." She sighed. "No, we're not messing around, Lex. No, I didn't hurt her. Yes, we were spending some time together, and in that time we kind of…bonded."

Lexa knitted her brows together. "Bonded?" She repeated for clarification.

"Bonded." Anya nodded on her end. "She seemed kind of bummed and we talked about our love lives…or lack thereof, and we bonded."

"Stop saying bonded like it's the equivalent of 'hung out'." Lexa retorted with a pinch to her nose.

"It is." Anya replied dryly. "Anyway, why are you interrogating me? I'm the oldest in this relationship. You can't just demand I give you answers." She smiled arrogantly pleased with herself.

"No it's not. I can if I want. And Raven is my friend so I'm concerned." She replied on a single breath. "Clarke noticed it too."

Anya laughed softly. "I promise nothing happened." She paused. "I like the girl, but I'm over here, she's over there, and I don't do long distance. It's why I ended it with Gustus, remember?"

"That's kind of where I was headed." Lexa replied matter-of-factly. "Rae tends to rush into things and ends up either hurt or disheartened. I just don't want my sister to be caught in that or be the cause of it."

"Geesh, Lex, thanks for the vote of confidence." Anya huffed. "But I wouldn't want to hurt Raven so there's nothing to worry about."

The girls stayed silent while each one mulled over their discussion.

"Are you back on the girl train?" Lexa teased after deciding she was satisfied with her sister's responses. For the time being, anyway.

They shared a small laugh before her sister replied. "I never got off."

"An!" Lexa laughed emphatically as she swiped a palm down her face to relieve some of the tension that had taken residence when she answered the phone.

When she hung up, nothing had actually been communicated. Anya had not gotten a response to her first question, having forgotten all about it when she got grilled by the younger brunette. And Lexa still had no concrete evidence that her sister and Raven had shared some kind of…something…a few weeks ago.

Still, the girl couldn't help but smile to herself as she placed her phone back on the charging pad. She always enjoyed talking with Anya, even if she was intense and over-protective at times.

Lexa sighed as she lay back in bed and contemplated taking a nap. She would have, but the phone vibrating on the nightstand obliterated her relaxing moment.

"Hey." Clarke smiled at her girlfriend when she walked in through the front door some time later. "You don't look like you're ready to go on a date." She closed the door warily as she sensed something was wrong. "Did you forget?"

Lexa allowed a small smile to pull at her lips before she shook her head. "No, I didn't forget." She stood and walked over to the blonde with an apologetic expression in place. "Hi." She kissed her softly.

"What happened?"

The brunette walked them over to the sofa to sit down. Clarke's eyebrows furrowed with concern, her lip doing that cute thing it did when she was deep in thought. Lexa couldn't help but smile reassuringly. "Nothing bad, I promise. Except that I need to cancel our date and pack a bag." She continued to clarify when her girlfriend looked on in confusion. "MPC called and they want to meet with me to discuss the new ending and the manuscript in its entirety before they publish."

Clarke nodded once she understood Lexa's suddenly ominous demeanor. "So you'll be in San Francisco for a week?" Lexa nodded. "Ok." The blonde shrugged. "We can reschedule date night. Don't worry."

Lexa looked at her curiously for a few quiet moments. "I'm worried about you." She explained. "You fly to Virginia in a couple of days. Are you ready for that?"

_"I have the painting ready for them, Sinclair. Do they not want it anymore?" Clarke face-timed her colleague._

_The man cleared his throat. "No of course they do, but they no longer want it to go in their gallery here in Chicago, they want it for their home in Virginia."_

_Clarke's blood went cold after hearing his words. "Is that why they asked me about Virginia? Why didn't they say they lived there? Not only did I tell them I have no desire to go back, but I insulted them because that's where they live." The blonde ran a frustrated hand along her face. "Oh my god, Sinclair."_

_"Relax, Clarke. I'm sure they were not insulted. It was friendly conversation at dinner among friends, not business partners."_

_"But they **are** your business partners." She sighed._

_"I promise you, they are not ones to get offended so easily. They're thick skinned and have a twisted sense of humor. Please do not beat yourself up about this."_

_The blonde nodded after hearing his reassuring tone, but the sigh that escaped her said more than any words she could say next._

_"Callie and I can deliver the painting to them if you feel that's best." Jacapo offered._

_While she was extremely close to accepting his suggestion, the stubborn side of her caused her to shake her head unwaveringly. "No, no I can fly it to them. That's not a problem." She assured him despite the trepidation in her heart and the churning sea of bile in her stomach._

_"Great. Sinclair responded. "They'll be expecting you. I will text you the details of where they live so you can find a place around there. You don't have to stay too long, but of course that all depends on you."_

_Clarke nodded. "Thank you, Sinclair." She sighed quietly. "And please say hello to Callie for me."_

_She was finally able to groan out loud when she disconnected the call, and her anxiety was only amplified when she read the address on the text from Jacapo._

_Lexa looked guardedly at her girlfriend as she made her way closer to the office door. The blonde's quiet gaze out the frosty window signaled some internal battle. "Everything ok?" She asked as she leaned against the door frame._

_Clarke turned towards her with a small smile. "I won't be flying the painting to Chicago anymore."_

_The brunette wrinkled her nose in question. "And you're upset because you won't get to go to the gallery?" She asked._

_Her girlfriend shrugged. "Sure. I like the gallery, and the Sinclairs are nice. I can even learn to stand Wick." She smiled a bit wider. "But that's not it." She paused to sit in the chair behind the desk. "I'm flying the painting to Virginia."_

_Lexa's concern for her girlfriend became evident in her eyes, but she tried her best to sound encouraging. "Virginia is a big state. You can probably land, deliver the work, and hop back on a plane all without really going near Arkadia."_

_Clarke was grateful for the girl's positive outlook, and she rewarded the brunette with a loving smile before she shook her head. "Radford is not far from Arkadia, actually." She breathed out heavily. "I'm really familiar with the place."_

_The brunette walked around the desk towards her girlfriend before she knelt in front of her with her hands on her knees. "It's still not Arkadia, and I have faith that you'll be alright."_

_"It's where they're buried, Lexa." The words floated out of Clarke's mouth quickly and loudly. She immediately looked apologetically at the writer. "Sorry."_

_Lexa shook her head dismissively. "Don't worry about it." She licked her lips to continue. "You'll be fine. But if you're not, I'll be a phone call away…for whatever you need from me." She smiled up at the blonde. "Ok?"_

_Clarke smiled down, her hands automatically moving to stroke the brunette's cheeks. "Thank you."_

The blonde looked up at the girl who held her hands safely in hers before she nodded. "I'm ready." She smiled.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Elona walked excitedly through the door before making her way to her usual bar stool. Her bright smile faded when she realized both Lexa and Clarke were nowhere in sight.

With a short exhale she swiveled in her seat and scanned the darkened room for a familiar face.

"Hey, um, do you know where Clarke and Lexa are?" She managed to skim her fingers over a passing man's arm. He was a regular; she just wasn't sure whether he was a worker or a patron.

The bald man stopped in his tracks before pivoting to look at the touchy girl who sat with an apologetic expression on her face. "They're out."

Elona held back the urge to say 'no shit' and nodded. "Right. Do you know when they'll be back?"

"Nope." Titus responded.

"Alright. Thanks." She shook her head and proceeded to roll her eyes. When he caught her before disappearing she felt no remorse. "Hey." she tapped a waiter on his back and waited for him to look at her. "Do you know when Lexa's coming back?"

The guy wrinkled his brows in thought while he balanced the tray in the palm of his hand. "Um, she should be back next week." He smiled politely at her before rushing behind the counter to discard the empty bottles and tumblers.

"Next week?" She swiveled back to meet his eyes through the tap levers. "Is Clarke with her?" Elona tried her best to avoid the pyramid-shaped handle that kept obscuring his face.

"No. Clarke's out in Virginia. She should be back before Lexa, though. Is there something you need? Maybe Indra can help you."

The girl looked down at the bar top in thought before she shook her head and smiled back at him. "No, no. That's ok. I'll just talk to one of them when I see them." She watched as the guy walked away with fresh drinks on his tray. "Hey." She beckoned the Lexa-stand-in. "Tequila, double, please."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

"Thank you so much for going out of your way to deliver the painting, Clarke." The woman smiled genuinely up at the blonde while they made their way to the sitting room.

The house was very old, but the inside had been preserved and remodeled recently to keep it modern and lavish. Free space on the walls was a foreign concept as many expensive pieces hung on display for all guests to see.

"It was no problem at all." Clarke responded as she followed the couple deeper into the room where several French sofas gathered around an elegant center table. "You have a lovely home." She smiled at the pair.

"It's been in the family for many generations." The older man replied with a proud smile. "Was your home in the family for long?" He questioned.

It was bordering on conscious imposition, but the artist let it go seeing as she was with a couple of people that held her work in their home now and served as connections to a bigger world. "Yes." She paused to feign a small smile. "It still is as a matter of fact."

Eyebrows went up as the older woman cut in. "Oh?"

Clarke nodded. "The house is still mine."

The man nodded with an impressed look. "I hope you found a way to make money off of the property." He looked at her almost like a father would his daughter. "Owning property and being across the country can be very expensive and inefficient."

"I made some arrangements before I moved to Los Angeles." She smiled though she felt slightly insulted that he perceived her as naïve.

He nodded in approval. "Good to hear. Will you be checking in on the home this trip?"

"I haven't decided." The blonde answered honestly and quickly to avoid the conversation.

"Sometimes it helps to come face to face with your demons so you can finally get closure."

Clarke only nodded with a tight-lip smile.

They talked some more about her house and how she lived there with her parents until she left for the west coast; all the while they drank whiskey and the blonde avoided certain questions.

It was the older woman that moved the conversation from the personal topics to the art related discussions. Clarke smiled gratefully but subtly at the woman.

When some time had passed, and the small talk had been exhausted, the couple stood and invited the blonde to follow along as they walked through their home.

She found it difficult to keep her eyes from bulging out of their sockets with wonder. The collection of pieces that littered the hallways, the rooms, and even the dining room were beautiful. Some she recognized as pieces belonging to established artists, others, she assumed she had yet to delve into or belonged to no-name artists such as herself. Either way, she followed behind the couple and listened eagerly to the stories that belonged to each work of art.

Stopping at one in particular, she gasped and turned to the couple. "Frida?" They nodded with small yet proud smiles. "This is stunning. I was always amazed by her work, but seeing one in person is definitely life-changing."

"Yes it is." The older woman nodded. "This one is my favorite, actually. There's a connection there I had never felt before. So much so that I couldn't bear to part with it to give it to a gallery."

Clarke nodded. "I don't blame you."

They stared at the painting another minute before the man cleared his throat. "Would you like to see where yours is going up?"

It was a simple question, yet the significance of it was not lost on the blonde. She swallowed the sudden ball of emotions that constricted her throat before she nodded.

Sure enough, a spot, the only free space on the wall of a study, waited for her painting to cover it up.

Clarke smiled at the bare wall and nodded away the tears in her eyes. "I can't thank you enough for taking an interest in my work." She spoke as she looked back to the couple. "It means a lot that you believe my work is worthy of that space."

"You are an extremely talented artist." The woman responded. "We were not going to pass up the opportunity to own an original before you became the next big name in the business."

The trio stood by the wall with small smiles in place before the man led them back out to the sitting room. "So, Jacapo has suggested a retail price for the work you did." The woman began as they sat once again.

Clarke's eyes widened. She had been so caught up in the trip that she had little to no time to consider a form of payment, let alone a number. A small part of her panicked as she fought the urge to tell them to consider this a sample just to get her name out there.

"We believe his number is a good one, but we don't want to give you less than you feel it's worth."

"I came here with the intention of delivering a free painting." Clarke couldn't help herself. "The exposure is enough…this time around." She smiled.

"Nonsense." The man shook his head. "We will fulfill the contract and give you what Jacapo had in mind. We will not take it for free Clarke, and you would be foolish to believe your work does not deserve to be paid for."

The girl sat stunned by the man's words, before she sighed. Her eyes drifted down to her hands as they clasped around her empty tumbler and back up to the pair. "Thank you so much. I will never forget that you guys have given me this opportunity. I am forever grateful."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke stared at the check in her hands until unshed tears blurred her vision.

"Can we change the destination, please?" She sniffled as she directed the driver to the new drop-off.

Her skin was warm, the layers of her outfit shielding her from the cold, but the goosebumps still managed to make their way up and down her body as she stepped foot on the grassy hill.

Looking at the check once more, she wished she could be with the one person that always made her feel at peace, but she felt she owed it to herself to do what she was about to do instead.

Her feet carried her towards the familiar loop, her mind leading the way towards the three tombstones that began to come into focus.

Clarke stopped in front of her dad's tombstone, nestled between Finn's and her mother's. Her eyes burned immediately and this time she let the tears run down her face without fighting the onslaught of emotions that consumed her.

She still held the check in her hands, not minding that she suddenly saw it as a lifeline she needed to grasp onto, the paper giving way to the pressure and wrinkling quietly.

There was so much she wanted to say, so many things she had never really had the opportunity to express, but her throat swelled with sadness and she sobbed openly instead.

She gasped for air, the bitterness of it freezing her from the inside out and forcing a cough out. It had been a long time since she had cried like that, and her body sighed gratefully for the new freedom it had been granted.

Her eyes moved from stone to stone as she continued to weep and mourn for her family.

Minutes passed before her eyes dried and her breathing became a rhythmic struggle for air and peace.

A sudden crunching of icy grass prompted Clarke to collect herself and deposit her wrinkled check in her coat, hoping the groundskeeper wouldn't be too long.

"I'm sorry I only came to clear the ice and drop off some flowers." The voice apologized as he made his way past her. She knew immediately who it was, and her tears began to fall again.

"Wells?" Clarke sobbed as her question forced the guy to spin and look at her in shock.

"Clarke?" His eyes widened before he rushed her and crushed her in a fierce hug.

They stood enveloped for several moments before the guy pulled away. His face contorted with a sudden apologetic look as he stepped back slowly. "What are you doing here?" Clarke dismissed his apprehension and smiled a teary smile.

Wells looked back at the tombstones and back at his old friend before shrugging. "I come every now and then. I figured if you can't, I should. They meant a lot to me, too." He stated solemnly before looking down at his gloved hands. "But hey, what are you doing back in Virginia?"

"Long story." Clarke smiled remorsefully.

"I have time. Want to go grab some coffee?"

The short drive to the nearest coffee house was not quite as uncomfortable as both had anticipated. As it turns out, sometimes distance and time doesn't really change a bond that was forged long ago.

They sat in the café, surrounded by other people seeking to thaw out, while they talked about how much they missed each other and caught up.

"Not tired of sunny California yet, then, huh?" Wells asked with a hint of disappointment.

His friend's headshake only justified his pout. "I am, however, bummed that I can't stand the cold anymore."

Wells nodded with a smirk. "Lucky me then. I thrive on snowy days and knee-deep slush." He smiled over his coffee. "So, you've finally made it in the art world?"

Clarke shrugged with a soft sigh. "I've got my foot in the door."

"But you're back here because of it?"

She nodded. "I hand delivered a painting to a couple that is affiliated with a gallery I work with."

"Fancy." He smiled. "I'm happy that your move out to Los Angeles has worked in your favor, Clarke."

"Thanks, Wells. Me too." The blonde sipped on her coffee when she felt her phone vibrate against her leg. When she pulled it out she pointed to it and Wells nodded. She read the text message and sent out a quick reply.

"Oh, I know that smile. Boyfriend?" Her friend asked.

"It's, uh, not a guy." His perplexed squint made her laugh softly. "I met a girl in California." She continued as several butterflies flopped around in her stomach. She knew Wells would never judge her choice of partner (unless he knew for a fact the person was a blatantly bad choice), but she still felt nervous about sharing the information with him.

Wells nodded with interest and soon smiled as he brought the coffee back to his lips. "Tell me more, Griffin."

Clarke was grateful for his ability to set her at ease. They talked for a long time about how she met Lexa, and how their friendship eventually grew into one of mutual pining and adoration before either one made a move.

Her friend nodded along, only interrupting her when he needed clarification for something she had mumbled over. Like when she intentionally garbled past the part where they were angry at each other after their first real argument. Wells laughed, much to Clarke's disappointment, when he saw how flustered she became at retelling the story.

"So have you told her you love her?" He asked when the laughing ebbed and her recounting was over.

The blonde sighed and tilted her head in thought. Her eyes looked past her friend and settled on a flyer someone had posted on a corkboard across the room. "You know, I haven't." She finally replied.

"But you do?" Wells asked. "Because I've seen Clarke Griffin 'in love' before, and this is one hundred times that."

Clarke looked back to her friend before finishing the last of her coffee. "She is about one hundred times more special."

"Cute." He smiled. "And corny." He teased.

"Shut up, Wells." The blonde smiled. "But it's true, I do love her."

"Then tell her."

Clarke nodded. "So how about you, Mr. Wells? Found a college girl to make your wife, yet?"

The guy smiled as he held up his finger to signal for her to wait. She wondered what he was up to when she realized he was headed back to the counter to order another round for them.

When Wells hugged her goodbye outside of her hotel, it was much later than Clarke had planned to get back by. And as she waved at his car, she felt the sudden pang of worry because she left Lexa hanging for much longer than she promised.

She rushed up to her room, and didn't bother to get comfortable before she tapped Lexa's contact photo and pushed send.

"Hi, Virginia." Lexa smiled into her phone.

"Hi, baby. I'm sorry that I didn't call you right away." Clarke replied.

"That's fine." The girl replied. "What happened?"

"I went to visit them." Was all she said as she plopped on the bed with a heavy sigh.

Lexa mulled over what to ask or say for a quiet second. "How was it, are you ok?" She worried and hated she couldn't be there with her girlfriend.

Clarke nodded at no one. "I'm not sure."

"Do you feel better?"

"No." It pained her to admit that, but it was the truth. "I don't feel any better than when I walked up to their graves." She continued. "I cried until I couldn't, but I don't feel any sense of closure. When do I get to feel that? What do I have to do to feel it?" The blonde asked, her voice desperately seeking help from her girlfriend, who was thousands of miles away dealing with her own life-altering trip.

"Closure doesn't choose you." Lexa shrugged. "You have to choose it, or it'll be like a bad relationship that never ends and is always hanging on by a thread."

"So, I'm keeping myself from letting go?" Clarke knitted her brows in consternation.

Lexa sighed. "Somehow you might be."

"But how? What am I doing?" The blonde questioned herself out loud.

"I don't know, Clarke. But you might need to search a little more. It's not going to be easy, and it's going to hurt, but it's the only way."

The girl nodded again. "I'd probably still be there crying myself dry if it weren't for Wells."

"Your friend? The one that drove you to the hospital that night?"

"The very one." Clarke responded. "Turns out he visits them whenever he's on break from college and takes care of their sites."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"That's nice of him."

"Well, he knew my parents, and he wasn't opposed to me being with Finn, so…" She paused. "Anyway, I think I'm going back tomorrow."

"Really?" Lexa felt suddenly useless as she realized the distance was keeping her from being the emotional and moral support her blonde needed. "I'll be a call away."

"I know, babe. I would have called you, but I wanted to deal with it on my own. I know I can."

"I know you can, too." Lexa encouraged her.

They stayed on the phone for an hour as they took turns talking about their separate business meetings and how ready they were to use the money from their first checks on a nice vacation. Each one neglected to go near any specific numbers when they smiled into their phones and gloated playfully about their first official paychecks. Deciding it would be best to celebrate that small milestone together, in person.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke walked up the hill one more time, hoping and praying that she could accomplish what she set out to.

When she found herself in front of the tombstones again, she sighed heavily. The tears didn't come at first, and she feared she was disrespecting them somehow.

A small part of her felt silly and childish with her sudden urge to speak her thoughts at the concrete slabs, but she did so anyway.

She spoke of her decision to leave Virginia, and how it had been the best choice she could make for herself. She asked her mother to forgive her for letting her down and abandoning the opportunities she had laid out for her with her connections, but she assured her that if the art career didn't pan out, she would return to the profession (which in all honesty she didn't find half bad if she really thought about it).

Then the tears came.

Because when she thought about her dad, and how he would never dance with her mom at another hospital function again, she couldn't take it. It was their tradition, and her obsession (secretly) to watch her parents run around the house as they helped each other get ready for the yearly event.

The way her mother would help her dad with his bow tie, which he could never figure out no matter how many engineering degrees he possessed. How he would, in turn, always fasten the tiny hook at the apex of her zippered dress because she couldn't reach, and Clarke's fingers were too inexperienced for the job. And how the blonde was always tasked with snapping a photo for them before they walked out.

Her dad loved those nights because her mom loved those nights.

Clarke wanted to fall to her knees as the memories flooded the black canvas of her tightly shut lids.

She didn't, but she cried for her parents still.

And she cried for Finn.

Because he had been great to her, and had managed to earn her trust and her heart after having lost both to Roan years prior.

Clarke cried for so long that she lost track of time. Her phone, the cold that nipped at her nose and tear-streaked face, and her cold fingers long forgotten.

And she still didn't feel any better.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into the cold breeze. "I'm so sorry."

There it was. The horrible hidden thing that had kept her from resolving her sadness and anger resided in her guilt.

Or, her ability to absolve herself from it.

It took a lot of strength for her to recall that night, and reassure herself that what happened on the highway, and her family dying in that car, had nothing to do with her. A small voice kept fighting to be heard, contradicting what she kept repeating to herself, but she was resigned to ignore it knowing full well that it would never really go away.

So, she made up her mind- she would fight the fight against that voice until her last breath. Because she deserved to live free of the blame and with an open heart.

Now she just needed the most important person in her life to know that.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa walked out of the conference room with purpose in her step.

She wanted nothing more but food and the chance to check her phone to see if Clarke had called her.

She sighed as she stepped out of the elevator and headed for the exit doors. A smile broke out on her face when she saw the text.

_Clarke: I'm checking in. I'm ok._

_Lexa: I'm glad to hear that, babe._

_Clarke: I miss you._

_Lexa: I miss you, too._

_Clarke: I need to see you._

_Lexa wrinkled her nose with worry._

_Lexa: Just a couple of days and I'll meet you at home, ok?_

_Clarke: Fine._

_Lexa: Are you sure you're alright?_

_Clarke: Yes, but I'll feel better when I see you._

_Lexa: I promise to treat you to a nice dinner when we get back._

_Clarke: I'm holding you to that._

_Lexa: Sounds good to me._

_Clarke: Hey_

_Lexa: Yeah?_

_Clarke: You better not be eating any onion rings without me._

_Lexa: I'm not. I won't. Geesh._

They laughed in unison from behind their own phones. Time could not move fast enough.

The next morning Lexa texted her girlfriend again before she entered the room full of MPC members. She was excited, but equally as nervous as the day neared for them to give her feedback on her new ending. She kept reminding herself it was worth it.

She sat and listened to each topic of discussion diligently until lunch time neared, then all she could think about was greasy food.

Discreetly she typed away a message.

_Lexa: I can't stop thinking about onion rings…thanks._

Not long after, she got a response.

_Clarke: You better not, Silva._

_Lexa: If I do, I blame you._

_Clarke: I swear…_

_Lexa: Fine. Fine. But I AM going to get me a burger for lunch._

_Clarke: With fries?_

_Lexa: *nods* Lots of them._

_Clarke: Other couples sext. CLEXA: FOOD PORN._

Lexa covered her mouth with the palm of her hand so she could stifle the wide grin and soft snort that was evoked by the text. She was impressed no one had so much as turned their eyes towards her.

_Lexa: We knew it from the beginning, we both like food. It was inevitable._

_Clarke: Ugh. I want to kiss you right now._

_Lexa: When are you heading home?_

_Clarke: Now. I'm on the next flight out of here._

_Lexa: Ugh. Wait for me. I'll be out of here tomorrow at midnight._

_Clarke: You'll know where to find me. ;-)_

When the day ended, Ms. Spencer and Mr. Wallace had closed their meeting with a chart of what markets they wanted to set out for first, and a projection of sales numbers. It gave Lexa hope seeing what they thought was possible with her story on the shelves, and it hurt a little less that the book would not feature her original ending.

The following day would be the final meeting, and she hated to admit that her nerves were cranked up to a full ten, but she managed to ignore the anxious feeling as she headed to the hotel for a lonely dinner. She contemplated calling Clarke, but she knew it was highly likely that the blonde would be sleeping away her trip.

Lexa looked up from her key card and stopped in her tracks when she saw the subject of her thoughts standing outside of her hotel room door.

"Clarke?" The brunette began to move closer with a confused yet giddy smile in place.

Clarke smiled just as wide as she shrugged. "I've had the best and worst two days of my life.

"Clarke…" Lexa attempted to comfort her with words in vain as the other girl continued to talk in a hurry.

Her eyes examined the brunette's features. Her eyes, her lips, and oh that jaw. "I should have flown home, but you weren't going to be there."

The brunette's smile softened and she stopped advancing only when she was toe to toe with her girl. "Are you really ok?"

Contemplating her answer, because this time she had heard Lexa cut in, Clarke nodded. "I am. I really really am, and I wanted to see you."

"Babe…" Lexa interjected.

"Shut up. Let me finish." Clarke interrupted again and the writer laughed softly at that before she waited quietly for the girl to continue. "I couldn't wait one more day to see you. Going back to Virginia was a blessing in disguise."

Lexa's eyes traveled past her girlfriend's head when she caught a couple that was staring at them from the end of the hall. "Um, we have an audience. Care to move this inside?"

"Shut up, Lexa." Clarke pulled her in forcefully before slamming her lips on hers. Their kiss was messy and desperate as their hands sought each other out. If it weren't for the burning in their lung, they would have kept going. Alas, they needed to breathe and the blonde pulled away slowly. Her face was suddenly flushed red, but her eyes never looked so calm and honest. "I love you."

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whistles casually* So Anya and Raven. Still lots of juicy details there...hidden...sure...but there. And Clarke finally gets paid for a painting! Yikes. How about Lexa? She's probably got a nice lump of change in her pocket now, huh? How fitting that our girls are getting their payback almost at the same time. They've earned it don't you guys think? I'm just glad Clarke finally closed the chapter on her pain. I'm sure it will never really go away, but at least she's learning to live with it. *whistles casually again* Ok, ok, fine. CLARKE SAID SHE LOVES LEXA! AND...we didn't get to find out if Lexa said it back because I decided to be evil and end it there. Muahahaha. Next week, ya'll. Tune in to find out. ;-)


	31. The New, the Familiar, and the Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful people. I wanted to apologize yet again for the delay. Life has recently become all about work since we decided to go with a new scheduling system. I get home tired and only have the energy for walking my pup and making dinner. It's so chaotic, but I can't complain too much, and I won't. Anyway, I have a birthday coming up, and I decided that as a present to me, I would gift you guys with a chapter because it makes me happy to see you guys reading and sticking around. So, please enjoy and drop a line if you feel inclined to do so. Sorry for any mistakes.

Lexa's expression must have asked a million silent questions because Clarke nodded and clarified what she intended to say. "I love you. I'm in love with you. Same thing, right?"

The brunette swallowed her initial surprise and shook her head slowly. "Not really. It can mean different things."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "It was rhetorical, genius." That was her Lexa, ever the writer giving meaning to the various ways one word can be strung with others.

"I know." Lexa grinned before pulling Clarke's face towards her to initiate another bruising kiss.

They kissed just outside the closed door, oblivious of their surroundings and what their next move was. Because there was only that exact second in time, wrapped around each other.

A sudden clearing of a throat had the girls pulling apart, semi-embarrassed, as they both looked back to the same couple Lexa had spotted earlier.

All four people smiled awkwardly in the hallway before the brunette slid the keycard in the lock and pushed the door open in a hurry.

She made quick work of the chain before pulling Clarke back into her. A small shriek escaped the blonde's mouth as her body collided with her girlfriend's. Lexa dove right in, not allowing another second to pass with her mouth idle and deprived of Clarke's.

A million feelings lit up inside Lexa, but one in particular, utter reciprocation of love made her pull away. She smiled when the girl in her arms groaned with dissatisfaction. "I'm in love with you too, by the way." She flashed her sincere smile, the one that only Clarke was privy to and completely head over heels for.

They moved back in, eager to allow their mouths and bodies to bring to a full circle what their admissions of love had started.

"We waited way too long to say that." Clarke uttered in between kisses as she began to lead them towards the bed.

Lexa nodded, too busy for any more words as her mouth devoured lips and exposed skin on their journey.

They wasted no time once they fell into bed together.

Clothes was peeled off by efficient hands and discarded, but when Clarke was going to move down her girlfriend's body, Lexa pushed her away softly.

Clarke knitted her brows as she wondered what might be going through the brunette's head, but she smiled once the girl stood and moved them towards a closed door.

Only Lexa didn't think she could wait the few steps it would take to get into the shower stall, and her desperate kisses and tugs attested to that.

So, she walked them towards the generously sized granite top sink instead. With a sudden rush of impatience, Lexa lifted Clarke onto it. "Better late than never, right?" She finally shared her opinion on Clarke's words from before.

With her bottom lip between her teeth, the blonde nodded in agreement, overwhelmed by the cold beneath her rear, Lexa's hungry stare, and the rush of desire that flooded her own body.

Her hands instantly pulled the other girl in, and she kissed her impatiently as her legs wrapped around her waist to hold her captive against her.

It didn't take long for Lexa to find herself unable to resist the heat that radiated from her girlfriend's center as it repeatedly brushed against her bare skin. So, she willed herself to break away from the girl's mouth to make the descent.

Her mouth latched on to Clarke's clit as soon as her knee hit the floor.

Clarke moaned with pleasure and let her head fall back against the mirror, not minding that she bumped it rather hard. One hand gripped tightly onto the rounded edge of the counter while the other threaded through Lexa's brunette strands. Their shared sounds and motions making her stomach quiver with raw desire.

She sighed out loud when the brunette used her tongue to sooth a light nip before moving further down towards her entrance.

Lexa withheld the smile that threatened to part her lips from Clarke's skin when she heard the sounds of approval. She used her excitement instead to reach deeper with her tongue while her dexterous fingers circled the bundle of nerves over and over.

Still, the unwavering feeling that she would never get close enough had her sinking her fingers desperately into the previously unblemished skin of Clarke's thigh. And if Clarke's ardent pull on her shoulders with her legs was anything to go by, she was feeling equally as eager to lose sense of where one ended and the other began.

Clarke began thrusting and swaying, countering the rhythm set by Lexa's fingers and mouth, feeling heat rise in her cheeks as she spotted the angry red marks on her legs. She struggled to breathe, and her lack of strength forced her hand to abandon the brunette locks for more support on the counter. With one final moan and exhale, she came undone.

Their urgent inhales and exhales mingled and echoed in the space as Lexa stood. She smiled as she managed to capture the way the blonde's eyelids struggled to stay open before she finally looked back at her.

"Come here." Clarke mumbled, her entire body still trapped in a thick post-orgasmic haze. Her limbs felt heavy, but she succeeded in pulling her girlfriend towards her for a languid kiss.

They took pleasure in the cool air that hit their damp skin until it erected goosebumps across both of their bodies.

When that happened, Clarke unwrapped herself from Lexa's body and led them towards the shower where they both sighed at the warm water that hit them. They had shared many showers together, but this particular time felt different.

Better.

If in fact that was possible.

Lexa begged the blonde for consent to enter her mouth with her needy tongue, and when she was allowed in, she became so obsessed with the texture of the girl's mouth that she was caught by surprise when she was backed into the cold tiles.

Clarke was eager to have her way with Lexa. She knew there was no time for foreplay this time, and she promised silently that she would allow herself the pleasure of going down on her later.

So, she pushed Lexa's hip against the wall with one hand, and quickly pushed two fingers into her.

The brunette gasped into their kiss, enjoying the way her brain attempted to catch up with Clarke's actions. She moaned against her lips, their parted mouths serving as lifelines for their lungs while she felt the familiar stretch each time Clarke pumped into her.

Clarke moved her hand with reckless abandon, alternating between curling her fingers against the spot that made Lexa shudder, and circling her fingertips over the furthermost barrier.

Leaning away from the blonde's hungry lips, Lexa released a strangled moan of pleasure. She didn't know whether she wanted to stand or sit, but she was extremely aware of the sensitive nature of her body as she tried to push Clarke's wandering hand away.

The action elicited a small laugh from her girlfriend as she bit down gently over her collarbone, her hand slowly moving away from Lexa's slick warmth.

Lexa inhaled deeply, both frustrated and grateful for the steam that had begun to circle them in the stall. "Wow." She breathed with her head against the cool tiles and her eyes looking down at Clarke.

"I know." Clarke smiled arrogantly before kissing the brunette's neck. She missed the girl's playful eyeroll.

"I love you." Lexa recovered enough to bring the girls face to hers.

"I love you, too." Clarke replied before bringing their foreheads together, giving them a moment to regain their composure for the next batch of kisses and caresses that followed.

If it hadn't been for the fact that they both felt guilty about the wasted water, they would have gone for rounds four and five to commemorate the occasion.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

The girls laughed softly as they fought over the last onion ring in the paper bag. It was an unspoken agreement that when they got back to Los Angeles, they would head over to their diner to grab a bag.

They took turns digging into it while they rode to work, but now it was a battle to see who would take the last, and most oily one.

"Fine. Keep it." Lexa conceded before holding the door open for Clarke with a pouty expression.

It was hard to fight the smirk of victory that the blonde sported as she looked back at her girlfriend one last time.

They smiled at each other before Clarke nearly tripped over someone's feet.

"Surprise!" Both girls jumped, not expecting the crowd of gathered people to flock to them with wide smiles and loud cheers.

Raven and the gang all held small cocktail napkins in their hands with words to congratulate them.

"Wow, we should go away more often." Lexa teased a few paces behind her girlfriend.

Clarke smiled tearfully as she looked at the group that had quickly become her family. She spared a glance at her brunette before moving to envelop Raven in huge embrace. "Thank you, guys."

Lexa stayed behind, a rush of emotions washing over her as each of her friends grinned back at her. Her smile, though, was an unmistakable sign of her sincere appreciation.

"Why don't you come over here and give us all the proper hugs we deserve, Lex." Lincoln voiced playfully from the back of the crowd.

Everyone stared at her in challenge, and she was left with no other option but to abandon her unwavering façade so she could get crushed in one congratulatory hug after another.

"You two owe us big time." Octavia sounded off. "Do you know how hard it's been without you two?" She pointed at them accusingly.

Lexa shook her head with a grin. "O, you weren't short a dancer." The girl smiled innocently.

"Well, no, but Indra…you know how she gets…and…you know what, shut up." It was her only argument, and it wasn't a very convincing one so the group laughed along with the bartender slash writer.

Indra shook her head at the brunette. There was never a dull moment with Octavia around. "Ladies, welcome back." She walked towards Clarke and Lexa. "We did miss you, and we sure are glad to have you back, but we are so proud of both of you." She nodded at the pair before having her turn with them.

A few more minutes were dedicated to small talk about their trips, and though the discussion didn't go into much detail except for the customary weather talk and 'it went well', the group all nodded proudly at their friends.

Everyone eventually split up to start their night while Clarke apologized to the owner of the establishment for having missed an extra day. She used the usual sick line when Indra glanced at her knowingly. The woman knew better, and the blonde was left to blush on her own behind the bar.

"Funny, I didn't notice the new color on your cheeks earlier." Lexa teased as she leaned casually on the counter to look at the girl.

"Shut up." Clarke blushed harder and looked down at the bar top. "Don't you have glasses to polish or something?" She teased before dropping a hurried kiss on the brunette's lips.

"Didn't you hear?" She yelled at the girl as she walked away with an emphasized sway of her hips. "I'm a writer now, and you're a big shot artist." She allowed herself a moment to appreciate Clarke's behind before she continued. "We can stand around and lollygag." She smiled widely because she was kidding of course. Lexa was never one to simply waste time, and this new development was not a reason to start doing so.

It was a good feeling for Lexa, seeing her work on stage still selling seats for their small family, and she worked the entire night with a smile on her face, suddenly really content with the path she was on.

Her usual customers welcomed her back and caught her up on what she missed during her time away. She nodded and listened to each one, encouraging them to have one more drink, which they gladly agreed to each time.

Bruce chatted excitedly with her, this time making her feel like his number one (not that she cared or could even argue about Clarke being his favorite).

"Grab yourself a shot, Lexa." The man mumbled. "I want to toast with you." He smiled and the brunette complied hesitantly, because while she did like to drink, she tried not to do it while she served. An elusive scene from a movie she watched when she was younger flashed in her mind. Coyote Ugly, was it? Regardless, she couldn't recall it clearly enough so she shrugged.

They raised their shot glasses up and brought them together for a soft clink that only they heard. "Thanks, Bruce." She took back the liquid with him and smiled. "Did you find yourself a good-looking lady, Bruce?"

His inebriated smile widened. "Are you saying a guy can't congratulate his most trusted listener on her accolades?"

Lexa's knitted brows accompanied her smirk. "Now I know something's off. Accolades?" She laughed.

They shared knowing looks of challenge before the man shook his head with a resigned laugh. "She's a great woman, Lexa. I'll bring her 'round some time, but I'm not ready to let her in on my favorite past time."

"You mean you don't wake up drunk?" She joked.

"Yeah, yeah." Bruce paused to slide the empty shot glass towards her. "So, does this mean you're going to be leaving us now?"

The girl tilted her head before she shook it slowly. She hadn't given much thought to what her recent agreement to publish would mean for her job at Tassels. "No, Bruce." She smiled. "My life would be a boring mess without you in it." She answered without hesitation despite the sudden discomfort in her stomach.

"You're only saying that because you feel sorry for me, but please spare me the sympathy." He pouted while he asked for another drink.

Lexa shook her head with a smile as she handed him his poison. "There's no way I'm lying about you making my life interesting, Bruce. No way."

The rest of the night moved quickly, including the few minutes Clarke and Lexa spared for a rendezvous outside. This time, no one had caught them making out like Lincoln had some time ago.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Clarke walked into The Ark with her materials in hand as she headed for the familiar classroom.

She was pleased to see her seat and easel were open, and nobody had decided to claim them since she had been gone.

A couple of weeks had passed since they returned from San Francisco, and she had finally found the time to make an appearance for a refresher on charcoal work.

Quietly she tiptoed in, set her things in their rightful place, and caught up with the notes on the board before she began to drag the charcoal tip down the empty canvas.

Her eyes moved ahead of her hand as she drew the invisible path for her tool to follow. She was meticulous with her resources and she was rewarded with an internal sense of gratification.

"Good to see you, Clarke." The woman's voice came through just as the blonde finished smiling at the progress on her easel. She turned her head slightly to nod at Frankie. "Either your trip bombed or you really love us that much to come back."

Clarke couldn't help the soft laugh that she stifled. "I missed you, Frankie." She responded before setting her charcoal down. Her eyes studied the woman beside her. Her salt and pepper hair hung loose in untamed waves- wild and free much like their owner. "Hey Frankie, can I ask you a question?" Frankie nodded with a smile. "Why aren't you making millions of dollars off of your art?" She wondered.

Frankie smiled and sighed before clasping her hands at her front, pondering the familiar question she had often asked herself in her younger years. "I tried it." She nodded. "But it wasn't for me." She shrugged.

"Because?" Clarke knitted her brows.

The woman looked meditatively at the younger girl, clearly hesitating in giving her an honest response. Not because she didn't care to share it with her, but because she expected people to make their own choices- ones based on personal trials and tribulations not biased words spoken by others (who may or may not be bitter- which she wasn't. But still.). "I didn't appreciate galleries and curators deciding who and what was worthy of anyone's attention or money." Frankie finally provided, making the younger woman recoil and straighten her posture. "But this is just how I feel on a personal level…" she added to reel the girl back in from the murky waters she had just thrusted her into, "Others…most artists…are able to accept the criticism and the reward that comes from that."

Expelling a slow sigh, Clarke nodded. "It helps if you look at it as any other job or career. You have a boss. If your boss likes your work, you get a paycheck." She explained, not really looking at Frankie as she attempted to disseminate her thoughts in an understandable manner. Perhaps to reassure herself that she belonged to that group of artists Frankie had just referred to.

"Yeah, well, I've never held a job for too long." Frankie shrugged nonchalantly. "Which explains why I opened my own art school- I don't have a boss."

They laughed softly, taking the rest of the class into consideration, and after they quietly stared at each other for a few moments, Frankie continued. "Please do not let my words dissuade you in any way, Clarke. You are talented, more than that, you are driven. Strive for whatever your goal may be, regardless of what critics will ever have to say."

Clarke nodded, taking to heart the woman's plea, hoping she would forever remember the words.

Frankie nodded back and walked away, leaving the girl to get back to her canvas as her thoughts ran wild.

When she got back to the apartment, she shared the story with Lexa. The brunette mulled over the words in her own mind.

"I guess it just depends on whether you want to do what you like as a means to survive more than the utter and unconditional approval of others." Lexa voiced as she took back a drink of her beer with Clarke nestled beside her on the sofa. "No one ever pleases everyone, Clarke. No one."

Clarke sighed, her eyes fixed on the flashing pictures on the flat screen. "I guess she just made me think. Do you know which group you are?" She turned her head to look at the brunette.

It was a tougher question to answer than she anticipated, but eventually Lexa responded. "Neither." She looked seriously at her girlfriend, whom she could tell was grappling with the issue. "I can take criticism, but like anybody, I have a limit." She slid away from the blonde to turn and look at her squarely in the eye, setting her beer down on the center table. "Don't over think this. I know what that can do to a person. You know I do." Lexa took her hands in hers. "You can handle criticism, but if you decide you can't or you won't, then you'll make a choice…one that I will support."

They looked at each other for a few moments before Clarke nodded at her girlfriend. "I love you."

Lexa smiled. It was their first time saying it since they returned from their trip, and it felt as amazing as it had then. "I love you."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa pushed a drink towards her friend with a smile. "The usual…disgusting." She said with a visible shudder and playful gag. Elona accepted it with a smile before she tossed it back in one gulp, she winced as well. "There are better things to drink, you know." Lexa continued.

"It's not quality, it's quantity." Elona replied with a pensive look. "Or is it the other way around?"

"It doesn't matter, you're still drinking gasoline." Lexa teased before walking away to assist another customer, but not before handing her another shot.

When she returned to her friend she noticed the girl looking deep in thought. She debated whether to bring her out of it, but after a few more seconds of staring at her with a raised eyebrow, she didn't have to choose. "Hey congrats on the book deal." Elona finally looked up at the brunette behind the bar.

Lexa nodded slowly. "Thanks." She paused. "It really isn't much of a deal, but it'll get my name and the story out there."

"So when can I expect it? I want to be first in line at Barnes for it."

"I'm glad you said Barnes and not some shopping app. I miss the days when people actually bought books from a bookstore." She laughed with the girl. "Um, the book hits the shelves in two weeks."

Elona nodded with an impressed smile. "Good going, Lex. Hey so are you going to do endorsing and what not? I picture you traveling with a life-size cutout like Richard Castle did."

The brunette stopped cleaning wet rings on the countertop to look incredulously at the girl. "Well, first off, I'm not a murder mystery writer. And second, he was a character on TV. You can't really compare real life with that, Elona." She shook her head at her and pouted. "But thanks for reminding me that I'll probably never be as good or as rich as he is."

"You have your Beckett, though, right. That's something to be grateful for." The girl winked before smiling widely.

Elona was right. Clarke had become her muse a long time ago. The girl was her very own Kate Beckett. "Sometimes you make complete sense, Elona." Lexa nodded as she resumed her duties.

"I try." She asked for one more shot. "Hey I've been meaning to mention something to you about school."

"Not again, E." Lexa shook her head and handed her the drink.

"No, I'm not here to recruit you back." The girl began to state her case while she toyed with the glass, careful not to spill its contents.

She didn't get to say much before another customer took Lexa away from her with an empty tumbler in the air. In fact, she didn't get to bring it up at all after that. So, she closed her tab and waved at her friend before walking out of the building.

When the night ended, Lexa pulled out her phone and frowned at the screen as the group walked out and headed towards their cars. The blonde that walked beside her caught the expression and waved at their friends as she suggested they head to Polis without them. "Everything ok?" She asked. Her worried tone well concealed.

The girl kept swiping at the screen with furrowed brows. "Hmmm?" She mumbled unintelligibly.

Clarke pulled gently at her elbow to stop her from walking into the trunk of the car. "Babe?"

The brunette looked up from her phone, her green eyes devoid of any obvious emotion, but Clarke could see the concern behind them. "Yeah?"

"Is everything ok? What do you have there?" She pointed to the screen.

"Oh." Lexa looked down at her phone and put it to sleep before stuffing it back in her pocket. "MPC emailed me." She paused to feign a smile, but it quickly disappeared. "They want to push back the release date. I sent them a message earlier while I was on break about promoting the book, and they took the liberty to promote it themselves with online flyers on their website, but they also want to push back the release."

Clarke took a second to breathe and collect her thoughts before she responded. She didn't like what she was hearing, and the publishing company had caused her girl enough headaches, so she was struggling with keeping calm. "Did they say why they want to push it back? Do you want to do more promoting?"

Lexa swallowed the lump of anxiety before shrugging and moving around to enter the car. She looked at Clarke over the roof of the car, silently begging her to follow.

They sat in silence as the brunette rested her eyes with her head leaning back on the seat. "The early numbers are in from presales." She spoke with eyes closed. "They weren't as good as they expected, and they want to see if an additional week will get visitors on the website to get curious enough to click on the flyers and ads.

Clarke nodded. "Ok. So, do you feel comfortable with their plan?"

The brunette sighed out loud. "I have no other option. They've only sold a couple hundred copies in the two weeks since they put up the ads."

"That's grounds for suggesting alternatives for endorsing it." Clarke replied in a hurry. "What if we tell them we're going to promote it here at Tassels? Would they allow that?"

The girl thought about it because it sounded like a great idea. "I'm not sure, Clarke. I'll have to talk to them to find out."

"Then find out, babe." Clarke reached across to squeeze her knee. "Everything's going to be ok."

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did we doubt AT ALL that Lexa was going to feel the same about Clarke? Nope! She's a sucker for Clarke, too! Those two are made for each other, and I'd fight anyone who said otherwise (with like water balloons filled with pudding or something painless like that). I might be obsessed with sexy shower scenes, in case you guys hadn't caught that. *shrugs unapologetically*. So, what do you guys think is in store for the girls and their careers? I have a feeling something is still brewing for both of them. Anybody want to venture a guess as to what Elona wants to talk about? All I know is, MPC is going to suffer some consequences if they keep messing with Lexa's emotions. Who's with me? Alrighty lovelies, I hope to see you guys real soon!


	32. Dreading Is A Crappy Pastime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with an update, lovelies. A lot has happened since I posted the last chapter. Some good and some bad. I've lost a family member to colon cancer and I was very mad at first. Now, I'm just grateful that I did get to see them a few months ago-while they still looked happy and healthy. I think some of what I was feeling might show in the next chapters because I needed that outlet. Bear with me. Anyway, I am grateful to be here with you all again today. I am in constant awe at the messages I get about this story. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This story is winding down, but until the fat lady sings, I still have more words to put to paper. Enjoy, and sorry for any mistakes.

There was no doubt that Clarke was on the cusp of kicking some ass.

It was a true rarity, seeing her so worked up that she'd much rather use a charcoal as a weapon than as a tool of her craft. She typically preferred to fight with words, true, but this was not like any other argument or disagreement. This was the publishing company from hell making her girlfriend's life miserable, and Clarke wanted to make them hurt.

She even conjured up an elaborate plan that involved her sneaking out of their apartment in the middle of the night to catch a red eye to San Francisco. Oh, she considered it...greatly, but after Lexa rolled her eyes at her from behind the bar while they talked about MPC yet again, Clarke knew she had been found out before she even had time to jot down the schematics. How the brunette caught on to her train of thought she would never actually know, but she had.

So, now Clarke had no plan, and no support from her girlfriend with regards to formulating a plot against those bastards. All she could do was bad-mouth the company in a rather immature manner and accept it as an outlet for her anger and frustration.

Luckily, Lexa didn't seem to mind her pestering this time around. Clarke had reacted cautiously at first, only offering her ear so the brunette could vent as necessary. But a few days after MPC had not returned any of the writer's calls or emails, the blonde decided she wanted to light a fire under everyone's ass to help Lexa get what she had worked so hard for.

"So, are we going to pay them a trip?" Clarke asked casually as she helped Lexa wipe down bottles of liquor.

The brunette chortled and shook her head slowly. "What is it with you and the mafia mentality lately?" She smiled softly at her while she replaced the clean bottles that were handed to her.

Clarke shrugged. "Call me crazy, but when someone messes with my girl's happiness, I tend to get a little crazy."

"I'll say." Lexa nodded in agreement, barely hiding the blush of pride at hearing Clarke being so protective. "Please don't make me have to break you out of jail for this." She teased.

"You would do that?" The blonde disregarded the playful plea to fixate on the fact that her girlfriend would break the law for her. Lexa only grinned. "I'm turned on right now." Clarke smiled as she slowly hooked a finger in the pocket of the bartender's slacks to pull her in. Her occupied hand held tightly onto the neck of the tequila bottle she was cleaning before she leaned in to kiss her soundly.

When they broke apart Lexa shook her head. "You are an odd one, Virginia."

Clarke huffed. "You love me anyway."

"For now." Lexa joked.

"Jerk." Clarke swatted her shoulder as she backed away and handed her the polished bottle. "But really, what's the plan? They can't just ignore your concerns. Do you want to take them to court?"

Lexa placed the bottle on the shelf before turning to look at the blonde. "Too soon for that, I feel. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, and if they don't release the book as they promised, then I will definitely lawyer up."

Though she wasn't entirely satisfied with the answer (because she secretly still wanted the girl to consider having an all-out war with MPC), Clarke knew Lexa had a plan she wanted to follow, and she was going to forego her desire to fix everything to support her.

A couple of hours later, Clarke didn't miss the guy that walked in after they opened. He stood out like a sore thumb, and she was glad she could tell the difference. New customers were always a good sign, so she made it her mission to convince the man to come back after the night was over.

"A new face in the familiar crowd of spectators." She greeted him with a wide smile. "What can I get for you?"

He spared her a quick smile but kept a trained eye on the stage. "Iced water, please."

"Water?" Clarke couldn't keep her face from wrinkling in question. It wasn't every day that someone came in to watch the show while they sipped on water. "Are you sure I can't get you something stronger? A beer? Whiskey? Some wine?" She smiled persuasively down at him.

The man smiled again, but the girl could sense he was slightly annoyed. "No, no. Thanks. I'm here for the show not the drinks."

His response had the blonde nodding along in resignation, and with that she pivoted towards the bar to retrieve his cold water. He was so standoffish that Clarke forgot to encourage him to return.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa scanned the room, the walls drenched in the violet hue of early morning as the vibrating from her phone pulled her further away from her sleepy haze. Her eyes drifted towards the nightstand, the very same one that seemed forever away and out of reach.

She couldn't bring herself to move though, not even an inch, as she found her arms securely wrapped around Clarke's naked body.

A small smile invaded her face as she breathed in the girl before her eyes began to close.

"Are you going to see who that was?"

Clarke's voice stunned Lexa and she nearly jumped because of it. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was." The blonde snuggled deeper into her side. "And you were being creepy again."

"I wasn't staring." Lexa defended herself right away. "I just didn't want to move, yet."

"And now I'm awake."

"No good deed goes unpunished." Lexa shrugged with a sleepy grin that Clarke could picture behind her eyelids.

Eventually, the blonde sighed before she untangled herself from the girl who instinctively held on more tightly. "I need to pee." She laughed before stepping out of the warmth and towards the bathroom in all her naked glory. Lexa smiled as she appreciated the retreating form.

Lexa took the opportunity to reach for her phone. She sighed when she recognized the address on the email that had buzzed her awake. It only took her a few seconds to open the notification and read the message inside. A part of her was relieved, but she still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that crawled down her spine every time she got any feedback from her publishing company.

"What did they say?" Clarke asked as she hurried back towards her so she could jump under the covers.

"How?" Lexa began to ask before the blonde smiled and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

"You do this forehead thing when MPC is on your mind." Clarke nodded in response to the brunette's silent 'really?'. "So, was that good news or bad?"

Lexa moved to place her phone back on the nightstand so she could return to her previous position. She would never get tired of being close to Clarke, and she didn't care how corny that seemed. "OK, I guess. They finally gave me some answers."

"Is that enough?" Clarke asked as she breathed in Lexa's scent that emanated from the curve of her neck.

"It'll have to be." Lexa exhaled noticeably.

Clarke swallowed the urge to threaten the publishers yet again. Instead, she shook her head slowly and began to trail soft kisses along her girlfriend's collarbone. She wanted to make the girl forget whatever troubling thoughts had surfaced.

Lexa forgot about them, and maybe even her own name.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Things soon began to get busier for everyone.

Lexa took it upon herself to print and distribute as many flyers as she could so people could spread the word about her book. Her friends and customers from Tassels wasted no time in pre-ordering their copies on the MPC site or from the bookstores that advertised it. But even with the support from her work family, the numbers did not impress the publishers.

They were not shy about letting Lexa know it, either. She would shrug it off most days, but every now and then it took everything in her to quell the desire to fly north and choke one of them out. Clarke would sympathize and support her, but she didn't hold back the side glances- almost encouraging the images that Lexa's frustration conjured up.

"Stop that, Clarke." The brunette always managed to say it with a straight face, but deep down she appreciated the light-hearted teasing grins Clarke flashed her.

Clarke wished she could do more than mention the book with her patrons during and in between the shows, but her schedule had taken on extra tasks as well. The Sinclairs had booked her for another two paintings and while she was ecstatic, her commitment to the deadline had eaten up her time. Consequently, she had little downtime to rest and to help her girlfriend.

It was a good thing their friends were some of the best people alive. Both girls were appreciative of their efforts, because they had picked up a lot of the slack and never faltered to offer their help when either one looked like they needed it.

"So, I get some of this money once I help you sell a million copies, right?" Bellamy smiled at Lexa as he took the stack of flyers from her hands.

Lexa laughed. "Bell, I'm lucky if I get to keep some of this money once I sell **any** copies." Her friend shook his head in response.

"Dump these bastards." He urged her while he readied himself to leave work for the night. "You seem to be doing all of the heavy lifting. They don't deserve your name to make them famous."

The brunette smiled at the guy. "Thanks." She patted his shoulder. "I appreciate the help, and the words of encouragement, Bellamy."

"No problem, Lex." He winked. "We've got your back here. You know that." The brunette guy smiled one last time before walking out of the locker room.

Clarke and Raven waited for Lexa by the bar as she descended the stairs with the blonde's hoodie in hand. They chatted about something, but Lexa only caught a few words before they stopped.

"Talking about a guy, again?" Lexa glared at Raven.

"Geesh. Why the look, Silva?" The dancer replied defensively as Lexa handed the sweater to Clarke and walked out with her.

"How's my sister?" The brunette asked and grinned when Raven's jaw hit the floor.

"Lexa." Clarke asked her to play nice with only her name and a cautionary glare, much like she often did.

Raven shook herself before clearing her throat. "Are you upset that I'm not talking about the better-looking Silva? Or that I might be?" Raven turned the tables on the girl.

Nothing but the traffic was heard as they stood in the parking lot for a few quiet seconds. Clarke was the first to laugh out loud. Lexa turned her head enough to look quizzically at the blonde, her glare back on display. Raven soon joined in and bumped Lexa with her shoulder. "We were talking about Bellamy." The brunette's pouty expression was replaced by a curious knitting of brows. "Raven pointed out that he and Echo are hardly seen together anymore. That's all."

Though she didn't quite believe the response she got, Lexa nodded and shrugged. "Eventually people catch feelings, and someone has to leave before it gets ugly."

"My money's on Bellamy." Raven added with a wide smile. "That boy was whipped on our girl Echo."

"I agree." Clarke added before turning to her girl.

"Bellamy's a softy." Lexa nodded with a small smile before pulling out her car keys.

The cue was received, and Raven hugged her friends before walking towards her car. "Hey Lex, I'll tell Anya you said hi." She winked back at the bartender.

"I knew it." Lexa shook her head as she opened her door.

Clarke laughed. "Let it go, babe."

The next few days ran as scheduled- Lexa working and attempting to stay away from all things numbers for a while, and Clarke painting away in their living room trying to meet her deadline before her shifts.

Their time at Tassels was a welcomed diversion from the anxiety that was their current situation, and on the day that Lexa's book hit the shelves, everyone worked extra hard to stay focused on the positives.

Lexa was usually one to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders with little to no outward struggle. Yet this time, she found herself fighting the urge to step outside for fresh air every five minutes. Her usuals noticed, and Clarke tried her best to be supportive as she casually slid her hand up her arms or allowed her fingers to linger on the small of her back from time to time.

"I need two more Blue Moons and a vodka tonic, love." Clarke smiled at the brunette as she placed her tray on the counter and waved at Bruce and the other customers she had come to know. When she realized she had been waiting for her order just a little too long, she moved towards the other girl. "Relax, babe." She whispered near her ear. "Everything's going to be ok." Skillfully she managed to press her lips to the spot where Lexa's jaw met her ear without anyone noticing. "I'll come back if you want. I'll go make small talk."

"No." Lexa smiled. "Give me a sec. I've got your order." The bartender rustled up the drinks and placed them on her girl's waiting tray. "Sorry. And thank you." She nodded gratefully before returning to her customers.

"Hey Lexa, ease up, let me buy you a drink." Bruce announced from a few seats away.

The bartender laughed. "No thanks, Bruce. But I can get you another."

"Only if you promise to return to your usual cocky self." The man muttered with a sluggish smile. "I bought a copy, I made my girl buy a copy, all of these people here bought a copy." He referred to everyone who sat at the bar with him. "Except him, I don't know him. He must be new." He stifled a burp as he swiveled in his seat enough to look at the guy a few people away. "Hey buddy, you new?"

Everyone laughed at Bruce's antics and encouraged the new guy to ignore him. Even Lexa managed a soft laugh.

Clarke wanted to take the brunette outside and hug her if nothing else. She knew it was a tough time, anyone would be nervous if they were in Lexa's shoes, but the blonde still felt bad given the situation.

When she left the drinks with the three eager adults that cheered on Octavia's gyrating number, she caught a glimpse of the guy from a few nights ago situating himself at one of the cocktail tables. "Let me guess, water?" She smiled down at the guy.

He laughed immediately and looked up with a receptive grin. "Hello again." He tipped his head. "So quick to judge- I think I will have a beer today. Just here to have a good time."

"And the other day was?" Clarke pried interestedly.

The guy contemplated his response with a wrinkled nose. "Work."

"What?" Clarke became as defensive as she was curious. "What do you mean work? Are you here to take over Tassels? Are you here for that other joint trying to steal our show?" She questioned at a million words per minute as she tucked the tray under her arm. Why she did that she didn't know, but she was short of getting into a battle stance.

His arms went up in surrender in front of his chest as he laughed softly. "No. No. You can relax. I'm not competition."

"So?" She pushed.

He shook his head. "I can't tell you, but I am not here to steal anything from anyone. Not the business and not the show." He raised his eyebrows, questioning the girl if that was enough.

She didn't like it, but she decided to play nice so she could keep a close eye on him. "Fine." She huffed. "What kind of beer can I get you?"

"Surprise me." He smiled. "And, uh…"

"Clarke." She offered.

"Clarke, can I also get a bottle of water."

If the circumstances had been different, Clarke might have laughed at that, but she didn't as she only nodded and walked away to get his order.

"Lexa." The blonde called from the end of the counter and the bartender raised her chin in question. "Give me the most expensive beer we have." She took a bottle of water from the cooler while she waited.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

It could have been a rough night for Lexa as she tossed and turned in bed fighting the nagging voices of MPC that called for her to open the laptop.

If it hadn't been for Clarke's quick thinking, because who could resist a warm bath, the brunette would have surely gone down the rabbit hole.

So, they took their time in the tub. The water was drained a couple of times as it lost heat, but the tap never failed to please them as it replenished the warmth. Relaxing foot rubs were received in between scrubbings of exfoliating salts and their very own version of a deep tissue massage. Which, in reality, was nothing more than an amateur kneading of shoulder and calf muscles, but they did the trick just as well.

And when they finally began to feel the uncomfortable dragging of their pruney fingertips across wet skin, they stepped out and got dressed.

Nothing sexy happened when they got to bed. Having been mentally exhausted prior to their destressing session under nineteen inches of lavender-scented water, they were left with nothing more than the desire to sleep. As soon as their heads hit their pillows their eyes closed, and images began play behind their lids.

Neither one heard the notifications that came in throughout the night, but when they woke up, they did so to several messages and emails, even a few voicemails from their friends.

Lexa sighed as they sat at breakfast, her finger scrolling through all the texts she had received. Most were from her Tassels family, but a few came from people she hadn't spoken to in a while, all commending her for her achievement.

She continued to read, postponing any replies for the time being, as Clarke listened to a voicemail and took a forkful of scrambled eggs. "Raven said if she gets to the end without crying she's going to want her money back." The blonde passed along the message as she cycled through to the next message.

"Anya said she knows the end, but can't put her phone down. I'd be more grateful is she hadn't just admitted to reading my book on a stupid app." Lexa shared her side of the messages. "And Elona warned me she might need multiple drinks after she's done."

Clarke smiled before taking a sip of her orange juice. "Do you think anyone has finished their copy yet?" She questioned as she hit end on the voicemail calls. "Anthony picked up a copy. He wishes you the best of luck." She finally looked up at her girlfriend, who was still thumbing through messages.

"No. I don't think anyone's done. It's only been one day." Lexa replied. "I didn't know Anthony was a fan." She continued.

"Stop it." The blonde grinned. "He has other interests besides painting and the arts."

"Of course." The brunette nodded with a quirked eyebrow. She eventually put her phone down, grimacing because her plate still housed a pile of uneaten eggs that had surely gone cold. She moved them around with her fork before looking up pensively. "Should I be worried that none of the messages that came through were from **them**?"

The blonde shook her head. "No news is good news?" She offered.

"Not in this case, I think." Lexa deadpanned.

"Well, maybe they're finding a way to apologize for all of the trouble they put you through." Clarke nodded.

"Right." The brunette replied with a sarcastic tone.

"Please." Clarke added. "You're going to have them eating out of the palm of your hand. You know they're probably just getting their numbers together."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Lexa pushed her plate away. "Want to go for a walk? I need some air."

As they walked out of their apartment a few minutes later, Clarke bumped Lexa's shoulder with her own. "Bellamy thinks you could have sold more copies if you had named a character after him."

Luckily, or unfortunately, depending on which one you asked, they had no shifts at Tassels.

Clarke filled her time by finishing up her first of two works for the Sinclairs, while Lexa sat around opening and closing her laptop in a zombie-like state. The walk they had shared a couple of hours before doing nothing for her pent-up anxiety as she repeatedly checked her phone for any emails she might have missed in between the laptop checks.

The strokes from Clarke's brush echoed in the apartment, but even their rhythmic song did nothing to pacify Lexa's agitated heart.

Hours later, Lexa realized she wasn't even sure why she was so nervous. Her book had been released. Her friends had all picked up their copies and were eagerly reading through the pages. She had an advance, however small, from the publishers. All she needed was the final tally of copies sold.

Surely she had sold enough books to cover what MPC had given her upon signing her soul away.

And there it was, that which had her on edge. She had sacrificed herself to the publishers, and she wanted...needed for them to make it worth it for her. If she failed, then it would have all been in vain.

Others could argue that her efforts would not go unnoticed, and that getting her name on a shelf in whatever bookstore still stood was enough to catapult her into the next stage of her growth. Still, she felt helpless leaving her future in the hands of a company she hardly trusted. However grateful she was to them, she could not without hesitation say they were trustworthy allies she had done business with- but who could? Cases such as that were rare.

Lexa smiled as she glanced at Clarke in a fleeting moment of relief. Her tongue stuck out between her teeth as she continued to paint.

Then, as if straight out of a movie or a poorly written fanfiction her phone rang, effectively destroying a rare moment of peace and setting her heart back into full gallop.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody with me when I say I still secretly hope Clarke gets to kick some ass? So the book is out! Lexa has done it! She has a published book. How do we think she did? Did she sell enough? Did she get played? What will happen from here on out with her career? Did you guys find any interesting developments in this chapter? I think I want to know more about this guy that keeps coming by Tassels. Anyway, I'm glad Lexa has hit this milestone, right!? So, does anyone want an excerpt from her book- I've been contemplating that a lot lately. I have a few versions of the next chapter floating around. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks for sticking around! We've hit our own milestone here, and I appreciate every single one of you.


	33. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! I have an update! It has been some life lately. I appreciate all of you who have stayed with me on this journey. I sincerely thank you. The first line in this chapter is borrowed from Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. A little warning, though maybe the rating of this story covers it: there is mention of drugs in this chapter. Nothing terrible, amusing really, but still. Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes.

"'Everything can change in an instant. Everything. And then there is only before and after.' There's no reason why I or anyone should have ever doubted those words. After all, we all know change is inevitable. Change is what keeps life in motion. Without it, there's stagnation, and soon thereafter: death.

Another inevitability. How can such a small word hold such enormous consequences?

D-E-A-T-H.

While I might have argued that we were all doomed for it at first, that was before.

After, well I stared death right in the face and said fuck you. Even while angry tears raced down my face and my hands squeezed the nothing in them with an immense sadness, I wanted to fight death. I needed death to hurt like I did.

In case you are wondering, yes. Death took her from me, and while on paper it might seem to you like this progressed quickly, I assure you it did not. It was slow and agonizing, and yet it was over before I could ever prepare myself for it.

The end did not come after she lived a long life, no. The end decided that it would creep into her cells, into her bones, and would wreak havoc on her beautiful life before it devoured her whole. The end did not give a damn about her dreams, her hopes, or her thirst for life.

It only took, and it became the single most significant event in my life. It became that change Phyllis talked about.

I was happy before it.

And after Chloe died, I was miserable.

My desolation was only amplified when my heart fought against my wishes not to dwell and would conjure up visions from before.

I saw her everywhere. Everything reminded me of her. I heard her laughter in other people. I saw her smile on every mouth. I smelled her perfume in everything she had touched, no matter how many times I washed it. And rewashed it. I was destined to live surrounded by her. All because she had allowed me to be part of her before.

And I was cursed to live the after on my own; survive without her. Because change didn't give a damn about me."

Raven had no idea she had been crying. Not until a darkened splatter encased the word 'cursed'.

She closed the book with her left hand, but kept her mark with her index finger nestled between the pages. The freshness on her cheek alerted her of the fact that she continued to cry.

"Well, damn. I guess I'm not getting my money back." She laughed out loud in her empty apartment before her phone pinged.

Not wanting to lose her spot, she draped the book open over the sofa cushions and retrieved her phone from the charger.

Sexy Silva: Are you reading it?

Rae: OMG

Sexy Silva: I'll take that as a yes

Rae: I didn't think she'd do it, but your talented ass sister has made me cry

Sexy Silva: Wow, you, cry?

Raven rolled her eyes.

Rae: Shut up. So, have you read it?

Sexy Silva: Yup. Done. It's not word for word her life, but the gruesome parts are the most sincere

Rae: I can't imagine going thru that

Sexy Silva: Not many people do at her age

Rae: We're all lucky, I guess

Sexy Silva: Meh. She's also loved earlier on than the rest of us

Rae: Oh?

Sexy Silva: No

Rae: What?

Sexy Silva: We are not discussing my love life

Rae: Why not?

Sexy Silva: Because ppl always say they're ok with the response, but they're not

Rae: That many loves in your life?

Sexy Silva: See?

Rae: It's not like we're_

Raven contemplated finishing the thought before erasing it and starting over.

Rae: Just tell me. Have you ever been in love?

Sexy Silva: Maybe

Rae: An…

Sexy Silva: Yes. U?

Rae: No

Sexy Silva: Liar. Not even Bell-boy?

Rae: Especially not him

Sexy Silva: Ok

A sort of excitement coursed through Raven as she read into the two-letter response from the older girl. "OK". Almost as if she were breathing a sigh of relief. If she would have answered yes about Bellamy, though what she felt for him had never wandered into that territory, would Anya have responded differently? She would never know, but something gnawed at her to pry.

Rae: Ok?

Sexy Silva: ?

Escape and evade...

Rae: Hey An…

The brunette swallowed the lump in her throat despite not needing her voice to ask her question.

Sexy Silva: ?

Rae: NVM. So, when are u coming down?

She chickened out of her thoughts, and she really could kick herself for it.

Sexy Silva: Soon

Raven smiled and nodded to herself.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

The city's hustle and bustle was nonexistent from inside the restaurant.

Inside they might have heard the clinking of glasses as a couple toasted to a milestone in their relationship. Or maybe they heard the faint scraping of a steak knife doing its job before finally meeting the white surface of high-end porcelain. Perhaps even the whispers of a stray confession of love that some unknowing fool uttered to an underserving recipient.

But they hadn't. They wouldn't.

From the moment they sat, Clarke could not help but hang on every word her brunette spoke.

Lexa would pause only long enough to enjoy the rewarding laughs the blonde could not hold at bay.

She recounted stories that would make them laugh, feeling particularly light-hearted and free. The wine they consumed only helped to liven them some more.

A salad starter and artichoke dip had come and gone, and as Clarke wrapped her fork around creamy pasta, Lexa continued to share some history with her.

It was not long after she started working at Tassels, she mentioned, when both Monty and Jasper had unsuccessfully tried to smoke her out. Being the free spirits that they were, they would not shut up about the best weed in town. They talked a big game, even threw out names (of which she had no clue, but they felt she might), and set up a time and place for their rendezvous.

"You guys went to Mullholland?" Clarke asked with an incredulous expression. "Isn't that the first place to get caught smoking?" She smiled in disbelief.

Lexa shrugged with a grin. "I was still kind of new to this place." She paused. "And they assured me they knew exactly where to go."

"Your first mistake." The blonde pointed out.

"Meh." She replied. "It actually turned out worse for them." She smiled as she continued to talk through her story.

The night was particularly warm, which she now admits was probably a clear sign the whole thing should have been postponed or canceled altogether, but they tried it anyway. Lexa smiled as she remembered the slow rubbing of Jasper's less-than flashy eighties hatchback windows when they enclosed themselves in the car.

"It was ok at first, but it was the middle of summer in California. We started to cook soon after Monty took his first hit. Did I mention the AC was out?"

Clarke shook her head as she took a sip of her wine.

It took them four minutes to smoke the entire blunt. Nothing really, but Jasper swore it was enough to give them a good push towards the smoggy Los Angeles sky. Lexa would have believed them, she assured Clarke, if she would have felt half of what her friends experienced then.

"You didn't get high?" The blonde asked over another bite of food.

Lexa shook her head. "Not one bit." She shook her head. "I still don't know if I did it wrong then, but I felt nothing. All I knew was that life in the back seat of that hatchback was nothing but hot, and suffocating. I wanted to run out when I felt my legs sticking to the fabric of my jeans, I was so sweaty." It was a fortunate thing the temperature had dropped some with the sun.

"And the boys?"

"High as kites." The brunette smiled with an emphatic nod. "They would look at each other and laugh for minutes at a time. I wanted to smack them both, but I decided to let it run its course." She finally took a bite of her own food.

What the hell. Jasper had mumbled with panic as he stuck his tongue halfway out his mouth and pinched it with two fingers. Monty had freaked out immediately and backed up into the closed door behind him with saucers for eyes. He questioned his friend desperately for reassurance that he was alright.

"No." Clarke laughed.

"Yup." Lexa nodded.

"Jasper had a freak out?"

She nodded again. "Apparently, he felt his tongue was swelling, and he thought he was going to choke on it."

"Oh god." Clarke laughed, a hand covering her mouth for discretion. "And Monty?"

"He freaked out because Jasper freaked out. He was worried Jasper was going to die, and then he started with the hypochondria. He kept feeling his face to make sure nothing was growing."

"I would have loved to have been there for that."

"It was funny. Ridiculously sweaty and hot, but funny." Lexa looked down at her food before smiling up at the blonde. "I have a video of it on an old phone somewhere. I'll have to show it to you. The guys think I deleted it, but I stashed it away for future use."

"You're so bad." Clarke shook her head while Lexa simply shrugged.

They continued to enjoy their dinner in silence, their only conversation being held with glances and smiles.

After Clarke paid for dinner, they walked down the city sidewalks with their fingers linked. Though the sounds that followed them could have been interpreted as obnoxious -inconvenient even, neither girl cared and their conversations were not affected.

Several times they crossed busy intersections, and they had moved further south on foot than they had expected.

When Clarke smelled the aroma that emanated from around a corner, she pulled Lexa along in a hurry. The brunette smiled and chuckled as her girlfriend ordered their coffees and pastries without as much of a second thought. She shelved her curiosity as they waited for their treats.

"I found this place when I first came to Los Angeles." Clarke smiled as she answered the question Lexa was about to ask. "I didn't want to spend too much on non-essential things, so I only spared some change for the coffee, but I've been wanting to try this strawberry balsamic danish since then." She split the pastry so they could share the halves.

Simultaneous moans escaped them as their eyes rolled dramatically in delight. "This could be the best thing I've ever tasted." Lexa muttered with a busy mouth. "Wow." Clarke nodded in agreement.

"The coffee's not bad, either." The blonde added before she sipped carefully on her hot drink.

Cars made their way down the street behind them as they enjoyed their dessert from the small curbside table. A few minutes of indulging in silence culminated with a satisfied sigh as Lexa sat back in the red chair. "That was great." She smiled and swirled the coffee cup in her hand. "Thank you." Her girlfriend nodded.

"I'm extremely proud of you." Clarke admitted, her hands busy with her own cup. "I know this was just dinner and coffee, but the better stuff is yet to come." She smiled. "Someday. Soon. I promise."

Lexa shook her head. "Thank you, but there's no need to reward me. Your support is enough, babe."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the crickets and car engines battling for dominance in the ears of passersby. "So," Clarke started. "Have you thought about what MPC offered?"

An honest sigh escaped the brunette before she pursed her lips in thought.

After a couple of grueling days, MPC had finally reached out to Lexa with news about her book sales. The numbers, while not what they had projected initially, had been sufficiently good.

Her advance was paid, and the profit from the sales had begun to accumulate in her favor, though she wouldn't see them until the book was on the shelves just a bit longer. The Maunon Publishing Company had congratulated her, thanked her for her patience with their associates (though Lexa felt the apology was more for formality than consideration), and extended her an offer before their call ended.

"I've decided I don't want to work with them again." The brunette writer answered after a long while. "I appreciate their willingness to offer me an extended contract, but I can't cater to them. I struggled enough with re-editing an ending for them, I can't imagine writing only what they wish to put out."

Mr. Wallace had been straight forward with his offer and left little to no room for misunderstanding. Alexandria Silva would become a member of the MPC writer's board, if and only if she agreed to write on topics, genres, and for certain target audiences of their choosing. Perhaps other authors would jump at the opportunity for a steady paycheck, but Lexa's heart was anything but onboard with the terms.

So, she had respectfully replied with a grateful thank you before she requested they allow her time to weigh her options. They agreed without any pushback, much to her surprise, and had instructed she give them a call when she was ready.

She was ready, she decided as she leaned forward on the small table, to give them her answer as soon as she could.

"That's understandable, and I'm with you one hundred percent." Clarke replied. "Besides, you might have some change to cushion you between projects, and I just delivered those two paintings to the Sinclairs, so I'll have some income to work with if we need it."

"Are you offering to be my sugar momma, again, Clarke?" Lexa grinned.

The blonde wrinkled her nose in response. "Technically, you volunteered me the first time." She smiled wide. "But yes."

Slowly they reached across the table to link their fingers together.

"I love you." Lexa spoke over the traffic.

"I love you, too."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

"Goddamn, Lex!" The young man yelled from across the room as he walked into Tassels.

It was early enough that she was the only one on the floor, so she jumped at the sudden disturbance. "What the hell, Jasper." She glared at him as she walked past him towards her workspace.

"I finally finished _Chloe_." He smiled before he continued with a straight face. "Don't judge me; I know most of the peeps were probably done days ago."

Lexa smiled and put her hands up in surrender. Part of her wanted to stand still and listen to his appraisal, there really was no better constructive criticism than a friend's, but she kept organizing her area. It was what she did, and everyone knew it, including Jasper.

He took no offense to her peripatetic pre-work routing while he perched himself on a stool and continued to talk. "You're a gifted ass writer, girl. Not that I ever doubted that, but damn. The way you took your time to have Alice describe Chloe when they first met…wow. Not to mention their first time." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, an action to which Lexa responded by tossing a wet rag at his face.

Cringing at the odor, he peeled it hurriedly from his face.

"So all you liked about the book was how hot Alice thought Chloe was?" She tested in jest.

Jasper swallowed a nervous lump before shaking his head. "That was nice, but…" He paused to look around before he leaned in to whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a sucker for romance. The Notebook, that's all I'm saying. And yes, yes I **really** liked the part where Alice thought Chloe was super-hot."

"Is this your first girl on girl book, Jasper?" The brunette taunted with a curious smile.

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"Well, I'm glad and honored you chose mine to be your first." She nodded. "And thanks for the words, buddy."

"You got it." He nodded in return before clapping his hands on the counter and standing up. "Oh, hey, Polis tonight? First pitcher's on me."

Lexa nodded. "Sure. Second one's on you, too, when I kick your ass in a game."

"Yeah right." He laughed, though he knew she was right, and walked towards the stage where his instrument sat.

Not everyone knew the story was inspired by the tragic love Lexa was painfully familiar with, and the writer was rather grateful of that fact as her regulars congratulated her throughout the night.

Many drank in her honor, most left nice tips both in compliments and because they had drank too much in celebration of her book, and some even drank to Alice and Chloe-wishing them the undying love they deserved.

The bartender had to downplay how much the words affected her, and she managed to smile before occupying herself with the menial task of wiping clean the moisture rings that reflected off the wooden counter.

"The guy with the expensive beer is back, I see." Lexa poured a shot of liquor as her eyes caught sight of the man that sat down.

Clarke turned to follow Lexa's inquiring glance. She nodded. "Looks like it." The blonde placed a curious hand on her hip. "He's an odd character. Says he's here for work one time, next he's just having a good time…I can't read him."

"That's because he doesn't want you to, babe." Lexa smiled as she placed the drinks on her girlfriend's waiting tray. "But if anyone can get someone to talk, it's you. Should I get him that beer?"

"Yes." Clarke waited for the beer while she studied the man.

She made her way over to him after her tray held nothing but his drink. His eyes were glued to the stage once again as he smiled, and she took the opportunity to catch him off guard by placing the bottle on the table. He was about to speak when she cut him off. "Are you a pervert? Come to gawk at my girlfriends in their sexy outfits?" Clarke stared him down, clearly attempting to burn a hole through him.

A laugh escaped him as he rested back in the chair. "Clarke." He picked up the beer and tipped it to her gratefully, but she said nothing and didn't move to walk away.

"So?" She prodded seriously.

Sensing she was prepared to stand in place until he gave her a reason to walk away, he explained himself.

Or what he was willing to, anyway. "I'm here as a fan, that's all."

"Of?" The blonde continued her questioning.

He smiled and shook his head at her tenacity. "The show. This place. The dancers. Your beer selection."

Clarke furrowed her brows and nodded. "What's your name?"

"Bill." The man replied without hesitation.

"Sounds made up."

Bill laughed. "It's not." He tore his eyes from the show long enough to look at her. "Do you always interrogate your customers this way? Or am I just lucky?"

Sensing he was no immediate threat, both to her friends and their establishment, she cut the routine short and smiled. "You're an easy target, Bill. But I'll let you enjoy the show. I'll be back when you need a refill."

He lifted his hand to decline her offer, but was left hanging as she left him to make her rounds around the room.

Clarke replaced his empty bottle four times, much to his amazement. There was just no way that he could say no, mostly because the girl would swap the bottles quickly and left just as fast, so he couldn't argue against it.

When she gave him his final count, he paid cash like he had done the previous times, left a generous tip, and walked out.

Clarke and Lexa didn't miss that he and Elona shared a subtle wave before he left.

They both decided they would ask Elona about that when they saw her again.

Some time later they all made their way to their usual hangout.

"An?" Lexa recognize her sister from the entryway of Polis Billiards.

Anya turned around and flashed her sister a wide smile before waving her over. She stood with a glass of beer in hand, surrounded by a few of the Tassels crew that had arrived before her. "Hi little sister." She smiled again as she wrapped a free arm around her shoulders.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lexa asked. "You didn't tell me you were coming down. I could have picked you up at the airport."

The older Silva shrugged dismissively. "I wanted to surprise you."

"It worked." Lexa nodded.

"Hi Clarke." Anya pushed Lexa away to hug the blonde girl much like she had her sister. "Thanks for keeping my secret." She winked down at her.

"You knew?" Lexa looked incredulously at her girlfriend, who grinned before making her way towards the bar for their drinks. "You two are not to be talking without me." She pointed at her sister in playful warning.

Once everyone arrived, they raised their drinks and congratulated Lexa.

Raven assured the writer that she would not be returning the book for a refund, and even smacked her shoulder in mock anger. Something about making her cry was mumbled out for justification.

Lincoln and Octavia nodded in agreement, then. Because they couldn't imagine what it would feel like to lose each other.

It was as much of a jovial celebration as it was a sobering reminder that their friend had been through a traumatic event none of them had ever experienced first-hand. They raised their glasses again in honor of the perseverance Lexa possessed, and the girl she once loved.

At the end of the night, after Lexa beat Jasper once and then Jasper and Monty with Clarke, they began to disperse.

Nobody was surprised to see Echo and Bellamy hanging on each other the entire time.

"You alright?" Anya walked up beside her friend and bumped her shoulder gently with hers.

Raven moved to look up at the taller girl with a smile. "Hell yeah, I am."

"Those two are meant to be, I think." Silva replied as they both observed the couple walking out of the pool hall.

The brunette nodded. "I think you're right."

"Want to go grab some food?"

"Definitely." Raven nodded as she felt herself being guided out with a hand warmly touching her lower back.

"Damn." Lexa smiled from across the room while Clarke kissed her cheek.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there was a small segment from Lexa's book which she titled Chloe, apparently. Keeps Costia's identity private. Chloe worked, I guess. Alice...liked that name? Anyway, that little piece I wrote while I was thinking about the family member I lost recently. Kind of allowed me to appreciate them and mourn them all at once. I hope you guys liked it. Considering adding another excerpt, but I haven't decided yet if I should. Cute moment for our Clexa at the coffee shop, which really does exist here in L.A. Those two are goals, am I right? So: who's this dude, are Becho together again, will Ranya sore? What's going to happen next? Alright, hit me up with questions or comments, I genuinely enjoy my discussions with you all. There's nothing but greatness coming up. Stick around.


	34. Jumping Off the Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Again. I apologize. Life is still chaotic, and I have had little time and motivation to sit in front of my laptop after 9+ hours of sitting in front of one at work. Still, I love each and everyone of you. You guys are still interested, and I am grateful for the support. Here we go...

"Well, we lament your decision, but we accept your reasons." Mr. Wallace's voice dripped with feigned understanding.

Lexa had caught on rather quickly that they were all but surprised with her choice. It was almost hilarious, the pretense of the conference call, because every single person present knew that the decision had been made long before the writer dialed their number.

She didn't want to bend to their will, and they knew she was more strong-willed than most.

Still, deep down, all parties had benefited from their arrangement with Chloe, and before Lexa ended the call, she sincerely thanked them for their support and the opportunity to get her name out there.

"Please keep in touch, Ms. Silva, one never knows what the universe has planned for us." Ms. Spencer sounded off.

While that was true, the brunette hoped she would never have to resort to making deals with them ever again. "Thank you, again."

Watching their name fade from her screen brought a sense of relief she didn't know she had been craving. Or in desperate need of.

She exhaled with finality and leaned back in her seat. "Seems like it went well." Clarke's voice sounded off from behind her as she walked out of the washroom dressed and ready for work.

Her green eyes locked on to the blonde's blue ones. "It went really well…sugar momma." Her lips turned up in a small teasing smile.

It caught her off guard when a fluffy decorative pillow flew her way. "Hurry up, we're going to be late for work."

Lexa was surprised to see Anya already sitting on a stool, but when Raven walked down the steps, she figured it out.

She stuffed her keys in her pocket before Clarke kissed her cheek. "Be nice. Hey, girls."

"Aren't I always?" She knitted her brows as she saw her girl walk away towards the back. "So," She began as she walked behind her bar.

"Save it, Lex." Anya rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but I do hope you know what you're doing." The bartender raised an eyebrow at her sister as she began her routine.

"Don't worry, Lex." Raven smiled wide as she sat on the stool beside the taller girl. "She knows what she's doing."

A loud and uninhibited gag and dramatic eye roll escaped the brunette. "Please, this is not the time for sarcasm or innuendos."

"I didn't mean it like that, sicko." Raven shook her head. "I just meant, we both decided we were going to try this out, but we're going to do it right, and we're going to take our time."

"Whatever." Lexa waved her hand. "You guys don't have to explain yourselves to me." She mumbled despite the gnawing feeling inside that almost made her want to say otherwise.

Anya laughed lightly. "Alexandria." She put her hands on the counter to get her sister's attention. When Lexa finally moved towards them and looked at her seriously, she continued. "You're my sister, and I want to share this with you. Will you please listen?" Lexa shrugged and nodded. "This isn't a fling. I think you know that, and we" she gestured between her and Raven, "have been tip-toeing around this for some time." The younger Silva sighed with understanding. "After dinner, and a long conversation, we decided to give it a try."

"Have you two thought about the distance thing?" She pointed out sadly.

Raven nodded. "It's going to be tough, but we're tough bit..."

"Rae…" Lexa glared at her.

"We've thought about it, and we've discussed it." Anya smiled. "I can't believe you're the little sister. You're way too mature for your age."

Lexa smiled and sighed dramatically. "Someone has to be the rational one."

"That would be your girlfriend, Clarke." Anya pointed out bluntly.

"Jerk." Lexa looked at the women before her and nodded. "I love you idiots."

Anya spent her night alternating between sitting at the bar drinking beer and heading backstage to offer Raven water bottles to cool off.

It was utterly disgusting to Lexa.

"Was I like that?" She whispered in Clarke's ear as she came around to deposit used glasses and empty beer bottles.

The blonde grinned in disbelief. "Was?"

"Oh please." Lexa rolled her eyes as she backed away insulted.

Clarke nodded. "You offered me your home to take care of me. Did you forget?"

With her mouth agape, Lexa shook her head. "That was different."

"How so?" Clarke placed her hands on her hips as she waited for a response.

A few patrons raised their eyebrows at each other as they listened on with amusement. The rest sat, deciding whether to be curious or frustrated because they would likely be ignored for the next few minutes while the two girls figured it out.

"You had just been mugged. You weren't safe. So, I offered you security." Lexa replied with wide eyes as she tried to state her case. As if Clarke would ever believe anything besides the fact that the Silvas were sweet gentle-hearted women.

Clarke shook her head, which didn't surprise the brunette. "Try again."

Lexa refused to give up, but quickly realized that nothing she said would suffice. She shook her head and shrugged. "I've got nothing."

Flashing her a victorious smile, Clarke winked at her. "That's why I love you."

Sometime later, when only the workers were left inside, Lexa looked up to find someone still sitting at the bar.

"We're closed, Elona." Lexa smiled at her as she finished wiping down the counter. The streak-free surface glimmered with reflections from the rope lights that hung behind the brunette.

Elona laughed lightly. "I know. I've been trying to talk to you, but you've been busy tonight. I figured the best time to catch you would be after the lights dimmed and the crowd had gone to sleep." She smiled. "I just wanted to give you a heads up."

"About?" Curiosity got the best of Lexa as she wrinkled her brows in question and stopped working on cleaning her space.

The girl smiled. "A lot of people at school are reading your book, and it's getting a lot of attention."

"I'm not going back." Lexa laughed.

"No." Elona shook her head adamantly. "I think you might be past that now."

The bartender-turned-writer looked pensively at her friend. "What are you talking about, E?"

"Hi Elona." Clarke and Raven walked down the steps and made their way towards the girls. "We're going out for some diner food. Care to join us?" The blonde asked.

The girl turned down the offer politely before smiling at everyone and walking out of the establishment.

Neither of the girls got the chance to ask Lexa what she had been talking about with her friend because she rounded the counter quickly, and swooped Clarke up into a kiss.

"Yuck." Raven gagged teasingly as she looked away in search of her own Silva.

"Shut up." Lexa mouthed against her girlfriend's lips.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

A few nights later, Tassels was buzzing with customers and it seemed no one was going to have a chance to breathe.

Indra hurried from one end of the stage to the other, and for the first time in a long time, she cursed her sense of style. High-heel boots were not made for walking, apparently.

"Honey, Octavia, I need you to swap out the outfit with this one." She almost tossed the ensemble at the girl. "Please."

Titus looked on with a grin as he helped Echo zip up her own piece.

"How are you not tired of running this business, yet?" The bald man questioned and patted Echo, instructing her silently to move on so he could help the next girl.

The older woman rolled her eyes. "I'm always tired." She smirked. "But I've got a few years left in me." She peeked out through the side of the curtain and made eye contact with Lincoln, who nodded.

The music began as usual and the customers cheered as the show commenced.

On the other side of the stage, Clarke bustled from table to table taking orders and making friendly talk to help boost sales. She was a natural by now and she used her charisma to her advantage.

Other waiters moved along in the darkened room and kept the tables clean and free for Clarke's incoming orders. It was a well-oiled machine, and the blonde smiled every time she made her way towards her girlfriend.

Lexa worked efficiently as she kept pace with the orders and demands that were brought to her from the floor, but she was glad she had insisted on an extra pair of hands to help with her regulars at the bar. She spun bottles, poured the liquids, topped off the glass rims, and sent her creations away with sighs of satisfaction. It was a good night.

Subconsciously she wiped her hands on a clean towel and studied the floor. She smiled when she caught sight of her blonde moving around distributing the orders with flawless precision.

"Excuse me, can I get a beer, please." Lexa tore her eyes from the girl to look at the person that stood behind one of her regulars. The guy looked familiar, and she suddenly remembered his face as she nodded in response.

"Same as always?" The brunette pulled up a clean chilled glass and waited for his answer.

He seemed surprised by her question. "You know my order?"

"Clarke knows your order, I just memorize what she tells me." Lexa replied with a grin and raised her brows in question.

The man nodded. "Same as always." He handed his card over to keep a tab open. Lexa poured him his beer and handed it off with a cocktail napkin. "Thanks."

"Bill." Lexa called him to get his attention. He turned after taking a sip of his beer. "I can't have you stand there, Bill. The waiters need a clear path." She shrugged with a hint of annoyance.

He apologized and nodded with understanding as he perused the room in search of an open table. "You've got nowhere to sit." He turned around to face her with an amazed expression.

Lexa nodded. "You can stand, you just can't stand there." She pointed at the spot he currently occupied. "Sorry." She grinned.

Bill smiled in return, but sensed her annoyance and quickly shuffled over to an unoccupied spot where he was out of the way.

When Clarke made her way back around, her tray flopped on the counter and she bent forward slightly to sigh tiredly. "I'm going to need a foot rub later." She smiled up at Lexa who rolled her eyes.

"I don't think that was in the contract when you first signed up for this." She teased.

"I never should have walked in here that day."

"Think of all the fun you would have missed." Lexa retorted.

Clarke stood upright before mouthing off her next order. She took a minute to breathe again as she looked around. Her eyes scanned the tables, her coworkers, the show, and finally landed on the man that stood awkwardly off to the side of the bar counter. "Bill." She smiled.

"Hi Clarke." He waved casually at her before she made her way over to him.

"It's been a few days. I was beginning to worry." Clarke continued.

Bill shrugged. "I've been busy. There's a lot going on and not enough time to unwind."

The blonde nodded. "Tell me about it. Is it a full moon out?" She joked. He laughed and shifted his attention back to the stage. "Let me know when you're ready for the next one, alright."

He nodded, and mock saluted her with his glass.

Lexa looked from behind the bar as she placed the last drink on the tray and waited for Clarke to return. "What is it with that guy?" The brunette asked her as she stood beside her and prepped to lift the tray.

She shrugged. "Really likes the show."

The bartender hummed, not fully convinced that was the man's reason for his frequent visits and high tabs.

A few minutes later, Bill jumped at the opportunity to sit down when he spotted an empty bar stool. His third empty glass found it's way onto a clean coaster before he smiled up at the bartender that was helping Lexa.

"Another one?" He asked the man.

Bill only nodded.

"Want to try something harder?" Lexa challenged from the other end of the counter.

He contemplated it for a moment before he shrugged. "Sure."

They proceeded to serve him a double shot of whiskey, and a few shots later he tapped out. Never really striking up conversation as he listened to the show.

"Closing the tab?" The bartender asked with a smile.

"Yes, please." Bill replied with a hazy nod.

Lexa and Clarke talked and organized more drinks onto her tray while the man was handed his credit card and the receipt. He signed away, leaving a generous tip, but when he pushed the paper away the bartender eyed him. "Can't let you leave, yet." He paused while Bill looked at him puzzled. "You've had a lot to drink. Are you driving?"

"Don't worry, I have a ride." Bill nodded. "Now, can you do me a favor and make sure your friend Lexa gets this?" He wrote Lexa's name and a short message on the back of a business card. "Please."

The younger man nodded as he accepted the card and watched him walk unsteadily towards the exit.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

A movie played in the background while Lexa tuned it out to listen to the thoughts that ran rampant in her mind.

Clarke sat beside her, her legs subtly but suggestively rubbing against hers as they rested on the center table.

Lexa looked down at the card again, finally taking a break from waving it back and forth like a hand fan. She recognized the name, Clarke had too, but she had no idea why or what it meant that the unobtrusive rectangular paper had been left for her.

She knew what she hoped it meant, and her mind ran wild with the possibilities, but a large part of her, the cautious side of her, kept her grounded and wary about it all.

The wheels in her head churned when she felt Clarke's toes dip under the cuff of her jeans. It was a welcomed distraction, but she was surprised nonetheless.

Her eyes searched Clarke's with a curious smile, and she found them looking back at her with an equally mischievous grin. "You have two choices…" she paused to ensure she had her girlfriend's undivided attention. "Call Bill now and find out what he meant by the message." Clarke paused again before rubbing her leg along Lexa's once again. "Or call Bill later and find out what he meant by the message…after you've used up your free day successfully by spending it in bed with me." Her smile widened, and Lexa couldn't believe how powerless she was just then.

After an exaggerated eye roll, Lexa sighed. "I have no choice. It's a no brainer." She smiled before lunging for the remote to shut the TV off.

They made it to the bed in record time.

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Lexa did not call Bill, instead, she walked in to Tassels with Clarke and hoped he showed up, so she could talk to him in person.

If that didn't pan out, her other option involved Elona.

Ever since she witnessed her friend and classmate wave at Bill as they left one night, she knew Elona might know more about him.

So, when Lexa finished pouring the finishing touches on a Long Island, and she spotted the girl walking in, she waved her over.

Realizing that Bill was not likely to come in so late into the show, she decided Elona would be her link to figuring out what was going on.

The girl smiled widely as she sat down in front of the bartender. "Hey girl. Hit me with my favorite, yeah?"

"You got it." Lexa nodded before casting a scrutinizing glance at her friend. "Hey, E, how do you know Bill?"

Taking the shot glass from the cocktail napkin, and briefly admiring the color of the liquid, she took it down. She allowed a shiver to surge down her spine before looking up at Lexa. "Oh, he's one of the consultants at school. Cool guy." She pointed at the bar top with her index finger, signaling she was ready for the next shot. "He works with some pretty big names in Hollywood."

Lexa listened on with interest and a hint of nervous excitement. "What does he do for those big names in Hollywood?" She had a feeling she knew, after all, he was a consultant at a writing school.

She pushed another glass towards her.

"He's a screenwriter." The girl replied before taking the second shot, this time more slowly to savor the spicy flavor. She paused to let the burn fade before continuing. "He's lead screenwriter to be exact. He's worked on several big shot movies."

The brunette succeeded in keeping her excitement from bubbling up to the surface, but her eyes did widen in surprise. "Wow." She smiled. "I kind of wished we would have given him something more expensive than what he's been ordering."

The girls shared a laugh. "So, why do you ask?" Elona continued after a short quiet moment. "Did he finally get to talk to you?"

"You knew?"

"Yeah, he's been asking a lot of questions about you. I told him to talk to you. Straight from the horse's mouth kind of thing, ya know?"

Lexa moved to help another patron, but kept her attention and discussion trained on her friend. "He left me his business card. Doesn't say much aside from his name."

She pulled the card out of her pant pocket and slid it to her friend.

"Lexa, we could use your talents." Elona read the message that was haphazardly scribbled on the back. "Damn, Lex, you have to give him a call. This is huge. It's what you've been working towards your whole life."

Eyeing her she nodded. "I know." She paused and smiled at the man that thanked her for his beer before making her way back to the girl. "What if it's too good to be true?" She asked, the fear in her words not missed by Elona. "Can it be that I just pulled of Chloe and now someone else wants me to work for them? So soon? It's too good to be true."

"It's not." She shook her head. "Bill's a good guy. Call him up. This could set you up for life, girl."

**CLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXACLEXA**

Indra sat in her chair, taking reflective inventory of her children and their tasks.

Each one of them had qualities, personalities, and mannerisms uniquely fit for them- she could tell who was who based simply on those assets, even in the dark.

She was also gifted in identifying a sulking Bellamy, a bouncing Octavia, and a lethargic Raven.

Indra especially had an knack for spotting those that carried a load far too heavy for any one person to have to struggle with alone.

Which is exactly why and how she could tell Lexa harbored some unusual levels of stress and anxiety lately. Her brows would furrow periodically, and her smiles, though she did smile through her hardships, they never quite shone like those she sporadically graced her family and friends with.

At first, she suspected trouble was brewing at home with her blonde girlfriend, but when she caught the girls sharing deep glances and gentle touches followed by grins, she knew it had to be something else.

So, she finally decided to approach the brunette with hopes that she could lighten the girl's load, or at least help her carry it.

"Did I ever tell you the story about my daughter, Gaia?" Indra sat in a stool as Lexa contemplated how the woman managed to do so in such graceful and sophisticated manner every time.

Lexa shook her head. "I don't believe so." She eyed the older woman curiously.

"She wanted to join the military when she got out of high school." Indra laced her fingers together and rested her joined hands in front of her on the bar top. "I didn't want her to. In fact, I begged her not to."

The bartender listened on.

"She did so anyway." Indra recalled the occasion. "I was so angry because I felt she was not only going against my wishes, but ignoring my fears and concerns for her safety as well. I didn't want to lose her, by distance or at the hands of someone else's gun." The pair became surrounded by silence, left alone in the space while the others retreated to the back to change for the night.

"Gaia's a good woman." Lexa added at the pause.

Indra nodded proudly. "She is, and I'm glad I didn't keep her from her dreams. If I had, she never would have become Surgeon General for the Army."

The brunette smiled and waited for the woman to tie her story to something pertaining to her. Indra was gifted at that, and every story inevitably tied into a life lesson for them. "What are you trying to tell me, Indra?"

A small laugh escaped the woman. "When I dropped her off at the airport she looked at me with this pleading stare and cried." She smiled sadly. "She asked me to forgive her. She wasn't leaving me, she was testing herself. To see what kind of woman she could become to make me proud."

Lexa swallowed a suddenly large and dry rock.

_"I'm scared too, mom. I'm so scared. So much, sometimes, that I want to go back to the recruiter and cancel all my plans. But I can't. I won't. You didn't raise me to play life safe, and I will go out there, live the hard life, sure maybe see things I will regret, but I will learn so much from this. You'll see. I'm going to take this and I'm going to own it. Like you have done so all your life." Gaia smiled as she wiped at her tears and hugged Indra, never letting the woman doubt her love for her, and the strength she had instilled in her since she was a young girl._

"This is where I tell you what's bothering me." Lexa wiped inconspicuously at her own tears as the woman nodded hopefully. After sighing and walking around the bar to sit beside her confidant, she spilled her guts-metaphorically.

The girl's trepidations stemmed mostly from the lack of support she received from her father. Sometimes even her accomplishments were received with tinges of sarcasm and negativity. It's why she could never allow herself to fully revel in the wins…in the victories of her life.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, not far behind the happiness and excitement over having moved one step closer to her dreams, stood her father smirking at her. Silently asking if she was finally done chasing foolish aspirations.

Lexa was a strong woman and had survived the most challenging of times a person could ever experience, but even the strongest of people crave approval- acknowledgment even, from those that mean the most to them.

"You have me." Indra nodded matter-of-factly. "You have your sister, and you have that furious and determined blonde." She placed a supportive hand on the younger woman's knee. "Your father is a foolish man, but I doubt he genuinely thinks that of your life."

Lexa shook her head with inflamed eyes. "You'd be surprised. He can be a real letdown. It's why he lost both of his daughters." The girl sighed. "As soon as we could we ran the opposite direction. We weren't lucky enough to have someone like you to entrust us with our own lives."

Indra shook her head sympathetically. "My sweet girl." She moved to take her chin in her palm. "You don't need anyone but you…to trust yourself. I don't care what any of us say, good or bad, number one is you. And if you believe you can do something, and you want it bad enough, you will do it."

More silent tears escaped the brunette's already stinging eyes as she smiled with low laugh. "You missed your calling, Indra." She sniffled and moved to hug the woman. "You should have been a motivational speaker."

"I already am." She embraced the girl tightly. "A mother has many jobs, and one of them is to push her young so they can survive without her."

"Are you kicking me out?" Lexa pulled back to flash her a watery grin.

With a firm headshake Indra smiled. "Never. But I know Tassels is my dream, not yours. Be scared, be ambivalent, be passionate, but go get yours baby. Prove to yourself and prove to your father that you are strong enough to beat the odds." With a gracefulness and finality that only Indra could pull off, she leaned in to kiss the girl's cheek and disappeared to her humble abode- backstage.

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. That was a heavy one for Lexa. She found out Anya and Raven are happening, she called off her business deal with MPC, and once again she's battling her doubts. What do you guys think she's in for next? We finally know some more about Bill and what he's been hanging around for…sort of. What about Clarke? Is she happy where she's at? Prepare for the final chapters of Tassels, beautiful people. See you soon. Muah.


End file.
